The weekends a'comin

Sorry about not posting yesterday, I was in meetings all day. No time for blogs....

Welcome to the Afternoon Delight!
There is a TON of stuff for me today, so without further ado.

Hilary Clinton does not age well:
This headline cannot be found on any news site (atleast not today) but I find it to be pertinent information. There is an article on the CNN ticker about hilary pledging to change Bush's mandate on AIDS education blah blah blah. The REAL story is the picture that accompanies the article. She don't look too good. Now maybe its just me, but our past two presidents have not looked aged or haggard at all. I am not endorsing any politician yet, especially liberals, however in the democratic arena, I would prefer to have a good looking O'bama meeting with foreign officials and having photo ops than Hilary. I mean if that's what she looks like now, imagine her in 4 years! woof. Take a look on the CNN ticker to see what I mean.

In an update from a previous story
Cops killed in high speed chase did not follow procedure:
Apparently My assesment of the situation on Wednesday was not accurate. But then again, what do I know of such matters? According to the police chief, the two officers did not follow procedure when placing the road spikes. If they had done it correctly, they would have placed extending bands(or ropes or something) that run underneath the spikes, and would then be able to remove them without having to run back into the road. It is still a horrible tradgedy, but this somewhat, but not entirely, changes my opinion on who is at fault.

Jehova's Witness dies from religous beliefs:
Well not so much FROM his beliefs as DUE to his beliefs. A 14-year old boy with lukemia died this morning after refusing to receive a blood transfusion. Jehova's witnesses do not believe in transfusions since they believe it makes one "unclean". The Boy's biological parents, who are not his legal guardians, tried to force him to get the transfusion but a judge ruled earlier that he fully understood his actions, and upheld his choice to deny the treatment. There was an episode of "Scrubs" that dealt with this issue (and probably every other hospital show, but I don't watch them) but in the show they found a way to treat the patient. Unfortunately in real life, things don't always work out.
I wonder what the reasonings behind the "uncleanliness" of transfusions is. Is it any blood? what if there was a blood bank for just JW's? Then when aboslutely neccessary, in a life threatening situation such as this instance, they can get permission from their spiritual leader to get the transfusion.

Late night jobs are carcenogenic: (did I spell that right?)
A study by the International Agency for Research on Cancer has found a higher rate of breast and prostate cancer in men and women whose jobs begin after dark. I know this might be true, but isnt every thing in the world cancerous? Also should I be worried? I was a bouncer for 2 years and the job was almost completely performed at night. Chew on that!

In another updated story of less importance
Cell phone NOT the killer:
Contrary to original beliefs, the South Korean man found dead with an exploded cell phone is his pocket, was in fact murdered. One of his co-workers has confessed to "accidentally" killing the man when backing up his mining drill. I assume this is a large piece of machinery on wheels. The company who makes the phones, LG, has come out and said "na na, we told you so!" They are a bunch of know-it-alls is what they are.

Body of missing woman found...PORN STAR!!!
That last part was just to get your attention, do not worry, Jenna Jamison and all your other favorites are fine. The body of an 18 year old student who had been missing has been found in El Dorado Kansas. The police have discovered that the girl was apparently also a secret internet porn star who went by the name "Zoey Zane" (not nearly as creative as say, Misty Piper, but it works). Police have repeatedly said that her disappearance was in no way connected to her online alter-ego, but that because of the media coverage on her being a porn star, they are getting flooded with false leads and are having difficulty conducting the investigation: "The issue of the Internet and the spinoff of that has been literally crippling our investigation," the police chief stated.
The great thing about this is that the ariticle on CNN, one our most respected news sites, the headline reads "Body of missing porn star found". Real classy, way to help.

UK woman jailed in Sudan:
I don't think i've been covering this, but now I just have to. In the past few days, a UK woman teaching in the Sudan, has been arrested for allowing her 7-year old class to name their teddybear "Mohammed". She originally was going to be whipped, but was acquited of all the counts except one. She is currently serving her 15 day sentence in prison and then will be deported. The reason I feel it neccessary now, is becuase thousands of protesters are rally outside of the prison with swords, SWORDS!, and demanding her execution. I hope she remains safe and is then safely returned to the UK. HOWEVER, just imagine this situation for a second. An angry mob breaks into the jail, takes her out and executes her (it has happened before in numerous other countries). Now we have a murdered UK citizen in the Sudan who was in the custody of the gov't. Some shit would go down, I have no idea what, but something crazy.

Man Slipped Girlfriend Abortion Pills; Causes Two miscarriages:
A married Wisconsin man has been convicted for giving abortion pills to his mistress without her knowing. The pills caused two of her pregnancies to miscarry. He already has a 3-year old with the mistress. She had become suspicious, and after the second miscarriage she had her blood tested, and the chemicals from the pills were found. She immediately contacted the authorities.
The lesson for men in this situation is threefold. 1) Do not cheat on your wife. 2) If you do, always wear a condom. 3) Drugging your girlfriend with abortion pills is not a viable option.

This next one really pisses me off.
Woman Loses 140 lbs.:
A Massachussetts woman lost 140 pounds after having weight loss surgery. What pisses me off, is that this is listed as one of those inspirational stories, like "I finally turned my life around, and had surgery to fix my problems". I am not saying the procedure is wrong, good for her she can now ride a horse (it was from the article), but this story should not be paraded around as an inspirational success story. Also, the surgery she had was basically they put a band over the top of your stomach, to limit the amount of food that can be stored there. Then there is a pouch that collects extra food and you can empty it..some gross stuff. But my thing is, its been a year and she went from 280 to 140. So now that shes 140, she still has the band in place. Does it just stay in there? won't she keep losing weight?

Evil Teenage Mastermind Arrested:
An 18 year old New Zealander has been arrested as the "gang leader" of a group of hackers who created a virus that takes control of other computers, which then in turn unbeknownst to the owners, commit cyber crimes....dun dun dunnnnn. Why is it that all the big hackers in the world are always teenagers? Its never a 50 year old that has spent his entire life coming up with the worlds most evil virus, its always a 16-18 year old nerd who just gets the better of the world's governments. I mean I saw the movie with Matthew Broderick, which name escapes me at the moment (I know I know), so case in point.

Follow this link for some disturbing information regarding a nuclear black market. It will help you sleep well at night. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22022256/

And now for the fun stuff.
First off is the Story of the Day:
The story of the day is that a cell phone company in England has developed a toilet tracking system. This way whenever someone really needs to go to the loo, all they need to do is check their phone to find the closest pee spot. Brilliant! (in the voice of the guiness guys, not the annoying woman anchor on ESPN) http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/11/29/sat.lav.ap/index.html

The Caper of the day goes to an unknown thief in Ireland, who stole a trailor from the Guiness factory. Included in this trailor were 180 kegs of Guiness, 180 Kegs of Budweiser, and 90 barrels of Carlesberg. I want to become friends with this guy, and just party for one year. He is set for life.

Italian woman stupid:
That was my own headline. Perhaps shes not stupid, but just very oddly snobbish or spoiled? An Italian woman was kicked off of her flight from Milan to Rome becuase she refused to move her 1-meter long stuffed crocodile doll. WTF? I dunno but that's just silly (you think I could make that my catchphrase? or has someone else copyrighted it? maybe I could just get a reality TV show and say it alot in order to try and claim it like my own, like "thats hot").

Speaking of Paris
Paris Hilton wants a baby, for rediculuos reasons: Alternatively this could read "Paris Hilton thinks babies are toys":
Paris Hilton has stated recently that she wants a baby so that it can play with her less attractive friend Nicole Ritchie's baby. Atleast she truthfully gave the reason why. I mean clearly she sees babies as toys, but then again if she did have one, its not like she would have to lift a finger or raise it or anything. She also stated that while she does not have a boyfriend or found Mr. right, she is still open to starting a family now. Sign me up, I'd be more set than K-fed.

Moving on to his ex sugarmama
Investigators find poopy couches and a secret sex room:
OK, I take back any defense I made for Britney last week. Please read this article, PLEASE!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22013594/

Conan O'brien is the shiz:
Conan has stated that he will pay the entire non-striking staff's salaries of his late night show for the next week. The studio is laying all the rest of the staff off for atleast the remainder of the strike, but Conan is gonna pay his guys out of pocket for a week. Bravo

Couple offering $10,000 for missing parrot:
This parrot has brooklyn accent. So if you run into a parrot with a Brooklyn accent in NY city, you have just won 10k. get huntin.

And lastly,
Brooke Shields is going to be in a new show, I hope its a comedy, called "Lipstick Jungle"
I want to be paid to watch that show and review it. That is all.

Happy birthday to moo cow.

Looking forward to KC this week, houns brining the bottle.

keepin it real from the loop.

Wacky Wednesday Part Duex ( I couldn't think of anything today)

Welcome, Welcome to the afternoon delight!

There is a lot of news today so lets get down to it. No more beating around the bush, just a straightforward approach to today's stories. I am not going to wait any longer before giving you the news. No sir, not me, I will not procrastinate another second, knowing the frustration caused by people who ramble on too long without getting to the point. Well I always get straight to the point without any dillydallying. No, I will will not dillydally, fiddle-faddle, or any other silly words, I will get right to it! And here it is:

Make sure to check out my op-ed in the sports section below. It could very well change the dynamic of your Sunday.

First off some politikin'
Democratic race now between Bill Clinton and Oprah:
That's right. Personally I'd go for Bill, but that's just because he is just so gosh darn charming. I mean c' mon anyone of you ladies out there would rip your clothes off in a second if he asked you to the correct way.
Anyways Bill has come out and started spewing support for Hilary, while the big "O" is going to throw her support behind the little "O" possibly creating an "O Voltron". Many people who have been polled about these two supporters confess that they are swayed by the supporting cast. Those polled have said that they trust Bill due to his experience, but not so much Hilary, while others still will support O'Bamma (haha extra "m") because Oprah told them to. And we all know that Oprah currently controls an army of non-thinkers who will do whatever she says.

Nazi Archives now open to public:
That's pretty much it. This is just really important so I included it. I just have nothing to say on the matter.

Two FL police officers killed in high speed chase:
This is a little misleading because the cops were killed in the chase, but they themselves were not chasing. What happened was that 25 police units were chasing a stolen car. So first off, is 25 units really neccessary? Is it that easy to draw half the police force away with one car? Also, the two officers placed spikes down on the road in order to stop the stolen vehicle. When the vehicle did not come, they began removing the spikes when another police cruiser swerved trying to avoid the spikes on the ground, and slammed into the officers removing the spikes. One of the officers was engaged and getting married soon, the other was going to be his best man.
I feel that the cop driving the car is mostly at fault here. From what I have read, if there were that many units after these two guys in one car, one less unit wouldn't be catastrophic, so where does it seem like a good idea to swerve away from the spikes and into a crowd? dude, sacrifice the car's tires and go into the spikes, if thats what it takes to avoid hitting people, let alone other officers.

Missing Pregnant Woman:
An Oklahoma woman has gone missing yesterday. The woman was reportedly meeting a man in a park, in order to inquire as to whether or not he was the father of the child she was carrying. Neither have been seen since. My money is on her being abducted by him.

Man kills family:
24 year old Lamar Platt confessed to NY police that he shot and killed his mother and brother, and then chopped up their bodies and threw them into the river. I am not sure what drives a man to kill his family, but I feel that its a different situation then regular murders. Both are wrong, but someone who kills random people on the street has some very different stuf fon his mind that a guy who kills and chops up his family. I can only wonder as to what he was so enraged about. Do you send someone like that to jail? or straight to a psycho ward?

Brooke Astor's 112 year old son charged with "pilfering" her estate:
Well technically he is 83 but still its funny. The late 105 year old philanthropist's son has been accused of mistreating his mother in her last years and embezzeling money for himself. He probably should have thought of stealing this money when he could still walk. I know money is useful, but I would rather have 100's of millions of dollars in my 40's than in my 80's.

Update: I was watching "Sgt. Bilko" during my lunch break today and the late great Phil Hartman uses the phrase "by gum". I would like here and now to challenge all of you to use this phrase in your daily lives. I am going to do the same, and by gum I mean it.

In local idiot news
Man tries to open account with $1,000,000 bill:
I don't know what else goes along with this story, other than the fact that this man is stupid. He did attempt to create the bill and it looks ok, but if you were going to put that much effort into counterfeiting wouldn't you also know that they have never made a $1,000,000 bill? and this creative man wins today's idiot award.

Wife wants Fosset declared dead:
The wife of millionaire adventurer Steve Fosset wants her husband declared legally dead. Fosset disappeared while flying a private plane to California in September. Neither he nor the plane has been found. His wife wants him declared dead, personally if my spouse went missing I would want to keep searching until something was found, and I certainly would wait longer than 2 1/2 months. But then again, I do not stand to inherit millions of dollars. Shady shady business if you ask me.

This is by far the coolest video you will see today
6 year old boy plays with 20 ft. Python:
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2007/11/28/vo.boy.cambodia.snake.ap

In another awesome video, check out the exosuits.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/tech/2007/11/27/yeates.ut.robo.soldier.ksl

I have not been following the O.J. case this time around, but annoyingly it is still in the daily news. Booooo.

Roethlisberger arrested:
But not the fun one. A man as far as I know NOT related to Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger (but how common could that name really be? I mean c'mon) has been arrested for displaying banners deemed "too graphic", depicting photos of aborted fetuses. He was hanging out by the mall. What if he was just doing his christmas shopping?

Cell phones kill!!
A South Korean man was found dead yesterday. The cause is assumed to be his cell phone. He was found with his cell phone in his shirt pocket. The battery of the phone had exploded. This was bound to happen. Look out for killer cellphones, thats all I gotta say.

The word of the day comes from none other than Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad..adad. In an address to following an Iranian securty meeting, the president declared that Israel is doomed to collapse and referring to the Annapolis conference said "Soon, even the most politically doltish individuals will understand that this conference was a failure from the beginning"
So if you could not find it, today's word is doltish. Try that one on for size.

A British woman mauled to death in Bulgaria:
A woman walking her dog was attacked by a pack of wild dogs who gnawed her legs to the bone. Apparently roving packs of wild dogs is a problem that plagues the Bulgarian countryside. She was living in Bulgaria with her partner, but no other reasons have yet been released. The lesson learned is don't move FROM England TO Bulgaria. That is reverse immigration.

I was gonna go into deatil about how China is starting WWIII, but I don't feel like it anymore. Basically China would not let the U.S.S. Kitty Hawk go to port in Hong Kong after originally granting them permission. This was for Thanksgiving, and many of the crews family members had flown into Hong Kong from Japan in order to see the sailors. China has not given any reasoning yet as to why they would not allow entry.

Marie Osmond:
Marie Osmond is the perfect example along with Flava Flaaaaaav! as to why reality television shows (I am counting "dancing with the stars" as reality) can revitalize a person's career. Who the fuck cared about Marie Osmond before this show, and to be honest, who will care for her now? I applaud her for milking her exposure on this show for as much as it was worth. Bravo.

Dustin Hoffman’s New Year’s resolution is all picked out. “I do have to stop picking my nose, especially in the car,” the “Mr. Magorium” star confessed. “I'll be driving and I will catch someone trying to take my picture" (I stole that from MSNBC but I thought it was funny, but boo to the crappy "picked out" line)

Madonna abuses animals:
That would be a catchy headline. The pop madame has been chided by animal rights groups for dyeing sheep different colors for her most recent video. While her methods were animal safe, others make attempt to copy her idea in less safe measures.

Sports:
I would like to discuss for a moment, the recent slide the sports show "The Throwdown" has been experiencing. This slide is not necessarily in listeners, and much as the quality of the show. I feel that it is a quality program but the past two weeks are working against it. Two weeks ago the show was just cancelled, and this past week one of the two hosts forgot the "shows before hos" mantra and did not appear on the show. This required a "troopers effort" from the other host to keep it alive, but who wants to listen to one guy talk? I hope that this coming week will really revitalize the show, as well as not have any off-color remarks about #21's recent tragedy.

Dangerous Dave officially sucks at SoC

Keepin it real from the loop.

A sad day

Welcome to the Afternoon update sad day edition

Sean "The Punisher" Taylor died this morning:
Sean Taylor is widely known as the hardest hitter in the NFL. Many team were afraid to throw it in his direction because they knew the receivers would get hurt. Early Monday Morning a man broke into his house and shot him in the leg. The bullet severed the Femeral Artery and Taylor had lost too much blood. He died last night. Taylor was also an acclaimed actor appearing in numerous Eastern Motors commercials and always reminding us that "our job is our credit". He will be sorely missed by all.

For a bit of light news....
A quick pronto shout out for giving me this next story

18 year old girl break up with Palestinian boyfriend on "Dr. Phil":
Yep. Apparently they met online in '05 and the girl even tried to go visit him in his West Bank town. I would like to point out that this girl is from Michigan (just another example). The girl dissapeared from her mother's home last year and tried to fly to Israel, however she was stopped in Jordan and handed over to U.S. authorities who returned her to the states. The girl went on the Dr. Phil show and broke up with her cyber boyfriend over a video link. She said he was verbally abusive and controlling. He denied these claims, threw his mike down, and walked away.
My thing is what the hell were they going to do once she got there? I mean, a blonde 17-18 year old girl just hanging around in the West Bank for a few days? are you kidding me? I think this could have become a much more interesting story if she had not been stopped in Jordan. Once again this shows why Dr. Phil is stupid, and that mustaches are out.

Panda watch!
The panda cub at the Whales Vagina Zoo (thats san diego for those of you who are not cultured) has been named zhen zhen which means precious. I wonder who gets to name these things? Giant pandas are fun, cuddly, and playful to look at, but if you get close to one they will rip your head off.

Iceland best place in world to live:
That is until all the people who saw this list move there and ruin it. In a study done by the U.N. Iceland has overtaken Norway as the best place to live. The study also shows that the 22 worst countries to live in are ALL in sub-saharan Africa with Sierra Leone being the worst. Hmmm I would have never guess that at all.............Do you think they should just not publish the bottom of the list? and just put up like the top 50, that way nobody's feelings are hurt.

Killer on the loose:
A man serving a life sentence since 1988 has escaped and been on the lam for 2 days now. He escaped by hiding in a garbage can and then being wheeled out by another inmate. Don't worry folks this was only a medium security prison, he's not a mass murderer or anything. I wonder how easy it must be to escape a minimum security prison? must be a friggin walk in the park if you can get out in a garbage can.

And now for why the French are stupidheads.
2 days of intense rioting leaves dozens of police officers injured:
First off, why are the cops the only ones getting hurt? I mean c'mon, send in the College Park police with some pepper spray super soakers and their riot tank and they would quell this little "riot" in 20 minutes. The riots began over the death of two youuuuuuths (a little joe pesci reference) who crashed their motor bike into a cop car. They crashed into the cop, not the other way around. Anyways, the rioters are insisting that the cops fled the scene, while other witnesses claim the cops raced over an tried to resucitate the victims via mouth-to-mouth. The boys were of African descent.
So here it is, the rioters, (also of african and north-african heritage) are rioting over the fact that 2 of their youths travelling at unsafe high speeds on a non-registered motor-bike, ran through a red light, and then crashed into a cop car and died in the crash. What exactly is the issue here? I don't think this has anything to do with the riots, I think these people (the french) just wanted a good riot, or maybe they are angry about being a minority in another country. I dunno, but this has a lot more to do with the growing minority population in Europe than it does with two kids doing something stupid, and the cops are not in any way at fault, except for the fact that they are French.

I don't get this one
Man in bank wants to go to India:
An Indian man walked into a bank in Orlando today and demanded a ticket to India. From what I have read, he did not brandish any weapons and was not commiting a robbery. The police were called and the man sat in a chair and refused to leave. Here is the good part, after a "two hour standoff", the man was taken into custody. TWO HOURS!?!?! the guy was sitting in a chair, 2 bouncers at a bar could have gotten this resolved faster. Now I know it is possible he could have been strapped with a bomb, blah blah blah, but isnt there a security guard? couldt he have escorted the man out? all he wanted to do was go to India, so deport him.

In other sad news, the inventor of Gatorade has died today of kidney failure, he was 80.
Just a note, the moron who wrote this article forgot to mention the late Dr. Cade in the past tense by using such lines as "he still plays with the University of Florida Orchestra and in his church". This was in an article announcing the guy is dead. What a moron.

I wish I could make a living on reading the news and pointing out how stupid some people are.

Thats all for today,

Keepin it real from the loop