Ice cream poop, weed tacos, and Democratic phone sex lines

Hello one and all! (I guess 2 really, being the number of people who will read this)

I have a few stories for you to enjoy that have been in the news the past week or so.

Lets start with a court case going on in Sydney, Australia where a man and his wife are suing a local pub for putting feces in their gelato. The gelato was tested and did find traces of feces, they are currently performing DNA tests to see if it was human or not.
The man and his wife are accusing the pub's owners for retaliating to their earlier complaints that the music at the bar was too loud and that it was preventing them from watching their soccer match.
The wife said it was so terrible she spit it right out and later become violently ill.
"The stench went through my nostrils, I retched and spat it into the napkin,"
My thing is, if she smelled the poop, why would she then eat it? Yes, it is very disgusting but i think maybe its a little on their end too for eating poop AFTER they smelled it.

A couple in Colorado left their Del Taco drive thru ready to partake in some delicious Mexican style late night tacos when they found a small bag of marijuana topping their food. The man working the window was arrested on possession. He originally denied it, but then admitted it was for a friend and that he misplaced the bags.
What a moron.
He also lost his job.

In what is by far the story of the week,
A man went out drinking, came home drunk, and then tried to have sex with his female roomate. She kept refusing his advances and the man became irate. So he took the next logical course of action, went down to the basement, and peed on her dog.
AMAZING.

A flyer that was sent out by Democratic volunteers in Michigan with pictures of Obama and urging voters to submit their absentee ballots also contained a phone number at the bottom. I believe it was to help them with their voting, but when dialed actually took callers to a phone-sex hotline.
Im sure more people would vote if they had incentives such as this.

A police officer in Frisco, Texas was directing traffice after a concert when he recognized one of the vehicles rolling through the intersection. It was his pick-up that he had parked around the corner. Needless to say the kid who stole it was caught.

Finally my favorite story:
An Austrian man was charged with drunk driving after driving to a police station to argue his drunk driving ticket.
He had been pulled over and had his keys taken away earlier in the night and then charged with drunk driving.
The man then went home, picked up a spare set of keys and went back to his abandoned car, drove it to the police station and startd arguing the first charge. The officers determined he was still under the influence and charged him again.

Thats all for now.

keepin it real from the loop

Have you seen the bigger piggies, In their starched white shirts, You will find the bigger piggies,Stirring up the dirt,always have clean shirts to.."

PLAY AROUND IN!
The amount of characters allowed in the title apparently cannot contain the bigger piggies verse from the Piggies song. Quite obviously I am referring to the Beatles song off of the White Album entitled: "Piggies".
If you haven't heard it, I recommend it. Its a classic.

You might ask why is he talking about piggies so much? Where is he gonna go with this?

Let us start off with a large piggie.

A woman in Australia was "held hostage" for 10 days by a pig the size of a shetland pony. Apparently he was just hungry. The woman had cared for the injured pig when he showed up on her property, but then he demanded to be fed and kept her locked up in her bedroom, frequently ramming his head into her door. The massive 176 pound pig claimed her house and land as his territory.
The woman finally contacted authorities and the porker will be taken to a piggery where he'll start breeding with the ladies.
This isn't him, but it could be his cousin: http://sugarmtnfarm.com/blog/uploaded_images/BigPigFoliageSField-772081.jpg

So I understand how she could get stuck there for a little while, but 10 days? The pig has to sleep too....This was a clear cut case of a woman getting outsmarted by a pig. A pig.

In other pig related news, a sow in Ukraine has welcomed 3 tiger cubs from a nearby zoo as part of her litter. The tiger's mother has refused to nurse them and so they were brought to a nearby farm for some milk. Neither the sow nor the piglets seem to mind. It kinda reminds me of Lambert the sheepish lion. It was my favorite disney short cartoon growing up and it'll rock your socks off.
Here is the short in its entirety: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRtKAQJUc3g
most likely in real life those tiger cubs would gladly eat their adopted family in a few months.

Japanese businessman have been living ahead of the dry-cleaning curve. A Japanese distributor has created shower-clean suits that can be sprayed for a few minutes in the shower, and then will drip dry in a few short hours. No ironing needed.
Its a good idea, but I don't see where the robots and anime fit in just yet. Any ideas?

And now for the good stuff. This story could not be made up, no way no how. Lets call it our most stupidest person story of the week.
So anyways a woman in England for over nine months (NINE MONTHS!!) was "tricked" or "raped by deception" by a man who claimed her was treating her with penis cream. The woman thought she had contracted some sort of rash and the man claimed a OBGYN friend of his said she should start using a certain cream and he offered to put it on his penis and help her apply it inside of her. The woman of course made no objection becuase it was CLEARLY medical in intention.
WOW. If you can't figure out which of these people is the most stupidest of the week, then you can join her. What type of moron would believe this, let alone allow it to continue for 9 months.
You can read the rest of this story below, but in my opinion if you are that dumb, you don't deserve pity. I'm not saying she deserved to be raped (if you can call it that, "raped by deception?") but I don't exactly see her as a victim. The man has been arrested and is facing charges of rape and obtaining money by deception.
http://www.westerntelegraph.co.uk/news/1351648.woman_tricked_into_sex_by_penis_cream_treatment/

And finally I would like to discuss David Blaine for a second. I don't like him, he's a dueche. However according to a Foxnews story his even more of a dueche because his whole "hanging upside down for 60 hours" really is with breaks every hour to go to the bathroom etc. So my thing is 1) why is he doing it? its stupid, its not magic, and he sucks. 2) Why am I getting my news from Fox?

Also as an added bonus (for me atleast) I realized that I dislike people such as Kelly Ripa as much as Daivd Blaine, mainly because of stuff like this:
http://www.foxnews.com/photoessay/0,4644,5165,00.html#2_0

WHY IS THIS GUY FAMOUS?!?
Pull a rabbit out of your hat and I'll be impressed. Hell, do this and i'll be really impressed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrEkbIHlV1E
but hanging upside down from a bridge every hour with breaks is just hanging upside down from a bridge.

Show me a giant sized monopoly board and i'd be happy.

Thats all for today. Leave a post.

Keepin it real from the loop

"Leggy Leggy Leggy Leggy, Blondie Blondie Blondie Blondie.."

The title of my newest "welcome back" blog is of course part of the lyrics to the wonderful Flight of the Conchords song "Leggy Blonde". The full version of which can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCub8r1T5Rs&feature=related
Make sure you watch the whole video, so you don't miss the office supply stomp and other great stuff.

The reason Leggy Blonde popped into my head was because of THE leggiest blonde in the world. I am referring of course to Svetlana Pankratova, the woman with the longest legs in the world. She did a photoshoot recently with He Pingping of Inner Mongolia to promote the newest release of the Guinness Book of World Records. Svetlana's legs have been measured at just under 52 inches, about 4 feet.
You can see pictures of them together here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26741641/

So a brief moment to explain why I haven't posted since July 25. I've been busy, get off it. I do know that I now have atleast 1 new reader, so that brings the grand total back up to 2. However this post is for the most part for Dave. The always checking, ever posting Dave who has been by far the most loyal reader of the Afternoon Update since its inception.
Dave, even though you look like a guy who wants to be Grizzly Adams but is also looking like a wookie, I salute you. Go Dave!

Back to the news:
A woman in Fort Worth Texas has been arrested for assault after she swung a sword (ninja or samurai I don't know) at her boyfriend. She also bit him and smashed a picture frame over his head. The whole argument logically began over the fact that there were dirty dishes in the sink. Lesson for the fellas on this one, unless you want your lady friend to go samurai (or ninja) on your ass, do the goddamn dishes.
Although at the same time I respect the man for sticking to his principles, perhaps he was in the right and he correctly stood his ground.
This one is a tie for me.

Police in Nigeria have arrested an 84 year old man for having too many wives. The legal maximum is 4 wives in Nigeria and this man has 86. 86 wives and 107 children. So here's the thing. Why was he arrested now? why not when he had lets say 50 wives, or hell even 5. Its just so rediculous. Not the law itseld but the really late enforcement of said law on an old man.

A popular hotel in Turkey has fired all of its male staff for "philandering". Apparently it was becoming a problem that all of the male staff was sleeping with a large number of female guests. They have an all female staff now. Two things 1) ALL of the men were gettin some? like even the bellhops and cooks etc? That's impressive. 2) Maybe all this philandering was an added draw to this hotel. It is very possible their business will suffer.

About 1,000 Balinese protesters rallied against a proposed anti-pornography bill. Only 1,000. Out of curiousity how many people would protest something like that in the good 'ol USA?
I for one am appalled that only 1,000 people showed up.

Thats leads me into my rant for today. I realized the other day when someone in a group email thread used the phrase "I for one". I don't know why it took me so long to realize it, but when said seriously (as in this situation) that it one of the most obnoxious things you can say. Basically the person who starts their sentence off that way is immediately distancing themself from you and anyone else in the conversation and elevating themselves on a pedestal/platform/whatever you want.
Pay attention the next time someone uses that phrase to begin a sentence in your conversation. Then tell them to get over themselves. I for one think that being so arrogant as to use that phrase is rediculous, but thats just me ("That's just me" is the obnoxious closing to any "I for one" sentences, and should be treated with equal disdain).

And finally we have the picture of the day. This one's for Dave.
http://www.orangutanisland.org/images/baby-orangutan.jpg
Hows that for anti-porn

That's all for today. Leave a post if you please.

Keepin it real from loop (but not really)

Great Balls on Fire

"Hello again hellooo..."

Sorry its been so long since I last posted. I hope whomever still checks this will enjoy today's post.

So to start things off I would like to mention I put a lot of this together last night.

There was a headline article on CNN.com yesterday, one of their "groundbreaking" news stories that sheds light upon the rest of the world for Americans, and this startling news article was about gay persecution in Iraq...Really?
Is that even a story? I'm not saying I am pro ANY type of persecution, but who doesn't know that gay men are not accepted in Iraqi society. Even if that place was the model of stability, gay men still wouldn't be even close to accepted.
This bothered me because while I think an article about gay men in Iraq would be interesting and important to read, however I think an eye opening story that gay men are targeted and persecuted in Iraq is almost insulting to the reader. Duh.

Two California men were sentenced to 2 years and 45 days in jail respectively after lighting their buddies ball on fire while he was passed out drunk. The man suffered 2nd degree burns on his balls.
All we used to do was draw on people's faces with permanent marker. Maybe once or twice shaved lines into someones leg.

Two men in Washington were caught after robbing a department store. Police followed a trail of boxes and packaging materials to the men who were found sleeping on pillows and a hammock stolen from the store.
The great part about this is that when the police found them they took pictures of them sleeping before waking and arresting them.
Here's a photo- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25791842/

Some random person in Milford Mass. has for the past 2 years been placing women's panties of various sizes, sometimes new sometimes used, on fences near a school bus stop. According to authorities they are "They're almost always black and queen sized." One woman said she picked up 43 pairs at one bus stop.
Hahaha. I know its probably someone who is really perverse, but this is still pretty funny. Can you imagine going to school everday and its expected that the area will be littered with plus sized women's underwear?
What a great prank.

A judge in New Zealand has ruled in favor of a 9-year old girl allowing her to change her name from what her parents had named her. He has taken up the cause of helping children with rediculous names free themselves from their parents stupidity. The girls full first name was "Talula does the Hula from Hawaii". Other names he has previously helped to change, and then to subsequently ban from using to name children include: Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit.
HAHA. "Hey Sex Fruit, go do your homework!" Wow, what a rediculous world we live in.

Also in a strange story, there was an article about a maintenance man who worked at a NY psychiatric center who was found to be living in the tool shed for many months. What's wierd about this is that he makes $100,000 a year.
What maintenance man makes 100k a year? Really?

So this wasn't the greatest "I'm back" post, but i'm a little rusty. Sue me.

That's all for today, leave on if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Late Night

Guys,

For the 2-3 of you who have been checking lately my deepest apologies. I've been really busy but I promise to have a legit post tommorow.

Side thought.
I am watching a George Carlin standup from fairly recently, I think his last HBO special and to be honest it is absolutely not funny at all. I mean I loved the guys comedy and all, but all he is doing is griping about god/religion, George Bush, and governments. He doesn't like any of them.
There hasn't been a joke in like 20 minutes! WTF

I saw the "Dark Knight" this past weekend, one of the very few who went out to see it on opening weekend and it was AMAZING. If you have not seen it yet, go see it and rock your world.

Tommorow with a real one.

Stuff

no time. But I really want to get some stories in here each week, so here are my links. (yes I know many of them are from the same place, but they have the best stuff).

Goat - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25576560/

getting paid to pee- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25558408/[

pimp plane rider- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25556365/Rosinman22:

cocaine pants- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25542608/

fed-ex- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25545497/

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/07/04/ap/strange/main4234493.shtml[12:18]

japanese thief- http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN0818516620080708

Enjoy

Smelly Camels,Ninjas, and Strippers...

WELCOME BACK!
well atleast lets hope so. I have found so much gold today, I figured I might as well post.
Although I will say I want to stay away from politics for a while, since its really boring now that Hillary is out.


Anyways, here we go. Please feel free to share today's post with your friends.

Starting with our headline of smelly camels, villagers in India have started using camels to help ward away pachyderms (thats elephants for your ignoraNuses) from their land. In recent years as many as 400 people have been trampled to death by elephants, who also drink their rice wine and destroy crops. As it turns out, the stench of the camels keeps the elephants away.
It must be so nice to live there.

A 79-year old farmer living in Batavia, Ohio has gotten himself a brand spankin new outhouse after refusing for months to get rid of the old one. The previous wooden outhouse was from the 1960's and apparently had become somewhat of as health hazzard. County officials tried to make him get rid of it, but he persevered and a charity group stepped in and bought him a new, bigger, outhouse with a septic tank and all. Such a touching story. When asked why he prefers and outhouse to a toilet indoors he stated: "When you're in a house, sounds carry," Preston said. "Everybody knows your business."
Agreed. I think more people should crap outside.

Police have shut down a "brother bus" that had been touring around south Florida offering customers $40 all you can drink, along with strippers who offered to perform various acts for cash. Apparently this was very successful. Who knew?

Hat tip to my friend Danny for this one. An enraged man robbed a 7-11 in Monrovia, MD and began hittig the clerk with a banana, then the clerk pulled out a knife. This of course lead the reporter to include this gem into the article: "The clerk pulled out a knife, and the man with the banana split." Buh dum bum!

A man who had been arrested for tresspassing and was jailed for 2 days, was re-arrested for indecent exposure after leaving the jail naked. He was found walking down the road.
Now I know the man is nuts for not putting on clothes, but isnt it also the guards fault for letting him leave naked?
Something is off here. Well more than one thing.

A New Jersey public school was locked down temporarily after someone reported seeing a ninja in the woods next to the school. That's right, a ninja. It turns out the "ninja" was a camp counselor dressed in black holding a plastic sword. He was on his way to a camp costume party.
Only in Jersey.
A ninja? Really?

This is by far the best for today:
Two poorly scheduled golf tournaments led to a run in between youth golfers and strippers. The Gold Crown Junior Golf Association tournament for youngsters age 7-12 was wrapping up when a limousine full of strippers pulled up on the course. They were arriving to be caddies to the golfers for the Shotgun Willie's Charity Golf Tournament to benefit breast cancer. Since the youth tournament started late, they all had to share a clubhouse while the kids ate lunch. Club officials did state that the women were not allowed to go topless (atleast while the kids were there). Here's a great clip from the article: A woman told a reporter that the event drew curious questions from her children, who asked her why the men joining the strippers had water guns and why the women wore only their underwear.
Classic.

That's all for today. Leave one.

Keepin it real from the loop

R.I.P. George Carlin

Guess who has some free time today.

An American hiker who was lost for 3 days was rescued in the Alps after attaching her sports bra to a logging cable. The workers at the base of the mountain saw the bra and called authorities.
I wonder if they eagerly expected to see a freezing cold topless woman?
Disappointingly enough she was smart enough to keep her shirt and jacket on.

A 64-year old Australian man has been charged with drunk driving. In his wheelchair. The man was found by police slumped over on an exit ramp of the highway. The man blew a 0.301 which i guess is high in Australia ( I don't know what system that is in). He apparently was travelling 9 miles from a friends house.
Who goes 9 miles in a motorized wheel chair?

Appliance Golf- look into it.
http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/2008/06/23/and-the-fastest-growing-stupid-sport-is/

George Carlin was a great comedian. His delivery was amazing. I know I wasn't alive back in the 60's and 70's when he was a big deal, but I remember him as everyone in my generation does, as Rufus and Cardinal Glick (the inventor of the "Buddy Christ"). He will be sorely missed in the entertainment world.

Poll

Hi guys,

All I have is more apologies ("How much should I be?....") Anyways, its been really busy at work and I have been training a bunch of new people every week and I am taking the LSAT this monday, so one area of my life had to suffer and it has been the blogging. Sucks.

Anyhow, going along with all the Simpsons rhetoric I have seen, I was thinking of perhaps polling your top 5 episodes, you know, give the people something to talk about.

I'll start with mine:

1) The Scorpio episode. Hands down my personal favorite for EVERY reason.
2) The one when Homer goes into space and eats all the chips to save the day.
3) The Grimesy episode when Bart gets his own factory.
4) The one when Barney sobers up and then at the end when he wins a lifetime supply of beer goes "just hook it to my veins!!"
5) Every earlier episode when Moe has to run into the back of the bar and tell whichever type of minority to get rid of whatever illegal animal, substance, or activity back there. Example: Shamu

Feel free to list your own, debate, or just wait a little while longer till I can start really writing again.

By the way, if you haven't seen Idiocracy, which I have seen like 1,000,000 times, you should. It will expand your mind.

I expect good resonses.

keepin it real from the loop

really?

Some dud dropped over $6,000 for a watermelom in Japan. 6 grand!
He knows it goes bad after a while right?
It reminds me of the old old old school Simpsons episode when Lisa befriends Bleeding Gums Murphy and he tells her about how he was successful and then blew all his money on his faberge egg addiction.
I hope that watermelon is the greatest thing he has ever tasted.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24997464/

R.I.P. Bo Diddley- Rub My Back!

As some of you may know, one of the all time great rockers died yesterday after complications from a heart attack he suffered last year. Bo Diddley is the author of the "Bo Diddley Beat", something you may not have known by name, but most certainly would know by sound.

A quick story about Bo. The summer after my Freshman year of college I went to see an all day concert at Dover Downs (which by the way is the biggest thing I have ever seen, if you have not seen a NASCAR speedway you need to). So anyways, it was an amazing amazing concert. We missed the opening 2 acts which was ELO (electric light ochestra) and Blood, Sweat, and Tears (Who I would have loved to see). However we did then get to see, in order, Peter Frampton, Bo Diddley, CCR (without fogerty obviously, but it was still awesome) and CSN.

So Bo Diddley gets up there and he is so old he can't stand for too long so he is sitting in a chair, but still jammin away. In my "youth" I was unawaare of his significance in rock 'n roll which I would not fully learn for another 2 years, but I did know that this guy was awesome.

Anyways, into the "Bo Diddley" jam, where he's does his famous beat and then goes "Heyyyy Bo Diddley!" then the crowd does it, and it was lots of fun. Then this little of bent over man, gets up and does a little jig and points at like half the women in the audience one at a time and goes "I wanna do it with you, and you, and you, and you" and then he sits down. But of course not before yelling "heeeey Bo Diddleyyyy, RUB MY BACK!"
It was quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Man what a great day. So that was my Bo Diddley Experience. May the rock gods treat him well and rub his back whenever he needs.

That's all for today. Leave one.

Keepin it real from the loop

Late Night

Its Thursday night and I just must write about this.
I'm sorry I havent posted, I have been really busy and have no time to keep you people updated on the world at large. Hopefully soon i'll have some more time.

Anyways, I am watching Last Coming Standing and im not usually into these reality TV competitions such as Nashville Star, American Idol, Hells Kitchen, America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, Top Chef, Biggest Loser, Survivor, Big brother etc. Hell I don't even know that many of them, but this one is hella funny.

Anways, Last comic standing is not the point. The point is while on a commercial break an Aleve commercial comes on and you have this older gent, probably in his late 50's maybe mid 60's I don't know how to judge. Anyways, he goes "I have bad knees, but then how can I do this?" He then proceeds to start dancing up a storm "cutting a rug" if you will all over the screen. The point is to be I guess that Aleve makes him young again, heals joints, etc.
But they never show his whole body! Its like an Austin Powers movie. You see his waist down, then you see waist up. ITS NOT THE GUY DANCING!

You'd think that Aleve could splurge a little over its apparent budget and get an old guy who actually can dance. Whats the point of this commercial? someone got paid for that, and that is what pisses me off. I could've been paid to do better.

Just needed to rant.

If anyone feels like "guest blogging" please feel free to go ahead and post on the comments page. I put it to you.

Keepin it real from the loop

"Hello again my friend....hellooo"

That was a little Neil Diamond comin atcha.
Ask me how I began listening (albeit very limitedly) to Neil Diamond, and I answer: "Saving Silverman".
One of my favorite movies and a true Jack Black triumph. It even makes you not dislike Jason Biggs.

I would like to apologize to all my avid readers (all 2-10 of you) but I have not had time to post lately because I have been very super busy at work.

For the 800th visitor I did get something for you.
http://www.123greetings.com/congratulations/for_everyone/everyone2.html

800, wow thats not too shabby for 10 people reading a blog over 2-3 months.

I don't have a lot of time right now, but I found this parrot story funny. So please enjoy.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080521/ap_on_fe_st/odd_japan_parrot_returns

Thats all for today

BIG NEWS!!

Shania Twain is leaving her huband! FINALLY. I think I may have an in.
Man, I've have a thing for her for so many years , the time has come.

The UN has blamed the "teetering" world economy on the U.S., namely the plunging house market. There would be no world economy without the U.S.! Am I being nationalistic and self-important? Maybe, but the UN is a prentious bunch of d-bags. How about, you imagine a world economy for a second WITHOUT the U.S., and then tell me how it looks.
I thought so.

EXO-Squad, one of my favorite sunday morning cartoon series when I was younger, has finally caught up with real life. http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/05/15/robotic.soldier.ap/index.html
This show was of good of course, because this was before shows had to stop being violennt. Shows like GI Joe, Exo-squad, wing commander, double dragon, hell even street sharks (that was the end of my sunday cartoon years) were entertaining because they were violent. Now shows are too PC and sissy, and as a result America's youth are PC and sissy.

Man I am being negative this morning.

Solar bra's that can charge cell phones and IPods. Next time your battery is low, just plug it into your girlfriend's chest.
http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUST29336420080514

HAHA. A Welschman drank a box of wine, blacked out, and then dressed up as Darth Vader. He then proceeded to attack 3 memebers of the Church of Jedi. I swear. All I can think of is the Triumph skit where he is outside the line to get Star Wars II tickets. HAHAHA its so hilarious.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24604338/

Well, that's all for today. I'm going to leave with one of the newest greatest hits videos of all time.
Enjoy.
http://deadspin.com/5009129/orioles-magic--uh-catch-it-or-something

Keepin it real from the loop

Politics and Sex Tapes

I guess those two aren't necessarily part of different categories.

Today, I have some rants as well as some fantastic articles including a raunchy sex tape that would make Jenna Jameson blush. Well maybe not Jenna.

First off I want to mention top Clinton advisor Terry McAuliffe's appearance on "Meet the Press". I know this has been done to death by Comedy Central, but I wanted to just say it again. The guy told Tim Russert, the host of the show, that Hillary would keep on fighting. Here is a quote from their interview:

"But it's not impossible for Hillary Clinton to win," said McAuliffe. "A lot of people have said that. Big Russ, if he were sitting here today -- nothing's impossible. Jack McAuliffe, if they were with us today, they're probably both in heaven right now Tim, probably having a scotch, looking down saying, you know what: this fight goes on. It's good for the Democratic Party. Millions of people coming out to vote, it's exciting."

This implication was that Mr. Russert Sr. or "Big Russ" was dead. To which Tim responded:
"Big Russ is in the Barcalounger still watching this...God bless him."

So my thing is, this is a rediculously stupid mistake. 1) It's just straight-up embarassing to McAuliffe as a person, calling a guy's father dead to his face when he is alive. 2) It reflects poorly on the Clinton campaign since this is supposed to be her top advisor, her campaign co-chair, and he clearly did not do enough research before appearing on the show. I mean, if you don't know that someone is dead, you don't make a comment about them.
The guy looks like a boob. I mean that in the older "my parents generation" way. Not a breast.

Also in politicsland, the US Ambassador to Zimbabwe (the country with all the election turmoil) was stopped by police outside of a hospital, where he and others with him, had just visited victims of violence from the election scandal, which was rampant. The Ambassador was told to stop because there was concern over photographs taken in the hospital, however he was never told he was under arrest (woulda been a bad move). He then told the police "no" and lifted the barrier blocking their car, then his entourage drove off.
What a pimp. This guy knows they are not going to touch him, so why should he listen to a bunch of police/security guards. Like they would arrest a U.S. Diplomat, AMBASSADOR even more so.

Now for the real news.
A sex tape has just been released that is ranchier than Pamela and Tommy Lee's best seller. It makes Paris Hilton's and Kim Kardasian's (however is f-ing spelled) tapes look like cheap attempts for publicity. O wait, they were. The tape my friend, is titled:
"Seal caught on tape molesting a penguin"
O yes, its that naughty. Scientists discovered the act when observing elephant seals in Antarctica, when they noticed a young male Antarctic fur seal subduing a king penguin.
"At first we thought it was hunting the penguin, but then it became clear that his intentions were rather more amorous," - Stated one of the scientitians.
Another excerpt from the the article:
"The roughly 240-pound seal subdued the 30-pound adult penguin by lying on it. The hapless bird of unknown sex struggled, rapidly flapping its flippers and attempting to stand and flee, without luck. The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin and thrusting its pelvis at the bird in vain attempts to insert its penis for 45 minutes"
That penguin is going to need a lot of therapy.

An Australian man was arrested when he failed to restrain his 5-year old child with a seat belt while driving. The seatbelt was already in use, to hold a case of beer from falling. Finally someone has their priorities straight.

Celebrity British chef Gordon Ramsay wants England to outlaw out of season fruits and vegetables. I shit you not. Why? either for attention, or because he really deeply cares about British cuisine.
http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN0949726820080509

I was going to rant about how the UN, or U.S. or someone should just invade and overthrow the Junta in "Burma" or "Myanmar", in order for 2,00,000 more people to avoid death. But I don't feel like it anymore. Thoughts on that topic?

Thats all for today. Leave a post.

Keepin it real from the loop

Gooood Morning

First off I'd like to start off by saying hello.

Hello.

I have some stories and I have some rants for today. I feel like I am starting to become one of those old men who love complaining about everything in rants. Well let me tell something to joo, they've got it right.

Three teenagers were arrested for decapitating a corpse and smoking weed through its skull. I shit you not. I'm not sure what else to write. I know its a "gateway" drug, but its supposed to lead to other drugs, no necro acts.
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/5764886.html

78-year old blind man bowls a perfect game. How does he know?
That is a very great accomplishment, nonetheless for the fact that he is blind. Good for him.
http://www.kcci.com/sports/16201286/detail.html

Video of the day:
A british beauty queen who is running for a seat in parliament. She wants to use sexy to get more young people to vote. FINALLY sexy is being used for something useful.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2008/05/08/janis.british.beauties.cnn

This dude took pictures with a bachelorette party and THEN tried to rob them. As they say in the Guinness commercials "BRILLIANT!"
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24520983/

After losing to Lithuania 48-0, the Austrian rugby team got drunk and stripped in the street outside of a bar. HAHA, they were caught and put on youtube. HAHAHAHA
http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN0628612720080506

A New York woman has filed a $100 claim against the town of Norwalk,Connecticuit, saying a family outing to the Aquarium was ruined by dog poo.
The woman claims her child's shoes, along with the entire outing, were ruined when her 1-year-old stepped in dog poo outside the aquarium's Garage . City attorney M. Jeffry Spahr says the official response is that her claim is denied and in his words, "poop happens."
Kelly DeBrocky of Mahopac, N.Y., wants the city to reimburse her for $54 she spent replacing her toddler's ruined shoes and the expenses for parking and aquarium admission on April 5.
Fuckin NYers.

And now for my rant. Today it is directed at people who did NOT go to Ivy League schools, (those who did are a whole diff discussion) yet still think they are better than you. Why am I pissed off? Because while this is not too uncommon in life, it recently happened to me yesterday in my LSAT class. Yes, I am studying for the LSATs. We were talking about how it might have been easier to take the course in college, since everyone in the class now has full time jobs and on top of all the studying we have to do, our social lives don't exist. Then there is this girl in my class, let us call her "uggo". So this is one of those people who always has to one up someone else, as well as throw themself into the conversation. One person says: "Yea, I worked really hard in school and got good grades, and I still had a bunch of free time" to which this girl replies "Well, I went to like the hardest most competitive school ever, so, y'know it was different for me" First off, she doesn't know where any of us went to school. She went to Johns Hopkins. ooo. I'm not knocking Hopkins, I have friends who went there and its a great school. It's not fucking MIT.
Where does she get off 1) assuming she went to a better school than everyone else in the room and 2) assuming that Hopkins makes her a better person. I would like to add people who went to Wash U (GREAT school), Michigan, Duke/UNC to this list. Please feel free to add anymore. Oh, and Barnard. They are the fucking worst, because these girls go around telling people they go to Columbia, when really they didn't get in to Columbia. They are pretentious Liars.

Now I went to a state school, and a damn good one at that. Without us, you wouldn't have Kermit the Frog or UnderArmor (a little trivia for you guys). I spoke with the mother of a medical school applicant the other day, and she was talking about how her daughter goes to an Ivy school but is not doing well and getting "A's" (I don't know if that means's B's or failing, but either way it must be hard to live up to this woman's standards). She then says to me when talking about wanting to boost her daughter's GPA: "What if she transfers to somewhere, like a state school, where everything is easier".
Fucking Snob.

So FU Uggo from Hopkins. One day you will make a comment like that to someone who went to Yale and they will put you in your rightful place in the pecking order of school snobs. I can only hope it will be soon.
and FU mom who thinks state school's are a joke, I hope you get attacked by muppets in sleek, thermal athletic wear.

Thats all for today, leave one.

Keepin it real from the loop

Last wishes

This is the only way to go out in style.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24463225/

Breaking News!!

Barbara Walters had an affair with a U.S. Senator. Isn't it funny when all this stuff just comes out in one week? Clemens had an affair with a 15-year old country singer...Clemens had an affair with John Daly' wife (or ex-wife), and now Ms. Walters was running around with congressman.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/books/05/01/tv.walters.affair.ap/index.html

Tommorow we find out that Katie Couric has been having an affair with Tiger woods, who's wife has been sleeping with O'bama, who's wife has been sleeping with Tom Brockaw. Meanwhile itll be simultaneously announced that Derek Jeter had an affair with Faith Hill (who is a stone cold hotty)

On a second note Deborah Jeane Palfrey, AKA the "D.C. Madam" was found dead in Florida today. According to police she hung herself. NO WAY. She was absolutely positively no questions asked murdered. You think all those D.C. elites were just going to sit idly by?
My bet is with the Dems, since Spitzer they cannot afford another major incident. They will lose all credibility. Especially if it was another VP hopeful.

That's all for now. Leave one. Please. Let me know you care.

Keepin it real from the loop

Holy Westoxication Batman!

Iranian governement officials are having serious ants in the pants issues about toys and games that are western imports. They argue against the perceived dangers of U.S.-inspired culture and consumerism, calling it "Westoxication."
"The appearance of personalities such as Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter and ... computer games and movies are all a danger warning to the officials in the cultural arena."
One official goes on to claim:
"The unrestrained entry of this sort of imported toys ... will bring destructive cultural and social consequences in their wake."

So the next time you are playing with your Batman and Barbie dolls, make sure you are not also giving in the imperialistic wantonness of the West.

Best way to get her to say "yes".
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/30/naked.prom.ap/index.html?iref=24hours

I have decided that celebrities should not be allowed to stay celebs over the age of 50 if they are still conceited. Is there anyone more full of themselves than Cher? Her interview with Oprah (who I've got my own issues with, believe me) Cher starts talking about how its so "hard to be Cher" in the frikin 3rd person! Get over yourself, Mermaids was like 20 years ago.

I know this is from years ago already, but I still have a problem with Gwenyth Paltrow naming her kid Apple. APPLE. APPLE. Yes, Apple.
Other names on her list were "Punkin" and "kumquat"

That's all for today. Leave on.

Keepin it real from the loop

When Dolphin jumping goes wrong...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24360996/

2nd Post

Sorry to make two posts in one day, but I feel that I need to express myself.
Make sure to read the story below from my earlier post.

I was at Trader Joes earlier during my lunchbreak and I realized why its such an aggravating store. Don't get me wrong, I love a lot of their products and I shop there all the time. The problem isnt the food, its the workers.
I know it is the "wacky, fun, friendly" environment that makes TJ's the store it strives to be, but they are really annoying. We get it, you wear Hawaiin shirts and are therefore really relaxed and goofy, haha. But I don't really want someone going through my groceries and making comments about them. Im not paying you to make small talk while your scanning my groceries (In fact, i'm not paying you at all....count it!). It's like they look through your groceries and then comment on them. Example: "I see you've bought some prunes...system a little backed up?" and even better is most of them start giving you advice about things other than the price of apples on aisle 10. Its like all of them are the wise old dishwasher from the movie "waiting". Who wants to take advice from a grocery clerk? A nosy one at that.

I appreciate the personable atmosphere they are trying to create there, but honestly I'd rather you just cut the ridiculous small talk and scan my groceries.

Leave one,

Keepin it real from the loop.

Best Son Ever

This guy placed an ad in the newspaper for a guy to take his elderly father to the pub and drink with him during the week. The job entails escorted him from the nursing home, going to the pub, and then going home. It pays $14 an hour + expenses.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24304991/

Aherm

Why super rich people are awesome and your not:

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN2335906320080423?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0

Quickies

Hi guys and gals, I want to make sure I have atleast one post a week while I am training, so here it is.

First off, I know its a day old but that priest in Brazil who flew off with the balloons...what a pimp. As of right now, I do believe he is still missing though. A proffessional sky diver, who is also a roman catholic priest attempted to break the world record for the longest flight propelled by balloons. He was blown off course and was last heard from 30 miles off the coast of Brazil.

Yesterday a story broke that a bank robber in Indianapolis jumped over the counter and shot a pregnant teller in the abdomen before running off with the money. This is unusual since the tellers are instructed to hand over the money, they are almost never shot since there is no need. The woman was report yesterday to be pregnant with triplets. Today all the stories I can find report she is pregnant with twins. I would like to know where that other baby went.
Both the mother and the TWO (for now) fetuses have survived but are in critical condition. Neither of the fetuses were hit by the gunshot.

A dumbass ( I mean drug dealer) called the police to report a robbery. He was selling heroine to two girls in his car at a gas station in NY, when he was robbed by a man at gunpoint. The two girls then ran off with the robber. The guy in the car then called the police and informed them, that he was robbed while trying to sell heroine. All four people involved have been arrested.

A man in Dothan, Alabama was arrested after walking through a metal detector. The 51-year old man was going to see his probation officer at the courthouse and was walking through the metal detector. When asked to empty his pockets of all metal, he reached in a pulled out some coins, along with two full baggies of marijuana. Realizing what he had just done, the man turned to flee but was aprehended rather quickly before he got out of the building.
O cruel fate! The lesson from this is that when going to see your probation officer, always ALWAYS check your pockets before you go in.

My favorite story has come to us out of Eugene, Ore. (the same state where the sexy, albeit ripped, mayor was ousted for being sexy online) . A pet store owner was taking out a 12-foot Burmese python from its cage in order to show it to a customer, when the snake bit her right hand and coiled around her left arm. How awful would it be to get eaten by a 12-foot python?
The police were called and an officer arrived with a knife ready to kill the large snake. The woman asked that he not kill the expensive pet so instead he put on gloves and wrestled the python until it finally let go. The snake was returned to its cage, I doubt the customers bought it, and the woman was fine after receiving multiple puncture wounds. Good job copper.
If I was that cop I'd say fuck that, im not wrestling no 12-foot python. He dies or you get eaten.

Thats all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop

Popes and Old Ladies

Hi folks. Im still training people, so alas I will have to keep this brief. Thanks for bearing with me during these slow times.

Now I know what you are thinking you perverse people. No! This is not about the Pope's relationship with old ladies, i'm sure he's into younger girls just like the rest of us. However, these are the only two things I would like to talk about. Well more like gripe.

Pope:
So I went to go see the Pope the other day. Yes, I live in DC. (like any of you who read this don't know who I am) So i'm standing there along Pennsylvania Ave. in the hot, bright sun waiting for the motorcade to come. There are hundreds of people lined up just on the 2 blocks that I can see. I'm figuring it was a few thousand overall. So we wait for like 20 minutes, ignoring the guys with rollong suitcases filled with "Pope T-shirts, only $10". It was like you were at a baseball game. I can't believe there were people who followed around the pope where he went and sold T-shirts to commemorate his passing by. Actually what I cannot believe even more is the people who spen $10 to get them (wait till he leaves and get 'em for $5).
So the motorcade finally comes and I see all the police, and I see the Pope and his "Popemobile" and then he's gone. Must've been travelling like 40 Mph. Zzzzzip right past. Most anti-climactic thing I have ever seen. Isn't the Pope supposed to be travelling really slow so people can see him and know he is waving to THEM?
Boo to you Pope, and booerns to your driver. That was not cool. Nobody got a goodd picture, and if you were trying to get a picture, then you missed the Pope since by the time you looked up out of your camera he was gone.

Secondly, I hate people who honk their horn for completely unnecessary reasons. This morning when I was walking to work, I was standing one step off the curb to cross a 4-lane street, I was BY THE CURB in the 1st lane, which has parked cars in it, therefore rendering it an unusable lane for automobiles. So this old lay driving a very sporty red punch buggy drives past and honks at me, and waves her hand as for me to get out of the way. I WASN'T IN HER LANE!
And I really hate when people honk at you, as to warn you not to do something you wouldn't do. For example: This scenario where I am not going to cross a 2 lanes in order so that old lady punchbuggy can hit me with her car. But, just in case, she should honk at me to let me know NOT to do it.
Thank you old lady, for quite possibly saving my life.

That's it for today. Post it.

Keepin it real from the loop

Sorry I'm Late

Im still here, but I am also still training. I think my trainee is stuck in traffic because of the Pope.

Anyways there is a holiday on April 14 in Korea known as "black day". Black day is in response to "white day" which is a day when women give gifts to their men ( a thank you from the gifts they received on valentines day).

On Black day, people who have not found love dress in all black and eat traditionally black foods. The most common/popular if a bowl of noodles with black bean paste on top.
So the next time you feel unattractive and all alone, don't eat a gallon of ice cream. Have some noodles. Both will make you fat, but atleast with noodles you can feel "cultural".

Uruguay, the country best known for...well nothing, is now known for something. On Sunday April, 13 they broke the Guinness world record for the biggest BBQ. Over 1,200 "chefs" grilled 12 metric tons of beef, breaking the previous record of 4 tons set by Mexico.
Uruguay is finally on the map. Look out, here they come.

Finally, Police arrested a womam for DUI last week. The woman was the cleaning lady at the police station, and showed up to work (at the station!) stinking drunk. "Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb". Then again if you are stinking drunk early in the morning and going to work, you've got other things on your mind.

That's all for today. Leave a post, or don't.

Keepin it real from the loop

No More Pie

I mean posts. I'm training a new employee for the rest of the week, so alas, I will not have any more posts till monday.

Please feel free to leave stories you would like to share in the comments section

keepin it real from the loop

"I said what what in the butt"

I can't get that song out of my head. The South Park Butter's version of course.

Hilary Clinton is apparently a worse bowler than Barak Obama. Who cares? Obama bowled a 37 and Clinton bowled a 1 in frame on the Ellen Degeneres show. The question is, why the hell is this a headline on MULTIPLE major news websites?

A woman in Lansing, Michigan stole a boa constrictor yesterday from a pet store by sliding down her pants. Was she stealing a snake or having a good time? The woman was seen on camera doing the act, but it was only seen after she had left the store. Both are still missing.

A New Zealander is being charged with assault for throwing a hedgehog. The 27-year old man threw a hodgehog at a 15-year old boy, who was struck in the leg. I am sure it was painful.
That is something you would think to see in a cartoon, so I will give credit for creativity on this one.

By far the best story from yesterday was this gem.
A man in Athens, Georgia robbed a convenience store at gunpint. However in order to kill time while the store emptied out, he filled out a job application. Einstein put down his real name and phone number, but a fake address. He was subsequently caught.

Hamburger machine wins national collegiate Rube Goldberg competition.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23990754/
We had to make these in 5th grade. My buddy and I made on out of legos that made hot chocolate. Really all it did was in a complicated process drop a trap door with cocoa mix on it, into a cup of hot water.
No wonder we didn't win.

A newlywed couple Vallejo, CA spent their first night as man and wife in seperate man and woman cells. The couple was arrested after a wedding party at their house got out of control. The police arrived at the house for a 2nd time and the groom and his cousin became aggressive towards the police, who then tased both of them. The bride was then arrested for public intoxication.
I think arresting the bride is a little dick by the cops, but I guess they don't mess around in Vallejo.

A duck name Circles, who resides in Suffolk County, NY has been given an order of protection, after it was shot by its owner's neighbor with a pellet gun.

"Knut" the famous polar bear raised in the Berlin Zoo, is now 1 1/2 years old and being accused of senseless murder. There is a controversy over Knut's killing of 10 carp that were swimming in his moat. Knut is fed by the zoo and has never needed to fish for food. Critics say Berlin Zoo should not have put live fish inside Knut's enclosure. But German media report that the carp were put there to eat up algae. This quote says it all:
"The Frankfurter Allgemeine news website reports that Knut "senselessly murdered the carp", fishing them out, playing with them and then leaving the remains"
He's a bear! What is he supposed to do? And secondly, they are carp, I am pretty sure they are not covered in the geneva convention or any other sort of statute of law regarding rights. This is why you cannot take anything animals rights activists and hippies say seriously, because sometime they have good points, and sometimes they spew crap like "the senseless murder of carp". C'mon.

The O's are in first place after sweeping the Mariners. ALCS!!

That's all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop

R.I.P. Charlton Heston

Charlton Heston died last night, he was 84. Heston won an oscar for his performance in "Ben Hur" and it known for his other monumental roles such as Moses in "The 10 Commandments" and the astronaut in "Planet of the Apes". He was known mostly later in life for being a strong NRA supporter and activist. He was on of the greats.
Salute.

And now for your viewing pleasure here is a Monkey in a Diaper

I'm sorry guys but I really cannot think of anything else put on here that will rival this video story. Its a tough act to follow. Enjoy.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2008/04/04/meredith.monkey.on.the.loose.wesh

And of course, here is my favorite monkey, the original, "whiplash" the cowboy monkey riding a border collie at the rodeo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsHgpS2lug8

Belated news

I didn't have enough time to blog yesterday, but I did save the news I was going to write about. So to quote Nacho Libre, today's blog will be "especially delicious".

Also, as I have noticed that either my readership has grown (unlikely) or the same people are constantly checking the blog for news. I am getting about 20 hits a day now. With this in mind, please send me comments either about the articles or with new ideas for the blog. I am trying to fiddle around with the formatting, but i'm only so technically gifted. Post ideas, comments, whatever.

First things first, I wanted to update you on the Wal-Mart story from last week. Wal-Mart announced yesterday that they reversed their decision to take back the money the disabled woman's family received in their settlement.
If you don't know to what I am referring to, check out my post from 3/26 in the archives.
I think it is very nice that Wal-Mart changed its mind, but I don't feel the need to applaud them for anything. I highly doubt this would have come about without external pressure from the media running the story.

A New Zealand constable, who apparently sleeps in the nude, awoke to find his car being stolen. Without giving a second thought to clothes or shoes, the man grabbed a flashlight and ran after the thieves. He gave chase to his stolen car in the nude until police aprehended the suspects when they fled the vehicle. Apparently the naked man chasing them all over town freaked them out.

Two cops in Lake Charles, LA got an easy drug bust yeterday. They pulled over a vehicle whose driver did not have a liscense or registration. They assumed the car was stolen and called the owner to verify if it was missing. No one answered, so the officer left a voice message. In the meantime, they determined that the car was not stolen, and that the man was a friend of the owner.
The owner of the car, mistakenly thought the voice mail left by the cops was from a drug dealer, (which is odd, since you would think they would have said something along the line of "its the police calling") and called the cop back. When he answere the caller stated they wanted to buy some crack. The office set up a meet and arrested the owner and her husband.
Dumbass.

The marriage age has been reset in Alaska. Law makers recently corrected a mistake in their wording that for the past year has technically allowed anyone "under 18 who is NOT pregnant to marry with parental permission" this included toddlers of course.
Alaskan toddlers are planning a demonstration at the liberal giving and taking away of their rights.

Finally a 76-year old Serbian farmer, who was recently divroced by his wife, has been court ordered to giver her half of everything. The man offered to share with her everything he had earned in their 45 years of marriage, but was furious at being asked to give away half his farming equipment. So this pimp of a man said "fine" I'll give you half (I'm paraphrasing). The man bought a metal grinder and cut all of his farming tools in half, includin machinery such as his cattle scales and a sowing machine.
I applaud this man for just saying "fuck it" and not letting his ex or the courts get the best of him. He is by the the hero of today.
Side note: Who gets divorced at 76?

The Orioles won their first game of the season. GO O'S!

That's all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

BLAH

Coupel of stories for you today. I am feeling really lazy, so don't expect too much.

First off, a group of nine 3rd graders in Waycross, GA have been suspended for conspiring to hurt their teacher. The students were found with a knife, handcuffs, a roll of duct tape, and a heavy paper weight. Nobody knows how far they were actually going to take this scheme, but it was uncovered when another student saw the knife and told on his classmate.
I know this is a very serious matter, but its hilarious if you look at the article, there is a quote about the motive: "The police chief in Waycross told Channel 4 he believes the plan may have been developed because one of the students was punished with some sort of time out. However, that theory remains under investigation."
C'mon, someone else has to find that a little funny...
http://www.news4jax.com/news/15755299/detail.html

A drunk man woke up in a garbage truck last night in Muncie, Indiana. He went out drinking with his pals till 3 AM, and blacked out. He woke up in the truck right before the driver was going to run the trash compactor.
This my friends, is why you never spend the night in a dumpster, no matter how inviting it looks.

And of course we cannot end without some theiving, gambling addicted clergy members.
Let's start with the nun since that is a sexier story.
A Roman-Catholic nun in Omaha, Nebraska has been arrested for stealing over $300,000 of church funds to maintain a gambling habit. She faces up to 20 years in prison.
20 years for $300,000? That seems extreme. I think.

And not to be outdone, The Rev. Patrick Dunne of Our Lady of Sorrows Church in White Plains, NY has been removed from his parish for stealing Church funds for drum roll..................d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d:
GAMBLING! The DA's office is currently conducting an investigation.

Well, that's all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

R.I.P. Mr. McMuffin

Today is a sad say for fast food breakfast fans. Egg McMuffin creator Herb Peterson died last night at his home. He was 89.
Do you think he was actually the first person to invent this food? Or was her merely the man who gave it a name? Either way, he is an icon in the fast food breakfast world. I wonder how he felt about the McSkillet Burrito.

A 10-year old girl tried to rob a store in Franklin, Tennessee with a rock last night. She demanded the money from the register three times before she threw the rock at the clerks chest. She only had the one rock, and was then out of ammunition. When the clerk came around the counter she fled from the scene and he called the police. He said the main reason he called police was that he was worried about the girl being out so late and trying to rob a store.
It would have been so much funnier if she got the money.

In a much funnier robbery story, an 18-year old in Chicago tried to rob a muffler shop at gunpoint. The employees informed him that they did not have any money and that their boss will not be by to open the safe until later in the day. The teen then gave them his phone number and instructed them to call him when their boss shows up so that he can rob him. The men did call him, but also called the police. The boy was arrested after being shot in the leg.
What a dumbass.

Thats all for today.

Keepin it real from the loop

WALMART

I don't really feel like writing about this article, but you should read it. Its pretty messed up. Yes I understand the legal mumbo-jumbo about it, but still exceptions can be made.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/03/25/walmart.insurance.battle/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

A study released today traced the lineaology of the three presidential candidates.
It found;
"McCain, the Vietnam War veteran who spent five years as a prisoner of war, descends from a long line of kings: Scottish King William the Lion, English King Edward I and French King Louis VII."

"Obama; the son of a white woman from Kansas and a black man from Kenya, is cousins with six U.S presidents, including Lyndon Johnson, Harry Truman and Gerald Ford. He is also linked to American artist Georgia O'Keefe, the Duchess of Windsor and two men who signed the Declaration of Independence. Most surprisingly, Obama -- the man who could become America's first African-American president -- is linked by ancestry to Robert E. Lee, who commanded the armies of the Southern slave-holding states during the American civil war. "

Clinton: shares ancestors with Grammy Award-winning singers Celine Dion and Madonna.
NOW I understand why I dislike Hillary so much. I knew she rubbed me the wrong way. Its the Celine Dion in her. Thank god for studies like this.

In other news, Russian long-range bombers were AGAIN intercepted by NATO jets over Alaska and escorted back to their airspace. I really don't get why they are toeing the line. All it takes is one slip by a pilot and we are in WWIII. All because they want to look "tough".

Finally, French President Nicolas Sarkozy (AKA Kevin McDonald) has an extremely hot wife. That's not new news, but it is tried and true. Nude photos of the former super model are going to be held at auction in NY.

That's all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop

What About Yee? Opening Day, Panda Sexercise and More

Hello all. First off I would like to apologize again for not posting in a while. I have gotten lazy I guess. But fear not, I've got some goodies for you today.

I would also like to give props to two of my readers who HAD A DISCUSSION in the comments section. That is multiple postings my friend, ain't no joke.

Ok, some politics. Hilary or O'bamma?

Let's start with Hildogg. Hilary is under fire this week for comments she has made recently referring to her 1995 arrival in Bosnia. She has apparently made these same comments repeatedly over the past few months in order to strengthen her appearance as an experienced foreign policy official (Which she's not).
What are these comments? Well Hildogg said that when she arrived in Bosnia, they arrived under intense sniper fire.
"I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base."
This quote is part of a dramatic description she gave at a rally last week. The thing is, the video footage of her landing shows her and Chelsea slowly walking out of the plane and strolling over to a group of people waiting on the tarmac. A Bosnian child even gave her a poem.
My favorite part about this whole thing is that when called out on being a big fat liar/exaggerator Clinton responded that she "misspoke" about the event. " I say a lot of things -- millions of words a day -- so if I misspoke, that was just a misstatement," She also has changed her story a few times in order to rework it so that she is not lying. "Now let me tell you what I can remember, OK -- because what I was told was that we had to land a certain way and move quickly because of the threat of sniper fire. So I misspoke -- I didn't say that in my book or other times but if I said something that made it seem as though there was actual fire -- that's not what I was told"
I just don't get why she has to lie this badly. Usually candidates just lie about scandals and policies they will enforce, they don't create more lies for no reason.

Obama. He is making himself look sillier everyday. I know he is a black man and its hard to stay away from a race discussion, but he's got to get past it. I think he looks silly lingering on his Pastor and on race discussions. If Clinton wasn't so stupid to be making up stories that can so easily be dissproved, she would be gaining huge ground on him right now.

I found an article about the world's tallest man, he's 8''5!! wow. Check him out.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23781322/

A 1 1/2-year-old black-and-white Chihuahua named Conan prays with his owner daily at a Buddhist temple in Japan. He has quickly learned to stand on his hind legs and push his paws together to pray.

A D.C. man was bitten by a rattle snake that was hiding in his luggage. The man had just come back from a trip to South Carolina and reached his hand into his bag to unpack. He came back out with a bite. The snake had managed to sneak in at some point during the trip and apparently enjoyed it in there. Firefighters froze and killed the snake with a carbon dioxide fire extinguisher.

A donut truck in Illinois was stolen from a hospital while making a delivery. The driver then crossed state lines into Iowa with the truck. Later in the day a Toledo sherriff saw the truch and gave chase along with eight other officers as backup. They caught up with the truck and arrested the man at gunpoint. The officer claim they had no idea what was in the truck, just that it was stolen. SUUUUURE. They still got free donuts as a reward.
All in a day's work.

Animal handlers in Chine are using "sexercise" to try and motivate giant pandas to get down. The species is near extinction and has a notoriously low sex-drive. They are teaching the males a sexy dance and younger pandas watch others have sex in order to learn different ways of mating. This method seems to be working to an extent, as opposed to past attempts where zoo workers showed them porn twice a day to get them in the mood. There is no mention as to whether it was human or panda porn. I think hustler makes panda porn.

Finally, a corn-flake in the shape of Illinois has sold on E-bay for $1,350. I really can't write more about this because its so pathetic. But its true. ITS A FUCKING CORN FLAKE!!!!

Today is opening day, atleast in Japan where Redsox just beat the A's in extra innings.

That's all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Fat Mafioso's, Spy-gate, and Red Hot Sibling Looooove

THIS-IS-THE-AFTERNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON UP-DAAAAAAAAAATE!
The newly revamped Afternoon Update I might add.

First up!! We've got Candy-Gate 2008.
Michael Sheridan, an eighth-grade honors student in New Have, Conn. was suspended and stripped (stripped!) of his honors status and his position of class VP for being caught buying a bag of Skittles from anothe student. Connecticuit schools have a ban on candy on school property. After reviewing the situation, the school board has decided to be lenient (THIS TIME) and to restore the boys honor as Vice President of the 8th grade.
I salute their decision and I hope this young man has learned a valuable lesson. And that lesson is that some of the people who make these rules are absolute nutjobs.

In much more odd news, a woman was surgically removed from a toilet seat. The woman had been sitting on the seat for two years, with her boyfriend bringing her food and drink everyday, and trying to coax her off the seat. He finally (after two years) called the authorities for help. The issue was that he skin had grown around the seat and she was literally attached to the seat.
I would appreciate any of you to leave your own comments on this one. PLEASE.

As promised, I have some red-hot-sibling-love for yaaas.
The Supreme court in Germany has ruled to uphold the current law that incest is a criminal offense. The law was being challenged by a 31-year old German man who has four children with his sister who is in her early 20's. The man was given up for adoption when he was four years old. Then in 2000 he was introduced to his biological mother and his sister. Apparently sparks flew and they had some children together.
Now I understand that since they weren't raised together, there is some type of detachment in their (her) minds about the familial connection. HOWEVER, common social practice should nonetheless instilled a red flag in their brains when they decided to get it on. And kids?!
How many birth defects could they have? I think its gross, "love" be damned, you dont screw your sister and even MORE so you don't have kids with her.

800 small dogs were rescued from a mobile home in Tucson, Arizona yesterday by animal control officials. The dogs were being kept inside a triple-wide mobile home by an elderly couple who claimed that they were breeding the dogs to sell. While the dogs were well fed, their living conditions were extremely inadequate, mostly because there was poop everywhere. The dogs breeds were mostly Chihuahuas, terriers and Pomeranians.
800! that is so many freaking dogs. 800? in a mobile home? how do you move?

Finally, a reputed mobster in Italy has been released from prison and send home under house arrest because he was too fat. Salvatore Ferranti, who weighs 462 lbs. was too fat to fit into the prison beds, and some prison cells. guards complained about having to helphim get dressed and undressed, help him bathe, and use the facilities.
At least there is no flight risk.

That's all for today, leave a post if you dare.

keepin it real from the loop

You go Moko!!

A bottlenosed dolphin named Moko saved two pygmy sperm whales that were going to be euthanized after they beached multiple times off the coast of New Zealand. Moko is known by the locals for hanging around and playing with people in the water. The whales had been shoved off the beach multiple times, but could not find their way over the sandbar. Resuce workers were going to euthanize the whales in order to spare them a prolonged death.
YO GO MOKO! Screw Flipper, this guy should have his own show.

Also a man and his girlfriend were at the airport on their way to a Caribbean cruise when an airport security officer noticed a small black box stashed in a sock, and wanted a closer look. The officer then opened the bags, pulled out the box and removed an engagement ring from the velvety little black box. It doesnt take an Einstein to figure out what was inside that box.
So the man's engagement plans were ruined by a dambass security official. He still proposed, only at the airport, she said yes, and that is what is important blah blah blah.
I'd be pretty pissed.

I know these posts are getting weaker but I'll make up for it soon, I promise.

Keepin it real from the loop

qucikly

I wasn't going to post anything today, but I cam across this article.

It is interesting enough, the article is about 1 in 4 teenage girls in the U.S. have alteast 1 STD.
Even better is the photo depciting a black man with a white girl. It somewhat gives off the image that he is going to give her the STD.
But maybe I am just seeing things. YOU decide. http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/03/11/teen.std.ap/index.html

OK

So, assuming this is what the problem was, I have now switched the settings on the comments to allow any users to post. You can now be anonymous is you'd like, but owning up to opinions is always welcome.

Not too much good stuff today, I know I have been inconsistent with my postings, mainly because I hate writing about awful news, and this has been a particularly bad week. However, I have decided that just like when this blog began way back when, it will cover everything.

Starting with...An Elvis impersonator who showed up to his hearing in Nicholasville, Kentucky stinking drunk. The hearing was for being a creepy stalker. Mr. Presley was held in contempt and sentenced to 3 days in jail. This is pretty much the whole story, I just thought it was silly.

You ever notice how when its a short-term kinda thing it is referred to as jail, but when someone goes away for multiple years they go to prison. Kinda like the movie "Let's go to prison" which was hilarious.

The 3rd annual Amsterdam "Stiletto Race" was recently held, in which young women race at top speed in a minimum of 3 1/2 inch heels for a cash prize of $15,000. This is slightly less popular than that annual "Drag Races" held in Dupont Circle in which the racing is somewhat similar, only it is large muscular drag queens running instead of 18-year old girls.

Here is a quote from a Jpost article regarding the UN Security Council's failure to condemn yesterday's terrorist attack at a Jewish seminary in Jersusalem. The resolution to condemnt the attack was blocked by Libya, a non-permanent member, because they wanted to pass the resolution with a clause condemning Israel's operations in Gaza.

"Ambassador Vitaly Churkin of Russia, which currently holds the rotating monthly presidency of the Security Council, expressed his frustration over the fact that UNSC member states could not come to a decision to issue a condemnations for a terror attack and were instead getting bogged down by complexities over the history of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. "

"What kind of specific horrendous terror attack in the area will it take to make the Council condemn without going through all the history of the region," he said.

Amen brother.

And finally, Minnessota recently passed a ban on smoking in bars except for actors smoking in theatrical productions. In response to this, many bars have now "become" theatres, passing out playbills and encouraging patrons to come dressed up in costume in order to be proclaimed
"actors".
Oh you sill Minnesotans and your crazy antics.

That's it for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

shame

SO Drew Barrymore has donated $1 million of her own money to charity. Cool. To be honest, that shouldn't be such big news, every fucking celebrity with mega-millions who get paid because we like their acting or singing should be giving that kind of money to charity. I dunno, maybe they do. Maybe they just dont flaunt it out to the media in order to take lots of credit for it. In that case, shame on you Drew Barrymore!

A man had his buddy shoot him the the shoulder so he could skip work. No joke.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23421911/

and of course I saved the best for last. A man in St. Paul Minnesota punched a woman and an old man while waiting at a bus stop. The man was waiting for the bus so he could go to his anger management class. HAHA. I mean atleast he is sorta trying right?

That's all for today, there was some horrible stuff in the news but its not going to be posted here. Look up "marines and puppies" on youtube if you want.

Happy retirement to Brett Favre. Happy trails to Hillary most likely.

Keepin in real from the loop.

Small Woman, Large Baby

Hello all, happy Friday.

A woman in Cincinnati, Ohio gave birth to a baby that was measured at 18'' in length. Now this is not so interesting other than the fact that woman herself is only 24'' from head to toe. Pretty crazy. Hencer the title: "Small Woman, Large Baby". Stacey Herald, has contacted the Guinness Book of World Records. They are investigating her case.

Newborn Falls onto Railroad Tracks, Survives:
An Indian woman riding the train to Ahmadabad went to the bathroom and unexpectedly gave birth to a baby girl. The woman passed out and the baby eventually fell through the toilet onto the tracks. The newborn survived the fall, and 2 hours later was found by relatives who were searching the tracks.
How is that for a story to tell when you are older. When someone tries to feel special by telling the story of how they were born in the back if a taxi cab, you can one-up them like no one else.

Prince Harry is being sent home from Afghanistan after word of his deployment was leaked to the media in recent days. Good for him. I am amazed that it was kept so quiet for so long. Props to him though for serving his country, now he can just go back and lounge it up a little at the palace pool.


CNN has a link to a video news report about a woman who was ""held hostage" inside her hourse by a wild goose. The goose was running around her yard and front porch honking. I cannot even fathom why this would make the front page of a major news site. Even more amazing though is that one goose, ONE, kept a woman and her dog barricaded inside her house till it left. Shoe the goddam thing away! Its one goose! Honestly, a 3-year old could do it.
The whole situation from the event to the coverage is pathetic. Here's the video for your viewing pleasure. http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2008/02/28/klopping.held.hostage.by.goose.knvn

Lastly, if you haven't seen the "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck" video from the Jimmy Kimmel show, please go youtube it right away. It is friggin hilarious.

Thats all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

My Very Exciting Magic Carpet Just Sailed Under Nine Palace Elephants.

Its a good way to remember the 11 planets. Although I coulda sworn when I was in school, there were only 9. hmm.

In a very interesting story, a 16-foot scrub python ate an Australian families dog while their 2 young children watched. The snake swallowed the dog whole in front of their eyes. Apparently this is not uncommon, however the family probably could have figured something was up when 4 days earlier they saw te python hanging out by the dogs enclosure and watching it. The dog was probably being stalked for 4-5 days.
There is a cool picture of this if you follow the link. http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/02/27/australia.snake.ap/index.html

In even better news, the mayor of Arlington, Oregon was temporarily removed from office after a picture of her posing in lingerie on a fire truck was found on her myspace page. This is one foxy mayor. She was later reinstated. Watch the video, rowr.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/02/27/barker.racy.mayor.photo.katu

Lastly, while I ususally try to steer away from anything involving the Middle East, I have to comment on a particular CNN article I read today. The headline of the article was
Poll: Most Israelis back talks with Hamas,
Now that's fine, the article is talking about Israeli public opinion regarding peace talks.
Now i'm sure CNN tries to pride itself as a non-biased news network so they start talking about how human rights groups are bashing Israel for cutting off some aid to Gaza. Then the article counters with the reasoning behind the blockade is the daily launching of Kassam rockets into Israel. Fine, cool, awesome. Everything is evenly balanced, until they stil in this little gem.
"The rockets rarely travel a significant distance but have occasionally injured and killed people." What is the point of trivializing these rocket attacks. Though, "the rockets rarely travel a significant distance", the author is literally attempting to undermine the blockade by saying, well the bombs don't really reach people usually, so its not so bad.
Imagine that in America, "well, yea he shoots at his neighbors, but the bullets rarely even reach the house next door.." What a fucking rediculous statement! either stay unbiased or state your claims, but please do not try and trivialize human life and violent attacks by spewing crap like this.

That's all.

Big Men and Bigger Burgers

Big, Big, Big!! That word never gets old. Today the Afternoon Update is supersizing your intake of news with large men and a gigantic meat cookie.

The Florida Marlins held tryouts this weekend for an all-male, plus size cheerleading squad that will be called the "Manatees". Those are cows of the sea for you ignoranuses (It's from Ali G). No word yet on wether they will wear child-sized T's and mini skirts.
The Manatees will not be paid, however they will recieve free ticket to the Friday and Saturday games at which they lead the cheers.

In even BIGGER NEWS, a restaurant in Southgate, Michigan is attempting to break the world record for the "Largest Hamburger Commercially Available". It wieghs 134 lbs. and it takes 12 hours to make. The burger sits on a 50 lb. bun along with bacon, cheese, and most likely a defibrulator. It costs $350 and requires a 24 hour notice to order it.
MMMM MMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Big props to Dave for writing his own "Here's to you" Bud Light commercial from the last post. If any of the other 3-4 of you who will read this want to write your own and post, it would be more than welcome.

That's all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it BIG from the loop.

Here's to you...

Today's blog is dedicated to most of the individuals I am going to write about. You''ll see. At the end i'll attempt to write one of those "Here's to you" Bud light ads. If you want you can write your own at home, or post it in the comments section.

First off, its official now. MI6 did not kill Princess Diana and Dodi Al Fayed. Besides, that seems very un-Bondlike. I can't see Sean Connery doing that, Roger Moore maybe but still.

A California man has pleaded guilty to making graphic and detailed death threats against the band Korn. Now I enjoyed "Freak on a Leash" as much as the next guy, especially the "Daboomba daboomba babeebop" part, that was bas ass. But of all the celebrities or musicians to target with death threats and even try and kill, Korn? why not choose a target with more worth or substance? I'm just saying there are plenty of better stalking targets than Korn.

A teenager in Missouri has been arrested for hiring hit men to kill his parents. Authorities were tipped off by a prison inmate who was asked to help him. The teen did get in contact with some killers and provided them with $260 in cash, a debit card with the PIN number, two .22-caliber pistols, a .38-caliber pistol and the alarm code to the parents' house. $260? I bet the debit card didnt have much on it either. I thought contract killings went for like $10,000 or so. $260? Seriously?

An article on MSNBC is calling a couple who ripped off a girl scout troop "con artists" for passing off a fake $100 bill to 12 year olds and then getting $93.50 and some cookies in change. I mean yea they are scuzzy people, but con-artists? I think that is a bit much to qualify them. When I think of con-artists I think of golddiggers and gigalows or criminal masterminds, not a cheapo man and woman who like to steal from little girls.
If I give an 8-year old $5 in monopoloy money for his lollipop, am I now a con-artist? NOO. I am a schmuck.
On the bright side, someone donated $100 to the troop in order to make up for the lost moolah.

A Firefighter in South Carolina was saved by a DVD in his pocket when he was shot in the chest during an altercation at a Waffle House.
Lesson: Watch movies and avoid Waffle Houses. They are tougher than biker bars.

A Utah Girl has won the "best bagger in America" award and taken home 2 trophies and $2,000. The money part is pretty cool, but now you are labeled as the nations best grocery bagger. Do you display those trophies proudly? I mean, good for you but...its grocery bagging. Now that you know you are the best, you should probably move up the career ladder a bit. Atleast the girl is only 18 and not 45.

Couples in Columbus, Ohio were married in a White Castle. The weddings were sponsored by a local radio station. In classic fashion ,the flower girl threw salt and pepper packets instead of rice.
Is there anything that needs to be said? O yea, the cake was in the shape of a White Castle tray with 3 sliders on it. I am assuming these people each weighed 300 lbs.


So here's to you Mr. and Mrs. "con-artist" who loves to steal from little girls. You could've just tried passing your fake money on a dumb 21 year old working at Mcdonalds but you just had to go for the gold by getting girl scout cookies too. "Thin mints are delicious" (in the high pitched voice). So the next time you have that craving for a samoa or a do-si-dos just grab your favorite fake $100 bill and go rip off the first green berete'd, badge wearing, pig-tailed youths you see.
Mr. and Mrs. con-aaaaartists.

Ok so Im not the guy who writes those commercials for a reason. Sue me.

That is all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Sex auctions and meth deposits

What more could you ask from a headline?

An 18-year old woman deposited an envelope at her credit union yesterday. Upon opening the envelope, employees at the credit union discovered some cash and a bag of meth. She was then subsequently arrested for drug possession. Authorities think she may have accidentally included the meth when she was taking money out of her pocket.
Lesson: ALWAYS keep your drugs safe.

In better news , a woman who became pregnant after a sex auction from a German website, has won he rights to find out who the men she had sex with were. Six different men had winning bids on a website to anonymously have sex with this woman. She is now pregnant with one of the men's child. The website originally refused to give the names of the men, citing confidentiality agreements, but a court overruled those agreements with the child's right to know its father.
First of all I didn't know you could do that. Secondly, how do you not use protection?
Lesson:If you are going to have sex with multiple strangers off the internet, use protection!!

God Bless Baldymore

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/02/13/md.cop.vs.skater.wmar

Why can't sex offenders win the lottery? I don't get it. Yea, he is still a pervert, but that doesn't mean he has any less right to $10 million than you do, you jealous D-bags.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7240683.stm

I Miss John Rocker

That guy was a character. He was everything that was right with baseball. The real life Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn, if you will. I'm glad he has decided to speak out about his opinion on steroids in MLB.

Ok. A couple of small incidental things I'd like to get off my chest.

1) A Russin bomber "buzzed" a U.S. aircraft carrier in the pacific yesterday. "Buzz" means if flew 2,000 feet directly above the ship. That may seem reall high, but 2,000 feet is not a long way to go for a bomb.
My thoughts on this are scattered. This is just another "incident" involving the Russian military over the past year or two. What is going on? Does Russia really want to go to war with the U.S.? Are they just flexing their muscles? We never even actually went to war during the Cold War, can you imagine if all these technologically advanced years later we do? It scares the bejeebees outta me because I have no idea why they are acting so "tough". Perhaps we (USA) are doing the same?

2) Forget The NE Patriots and "spygate". We should be more focused on China's spygate. 2 seperate groups of suspects were arrested today on charges of selling military information to the Chinese government.
You can read about those stories yourself on any major news website. What I want to know now is how does this work? Is it like some "Family Guy" episode where a U.S. leader calls up a Chinese official and is like "ah ah ahhhh, we caught you...." and then they both laugh? I mean I am certain this is not the first time a spy has been caught, but what happens now? Just ignore it?

In better news,
Saudi Arabia Bans Valentines Day:
The country has banned the color red for February 14. This is because as one person put it: "As Muslims we shouldn't celebrate a non-Muslim celebration, especially this one that encourages immoral relations between unmarried men and women" the fun stuff about this is that the day before Valentine's Day there are raids on flower and gift shops searching for red flowers, teddy bears, etc. by the Virtue and Vice Squad.
MAN I wish we had one of those here.

John Ritter's widow is suing 2 doctors for her husbands death claiming he was mistreated.
I'd hate to find out that's true, John Ritter was an awesome actor and while I really enjoyed it, "Bad Santa" should not have been his last movie. Here's to you John.

Lindsay Lohan saw Paris Hilton at a party thrown by Timbaland, and very audibly called her a bitch. Ms. Hilton then not so quietly responded by telling Lil Lindsay to "Fuck off".
Class is class and you gotta hand it to them, they've got tons of it.

There was a high school prank in Philadelphi over the weekend where someone(s) stole 100 chickens and let them into the school. On Monday morning they had to close the school becuase off all the cleaning up that had to be done of chicken poop and the like.
My favorite part about this is the line at the end of the article. When asked if they catch the culprit what would be his punishment, school spokesman Fernando Gallard said they would have to pay for the damages. And of course in classic set-up pun situations he said: "It's not going to be chicken scratch." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm so glad he didn't miss that golden opportunity.

Finally I would like to discuss something that I was thinking about earlier. I was lightly discussing Captain Planet with a friend of mine and we were talking about the South American Native kid whose power was "Heart". Now that was a pretty lame power, but they tried to make up for it with his pet monkey.
Do you think there was ever a possibility for the American to get a sissy power like heart? NO WAY right? We got "FIRE" man. No way would the American ever be a sissy, and I think that is very interesting that the shows producers found it necessary to make the American character kick ass, while the fruity "Heart" guy with a monkey could have just as easily been the asian character or something. I am not disagreeing with their judgement, no way the American could have been anything other that "Fire". NO god damned way, and if you don't like it, you can just GET OUT!

That's all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Hippies, Dolphins, and Twins.

Ok first of all, I just want to say that I am not necessarily anti-hippie. It is just that they do so many stupid things in the world and justify it with their beliefs. Its like being a hippie activist is like being part of a religion, and based on the fact that your beliefs are correct, you can act however you want to. In reality that is how it plays out, therefore from now on hippies will be considered as part of a religious group, perhaps a fanatical group (I'm not sure yet) known as "the followers of Hippyism" or someithng like that.

Now for the news.

Let's start off with the Mecca of Hippyism: Berkeley California.
The city council of Berkeley has sided with political protesters demanding that the United States Marine Corps. stop recruiting in the city. The politicians have gone as far as saying that the Marines are to be considered "uninvited and unwelcome intruders."
They also are supporting anti-war groups such as "Code Pink" to whom the city has bequeathed a free parking permit so they can harass the recruitment center and chain themselves to the entrance of the office. (You may remember members of Code Pink as the crazy bitches who covered themselves in red paint and attacked Condy Rice when she was appearing before congrees. The paint was supposed to symbolize blood.)

Republican Lawmakers are threatening to retaliate by stripping thecity of about $5.3 million in federal and state dollars.
"If the U.S. Marines are not good enough for Berkeley, neither are taxpayer dollars," Sen. John Cornyn, a Texas Republican, said in a statement. Amen brother.

I don't think that a city's government should be taking sides with extremist groups. It is their responsibility to represent the city, not their individual preferences.
Also it's not hard to notice that the majority of members of groups such as Code Pink and other politically extreme groups are elderly women. Perhaps if they had something better to do with their time, they would not be so heavily involved in crazy activities.


Building on Friday's "Leave the Dominican Republic and their cock-fighting traditions alone" post, I found this article today about rural Japanese fisherman who hunt and eat dolphin.
What's wrong with eating dolphins they ask? they have been doing so for hundreds of year. Apparently it is very popular fried or in a stew.

So what is the big hullabaloo (is that spelled right?) all about? Western culture frowns on that. One man, Ric O'Barry a 68-year-old retired dolphin trainer from Miami, Florida, has taken it upon himself to tell the world about this "heinous crime. What crime?
O'Barry trained multiple dolphins for the popular "Flipper" TV series. He has a home in Taiji, the main city for dolphin hunting and has taken to disguising himself in costumes and video-taping the fisherman catching and killing the dolphins with hopes of raising awareness in Western cultures. "This here is ground zero for the largest slaughter of dolphins on planet Earth,"he says "It's absolutely barbaric and it needs to stop."

Why is it wrong? Why is it barbaric? Where does this guy get off saying it's wrong? I can't explain why I am getting so upset over these things, but who do these people think they are, trying to regulate the world? This is a smally fishing village that eats dolphins. Naturally there will be dolphin killing in order to eat them. I bet you $5 this guy eats hamburgers. It is so hypocritical and so so wrong to try and police other peoples and cultures into your way of thinking. If these people eat dolphin, then they eat dolphin. If it is a rich part of these people's culture to fight roosters, so be it. That is their call, not yours.
Yes a line can and should be drawn while respecting other cultures. Genocide for example is not exusable even if your ancestor's did it. But that is a far cry from killing and eating dolphins. And yes I will back that up with anyone who wishes to argue the contrary.


On to the twins.
A man named Edwar Harris has been hounded for over 15 years by the Pennsylvania traffic courts for $1,800 in unpaid parking tickets. The tickets actually belong to his twin Edwin Harris, who moved south and lost touch with his family. Every year the problem occurs and every year it is remedied for Edward until last year when a judge didn't even look at the forms, but ordered Edward to pay the fines or go to jail. Another judge saw the case in the news and refunded Edward his money apologizing.
The lesson of this story is for parents. If you are going to have identical twins, don't be assholes and make their names virtually identical as well. Edward and Edwin? seriously? It's not cute, have a heart.

Finally a space ship manufacturing company in California is appealing a fine from the courts regarding worker training that resulted from a recent explosion during a rocket test that killed one worker. The fine is for $28,870.00. Why are they appealing? I cannot imagine that a company who gets multi-million dollar contracts to build space vessels cannot come up with te 30 grand. That is just silly.

That's all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin in real from the loop.