The Maurading Monkey's are Back!!

No Joke. More on that later.

Welcome to Friday's edition of the Afternoon Update. I have very little confidence that anyone actually reads this anymore, if they ever did, but what the heck-let's give it a shot.

Obama and Huckabee Kick Ass:

If you are spending the time to read my blog, then you most likely have already read the news. Barak Obama and Mike Huckabee won the Iowa primaries for their respective parties. Kudos to them. There is plenty of information on these stories, so I will not cover it.


This is easily the story of the day, and it goes out to my man Rubes.
Man Charged Extra; Banned from Buffet:
A man and his cousin were charged a double fee from an asian buffet, and were later banned from the establishment. The restaurant at first claimed this was due to their constant eating of all the higher priced sea food items such as crab legs and the ever delicious frog legs (this was in Louisianna). The man also claimed that the waitress said to him when receiving the bill "She says, 'Y'all fat, and y'all eat too much". When the man argued the bill, the police were called and the owners banned him from the restaurant.
I think this is silly, because if you are going to run a buffet, you should expect fat people to come in 3-5 times a week and eat all your food. Who do you think buffets are for? And if an item is too pricey, then don't put it out as an option. I am siding with the customer's on this.

Man Injures Himself While Riding Pet Buffalo:
The story here is that he has a pet buffalo. O yea, and the guy is 75.

Priest Brawl '08:
In an awesome display of religious tolerance, 50 Greek Orthodox priests and 30 Armenian priests scuffled in a royal rumble while cleaning up the Church of the Nativity.
How many people would honestly pay to see that happen? I know I would. 80 priests just swining fists and brooms at one another? I mean c'mon, not even monty python ever did that.

Man violates Own Smoking Ban:
The Head of Portugal's Food Standards Agency, the agency charged with upholding Portugal's new smoking ban, was seen smoking a cigar on New Year's eve thereby breaking the law in the first day of its effect. The man said he did not know about the law and will now look into what it entails.
Nice.

Killer Monkey's to be Sterilized:
As I stated earlier, the crazed monkeys of India are back in the news! Only this time its not such great news for them. North Indian state officials unveiled plans to train unemployed youths to sterilize thousands of the wild monkeys with lasers. This is meant to hopefully curb the number of monkey attacks around the cities.
I am not sure how I feel about this. Would you really want hundreds of young men running around with "lasers"?

Waitress Receives $50,000 Tip:
Well it wasn't really a tip, but she did receive a lot of money and a car. The women who received these goods was the waitress for an ill-tempered old man who died recently. The waitress was always polite to him and took his requests despite him being a cranky old geezer. The man left his car and $50,000 to the woman. Presumably for her kindness.

This is a pretty crazy story, and its really long so I will just provide you with the link.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22499062/

Mother lies for Hannah Montana Tickets:
A mother who wrote he daughter's "Hanna Montana" contest essay has publicly apologized. The essay, which described how the girl's father had died in Iraq and blah blah blah, won the contest. After further investigation, officials discovered that the story was a complete fabrication. The mother is concerned now because she is taking a lot of heat for this rediculous story. She is claiming to be the victim and had to move away from their home due to hate mail and the like surrounding her story.
To be honest, what kind of person would make up a story like that? and for Hannah Montana tickets? What about all those people who's parents actually did die in the war? Boo this woman for trying to turn it around so that she is the victim.
On a side note, I have apparently underestimated the drawing power of Hannah Montana.

and finally,

Dane Cook Breaks Laugh Factory Record:
Dane Cook has broken Dave Chappelle's stand up comedy record by performing for seven straight hours at the Laugh Factory. I'm sure Chappelle will take it back.

Keepin it real from the Loop.

ouch

This guy got cut in half by a grabage truck.
http://www.local10.com/news/14969398/detail.html

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaaaaaack!

Hello! Welcome to the Afternoon Update!
I am using a lot of exclamation points!!

I apologize for the long absence, vacation and all. And yes, I missed you too.
OK. Enough dilly-dallying, lets get down to blogging.

POLITICS!!
Chuck Norris Will Kick Mitt Romney's ASS!!!
That is not entirely accurate. Mr. Texas Ranger acutally said he would not roundhouse Mitt Romney, but that he only would choke him out. Walker then said he abhorrs negative campaigning, and that it was just in good fun.
On a side note, does anyone want a president with the name "Mitt"?

Man Murders Family:
An Indian man murdered his pregnant daughter, her husband, and their 3-year old child by setting their apartment on fire while they slept. The man said the reasoning was that the man had not asked his permission to marry his daughter, and that it was an unacceptable marriage since his son-on-law was of a lower caste.
It is interesting to see cases in which culture rules play a part in crime here.
Also, isn't it wierd that he waited 3-4 years to kill them? rather than stop the marriage when it was happening.

Family Spends New Years In Jail:
A Florida family spent the New Years holiday behind bars after one member of the family was arrested for trespassing at a neighborhood mall. The man had previously been banned from the mall for wearing his pants too low. The family became involved once he was arrested.
This is stupid.


Man Gives 10-Year Old Daughter Porn for Christmas:
Sort of. A man bought a used MP3 player from Wal-Mart that the previous owner had preloaded withpornography. The girl started crying 10 minutes after her father had given her the present. I am sure that could be very scary for a 10-year old. Wal-Mart shrewdly boffered to replace the player with another one, but the man is holding onto it until after meeting with lawyers. Smart man.

Man Jumps off Bridge with Police Dog:
A high speed chase ended in California with the suspect getting out of his car, grabbing a K-9 unit dog, and jumping off a bridge. The dog did not survive the fall, however the man did and is in critical condition. I do believe that killing a police dog is close to if not the same as killing an officer, so this guy is in real trouble if he survives.

Poor Man Returns $185,000 Check; Gets Jack-Shit:
A 47-year old Mcdonald's worker he lives off of food stamps found a $185,000 check on the ground. The man never thought about trying to cash it, but rather found where it was supposed to go, hopped on a bus, and returned it to the correct individual. The recipient was a landlord's daughter, who was so grateful for the man's efforts, she gave him $50.
I'm sorry, are you kidding me? The guys brings you a check for $185,000 and all you can splurge in reward money is 50 bucks!?! Please.

That's all for today.
Im gonna try out this new short format. Any feedback will be great.

Go Skins!!

Keepin it real from the Loop.