Small Woman, Large Baby

Hello all, happy Friday.

A woman in Cincinnati, Ohio gave birth to a baby that was measured at 18'' in length. Now this is not so interesting other than the fact that woman herself is only 24'' from head to toe. Pretty crazy. Hencer the title: "Small Woman, Large Baby". Stacey Herald, has contacted the Guinness Book of World Records. They are investigating her case.

Newborn Falls onto Railroad Tracks, Survives:
An Indian woman riding the train to Ahmadabad went to the bathroom and unexpectedly gave birth to a baby girl. The woman passed out and the baby eventually fell through the toilet onto the tracks. The newborn survived the fall, and 2 hours later was found by relatives who were searching the tracks.
How is that for a story to tell when you are older. When someone tries to feel special by telling the story of how they were born in the back if a taxi cab, you can one-up them like no one else.

Prince Harry is being sent home from Afghanistan after word of his deployment was leaked to the media in recent days. Good for him. I am amazed that it was kept so quiet for so long. Props to him though for serving his country, now he can just go back and lounge it up a little at the palace pool.


CNN has a link to a video news report about a woman who was ""held hostage" inside her hourse by a wild goose. The goose was running around her yard and front porch honking. I cannot even fathom why this would make the front page of a major news site. Even more amazing though is that one goose, ONE, kept a woman and her dog barricaded inside her house till it left. Shoe the goddam thing away! Its one goose! Honestly, a 3-year old could do it.
The whole situation from the event to the coverage is pathetic. Here's the video for your viewing pleasure. http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2008/02/28/klopping.held.hostage.by.goose.knvn

Lastly, if you haven't seen the "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck" video from the Jimmy Kimmel show, please go youtube it right away. It is friggin hilarious.

Thats all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

My Very Exciting Magic Carpet Just Sailed Under Nine Palace Elephants.

Its a good way to remember the 11 planets. Although I coulda sworn when I was in school, there were only 9. hmm.

In a very interesting story, a 16-foot scrub python ate an Australian families dog while their 2 young children watched. The snake swallowed the dog whole in front of their eyes. Apparently this is not uncommon, however the family probably could have figured something was up when 4 days earlier they saw te python hanging out by the dogs enclosure and watching it. The dog was probably being stalked for 4-5 days.
There is a cool picture of this if you follow the link. http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/02/27/australia.snake.ap/index.html

In even better news, the mayor of Arlington, Oregon was temporarily removed from office after a picture of her posing in lingerie on a fire truck was found on her myspace page. This is one foxy mayor. She was later reinstated. Watch the video, rowr.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/02/27/barker.racy.mayor.photo.katu

Lastly, while I ususally try to steer away from anything involving the Middle East, I have to comment on a particular CNN article I read today. The headline of the article was
Poll: Most Israelis back talks with Hamas,
Now that's fine, the article is talking about Israeli public opinion regarding peace talks.
Now i'm sure CNN tries to pride itself as a non-biased news network so they start talking about how human rights groups are bashing Israel for cutting off some aid to Gaza. Then the article counters with the reasoning behind the blockade is the daily launching of Kassam rockets into Israel. Fine, cool, awesome. Everything is evenly balanced, until they stil in this little gem.
"The rockets rarely travel a significant distance but have occasionally injured and killed people." What is the point of trivializing these rocket attacks. Though, "the rockets rarely travel a significant distance", the author is literally attempting to undermine the blockade by saying, well the bombs don't really reach people usually, so its not so bad.
Imagine that in America, "well, yea he shoots at his neighbors, but the bullets rarely even reach the house next door.." What a fucking rediculous statement! either stay unbiased or state your claims, but please do not try and trivialize human life and violent attacks by spewing crap like this.

That's all.

Big Men and Bigger Burgers

Big, Big, Big!! That word never gets old. Today the Afternoon Update is supersizing your intake of news with large men and a gigantic meat cookie.

The Florida Marlins held tryouts this weekend for an all-male, plus size cheerleading squad that will be called the "Manatees". Those are cows of the sea for you ignoranuses (It's from Ali G). No word yet on wether they will wear child-sized T's and mini skirts.
The Manatees will not be paid, however they will recieve free ticket to the Friday and Saturday games at which they lead the cheers.

In even BIGGER NEWS, a restaurant in Southgate, Michigan is attempting to break the world record for the "Largest Hamburger Commercially Available". It wieghs 134 lbs. and it takes 12 hours to make. The burger sits on a 50 lb. bun along with bacon, cheese, and most likely a defibrulator. It costs $350 and requires a 24 hour notice to order it.
MMMM MMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Big props to Dave for writing his own "Here's to you" Bud Light commercial from the last post. If any of the other 3-4 of you who will read this want to write your own and post, it would be more than welcome.

That's all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it BIG from the loop.

Here's to you...

Today's blog is dedicated to most of the individuals I am going to write about. You''ll see. At the end i'll attempt to write one of those "Here's to you" Bud light ads. If you want you can write your own at home, or post it in the comments section.

First off, its official now. MI6 did not kill Princess Diana and Dodi Al Fayed. Besides, that seems very un-Bondlike. I can't see Sean Connery doing that, Roger Moore maybe but still.

A California man has pleaded guilty to making graphic and detailed death threats against the band Korn. Now I enjoyed "Freak on a Leash" as much as the next guy, especially the "Daboomba daboomba babeebop" part, that was bas ass. But of all the celebrities or musicians to target with death threats and even try and kill, Korn? why not choose a target with more worth or substance? I'm just saying there are plenty of better stalking targets than Korn.

A teenager in Missouri has been arrested for hiring hit men to kill his parents. Authorities were tipped off by a prison inmate who was asked to help him. The teen did get in contact with some killers and provided them with $260 in cash, a debit card with the PIN number, two .22-caliber pistols, a .38-caliber pistol and the alarm code to the parents' house. $260? I bet the debit card didnt have much on it either. I thought contract killings went for like $10,000 or so. $260? Seriously?

An article on MSNBC is calling a couple who ripped off a girl scout troop "con artists" for passing off a fake $100 bill to 12 year olds and then getting $93.50 and some cookies in change. I mean yea they are scuzzy people, but con-artists? I think that is a bit much to qualify them. When I think of con-artists I think of golddiggers and gigalows or criminal masterminds, not a cheapo man and woman who like to steal from little girls.
If I give an 8-year old $5 in monopoloy money for his lollipop, am I now a con-artist? NOO. I am a schmuck.
On the bright side, someone donated $100 to the troop in order to make up for the lost moolah.

A Firefighter in South Carolina was saved by a DVD in his pocket when he was shot in the chest during an altercation at a Waffle House.
Lesson: Watch movies and avoid Waffle Houses. They are tougher than biker bars.

A Utah Girl has won the "best bagger in America" award and taken home 2 trophies and $2,000. The money part is pretty cool, but now you are labeled as the nations best grocery bagger. Do you display those trophies proudly? I mean, good for you but...its grocery bagging. Now that you know you are the best, you should probably move up the career ladder a bit. Atleast the girl is only 18 and not 45.

Couples in Columbus, Ohio were married in a White Castle. The weddings were sponsored by a local radio station. In classic fashion ,the flower girl threw salt and pepper packets instead of rice.
Is there anything that needs to be said? O yea, the cake was in the shape of a White Castle tray with 3 sliders on it. I am assuming these people each weighed 300 lbs.


So here's to you Mr. and Mrs. "con-artist" who loves to steal from little girls. You could've just tried passing your fake money on a dumb 21 year old working at Mcdonalds but you just had to go for the gold by getting girl scout cookies too. "Thin mints are delicious" (in the high pitched voice). So the next time you have that craving for a samoa or a do-si-dos just grab your favorite fake $100 bill and go rip off the first green berete'd, badge wearing, pig-tailed youths you see.
Mr. and Mrs. con-aaaaartists.

Ok so Im not the guy who writes those commercials for a reason. Sue me.

That is all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Sex auctions and meth deposits

What more could you ask from a headline?

An 18-year old woman deposited an envelope at her credit union yesterday. Upon opening the envelope, employees at the credit union discovered some cash and a bag of meth. She was then subsequently arrested for drug possession. Authorities think she may have accidentally included the meth when she was taking money out of her pocket.
Lesson: ALWAYS keep your drugs safe.

In better news , a woman who became pregnant after a sex auction from a German website, has won he rights to find out who the men she had sex with were. Six different men had winning bids on a website to anonymously have sex with this woman. She is now pregnant with one of the men's child. The website originally refused to give the names of the men, citing confidentiality agreements, but a court overruled those agreements with the child's right to know its father.
First of all I didn't know you could do that. Secondly, how do you not use protection?
Lesson:If you are going to have sex with multiple strangers off the internet, use protection!!

God Bless Baldymore

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/02/13/md.cop.vs.skater.wmar

Why can't sex offenders win the lottery? I don't get it. Yea, he is still a pervert, but that doesn't mean he has any less right to $10 million than you do, you jealous D-bags.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7240683.stm

I Miss John Rocker

That guy was a character. He was everything that was right with baseball. The real life Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn, if you will. I'm glad he has decided to speak out about his opinion on steroids in MLB.

Ok. A couple of small incidental things I'd like to get off my chest.

1) A Russin bomber "buzzed" a U.S. aircraft carrier in the pacific yesterday. "Buzz" means if flew 2,000 feet directly above the ship. That may seem reall high, but 2,000 feet is not a long way to go for a bomb.
My thoughts on this are scattered. This is just another "incident" involving the Russian military over the past year or two. What is going on? Does Russia really want to go to war with the U.S.? Are they just flexing their muscles? We never even actually went to war during the Cold War, can you imagine if all these technologically advanced years later we do? It scares the bejeebees outta me because I have no idea why they are acting so "tough". Perhaps we (USA) are doing the same?

2) Forget The NE Patriots and "spygate". We should be more focused on China's spygate. 2 seperate groups of suspects were arrested today on charges of selling military information to the Chinese government.
You can read about those stories yourself on any major news website. What I want to know now is how does this work? Is it like some "Family Guy" episode where a U.S. leader calls up a Chinese official and is like "ah ah ahhhh, we caught you...." and then they both laugh? I mean I am certain this is not the first time a spy has been caught, but what happens now? Just ignore it?

In better news,
Saudi Arabia Bans Valentines Day:
The country has banned the color red for February 14. This is because as one person put it: "As Muslims we shouldn't celebrate a non-Muslim celebration, especially this one that encourages immoral relations between unmarried men and women" the fun stuff about this is that the day before Valentine's Day there are raids on flower and gift shops searching for red flowers, teddy bears, etc. by the Virtue and Vice Squad.
MAN I wish we had one of those here.

John Ritter's widow is suing 2 doctors for her husbands death claiming he was mistreated.
I'd hate to find out that's true, John Ritter was an awesome actor and while I really enjoyed it, "Bad Santa" should not have been his last movie. Here's to you John.

Lindsay Lohan saw Paris Hilton at a party thrown by Timbaland, and very audibly called her a bitch. Ms. Hilton then not so quietly responded by telling Lil Lindsay to "Fuck off".
Class is class and you gotta hand it to them, they've got tons of it.

There was a high school prank in Philadelphi over the weekend where someone(s) stole 100 chickens and let them into the school. On Monday morning they had to close the school becuase off all the cleaning up that had to be done of chicken poop and the like.
My favorite part about this is the line at the end of the article. When asked if they catch the culprit what would be his punishment, school spokesman Fernando Gallard said they would have to pay for the damages. And of course in classic set-up pun situations he said: "It's not going to be chicken scratch." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm so glad he didn't miss that golden opportunity.

Finally I would like to discuss something that I was thinking about earlier. I was lightly discussing Captain Planet with a friend of mine and we were talking about the South American Native kid whose power was "Heart". Now that was a pretty lame power, but they tried to make up for it with his pet monkey.
Do you think there was ever a possibility for the American to get a sissy power like heart? NO WAY right? We got "FIRE" man. No way would the American ever be a sissy, and I think that is very interesting that the shows producers found it necessary to make the American character kick ass, while the fruity "Heart" guy with a monkey could have just as easily been the asian character or something. I am not disagreeing with their judgement, no way the American could have been anything other that "Fire". NO god damned way, and if you don't like it, you can just GET OUT!

That's all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Hippies, Dolphins, and Twins.

Ok first of all, I just want to say that I am not necessarily anti-hippie. It is just that they do so many stupid things in the world and justify it with their beliefs. Its like being a hippie activist is like being part of a religion, and based on the fact that your beliefs are correct, you can act however you want to. In reality that is how it plays out, therefore from now on hippies will be considered as part of a religious group, perhaps a fanatical group (I'm not sure yet) known as "the followers of Hippyism" or someithng like that.

Now for the news.

Let's start off with the Mecca of Hippyism: Berkeley California.
The city council of Berkeley has sided with political protesters demanding that the United States Marine Corps. stop recruiting in the city. The politicians have gone as far as saying that the Marines are to be considered "uninvited and unwelcome intruders."
They also are supporting anti-war groups such as "Code Pink" to whom the city has bequeathed a free parking permit so they can harass the recruitment center and chain themselves to the entrance of the office. (You may remember members of Code Pink as the crazy bitches who covered themselves in red paint and attacked Condy Rice when she was appearing before congrees. The paint was supposed to symbolize blood.)

Republican Lawmakers are threatening to retaliate by stripping thecity of about $5.3 million in federal and state dollars.
"If the U.S. Marines are not good enough for Berkeley, neither are taxpayer dollars," Sen. John Cornyn, a Texas Republican, said in a statement. Amen brother.

I don't think that a city's government should be taking sides with extremist groups. It is their responsibility to represent the city, not their individual preferences.
Also it's not hard to notice that the majority of members of groups such as Code Pink and other politically extreme groups are elderly women. Perhaps if they had something better to do with their time, they would not be so heavily involved in crazy activities.


Building on Friday's "Leave the Dominican Republic and their cock-fighting traditions alone" post, I found this article today about rural Japanese fisherman who hunt and eat dolphin.
What's wrong with eating dolphins they ask? they have been doing so for hundreds of year. Apparently it is very popular fried or in a stew.

So what is the big hullabaloo (is that spelled right?) all about? Western culture frowns on that. One man, Ric O'Barry a 68-year-old retired dolphin trainer from Miami, Florida, has taken it upon himself to tell the world about this "heinous crime. What crime?
O'Barry trained multiple dolphins for the popular "Flipper" TV series. He has a home in Taiji, the main city for dolphin hunting and has taken to disguising himself in costumes and video-taping the fisherman catching and killing the dolphins with hopes of raising awareness in Western cultures. "This here is ground zero for the largest slaughter of dolphins on planet Earth,"he says "It's absolutely barbaric and it needs to stop."

Why is it wrong? Why is it barbaric? Where does this guy get off saying it's wrong? I can't explain why I am getting so upset over these things, but who do these people think they are, trying to regulate the world? This is a smally fishing village that eats dolphins. Naturally there will be dolphin killing in order to eat them. I bet you $5 this guy eats hamburgers. It is so hypocritical and so so wrong to try and police other peoples and cultures into your way of thinking. If these people eat dolphin, then they eat dolphin. If it is a rich part of these people's culture to fight roosters, so be it. That is their call, not yours.
Yes a line can and should be drawn while respecting other cultures. Genocide for example is not exusable even if your ancestor's did it. But that is a far cry from killing and eating dolphins. And yes I will back that up with anyone who wishes to argue the contrary.


On to the twins.
A man named Edwar Harris has been hounded for over 15 years by the Pennsylvania traffic courts for $1,800 in unpaid parking tickets. The tickets actually belong to his twin Edwin Harris, who moved south and lost touch with his family. Every year the problem occurs and every year it is remedied for Edward until last year when a judge didn't even look at the forms, but ordered Edward to pay the fines or go to jail. Another judge saw the case in the news and refunded Edward his money apologizing.
The lesson of this story is for parents. If you are going to have identical twins, don't be assholes and make their names virtually identical as well. Edward and Edwin? seriously? It's not cute, have a heart.

Finally a space ship manufacturing company in California is appealing a fine from the courts regarding worker training that resulted from a recent explosion during a rocket test that killed one worker. The fine is for $28,870.00. Why are they appealing? I cannot imagine that a company who gets multi-million dollar contracts to build space vessels cannot come up with te 30 grand. That is just silly.

That's all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin in real from the loop.

ok really quickly

Lets spark a debate. Read the article below. It pertains to a video, supposedly 2 years old, where Juan Marichal and Pedro Martinez are seen releasing 2 roosters at a cockfight in the Dominican Republic.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AlNfA6usfWVayPk6rcfNukERvLYF?slug=ap-mets-martinez-cockfighting&prov=ap&type=lgns

Now PETA and other animal rights activist groups want the athletes to apologize publicly, MLB to apologize and have all their athletes attend "Vick-like" sensitivity courses, as well as have the U.S. admonish them.

Cockfighting is legal and extremely popular in the Dominican Republic. Second only to baseball. According to Martinez they were the honorary guys who release the cocks.

I for one think it is wrong for PETA to attack Martinez for participating in a cultural event in his native country. I know PETA pretends to police the world as the authority on how animals should be treated, but in reality it is only in a few countries.
I am not advocating cock fighting or calling right or wrong. But where does PETA get off calling for them to blast the sport? Someone cannot be punished for not doing anything wrong. I don't care if its right or wrong, it is their countries frikin pastime!
I think that the extent to which PETA assumes this should be taken is ludacris. They did nothing wrong, they were being honored in their country in one of the biggest ways, and these animal rights people have no respect for other cultures.

You cannot control the world, get over yourselves.

"Tell Me Somethin Good"

Mornin Y'all.

I'm gonna try and keep this entry positive, since a lot of shitty stuff has happened recently.

Baby Survives Tornado:
An 11-month old baby in Castalian Springs, Tennessee was tossed over 100 ft. by a tornado and survived the ordeal. He was found hours later by a firefighter who thought he was just a doll until he started to move. Unfortunately his mother did not survive.

There was a huge mob bust in both NY and Italy yesterday. I don't feel like writing about it, but this is old school Godfather stuff. Check it out: http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/02/08/gambino.arrests/index.html

I couldn't decide on the story of the day, becuase there were two great stories. On a normal day, each one would be an easy winner, but on this rare occasion I am going to have to have 2 "stories of the day".

1) Police are searching for a man in Portland, Maine who has been driving around and cutting off single women with his car or truck. After cutting them off, he gets out of the vehicle and begins to model for them dressed in women's underwear, a garter belt, and black high-heeled boots. He also has a thick handle-bar mustache.
Police have stated that he has not necessarily done anything illegal, the fact that he is stopping traffic means they need to speak with him.

2) A Minnesota man mugged a woman, took her cell phone and purse, and then licked her toes. While the mugging was taking place he said "Now I'm going to suck your feet".

I don't feel that either of these stories needs an explanation for why they were chosen.

A drunk Australian man was arrested for threatening to blpw up half of Brisbane with his TV remote control. His has been sentenced with probation. He accepted the ruling, but stated that this could cause problems with his plans to travel overseas in different philanthropic endeavors.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Brilliant!
The Judge told him "Let's get you right before we send you off to a Third World country."

Finally,
I will leave you with this Jack Nicholson quote that shows why he is a PIMP 4 LIFE.
“I like each year to date a nice range of women,” the veteran actor revealed to The Guardian UK. “I only use Viagra when I am with more than one.”

Leave a post if you dare,

Keepin it real from the loop.

ugh

Sorry I haven't been posting lately. I know we were getting on a roll after the long layoff, but i've got the flu and I feel like Tom Brady on Sunday night. I'll be back soon.

Props to Dave for seeing monkeys on the backs of sheepdogs live.

2 of the greatest things ever

You have GOT TO SEE THIS!

It is a monkey in a cowboy hat riding a dog at a rodeo. I could watch this all day long.

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?cl=6223850

In other news, it has been reported that last night Paris Hilton was at a club when she got drunk with Elisha Cuthbert (Girl Next Door, 24). They then started making out. Teenage boys (and grown men) everywhere rejoice. Rejoice, we have no choice (a little CSN reference for ya)

Thats all for today. Happy Friday everyone.
Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.