Ice cream poop, weed tacos, and Democratic phone sex lines

Hello one and all! (I guess 2 really, being the number of people who will read this)

I have a few stories for you to enjoy that have been in the news the past week or so.

Lets start with a court case going on in Sydney, Australia where a man and his wife are suing a local pub for putting feces in their gelato. The gelato was tested and did find traces of feces, they are currently performing DNA tests to see if it was human or not.
The man and his wife are accusing the pub's owners for retaliating to their earlier complaints that the music at the bar was too loud and that it was preventing them from watching their soccer match.
The wife said it was so terrible she spit it right out and later become violently ill.
"The stench went through my nostrils, I retched and spat it into the napkin,"
My thing is, if she smelled the poop, why would she then eat it? Yes, it is very disgusting but i think maybe its a little on their end too for eating poop AFTER they smelled it.

A couple in Colorado left their Del Taco drive thru ready to partake in some delicious Mexican style late night tacos when they found a small bag of marijuana topping their food. The man working the window was arrested on possession. He originally denied it, but then admitted it was for a friend and that he misplaced the bags.
What a moron.
He also lost his job.

In what is by far the story of the week,
A man went out drinking, came home drunk, and then tried to have sex with his female roomate. She kept refusing his advances and the man became irate. So he took the next logical course of action, went down to the basement, and peed on her dog.
AMAZING.

A flyer that was sent out by Democratic volunteers in Michigan with pictures of Obama and urging voters to submit their absentee ballots also contained a phone number at the bottom. I believe it was to help them with their voting, but when dialed actually took callers to a phone-sex hotline.
Im sure more people would vote if they had incentives such as this.

A police officer in Frisco, Texas was directing traffice after a concert when he recognized one of the vehicles rolling through the intersection. It was his pick-up that he had parked around the corner. Needless to say the kid who stole it was caught.

Finally my favorite story:
An Austrian man was charged with drunk driving after driving to a police station to argue his drunk driving ticket.
He had been pulled over and had his keys taken away earlier in the night and then charged with drunk driving.
The man then went home, picked up a spare set of keys and went back to his abandoned car, drove it to the police station and startd arguing the first charge. The officers determined he was still under the influence and charged him again.

Thats all for now.

keepin it real from the loop

Have you seen the bigger piggies, In their starched white shirts, You will find the bigger piggies,Stirring up the dirt,always have clean shirts to.."

PLAY AROUND IN!
The amount of characters allowed in the title apparently cannot contain the bigger piggies verse from the Piggies song. Quite obviously I am referring to the Beatles song off of the White Album entitled: "Piggies".
If you haven't heard it, I recommend it. Its a classic.

You might ask why is he talking about piggies so much? Where is he gonna go with this?

Let us start off with a large piggie.

A woman in Australia was "held hostage" for 10 days by a pig the size of a shetland pony. Apparently he was just hungry. The woman had cared for the injured pig when he showed up on her property, but then he demanded to be fed and kept her locked up in her bedroom, frequently ramming his head into her door. The massive 176 pound pig claimed her house and land as his territory.
The woman finally contacted authorities and the porker will be taken to a piggery where he'll start breeding with the ladies.
This isn't him, but it could be his cousin: http://sugarmtnfarm.com/blog/uploaded_images/BigPigFoliageSField-772081.jpg

So I understand how she could get stuck there for a little while, but 10 days? The pig has to sleep too....This was a clear cut case of a woman getting outsmarted by a pig. A pig.

In other pig related news, a sow in Ukraine has welcomed 3 tiger cubs from a nearby zoo as part of her litter. The tiger's mother has refused to nurse them and so they were brought to a nearby farm for some milk. Neither the sow nor the piglets seem to mind. It kinda reminds me of Lambert the sheepish lion. It was my favorite disney short cartoon growing up and it'll rock your socks off.
Here is the short in its entirety: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRtKAQJUc3g
most likely in real life those tiger cubs would gladly eat their adopted family in a few months.

Japanese businessman have been living ahead of the dry-cleaning curve. A Japanese distributor has created shower-clean suits that can be sprayed for a few minutes in the shower, and then will drip dry in a few short hours. No ironing needed.
Its a good idea, but I don't see where the robots and anime fit in just yet. Any ideas?

And now for the good stuff. This story could not be made up, no way no how. Lets call it our most stupidest person story of the week.
So anyways a woman in England for over nine months (NINE MONTHS!!) was "tricked" or "raped by deception" by a man who claimed her was treating her with penis cream. The woman thought she had contracted some sort of rash and the man claimed a OBGYN friend of his said she should start using a certain cream and he offered to put it on his penis and help her apply it inside of her. The woman of course made no objection becuase it was CLEARLY medical in intention.
WOW. If you can't figure out which of these people is the most stupidest of the week, then you can join her. What type of moron would believe this, let alone allow it to continue for 9 months.
You can read the rest of this story below, but in my opinion if you are that dumb, you don't deserve pity. I'm not saying she deserved to be raped (if you can call it that, "raped by deception?") but I don't exactly see her as a victim. The man has been arrested and is facing charges of rape and obtaining money by deception.
http://www.westerntelegraph.co.uk/news/1351648.woman_tricked_into_sex_by_penis_cream_treatment/

And finally I would like to discuss David Blaine for a second. I don't like him, he's a dueche. However according to a Foxnews story his even more of a dueche because his whole "hanging upside down for 60 hours" really is with breaks every hour to go to the bathroom etc. So my thing is 1) why is he doing it? its stupid, its not magic, and he sucks. 2) Why am I getting my news from Fox?

Also as an added bonus (for me atleast) I realized that I dislike people such as Kelly Ripa as much as Daivd Blaine, mainly because of stuff like this:
http://www.foxnews.com/photoessay/0,4644,5165,00.html#2_0

WHY IS THIS GUY FAMOUS?!?
Pull a rabbit out of your hat and I'll be impressed. Hell, do this and i'll be really impressed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrEkbIHlV1E
but hanging upside down from a bridge every hour with breaks is just hanging upside down from a bridge.

Show me a giant sized monopoly board and i'd be happy.

Thats all for today. Leave a post.

Keepin it real from the loop

"Leggy Leggy Leggy Leggy, Blondie Blondie Blondie Blondie.."

The title of my newest "welcome back" blog is of course part of the lyrics to the wonderful Flight of the Conchords song "Leggy Blonde". The full version of which can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCub8r1T5Rs&feature=related
Make sure you watch the whole video, so you don't miss the office supply stomp and other great stuff.

The reason Leggy Blonde popped into my head was because of THE leggiest blonde in the world. I am referring of course to Svetlana Pankratova, the woman with the longest legs in the world. She did a photoshoot recently with He Pingping of Inner Mongolia to promote the newest release of the Guinness Book of World Records. Svetlana's legs have been measured at just under 52 inches, about 4 feet.
You can see pictures of them together here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26741641/

So a brief moment to explain why I haven't posted since July 25. I've been busy, get off it. I do know that I now have atleast 1 new reader, so that brings the grand total back up to 2. However this post is for the most part for Dave. The always checking, ever posting Dave who has been by far the most loyal reader of the Afternoon Update since its inception.
Dave, even though you look like a guy who wants to be Grizzly Adams but is also looking like a wookie, I salute you. Go Dave!

Back to the news:
A woman in Fort Worth Texas has been arrested for assault after she swung a sword (ninja or samurai I don't know) at her boyfriend. She also bit him and smashed a picture frame over his head. The whole argument logically began over the fact that there were dirty dishes in the sink. Lesson for the fellas on this one, unless you want your lady friend to go samurai (or ninja) on your ass, do the goddamn dishes.
Although at the same time I respect the man for sticking to his principles, perhaps he was in the right and he correctly stood his ground.
This one is a tie for me.

Police in Nigeria have arrested an 84 year old man for having too many wives. The legal maximum is 4 wives in Nigeria and this man has 86. 86 wives and 107 children. So here's the thing. Why was he arrested now? why not when he had lets say 50 wives, or hell even 5. Its just so rediculous. Not the law itseld but the really late enforcement of said law on an old man.

A popular hotel in Turkey has fired all of its male staff for "philandering". Apparently it was becoming a problem that all of the male staff was sleeping with a large number of female guests. They have an all female staff now. Two things 1) ALL of the men were gettin some? like even the bellhops and cooks etc? That's impressive. 2) Maybe all this philandering was an added draw to this hotel. It is very possible their business will suffer.

About 1,000 Balinese protesters rallied against a proposed anti-pornography bill. Only 1,000. Out of curiousity how many people would protest something like that in the good 'ol USA?
I for one am appalled that only 1,000 people showed up.

Thats leads me into my rant for today. I realized the other day when someone in a group email thread used the phrase "I for one". I don't know why it took me so long to realize it, but when said seriously (as in this situation) that it one of the most obnoxious things you can say. Basically the person who starts their sentence off that way is immediately distancing themself from you and anyone else in the conversation and elevating themselves on a pedestal/platform/whatever you want.
Pay attention the next time someone uses that phrase to begin a sentence in your conversation. Then tell them to get over themselves. I for one think that being so arrogant as to use that phrase is rediculous, but thats just me ("That's just me" is the obnoxious closing to any "I for one" sentences, and should be treated with equal disdain).

And finally we have the picture of the day. This one's for Dave.
http://www.orangutanisland.org/images/baby-orangutan.jpg
Hows that for anti-porn

That's all for today. Leave a post if you please.

Keepin it real from loop (but not really)

Great Balls on Fire

"Hello again hellooo..."

Sorry its been so long since I last posted. I hope whomever still checks this will enjoy today's post.

So to start things off I would like to mention I put a lot of this together last night.

There was a headline article on CNN.com yesterday, one of their "groundbreaking" news stories that sheds light upon the rest of the world for Americans, and this startling news article was about gay persecution in Iraq...Really?
Is that even a story? I'm not saying I am pro ANY type of persecution, but who doesn't know that gay men are not accepted in Iraqi society. Even if that place was the model of stability, gay men still wouldn't be even close to accepted.
This bothered me because while I think an article about gay men in Iraq would be interesting and important to read, however I think an eye opening story that gay men are targeted and persecuted in Iraq is almost insulting to the reader. Duh.

Two California men were sentenced to 2 years and 45 days in jail respectively after lighting their buddies ball on fire while he was passed out drunk. The man suffered 2nd degree burns on his balls.
All we used to do was draw on people's faces with permanent marker. Maybe once or twice shaved lines into someones leg.

Two men in Washington were caught after robbing a department store. Police followed a trail of boxes and packaging materials to the men who were found sleeping on pillows and a hammock stolen from the store.
The great part about this is that when the police found them they took pictures of them sleeping before waking and arresting them.
Here's a photo- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25791842/

Some random person in Milford Mass. has for the past 2 years been placing women's panties of various sizes, sometimes new sometimes used, on fences near a school bus stop. According to authorities they are "They're almost always black and queen sized." One woman said she picked up 43 pairs at one bus stop.
Hahaha. I know its probably someone who is really perverse, but this is still pretty funny. Can you imagine going to school everday and its expected that the area will be littered with plus sized women's underwear?
What a great prank.

A judge in New Zealand has ruled in favor of a 9-year old girl allowing her to change her name from what her parents had named her. He has taken up the cause of helping children with rediculous names free themselves from their parents stupidity. The girls full first name was "Talula does the Hula from Hawaii". Other names he has previously helped to change, and then to subsequently ban from using to name children include: Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit.
HAHA. "Hey Sex Fruit, go do your homework!" Wow, what a rediculous world we live in.

Also in a strange story, there was an article about a maintenance man who worked at a NY psychiatric center who was found to be living in the tool shed for many months. What's wierd about this is that he makes $100,000 a year.
What maintenance man makes 100k a year? Really?

So this wasn't the greatest "I'm back" post, but i'm a little rusty. Sue me.

That's all for today, leave on if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Late Night

Guys,

For the 2-3 of you who have been checking lately my deepest apologies. I've been really busy but I promise to have a legit post tommorow.

Side thought.
I am watching a George Carlin standup from fairly recently, I think his last HBO special and to be honest it is absolutely not funny at all. I mean I loved the guys comedy and all, but all he is doing is griping about god/religion, George Bush, and governments. He doesn't like any of them.
There hasn't been a joke in like 20 minutes! WTF

I saw the "Dark Knight" this past weekend, one of the very few who went out to see it on opening weekend and it was AMAZING. If you have not seen it yet, go see it and rock your world.

Tommorow with a real one.

Stuff

no time. But I really want to get some stories in here each week, so here are my links. (yes I know many of them are from the same place, but they have the best stuff).

Goat - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25576560/

getting paid to pee- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25558408/[

pimp plane rider- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25556365/Rosinman22:

cocaine pants- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25542608/

fed-ex- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25545497/

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/07/04/ap/strange/main4234493.shtml[12:18]

japanese thief- http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN0818516620080708

Enjoy

Smelly Camels,Ninjas, and Strippers...

WELCOME BACK!
well atleast lets hope so. I have found so much gold today, I figured I might as well post.
Although I will say I want to stay away from politics for a while, since its really boring now that Hillary is out.


Anyways, here we go. Please feel free to share today's post with your friends.

Starting with our headline of smelly camels, villagers in India have started using camels to help ward away pachyderms (thats elephants for your ignoraNuses) from their land. In recent years as many as 400 people have been trampled to death by elephants, who also drink their rice wine and destroy crops. As it turns out, the stench of the camels keeps the elephants away.
It must be so nice to live there.

A 79-year old farmer living in Batavia, Ohio has gotten himself a brand spankin new outhouse after refusing for months to get rid of the old one. The previous wooden outhouse was from the 1960's and apparently had become somewhat of as health hazzard. County officials tried to make him get rid of it, but he persevered and a charity group stepped in and bought him a new, bigger, outhouse with a septic tank and all. Such a touching story. When asked why he prefers and outhouse to a toilet indoors he stated: "When you're in a house, sounds carry," Preston said. "Everybody knows your business."
Agreed. I think more people should crap outside.

Police have shut down a "brother bus" that had been touring around south Florida offering customers $40 all you can drink, along with strippers who offered to perform various acts for cash. Apparently this was very successful. Who knew?

Hat tip to my friend Danny for this one. An enraged man robbed a 7-11 in Monrovia, MD and began hittig the clerk with a banana, then the clerk pulled out a knife. This of course lead the reporter to include this gem into the article: "The clerk pulled out a knife, and the man with the banana split." Buh dum bum!

A man who had been arrested for tresspassing and was jailed for 2 days, was re-arrested for indecent exposure after leaving the jail naked. He was found walking down the road.
Now I know the man is nuts for not putting on clothes, but isnt it also the guards fault for letting him leave naked?
Something is off here. Well more than one thing.

A New Jersey public school was locked down temporarily after someone reported seeing a ninja in the woods next to the school. That's right, a ninja. It turns out the "ninja" was a camp counselor dressed in black holding a plastic sword. He was on his way to a camp costume party.
Only in Jersey.
A ninja? Really?

This is by far the best for today:
Two poorly scheduled golf tournaments led to a run in between youth golfers and strippers. The Gold Crown Junior Golf Association tournament for youngsters age 7-12 was wrapping up when a limousine full of strippers pulled up on the course. They were arriving to be caddies to the golfers for the Shotgun Willie's Charity Golf Tournament to benefit breast cancer. Since the youth tournament started late, they all had to share a clubhouse while the kids ate lunch. Club officials did state that the women were not allowed to go topless (atleast while the kids were there). Here's a great clip from the article: A woman told a reporter that the event drew curious questions from her children, who asked her why the men joining the strippers had water guns and why the women wore only their underwear.
Classic.

That's all for today. Leave one.

Keepin it real from the loop

R.I.P. George Carlin

Guess who has some free time today.

An American hiker who was lost for 3 days was rescued in the Alps after attaching her sports bra to a logging cable. The workers at the base of the mountain saw the bra and called authorities.
I wonder if they eagerly expected to see a freezing cold topless woman?
Disappointingly enough she was smart enough to keep her shirt and jacket on.

A 64-year old Australian man has been charged with drunk driving. In his wheelchair. The man was found by police slumped over on an exit ramp of the highway. The man blew a 0.301 which i guess is high in Australia ( I don't know what system that is in). He apparently was travelling 9 miles from a friends house.
Who goes 9 miles in a motorized wheel chair?

Appliance Golf- look into it.
http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/2008/06/23/and-the-fastest-growing-stupid-sport-is/

George Carlin was a great comedian. His delivery was amazing. I know I wasn't alive back in the 60's and 70's when he was a big deal, but I remember him as everyone in my generation does, as Rufus and Cardinal Glick (the inventor of the "Buddy Christ"). He will be sorely missed in the entertainment world.

Poll

Hi guys,

All I have is more apologies ("How much should I be?....") Anyways, its been really busy at work and I have been training a bunch of new people every week and I am taking the LSAT this monday, so one area of my life had to suffer and it has been the blogging. Sucks.

Anyhow, going along with all the Simpsons rhetoric I have seen, I was thinking of perhaps polling your top 5 episodes, you know, give the people something to talk about.

I'll start with mine:

1) The Scorpio episode. Hands down my personal favorite for EVERY reason.
2) The one when Homer goes into space and eats all the chips to save the day.
3) The Grimesy episode when Bart gets his own factory.
4) The one when Barney sobers up and then at the end when he wins a lifetime supply of beer goes "just hook it to my veins!!"
5) Every earlier episode when Moe has to run into the back of the bar and tell whichever type of minority to get rid of whatever illegal animal, substance, or activity back there. Example: Shamu

Feel free to list your own, debate, or just wait a little while longer till I can start really writing again.

By the way, if you haven't seen Idiocracy, which I have seen like 1,000,000 times, you should. It will expand your mind.

I expect good resonses.

keepin it real from the loop

really?

Some dud dropped over $6,000 for a watermelom in Japan. 6 grand!
He knows it goes bad after a while right?
It reminds me of the old old old school Simpsons episode when Lisa befriends Bleeding Gums Murphy and he tells her about how he was successful and then blew all his money on his faberge egg addiction.
I hope that watermelon is the greatest thing he has ever tasted.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24997464/

R.I.P. Bo Diddley- Rub My Back!

As some of you may know, one of the all time great rockers died yesterday after complications from a heart attack he suffered last year. Bo Diddley is the author of the "Bo Diddley Beat", something you may not have known by name, but most certainly would know by sound.

A quick story about Bo. The summer after my Freshman year of college I went to see an all day concert at Dover Downs (which by the way is the biggest thing I have ever seen, if you have not seen a NASCAR speedway you need to). So anyways, it was an amazing amazing concert. We missed the opening 2 acts which was ELO (electric light ochestra) and Blood, Sweat, and Tears (Who I would have loved to see). However we did then get to see, in order, Peter Frampton, Bo Diddley, CCR (without fogerty obviously, but it was still awesome) and CSN.

So Bo Diddley gets up there and he is so old he can't stand for too long so he is sitting in a chair, but still jammin away. In my "youth" I was unawaare of his significance in rock 'n roll which I would not fully learn for another 2 years, but I did know that this guy was awesome.

Anyways, into the "Bo Diddley" jam, where he's does his famous beat and then goes "Heyyyy Bo Diddley!" then the crowd does it, and it was lots of fun. Then this little of bent over man, gets up and does a little jig and points at like half the women in the audience one at a time and goes "I wanna do it with you, and you, and you, and you" and then he sits down. But of course not before yelling "heeeey Bo Diddleyyyy, RUB MY BACK!"
It was quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Man what a great day. So that was my Bo Diddley Experience. May the rock gods treat him well and rub his back whenever he needs.

That's all for today. Leave one.

Keepin it real from the loop

Late Night

Its Thursday night and I just must write about this.
I'm sorry I havent posted, I have been really busy and have no time to keep you people updated on the world at large. Hopefully soon i'll have some more time.

Anyways, I am watching Last Coming Standing and im not usually into these reality TV competitions such as Nashville Star, American Idol, Hells Kitchen, America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, Top Chef, Biggest Loser, Survivor, Big brother etc. Hell I don't even know that many of them, but this one is hella funny.

Anways, Last comic standing is not the point. The point is while on a commercial break an Aleve commercial comes on and you have this older gent, probably in his late 50's maybe mid 60's I don't know how to judge. Anyways, he goes "I have bad knees, but then how can I do this?" He then proceeds to start dancing up a storm "cutting a rug" if you will all over the screen. The point is to be I guess that Aleve makes him young again, heals joints, etc.
But they never show his whole body! Its like an Austin Powers movie. You see his waist down, then you see waist up. ITS NOT THE GUY DANCING!

You'd think that Aleve could splurge a little over its apparent budget and get an old guy who actually can dance. Whats the point of this commercial? someone got paid for that, and that is what pisses me off. I could've been paid to do better.

Just needed to rant.

If anyone feels like "guest blogging" please feel free to go ahead and post on the comments page. I put it to you.

Keepin it real from the loop

"Hello again my friend....hellooo"

That was a little Neil Diamond comin atcha.
Ask me how I began listening (albeit very limitedly) to Neil Diamond, and I answer: "Saving Silverman".
One of my favorite movies and a true Jack Black triumph. It even makes you not dislike Jason Biggs.

I would like to apologize to all my avid readers (all 2-10 of you) but I have not had time to post lately because I have been very super busy at work.

For the 800th visitor I did get something for you.
http://www.123greetings.com/congratulations/for_everyone/everyone2.html

800, wow thats not too shabby for 10 people reading a blog over 2-3 months.

I don't have a lot of time right now, but I found this parrot story funny. So please enjoy.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080521/ap_on_fe_st/odd_japan_parrot_returns

Thats all for today

BIG NEWS!!

Shania Twain is leaving her huband! FINALLY. I think I may have an in.
Man, I've have a thing for her for so many years , the time has come.

The UN has blamed the "teetering" world economy on the U.S., namely the plunging house market. There would be no world economy without the U.S.! Am I being nationalistic and self-important? Maybe, but the UN is a prentious bunch of d-bags. How about, you imagine a world economy for a second WITHOUT the U.S., and then tell me how it looks.
I thought so.

EXO-Squad, one of my favorite sunday morning cartoon series when I was younger, has finally caught up with real life. http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/05/15/robotic.soldier.ap/index.html
This show was of good of course, because this was before shows had to stop being violennt. Shows like GI Joe, Exo-squad, wing commander, double dragon, hell even street sharks (that was the end of my sunday cartoon years) were entertaining because they were violent. Now shows are too PC and sissy, and as a result America's youth are PC and sissy.

Man I am being negative this morning.

Solar bra's that can charge cell phones and IPods. Next time your battery is low, just plug it into your girlfriend's chest.
http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUST29336420080514

HAHA. A Welschman drank a box of wine, blacked out, and then dressed up as Darth Vader. He then proceeded to attack 3 memebers of the Church of Jedi. I swear. All I can think of is the Triumph skit where he is outside the line to get Star Wars II tickets. HAHAHA its so hilarious.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24604338/

Well, that's all for today. I'm going to leave with one of the newest greatest hits videos of all time.
Enjoy.
http://deadspin.com/5009129/orioles-magic--uh-catch-it-or-something

Keepin it real from the loop

Politics and Sex Tapes

I guess those two aren't necessarily part of different categories.

Today, I have some rants as well as some fantastic articles including a raunchy sex tape that would make Jenna Jameson blush. Well maybe not Jenna.

First off I want to mention top Clinton advisor Terry McAuliffe's appearance on "Meet the Press". I know this has been done to death by Comedy Central, but I wanted to just say it again. The guy told Tim Russert, the host of the show, that Hillary would keep on fighting. Here is a quote from their interview:

"But it's not impossible for Hillary Clinton to win," said McAuliffe. "A lot of people have said that. Big Russ, if he were sitting here today -- nothing's impossible. Jack McAuliffe, if they were with us today, they're probably both in heaven right now Tim, probably having a scotch, looking down saying, you know what: this fight goes on. It's good for the Democratic Party. Millions of people coming out to vote, it's exciting."

This implication was that Mr. Russert Sr. or "Big Russ" was dead. To which Tim responded:
"Big Russ is in the Barcalounger still watching this...God bless him."

So my thing is, this is a rediculously stupid mistake. 1) It's just straight-up embarassing to McAuliffe as a person, calling a guy's father dead to his face when he is alive. 2) It reflects poorly on the Clinton campaign since this is supposed to be her top advisor, her campaign co-chair, and he clearly did not do enough research before appearing on the show. I mean, if you don't know that someone is dead, you don't make a comment about them.
The guy looks like a boob. I mean that in the older "my parents generation" way. Not a breast.

Also in politicsland, the US Ambassador to Zimbabwe (the country with all the election turmoil) was stopped by police outside of a hospital, where he and others with him, had just visited victims of violence from the election scandal, which was rampant. The Ambassador was told to stop because there was concern over photographs taken in the hospital, however he was never told he was under arrest (woulda been a bad move). He then told the police "no" and lifted the barrier blocking their car, then his entourage drove off.
What a pimp. This guy knows they are not going to touch him, so why should he listen to a bunch of police/security guards. Like they would arrest a U.S. Diplomat, AMBASSADOR even more so.

Now for the real news.
A sex tape has just been released that is ranchier than Pamela and Tommy Lee's best seller. It makes Paris Hilton's and Kim Kardasian's (however is f-ing spelled) tapes look like cheap attempts for publicity. O wait, they were. The tape my friend, is titled:
"Seal caught on tape molesting a penguin"
O yes, its that naughty. Scientists discovered the act when observing elephant seals in Antarctica, when they noticed a young male Antarctic fur seal subduing a king penguin.
"At first we thought it was hunting the penguin, but then it became clear that his intentions were rather more amorous," - Stated one of the scientitians.
Another excerpt from the the article:
"The roughly 240-pound seal subdued the 30-pound adult penguin by lying on it. The hapless bird of unknown sex struggled, rapidly flapping its flippers and attempting to stand and flee, without luck. The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin and thrusting its pelvis at the bird in vain attempts to insert its penis for 45 minutes"
That penguin is going to need a lot of therapy.

An Australian man was arrested when he failed to restrain his 5-year old child with a seat belt while driving. The seatbelt was already in use, to hold a case of beer from falling. Finally someone has their priorities straight.

Celebrity British chef Gordon Ramsay wants England to outlaw out of season fruits and vegetables. I shit you not. Why? either for attention, or because he really deeply cares about British cuisine.
http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN0949726820080509

I was going to rant about how the UN, or U.S. or someone should just invade and overthrow the Junta in "Burma" or "Myanmar", in order for 2,00,000 more people to avoid death. But I don't feel like it anymore. Thoughts on that topic?

Thats all for today. Leave a post.

Keepin it real from the loop

Gooood Morning

First off I'd like to start off by saying hello.

Hello.

I have some stories and I have some rants for today. I feel like I am starting to become one of those old men who love complaining about everything in rants. Well let me tell something to joo, they've got it right.

Three teenagers were arrested for decapitating a corpse and smoking weed through its skull. I shit you not. I'm not sure what else to write. I know its a "gateway" drug, but its supposed to lead to other drugs, no necro acts.
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/5764886.html

78-year old blind man bowls a perfect game. How does he know?
That is a very great accomplishment, nonetheless for the fact that he is blind. Good for him.
http://www.kcci.com/sports/16201286/detail.html

Video of the day:
A british beauty queen who is running for a seat in parliament. She wants to use sexy to get more young people to vote. FINALLY sexy is being used for something useful.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2008/05/08/janis.british.beauties.cnn

This dude took pictures with a bachelorette party and THEN tried to rob them. As they say in the Guinness commercials "BRILLIANT!"
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24520983/

After losing to Lithuania 48-0, the Austrian rugby team got drunk and stripped in the street outside of a bar. HAHA, they were caught and put on youtube. HAHAHAHA
http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN0628612720080506

A New York woman has filed a $100 claim against the town of Norwalk,Connecticuit, saying a family outing to the Aquarium was ruined by dog poo.
The woman claims her child's shoes, along with the entire outing, were ruined when her 1-year-old stepped in dog poo outside the aquarium's Garage . City attorney M. Jeffry Spahr says the official response is that her claim is denied and in his words, "poop happens."
Kelly DeBrocky of Mahopac, N.Y., wants the city to reimburse her for $54 she spent replacing her toddler's ruined shoes and the expenses for parking and aquarium admission on April 5.
Fuckin NYers.

And now for my rant. Today it is directed at people who did NOT go to Ivy League schools, (those who did are a whole diff discussion) yet still think they are better than you. Why am I pissed off? Because while this is not too uncommon in life, it recently happened to me yesterday in my LSAT class. Yes, I am studying for the LSATs. We were talking about how it might have been easier to take the course in college, since everyone in the class now has full time jobs and on top of all the studying we have to do, our social lives don't exist. Then there is this girl in my class, let us call her "uggo". So this is one of those people who always has to one up someone else, as well as throw themself into the conversation. One person says: "Yea, I worked really hard in school and got good grades, and I still had a bunch of free time" to which this girl replies "Well, I went to like the hardest most competitive school ever, so, y'know it was different for me" First off, she doesn't know where any of us went to school. She went to Johns Hopkins. ooo. I'm not knocking Hopkins, I have friends who went there and its a great school. It's not fucking MIT.
Where does she get off 1) assuming she went to a better school than everyone else in the room and 2) assuming that Hopkins makes her a better person. I would like to add people who went to Wash U (GREAT school), Michigan, Duke/UNC to this list. Please feel free to add anymore. Oh, and Barnard. They are the fucking worst, because these girls go around telling people they go to Columbia, when really they didn't get in to Columbia. They are pretentious Liars.

Now I went to a state school, and a damn good one at that. Without us, you wouldn't have Kermit the Frog or UnderArmor (a little trivia for you guys). I spoke with the mother of a medical school applicant the other day, and she was talking about how her daughter goes to an Ivy school but is not doing well and getting "A's" (I don't know if that means's B's or failing, but either way it must be hard to live up to this woman's standards). She then says to me when talking about wanting to boost her daughter's GPA: "What if she transfers to somewhere, like a state school, where everything is easier".
Fucking Snob.

So FU Uggo from Hopkins. One day you will make a comment like that to someone who went to Yale and they will put you in your rightful place in the pecking order of school snobs. I can only hope it will be soon.
and FU mom who thinks state school's are a joke, I hope you get attacked by muppets in sleek, thermal athletic wear.

Thats all for today, leave one.

Keepin it real from the loop

Last wishes

This is the only way to go out in style.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24463225/

Breaking News!!

Barbara Walters had an affair with a U.S. Senator. Isn't it funny when all this stuff just comes out in one week? Clemens had an affair with a 15-year old country singer...Clemens had an affair with John Daly' wife (or ex-wife), and now Ms. Walters was running around with congressman.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/books/05/01/tv.walters.affair.ap/index.html

Tommorow we find out that Katie Couric has been having an affair with Tiger woods, who's wife has been sleeping with O'bama, who's wife has been sleeping with Tom Brockaw. Meanwhile itll be simultaneously announced that Derek Jeter had an affair with Faith Hill (who is a stone cold hotty)

On a second note Deborah Jeane Palfrey, AKA the "D.C. Madam" was found dead in Florida today. According to police she hung herself. NO WAY. She was absolutely positively no questions asked murdered. You think all those D.C. elites were just going to sit idly by?
My bet is with the Dems, since Spitzer they cannot afford another major incident. They will lose all credibility. Especially if it was another VP hopeful.

That's all for now. Leave one. Please. Let me know you care.

Keepin it real from the loop

Holy Westoxication Batman!

Iranian governement officials are having serious ants in the pants issues about toys and games that are western imports. They argue against the perceived dangers of U.S.-inspired culture and consumerism, calling it "Westoxication."
"The appearance of personalities such as Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter and ... computer games and movies are all a danger warning to the officials in the cultural arena."
One official goes on to claim:
"The unrestrained entry of this sort of imported toys ... will bring destructive cultural and social consequences in their wake."

So the next time you are playing with your Batman and Barbie dolls, make sure you are not also giving in the imperialistic wantonness of the West.

Best way to get her to say "yes".
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/30/naked.prom.ap/index.html?iref=24hours

I have decided that celebrities should not be allowed to stay celebs over the age of 50 if they are still conceited. Is there anyone more full of themselves than Cher? Her interview with Oprah (who I've got my own issues with, believe me) Cher starts talking about how its so "hard to be Cher" in the frikin 3rd person! Get over yourself, Mermaids was like 20 years ago.

I know this is from years ago already, but I still have a problem with Gwenyth Paltrow naming her kid Apple. APPLE. APPLE. Yes, Apple.
Other names on her list were "Punkin" and "kumquat"

That's all for today. Leave on.

Keepin it real from the loop

When Dolphin jumping goes wrong...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24360996/