The title of my newest "welcome back" blog is of course part of the lyrics to the wonderful Flight of the Conchords song "Leggy Blonde". The full version of which can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCub8r1T5Rs&feature=related
Make sure you watch the whole video, so you don't miss the office supply stomp and other great stuff.
The reason Leggy Blonde popped into my head was because of THE leggiest blonde in the world. I am referring of course to Svetlana Pankratova, the woman with the longest legs in the world. She did a photoshoot recently with He Pingping of Inner Mongolia to promote the newest release of the Guinness Book of World Records. Svetlana's legs have been measured at just under 52 inches, about 4 feet.
You can see pictures of them together here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26741641/
So a brief moment to explain why I haven't posted since July 25. I've been busy, get off it. I do know that I now have atleast 1 new reader, so that brings the grand total back up to 2. However this post is for the most part for Dave. The always checking, ever posting Dave who has been by far the most loyal reader of the Afternoon Update since its inception.
Dave, even though you look like a guy who wants to be Grizzly Adams but is also looking like a wookie, I salute you. Go Dave!
Back to the news:
A woman in Fort Worth Texas has been arrested for assault after she swung a sword (ninja or samurai I don't know) at her boyfriend. She also bit him and smashed a picture frame over his head. The whole argument logically began over the fact that there were dirty dishes in the sink. Lesson for the fellas on this one, unless you want your lady friend to go samurai (or ninja) on your ass, do the goddamn dishes.
Although at the same time I respect the man for sticking to his principles, perhaps he was in the right and he correctly stood his ground.
This one is a tie for me.
Police in Nigeria have arrested an 84 year old man for having too many wives. The legal maximum is 4 wives in Nigeria and this man has 86. 86 wives and 107 children. So here's the thing. Why was he arrested now? why not when he had lets say 50 wives, or hell even 5. Its just so rediculous. Not the law itseld but the really late enforcement of said law on an old man.
A popular hotel in Turkey has fired all of its male staff for "philandering". Apparently it was becoming a problem that all of the male staff was sleeping with a large number of female guests. They have an all female staff now. Two things 1) ALL of the men were gettin some? like even the bellhops and cooks etc? That's impressive. 2) Maybe all this philandering was an added draw to this hotel. It is very possible their business will suffer.
About 1,000 Balinese protesters rallied against a proposed anti-pornography bill. Only 1,000. Out of curiousity how many people would protest something like that in the good 'ol USA?
I for one am appalled that only 1,000 people showed up.
Thats leads me into my rant for today. I realized the other day when someone in a group email thread used the phrase "I for one". I don't know why it took me so long to realize it, but when said seriously (as in this situation) that it one of the most obnoxious things you can say. Basically the person who starts their sentence off that way is immediately distancing themself from you and anyone else in the conversation and elevating themselves on a pedestal/platform/whatever you want.
Pay attention the next time someone uses that phrase to begin a sentence in your conversation. Then tell them to get over themselves. I for one think that being so arrogant as to use that phrase is rediculous, but thats just me ("That's just me" is the obnoxious closing to any "I for one" sentences, and should be treated with equal disdain).
And finally we have the picture of the day. This one's for Dave.
http://www.orangutanisland.org/images/baby-orangutan.jpg
Hows that for anti-porn
That's all for today. Leave a post if you please.
Keepin it real from loop (but not really)
Been a while…
3 years ago
3 comments:
Good to have ya back
proud to be a new reader. laughed so hard!
"your hair down to your legs and your legs down to the...floor"
yo man,
some hilarious shit this week - as with the other readers i am very glad to have you back.
regarding crazy sword-swinging texan women: are we surprised? whose sword was it? i guess the big picture here is that we should all have strict protocols on dish-washing etiquette, katana-wielding spouses or not.
84 year old man story? nonsense. total nonsense. who's gonna feed the 104 children? also, if we apply some quick math:
1 man : 104 children :: 104 children : 10,816 grand children. 2 generations down from this dude there's enough children to fill most of rhode island - which brings us to some more math:
let's repopulate rhode island with the children, or perhaps, the refugees of this 84 year old dude.
the popular hotel in turkey will officially be making the biggest mistake anyone has ever made. i mean - seriously.
too many jokes for why only 1,000 dudes showed up for the protest. here's one - the rest were masturbating.
they used the line 'I for one' most recently and obnoxiously in the movie jay and silent bob strike back - when, during a rudimentary explanation of the internet to jay, ben affleck reads aloud the comments of - i think - sparticus. "i for one will be boycotting this movie" this is obviously followed by, "fuck jay and silent bob - fuck them up their stupid asses. who wrote that one? i don't know, but he calls himself magnoliafan"
jay and silent bob also featured an orangutan, which brings me to the picture of my uncle that you posted. where'd you get that?
you da man,
dave (yaron)
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