Holy Westoxication Batman!

Iranian governement officials are having serious ants in the pants issues about toys and games that are western imports. They argue against the perceived dangers of U.S.-inspired culture and consumerism, calling it "Westoxication."
"The appearance of personalities such as Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter and ... computer games and movies are all a danger warning to the officials in the cultural arena."
One official goes on to claim:
"The unrestrained entry of this sort of imported toys ... will bring destructive cultural and social consequences in their wake."

So the next time you are playing with your Batman and Barbie dolls, make sure you are not also giving in the imperialistic wantonness of the West.

Best way to get her to say "yes".
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/30/naked.prom.ap/index.html?iref=24hours

I have decided that celebrities should not be allowed to stay celebs over the age of 50 if they are still conceited. Is there anyone more full of themselves than Cher? Her interview with Oprah (who I've got my own issues with, believe me) Cher starts talking about how its so "hard to be Cher" in the frikin 3rd person! Get over yourself, Mermaids was like 20 years ago.

I know this is from years ago already, but I still have a problem with Gwenyth Paltrow naming her kid Apple. APPLE. APPLE. Yes, Apple.
Other names on her list were "Punkin" and "kumquat"

That's all for today. Leave on.

Keepin it real from the loop

When Dolphin jumping goes wrong...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24360996/

2nd Post

Sorry to make two posts in one day, but I feel that I need to express myself.
Make sure to read the story below from my earlier post.

I was at Trader Joes earlier during my lunchbreak and I realized why its such an aggravating store. Don't get me wrong, I love a lot of their products and I shop there all the time. The problem isnt the food, its the workers.
I know it is the "wacky, fun, friendly" environment that makes TJ's the store it strives to be, but they are really annoying. We get it, you wear Hawaiin shirts and are therefore really relaxed and goofy, haha. But I don't really want someone going through my groceries and making comments about them. Im not paying you to make small talk while your scanning my groceries (In fact, i'm not paying you at all....count it!). It's like they look through your groceries and then comment on them. Example: "I see you've bought some prunes...system a little backed up?" and even better is most of them start giving you advice about things other than the price of apples on aisle 10. Its like all of them are the wise old dishwasher from the movie "waiting". Who wants to take advice from a grocery clerk? A nosy one at that.

I appreciate the personable atmosphere they are trying to create there, but honestly I'd rather you just cut the ridiculous small talk and scan my groceries.

Leave one,

Keepin it real from the loop.

Best Son Ever

This guy placed an ad in the newspaper for a guy to take his elderly father to the pub and drink with him during the week. The job entails escorted him from the nursing home, going to the pub, and then going home. It pays $14 an hour + expenses.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24304991/

Aherm

Why super rich people are awesome and your not:

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN2335906320080423?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0

Quickies

Hi guys and gals, I want to make sure I have atleast one post a week while I am training, so here it is.

First off, I know its a day old but that priest in Brazil who flew off with the balloons...what a pimp. As of right now, I do believe he is still missing though. A proffessional sky diver, who is also a roman catholic priest attempted to break the world record for the longest flight propelled by balloons. He was blown off course and was last heard from 30 miles off the coast of Brazil.

Yesterday a story broke that a bank robber in Indianapolis jumped over the counter and shot a pregnant teller in the abdomen before running off with the money. This is unusual since the tellers are instructed to hand over the money, they are almost never shot since there is no need. The woman was report yesterday to be pregnant with triplets. Today all the stories I can find report she is pregnant with twins. I would like to know where that other baby went.
Both the mother and the TWO (for now) fetuses have survived but are in critical condition. Neither of the fetuses were hit by the gunshot.

A dumbass ( I mean drug dealer) called the police to report a robbery. He was selling heroine to two girls in his car at a gas station in NY, when he was robbed by a man at gunpoint. The two girls then ran off with the robber. The guy in the car then called the police and informed them, that he was robbed while trying to sell heroine. All four people involved have been arrested.

A man in Dothan, Alabama was arrested after walking through a metal detector. The 51-year old man was going to see his probation officer at the courthouse and was walking through the metal detector. When asked to empty his pockets of all metal, he reached in a pulled out some coins, along with two full baggies of marijuana. Realizing what he had just done, the man turned to flee but was aprehended rather quickly before he got out of the building.
O cruel fate! The lesson from this is that when going to see your probation officer, always ALWAYS check your pockets before you go in.

My favorite story has come to us out of Eugene, Ore. (the same state where the sexy, albeit ripped, mayor was ousted for being sexy online) . A pet store owner was taking out a 12-foot Burmese python from its cage in order to show it to a customer, when the snake bit her right hand and coiled around her left arm. How awful would it be to get eaten by a 12-foot python?
The police were called and an officer arrived with a knife ready to kill the large snake. The woman asked that he not kill the expensive pet so instead he put on gloves and wrestled the python until it finally let go. The snake was returned to its cage, I doubt the customers bought it, and the woman was fine after receiving multiple puncture wounds. Good job copper.
If I was that cop I'd say fuck that, im not wrestling no 12-foot python. He dies or you get eaten.

Thats all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop

Popes and Old Ladies

Hi folks. Im still training people, so alas I will have to keep this brief. Thanks for bearing with me during these slow times.

Now I know what you are thinking you perverse people. No! This is not about the Pope's relationship with old ladies, i'm sure he's into younger girls just like the rest of us. However, these are the only two things I would like to talk about. Well more like gripe.

Pope:
So I went to go see the Pope the other day. Yes, I live in DC. (like any of you who read this don't know who I am) So i'm standing there along Pennsylvania Ave. in the hot, bright sun waiting for the motorcade to come. There are hundreds of people lined up just on the 2 blocks that I can see. I'm figuring it was a few thousand overall. So we wait for like 20 minutes, ignoring the guys with rollong suitcases filled with "Pope T-shirts, only $10". It was like you were at a baseball game. I can't believe there were people who followed around the pope where he went and sold T-shirts to commemorate his passing by. Actually what I cannot believe even more is the people who spen $10 to get them (wait till he leaves and get 'em for $5).
So the motorcade finally comes and I see all the police, and I see the Pope and his "Popemobile" and then he's gone. Must've been travelling like 40 Mph. Zzzzzip right past. Most anti-climactic thing I have ever seen. Isn't the Pope supposed to be travelling really slow so people can see him and know he is waving to THEM?
Boo to you Pope, and booerns to your driver. That was not cool. Nobody got a goodd picture, and if you were trying to get a picture, then you missed the Pope since by the time you looked up out of your camera he was gone.

Secondly, I hate people who honk their horn for completely unnecessary reasons. This morning when I was walking to work, I was standing one step off the curb to cross a 4-lane street, I was BY THE CURB in the 1st lane, which has parked cars in it, therefore rendering it an unusable lane for automobiles. So this old lay driving a very sporty red punch buggy drives past and honks at me, and waves her hand as for me to get out of the way. I WASN'T IN HER LANE!
And I really hate when people honk at you, as to warn you not to do something you wouldn't do. For example: This scenario where I am not going to cross a 2 lanes in order so that old lady punchbuggy can hit me with her car. But, just in case, she should honk at me to let me know NOT to do it.
Thank you old lady, for quite possibly saving my life.

That's it for today. Post it.

Keepin it real from the loop

Sorry I'm Late

Im still here, but I am also still training. I think my trainee is stuck in traffic because of the Pope.

Anyways there is a holiday on April 14 in Korea known as "black day". Black day is in response to "white day" which is a day when women give gifts to their men ( a thank you from the gifts they received on valentines day).

On Black day, people who have not found love dress in all black and eat traditionally black foods. The most common/popular if a bowl of noodles with black bean paste on top.
So the next time you feel unattractive and all alone, don't eat a gallon of ice cream. Have some noodles. Both will make you fat, but atleast with noodles you can feel "cultural".

Uruguay, the country best known for...well nothing, is now known for something. On Sunday April, 13 they broke the Guinness world record for the biggest BBQ. Over 1,200 "chefs" grilled 12 metric tons of beef, breaking the previous record of 4 tons set by Mexico.
Uruguay is finally on the map. Look out, here they come.

Finally, Police arrested a womam for DUI last week. The woman was the cleaning lady at the police station, and showed up to work (at the station!) stinking drunk. "Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb". Then again if you are stinking drunk early in the morning and going to work, you've got other things on your mind.

That's all for today. Leave a post, or don't.

Keepin it real from the loop

No More Pie

I mean posts. I'm training a new employee for the rest of the week, so alas, I will not have any more posts till monday.

Please feel free to leave stories you would like to share in the comments section

keepin it real from the loop

"I said what what in the butt"

I can't get that song out of my head. The South Park Butter's version of course.

Hilary Clinton is apparently a worse bowler than Barak Obama. Who cares? Obama bowled a 37 and Clinton bowled a 1 in frame on the Ellen Degeneres show. The question is, why the hell is this a headline on MULTIPLE major news websites?

A woman in Lansing, Michigan stole a boa constrictor yesterday from a pet store by sliding down her pants. Was she stealing a snake or having a good time? The woman was seen on camera doing the act, but it was only seen after she had left the store. Both are still missing.

A New Zealander is being charged with assault for throwing a hedgehog. The 27-year old man threw a hodgehog at a 15-year old boy, who was struck in the leg. I am sure it was painful.
That is something you would think to see in a cartoon, so I will give credit for creativity on this one.

By far the best story from yesterday was this gem.
A man in Athens, Georgia robbed a convenience store at gunpint. However in order to kill time while the store emptied out, he filled out a job application. Einstein put down his real name and phone number, but a fake address. He was subsequently caught.

Hamburger machine wins national collegiate Rube Goldberg competition.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23990754/
We had to make these in 5th grade. My buddy and I made on out of legos that made hot chocolate. Really all it did was in a complicated process drop a trap door with cocoa mix on it, into a cup of hot water.
No wonder we didn't win.

A newlywed couple Vallejo, CA spent their first night as man and wife in seperate man and woman cells. The couple was arrested after a wedding party at their house got out of control. The police arrived at the house for a 2nd time and the groom and his cousin became aggressive towards the police, who then tased both of them. The bride was then arrested for public intoxication.
I think arresting the bride is a little dick by the cops, but I guess they don't mess around in Vallejo.

A duck name Circles, who resides in Suffolk County, NY has been given an order of protection, after it was shot by its owner's neighbor with a pellet gun.

"Knut" the famous polar bear raised in the Berlin Zoo, is now 1 1/2 years old and being accused of senseless murder. There is a controversy over Knut's killing of 10 carp that were swimming in his moat. Knut is fed by the zoo and has never needed to fish for food. Critics say Berlin Zoo should not have put live fish inside Knut's enclosure. But German media report that the carp were put there to eat up algae. This quote says it all:
"The Frankfurter Allgemeine news website reports that Knut "senselessly murdered the carp", fishing them out, playing with them and then leaving the remains"
He's a bear! What is he supposed to do? And secondly, they are carp, I am pretty sure they are not covered in the geneva convention or any other sort of statute of law regarding rights. This is why you cannot take anything animals rights activists and hippies say seriously, because sometime they have good points, and sometimes they spew crap like "the senseless murder of carp". C'mon.

The O's are in first place after sweeping the Mariners. ALCS!!

That's all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop

R.I.P. Charlton Heston

Charlton Heston died last night, he was 84. Heston won an oscar for his performance in "Ben Hur" and it known for his other monumental roles such as Moses in "The 10 Commandments" and the astronaut in "Planet of the Apes". He was known mostly later in life for being a strong NRA supporter and activist. He was on of the greats.
Salute.

And now for your viewing pleasure here is a Monkey in a Diaper

I'm sorry guys but I really cannot think of anything else put on here that will rival this video story. Its a tough act to follow. Enjoy.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2008/04/04/meredith.monkey.on.the.loose.wesh

And of course, here is my favorite monkey, the original, "whiplash" the cowboy monkey riding a border collie at the rodeo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsHgpS2lug8

Belated news

I didn't have enough time to blog yesterday, but I did save the news I was going to write about. So to quote Nacho Libre, today's blog will be "especially delicious".

Also, as I have noticed that either my readership has grown (unlikely) or the same people are constantly checking the blog for news. I am getting about 20 hits a day now. With this in mind, please send me comments either about the articles or with new ideas for the blog. I am trying to fiddle around with the formatting, but i'm only so technically gifted. Post ideas, comments, whatever.

First things first, I wanted to update you on the Wal-Mart story from last week. Wal-Mart announced yesterday that they reversed their decision to take back the money the disabled woman's family received in their settlement.
If you don't know to what I am referring to, check out my post from 3/26 in the archives.
I think it is very nice that Wal-Mart changed its mind, but I don't feel the need to applaud them for anything. I highly doubt this would have come about without external pressure from the media running the story.

A New Zealand constable, who apparently sleeps in the nude, awoke to find his car being stolen. Without giving a second thought to clothes or shoes, the man grabbed a flashlight and ran after the thieves. He gave chase to his stolen car in the nude until police aprehended the suspects when they fled the vehicle. Apparently the naked man chasing them all over town freaked them out.

Two cops in Lake Charles, LA got an easy drug bust yeterday. They pulled over a vehicle whose driver did not have a liscense or registration. They assumed the car was stolen and called the owner to verify if it was missing. No one answered, so the officer left a voice message. In the meantime, they determined that the car was not stolen, and that the man was a friend of the owner.
The owner of the car, mistakenly thought the voice mail left by the cops was from a drug dealer, (which is odd, since you would think they would have said something along the line of "its the police calling") and called the cop back. When he answere the caller stated they wanted to buy some crack. The office set up a meet and arrested the owner and her husband.
Dumbass.

The marriage age has been reset in Alaska. Law makers recently corrected a mistake in their wording that for the past year has technically allowed anyone "under 18 who is NOT pregnant to marry with parental permission" this included toddlers of course.
Alaskan toddlers are planning a demonstration at the liberal giving and taking away of their rights.

Finally a 76-year old Serbian farmer, who was recently divroced by his wife, has been court ordered to giver her half of everything. The man offered to share with her everything he had earned in their 45 years of marriage, but was furious at being asked to give away half his farming equipment. So this pimp of a man said "fine" I'll give you half (I'm paraphrasing). The man bought a metal grinder and cut all of his farming tools in half, includin machinery such as his cattle scales and a sowing machine.
I applaud this man for just saying "fuck it" and not letting his ex or the courts get the best of him. He is by the the hero of today.
Side note: Who gets divorced at 76?

The Orioles won their first game of the season. GO O'S!

That's all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

BLAH

Coupel of stories for you today. I am feeling really lazy, so don't expect too much.

First off, a group of nine 3rd graders in Waycross, GA have been suspended for conspiring to hurt their teacher. The students were found with a knife, handcuffs, a roll of duct tape, and a heavy paper weight. Nobody knows how far they were actually going to take this scheme, but it was uncovered when another student saw the knife and told on his classmate.
I know this is a very serious matter, but its hilarious if you look at the article, there is a quote about the motive: "The police chief in Waycross told Channel 4 he believes the plan may have been developed because one of the students was punished with some sort of time out. However, that theory remains under investigation."
C'mon, someone else has to find that a little funny...
http://www.news4jax.com/news/15755299/detail.html

A drunk man woke up in a garbage truck last night in Muncie, Indiana. He went out drinking with his pals till 3 AM, and blacked out. He woke up in the truck right before the driver was going to run the trash compactor.
This my friends, is why you never spend the night in a dumpster, no matter how inviting it looks.

And of course we cannot end without some theiving, gambling addicted clergy members.
Let's start with the nun since that is a sexier story.
A Roman-Catholic nun in Omaha, Nebraska has been arrested for stealing over $300,000 of church funds to maintain a gambling habit. She faces up to 20 years in prison.
20 years for $300,000? That seems extreme. I think.

And not to be outdone, The Rev. Patrick Dunne of Our Lady of Sorrows Church in White Plains, NY has been removed from his parish for stealing Church funds for drum roll..................d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d:
GAMBLING! The DA's office is currently conducting an investigation.

Well, that's all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.