No Substance Wednesday

That's right! Today I have decided in honor of Jonny, to mimick him and have as little stories of substance as possible. ( You can draw your own conclusions from that one).

So anyways, today's blog with be 99% substance free. And for those of you nerds who will count up the number of stories I write about and calculate the actual percentage. Screw you. You can kiss my big remedial math class ass.

So to start us off, the big news of the day has to do with a Spears. That's Right.
Jamie Lynn Spears is Preggers!
The 16-year old Disney Channel star has announced that she is currently 16 weeks pregnant. I guess she felt her big sister Britney was getting all the attention. One thing I will say after seeing pictures of the soon to be mama Spears, is that she is a lot more attractive than her sister. And I don't mean in a perverse way, or to compare her to crazy Brit now, but she has a lot more actual good looks than her sister did in her prime.
This is awesome for Disney. They now have had two of their biggest, "squeaky clean" female stars all over the tabloid news. First Vannessa Hudgens poses nude and it get all over the internet, and now this. The best quote of the exclusive interview with spears is "What message does she want to send to other teens about premarital sex? "I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait...But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in."
How classic is that?

Here is a nice little video gem of Julia Roberts showing some sass to the paparazzi. Enjoy
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2007/12/19/sbt.roberts.war.cnn

In some real news
Magna Carta Sells for $21 Million:
That's it? I think it is rediculous that it is being sold to begin with. However, $21 mil? I know that's a lot of money, but not by a longshot for the people buying these types of things. It's the frikin Magna Carta!!! One of the first, (if not THE) most important written documents to affect western society. This is just lunacy. I bet the U.S. constitution would go for way over $500 million. I bet you $1 at 5,000-1 odds.

Woman Steals Monkeys, Whereabouts Unknown:
A former volunteer at the Monkey House of an exotic animal preserve in Missouri, kidnapped 3 monkeys in October. The woman has confessed to the crime (she was caught on security cameras) but refuses to give the monkeys whereabouts. Other volunteers from the preserve waited outside the courthouse yesterday in gorilla suits, and chased her down the block demanding the monkeys back.

Amy Winehouse Arrested By British Authorities:
Apparently for being a joke.

Singapore Serviceman Jailed for Clothing Style:
21-year old Tan Wen Zhong, arrived at work clad in nothing but a pink string bikini. He was charged with "outraging the modesty" of the woman who shared the elevator at work with him and "fraudulent possession of women's underwear." Now I never knew there was a fraudulent was to possess women's underwear, but it turns out I was just ignorant. HAHA, can you imagine the sight of something like this? My office is never as exciting.

New Zealanders Steal, Then Change Their Minds:
Some X-mas thieves stole $15,000 worth of presents and holiday goods from a neighborhood home yesterday. Apparently they had a change of heart and left the stolen goods in a sack outside of the house. However most of the equipment had been badly damaged, including a $3,000 LCD TV.
Now the thing is, what families have $15,000 worth of christmas presents? Seriously, what could these people of had? If you take out the TV, which I would assume was the most expensive item (although probably not) there is still $12,000 worth of presents. Rediculous.

Story of the Day:
Woman Gropes Santa Claus:
A Connecticuit woman has been charged with sexual assault and a breach of the peace after groping Santa at the mall. I do no believe this story requires any additional comments, its hilarity speaks for itself.

Paris Hilton Tries to Buy Smurfs:
Ms. Hilton, most recently in Russia during her around the globe vacation, saw two little people dressed as smurfs promoting for a candy shop. Some may think she was drunk, but she started speaking to them like children and wanted to take them back with her. One of them spoke english and began screaming at her, exclaiming he was a grown man and she was a stupidhead. ( I may have added that) Paris was quoted as saying "Oh my, real live Smurfs. I always wanted one when I was a kid...Can I take them home?"

Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema have patched up their differences and are going to make "The Hobbit". Somehow they plan on making it a two-part movie, but I don't see how.

Hulk Hogan Vs. Rosie:
The Hulkster has said that he'd like to take on Rosie O'Donnell in the new show American Gladiators. Said Hogan: “Somebody needs to shut that big mouth up." Touche Hulk, touche.

In heartbreaking news, Stephen Stills has cancer. The beloved Guitarist from CSN and sometimes Y, has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. This is a sad day for classic rocks fan everywhere.

Lord of the Dance, Not Lord of The Rape:
Michael Flatley, best known as the "Lord of the Dance" has been acquitted of rape charges by a Superior court in LA, and the woman who made the false charges has been ordered to pay him $11,000,000. Mr. Riverdance has said he will donate any money collected from the suit to charity.

That's all for today.

Keepin it real from the loop.