afternoon update

Ice cream poop, weed tacos, and Democratic phone sex lines

2008-10-30T09:32:00.002-04:00

Hello one and all! (I guess 2 really, being the number of people who will read this)

I have a few stories for you to enjoy that have been in the news the past week or so.

Lets start with a court case going on in Sydney, Australia where a man and his wife are suing a local pub for putting feces in their gelato. The gelato was tested and did find traces of feces, they are currently performing DNA tests to see if it was human or not.
The man and his wife are accusing the pub's owners for retaliating to their earlier complaints that the music at the bar was too loud and that it was preventing them from watching their soccer match.
The wife said it was so terrible she spit it right out and later become violently ill.
"The stench went through my nostrils, I retched and spat it into the napkin,"
My thing is, if she smelled the poop, why would she then eat it? Yes, it is very disgusting but i think maybe its a little on their end too for eating poop AFTER they smelled it.

A couple in Colorado left their Del Taco drive thru ready to partake in some delicious Mexican style late night tacos when they found a small bag of marijuana topping their food. The man working the window was arrested on possession. He originally denied it, but then admitted it was for a friend and that he misplaced the bags.
What a moron.
He also lost his job.

In what is by far the story of the week,
A man went out drinking, came home drunk, and then tried to have sex with his female roomate. She kept refusing his advances and the man became irate. So he took the next logical course of action, went down to the basement, and peed on her dog.
AMAZING.

A flyer that was sent out by Democratic volunteers in Michigan with pictures of Obama and urging voters to submit their absentee ballots also contained a phone number at the bottom. I believe it was to help them with their voting, but when dialed actually took callers to a phone-sex hotline.
Im sure more people would vote if they had incentives such as this.

A police officer in Frisco, Texas was directing traffice after a concert when he recognized one of the vehicles rolling through the intersection. It was his pick-up that he had parked around the corner. Needless to say the kid who stole it was caught.

Finally my favorite story:
An Austrian man was charged with drunk driving after driving to a police station to argue his drunk driving ticket.
He had been pulled over and had his keys taken away earlier in the night and then charged with drunk driving.
The man then went home, picked up a spare set of keys and went back to his abandoned car, drove it to the police station and startd arguing the first charge. The officers determined he was still under the influence and charged him again.

Thats all for now.

keepin it real from the loop

Have you seen the bigger piggies, In their starched white shirts, You will find the bigger piggies,Stirring up the dirt,always have clean shirts to.."

2008-09-24T10:46:00.004-04:00

PLAY AROUND IN!
The amount of characters allowed in the title apparently cannot contain the bigger piggies verse from the Piggies song. Quite obviously I am referring to the Beatles song off of the White Album entitled: "Piggies".
If you haven't heard it, I recommend it. Its a classic.

You might ask why is he talking about piggies so much? Where is he gonna go with this?

Let us start off with a large piggie.

A woman in Australia was "held hostage" for 10 days by a pig the size of a shetland pony. Apparently he was just hungry. The woman had cared for the injured pig when he showed up on her property, but then he demanded to be fed and kept her locked up in her bedroom, frequently ramming his head into her door. The massive 176 pound pig claimed her house and land as his territory.
The woman finally contacted authorities and the porker will be taken to a piggery where he'll start breeding with the ladies.
This isn't him, but it could be his cousin: http://sugarmtnfarm.com/blog/uploaded_images/BigPigFoliageSField-772081.jpg

So I understand how she could get stuck there for a little while, but 10 days? The pig has to sleep too....This was a clear cut case of a woman getting outsmarted by a pig. A pig.

In other pig related news, a sow in Ukraine has welcomed 3 tiger cubs from a nearby zoo as part of her litter. The tiger's mother has refused to nurse them and so they were brought to a nearby farm for some milk. Neither the sow nor the piglets seem to mind. It kinda reminds me of Lambert the sheepish lion. It was my favorite disney short cartoon growing up and it'll rock your socks off.
Here is the short in its entirety: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRtKAQJUc3g
most likely in real life those tiger cubs would gladly eat their adopted family in a few months.

Japanese businessman have been living ahead of the dry-cleaning curve. A Japanese distributor has created shower-clean suits that can be sprayed for a few minutes in the shower, and then will drip dry in a few short hours. No ironing needed.
Its a good idea, but I don't see where the robots and anime fit in just yet. Any ideas?

And now for the good stuff. This story could not be made up, no way no how. Lets call it our most stupidest person story of the week.
So anyways a woman in England for over nine months (NINE MONTHS!!) was "tricked" or "raped by deception" by a man who claimed her was treating her with penis cream. The woman thought she had contracted some sort of rash and the man claimed a OBGYN friend of his said she should start using a certain cream and he offered to put it on his penis and help her apply it inside of her. The woman of course made no objection becuase it was CLEARLY medical in intention.
WOW. If you can't figure out which of these people is the most stupidest of the week, then you can join her. What type of moron would believe this, let alone allow it to continue for 9 months.
You can read the rest of this story below, but in my opinion if you are that dumb, you don't deserve pity. I'm not saying she deserved to be raped (if you can call it that, "raped by deception?") but I don't exactly see her as a victim. The man has been arrested and is facing charges of rape and obtaining money by deception.
http://www.westerntelegraph.co.uk/news/1351648.woman_tricked_into_sex_by_penis_cream_treatment/

And finally I would like to discuss David Blaine for a second. I don't like him, he's a dueche. However according to a Foxnews story his even more of a dueche because his whole "hanging upside down for 60 hours" really is with breaks every hour to go to the bathroom etc. So my thing is 1) why is he doing it? its stupid, its not magic, and he sucks. 2) Why am I getting my news from Fox?

Also as an added bonus (for me atleast) I realized that I dislike people such as Kelly Ripa as much as Daivd Blaine, mainly because of stuff like this:
http://www.foxnews.com/photoessay/0,4644,5165,00.html#2_0

WHY IS THIS GUY FAMOUS?!?
Pull a rabbit out of your hat and I'll be impressed. Hell, do this and i'll be really impressed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrEkbIHlV1E
but hanging upside down from a bridge every hour with breaks is just hanging upside down from a bridge.

Show me a giant sized monopoly board and i'd be happy.

Thats all for today. Leave a post.

Keepin it real from the loop

"Leggy Leggy Leggy Leggy, Blondie Blondie Blondie Blondie.."

2008-09-17T11:05:00.004-04:00

The title of my newest "welcome back" blog is of course part of the lyrics to the wonderful Flight of the Conchords song "Leggy Blonde". The full version of which can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCub8r1T5Rs&feature=related
Make sure you watch the whole video, so you don't miss the office supply stomp and other great stuff.

The reason Leggy Blonde popped into my head was because of THE leggiest blonde in the world. I am referring of course to Svetlana Pankratova, the woman with the longest legs in the world. She did a photoshoot recently with He Pingping of Inner Mongolia to promote the newest release of the Guinness Book of World Records. Svetlana's legs have been measured at just under 52 inches, about 4 feet.
You can see pictures of them together here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26741641/

So a brief moment to explain why I haven't posted since July 25. I've been busy, get off it. I do know that I now have atleast 1 new reader, so that brings the grand total back up to 2. However this post is for the most part for Dave. The always checking, ever posting Dave who has been by far the most loyal reader of the Afternoon Update since its inception.
Dave, even though you look like a guy who wants to be Grizzly Adams but is also looking like a wookie, I salute you. Go Dave!

Back to the news:
A woman in Fort Worth Texas has been arrested for assault after she swung a sword (ninja or samurai I don't know) at her boyfriend. She also bit him and smashed a picture frame over his head. The whole argument logically began over the fact that there were dirty dishes in the sink. Lesson for the fellas on this one, unless you want your lady friend to go samurai (or ninja) on your ass, do the goddamn dishes.
Although at the same time I respect the man for sticking to his principles, perhaps he was in the right and he correctly stood his ground.
This one is a tie for me.

Police in Nigeria have arrested an 84 year old man for having too many wives. The legal maximum is 4 wives in Nigeria and this man has 86. 86 wives and 107 children. So here's the thing. Why was he arrested now? why not when he had lets say 50 wives, or hell even 5. Its just so rediculous. Not the law itseld but the really late enforcement of said law on an old man.

A popular hotel in Turkey has fired all of its male staff for "philandering". Apparently it was becoming a problem that all of the male staff was sleeping with a large number of female guests. They have an all female staff now. Two things 1) ALL of the men were gettin some? like even the bellhops and cooks etc? That's impressive. 2) Maybe all this philandering was an added draw to this hotel. It is very possible their business will suffer.

About 1,000 Balinese protesters rallied against a proposed anti-pornography bill. Only 1,000. Out of curiousity how many people would protest something like that in the good 'ol USA?
I for one am appalled that only 1,000 people showed up.

Thats leads me into my rant for today. I realized the other day when someone in a group email thread used the phrase "I for one". I don't know why it took me so long to realize it, but when said seriously (as in this situation) that it one of the most obnoxious things you can say. Basically the person who starts their sentence off that way is immediately distancing themself from you and anyone else in the conversation and elevating themselves on a pedestal/platform/whatever you want.
Pay attention the next time someone uses that phrase to begin a sentence in your conversation. Then tell them to get over themselves. I for one think that being so arrogant as to use that phrase is rediculous, but thats just me ("That's just me" is the obnoxious closing to any "I for one" sentences, and should be treated with equal disdain).

And finally we have the picture of the day. This one's for Dave.
http://www.orangutanisland.org/images/baby-orangutan.jpg
Hows that for anti-porn

That's all for today. Leave a post if you please.

Keepin it real from loop (but not really)

Great Balls on Fire

2008-07-25T08:08:00.003-04:00

"Hello again hellooo..."

Sorry its been so long since I last posted. I hope whomever still checks this will enjoy today's post.

So to start things off I would like to mention I put a lot of this together last night.

There was a headline article on CNN.com yesterday, one of their "groundbreaking" news stories that sheds light upon the rest of the world for Americans, and this startling news article was about gay persecution in Iraq...Really?
Is that even a story? I'm not saying I am pro ANY type of persecution, but who doesn't know that gay men are not accepted in Iraqi society. Even if that place was the model of stability, gay men still wouldn't be even close to accepted.
This bothered me because while I think an article about gay men in Iraq would be interesting and important to read, however I think an eye opening story that gay men are targeted and persecuted in Iraq is almost insulting to the reader. Duh.

Two California men were sentenced to 2 years and 45 days in jail respectively after lighting their buddies ball on fire while he was passed out drunk. The man suffered 2nd degree burns on his balls.
All we used to do was draw on people's faces with permanent marker. Maybe once or twice shaved lines into someones leg.

Two men in Washington were caught after robbing a department store. Police followed a trail of boxes and packaging materials to the men who were found sleeping on pillows and a hammock stolen from the store.
The great part about this is that when the police found them they took pictures of them sleeping before waking and arresting them.
Here's a photo- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25791842/

Some random person in Milford Mass. has for the past 2 years been placing women's panties of various sizes, sometimes new sometimes used, on fences near a school bus stop. According to authorities they are "They're almost always black and queen sized." One woman said she picked up 43 pairs at one bus stop.
Hahaha. I know its probably someone who is really perverse, but this is still pretty funny. Can you imagine going to school everday and its expected that the area will be littered with plus sized women's underwear?
What a great prank.

A judge in New Zealand has ruled in favor of a 9-year old girl allowing her to change her name from what her parents had named her. He has taken up the cause of helping children with rediculous names free themselves from their parents stupidity. The girls full first name was "Talula does the Hula from Hawaii". Other names he has previously helped to change, and then to subsequently ban from using to name children include: Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit.
HAHA. "Hey Sex Fruit, go do your homework!" Wow, what a rediculous world we live in.

Also in a strange story, there was an article about a maintenance man who worked at a NY psychiatric center who was found to be living in the tool shed for many months. What's wierd about this is that he makes $100,000 a year.
What maintenance man makes 100k a year? Really?

So this wasn't the greatest "I'm back" post, but i'm a little rusty. Sue me.

That's all for today, leave on if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Late Night

2008-07-23T22:51:00.002-04:00

Guys,

For the 2-3 of you who have been checking lately my deepest apologies. I've been really busy but I promise to have a legit post tommorow.

Side thought.
I am watching a George Carlin standup from fairly recently, I think his last HBO special and to be honest it is absolutely not funny at all. I mean I loved the guys comedy and all, but all he is doing is griping about god/religion, George Bush, and governments. He doesn't like any of them.
There hasn't been a joke in like 20 minutes! WTF

I saw the "Dark Knight" this past weekend, one of the very few who went out to see it on opening weekend and it was AMAZING. If you have not seen it yet, go see it and rock your world.

Tommorow with a real one.

Stuff

2008-07-08T13:46:00.002-04:00

no time. But I really want to get some stories in here each week, so here are my links. (yes I know many of them are from the same place, but they have the best stuff).

Goat - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25576560/

getting paid to pee- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25558408/[

pimp plane rider- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25556365/Rosinman22:

cocaine pants- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25542608/

fed-ex- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25545497/

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/07/04/ap/strange/main4234493.shtml[12:18]

japanese thief- http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN0818516620080708

Enjoy

Smelly Camels,Ninjas, and Strippers...

2008-06-26T10:28:00.002-04:00

WELCOME BACK!
well atleast lets hope so. I have found so much gold today, I figured I might as well post.
Although I will say I want to stay away from politics for a while, since its really boring now that Hillary is out.

Anyways, here we go. Please feel free to share today's post with your friends.

Starting with our headline of smelly camels, villagers in India have started using camels to help ward away pachyderms (thats elephants for your ignoraNuses) from their land. In recent years as many as 400 people have been trampled to death by elephants, who also drink their rice wine and destroy crops. As it turns out, the stench of the camels keeps the elephants away.
It must be so nice to live there.

A 79-year old farmer living in Batavia, Ohio has gotten himself a brand spankin new outhouse after refusing for months to get rid of the old one. The previous wooden outhouse was from the 1960's and apparently had become somewhat of as health hazzard. County officials tried to make him get rid of it, but he persevered and a charity group stepped in and bought him a new, bigger, outhouse with a septic tank and all. Such a touching story. When asked why he prefers and outhouse to a toilet indoors he stated: "When you're in a house, sounds carry," Preston said. "Everybody knows your business."
Agreed. I think more people should crap outside.

Police have shut down a "brother bus" that had been touring around south Florida offering customers $40 all you can drink, along with strippers who offered to perform various acts for cash. Apparently this was very successful. Who knew?

Hat tip to my friend Danny for this one. An enraged man robbed a 7-11 in Monrovia, MD and began hittig the clerk with a banana, then the clerk pulled out a knife. This of course lead the reporter to include this gem into the article: "The clerk pulled out a knife, and the man with the banana split." Buh dum bum!

A man who had been arrested for tresspassing and was jailed for 2 days, was re-arrested for indecent exposure after leaving the jail naked. He was found walking down the road.
Now I know the man is nuts for not putting on clothes, but isnt it also the guards fault for letting him leave naked?
Something is off here. Well more than one thing.

A New Jersey public school was locked down temporarily after someone reported seeing a ninja in the woods next to the school. That's right, a ninja. It turns out the "ninja" was a camp counselor dressed in black holding a plastic sword. He was on his way to a camp costume party.
Only in Jersey.
A ninja? Really?

This is by far the best for today:
Two poorly scheduled golf tournaments led to a run in between youth golfers and strippers. The Gold Crown Junior Golf Association tournament for youngsters age 7-12 was wrapping up when a limousine full of strippers pulled up on the course. They were arriving to be caddies to the golfers for the Shotgun Willie's Charity Golf Tournament to benefit breast cancer. Since the youth tournament started late, they all had to share a clubhouse while the kids ate lunch. Club officials did state that the women were not allowed to go topless (atleast while the kids were there). Here's a great clip from the article: A woman told a reporter that the event drew curious questions from her children, who asked her why the men joining the strippers had water guns and why the women wore only their underwear.
Classic.

That's all for today. Leave one.

Keepin it real from the loop

R.I.P. George Carlin

2008-06-24T12:56:00.003-04:00

Guess who has some free time today.

An American hiker who was lost for 3 days was rescued in the Alps after attaching her sports bra to a logging cable. The workers at the base of the mountain saw the bra and called authorities.
I wonder if they eagerly expected to see a freezing cold topless woman?
Disappointingly enough she was smart enough to keep her shirt and jacket on.

A 64-year old Australian man has been charged with drunk driving. In his wheelchair. The man was found by police slumped over on an exit ramp of the highway. The man blew a 0.301 which i guess is high in Australia ( I don't know what system that is in). He apparently was travelling 9 miles from a friends house.
Who goes 9 miles in a motorized wheel chair?

Appliance Golf- look into it.
http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/2008/06/23/and-the-fastest-growing-stupid-sport-is/

George Carlin was a great comedian. His delivery was amazing. I know I wasn't alive back in the 60's and 70's when he was a big deal, but I remember him as everyone in my generation does, as Rufus and Cardinal Glick (the inventor of the "Buddy Christ"). He will be sorely missed in the entertainment world.

Poll

2008-06-13T07:58:00.002-04:00

Hi guys,

All I have is more apologies ("How much should I be?....") Anyways, its been really busy at work and I have been training a bunch of new people every week and I am taking the LSAT this monday, so one area of my life had to suffer and it has been the blogging. Sucks.

Anyhow, going along with all the Simpsons rhetoric I have seen, I was thinking of perhaps polling your top 5 episodes, you know, give the people something to talk about.

I'll start with mine:

1) The Scorpio episode. Hands down my personal favorite for EVERY reason.
2) The one when Homer goes into space and eats all the chips to save the day.
3) The Grimesy episode when Bart gets his own factory.
4) The one when Barney sobers up and then at the end when he wins a lifetime supply of beer goes "just hook it to my veins!!"
5) Every earlier episode when Moe has to run into the back of the bar and tell whichever type of minority to get rid of whatever illegal animal, substance, or activity back there. Example: Shamu

Feel free to list your own, debate, or just wait a little while longer till I can start really writing again.

By the way, if you haven't seen Idiocracy, which I have seen like 1,000,000 times, you should. It will expand your mind.

I expect good resonses.

keepin it real from the loop

really?

2008-06-06T07:15:00.002-04:00

Some dud dropped over $6,000 for a watermelom in Japan. 6 grand!
He knows it goes bad after a while right?
It reminds me of the old old old school Simpsons episode when Lisa befriends Bleeding Gums Murphy and he tells her about how he was successful and then blew all his money on his faberge egg addiction.
I hope that watermelon is the greatest thing he has ever tasted.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24997464/

R.I.P. Bo Diddley- Rub My Back!

2008-06-03T09:15:00.002-04:00

As some of you may know, one of the all time great rockers died yesterday after complications from a heart attack he suffered last year. Bo Diddley is the author of the "Bo Diddley Beat", something you may not have known by name, but most certainly would know by sound.

A quick story about Bo. The summer after my Freshman year of college I went to see an all day concert at Dover Downs (which by the way is the biggest thing I have ever seen, if you have not seen a NASCAR speedway you need to). So anyways, it was an amazing amazing concert. We missed the opening 2 acts which was ELO (electric light ochestra) and Blood, Sweat, and Tears (Who I would have loved to see). However we did then get to see, in order, Peter Frampton, Bo Diddley, CCR (without fogerty obviously, but it was still awesome) and CSN.

So Bo Diddley gets up there and he is so old he can't stand for too long so he is sitting in a chair, but still jammin away. In my "youth" I was unawaare of his significance in rock 'n roll which I would not fully learn for another 2 years, but I did know that this guy was awesome.

Anyways, into the "Bo Diddley" jam, where he's does his famous beat and then goes "Heyyyy Bo Diddley!" then the crowd does it, and it was lots of fun. Then this little of bent over man, gets up and does a little jig and points at like half the women in the audience one at a time and goes "I wanna do it with you, and you, and you, and you" and then he sits down. But of course not before yelling "heeeey Bo Diddleyyyy, RUB MY BACK!"
It was quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Man what a great day. So that was my Bo Diddley Experience. May the rock gods treat him well and rub his back whenever he needs.

That's all for today. Leave one.

Keepin it real from the loop

Late Night

2008-05-29T21:53:00.002-04:00

Its Thursday night and I just must write about this.
I'm sorry I havent posted, I have been really busy and have no time to keep you people updated on the world at large. Hopefully soon i'll have some more time.

Anyways, I am watching Last Coming Standing and im not usually into these reality TV competitions such as Nashville Star, American Idol, Hells Kitchen, America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, Top Chef, Biggest Loser, Survivor, Big brother etc. Hell I don't even know that many of them, but this one is hella funny.

Anways, Last comic standing is not the point. The point is while on a commercial break an Aleve commercial comes on and you have this older gent, probably in his late 50's maybe mid 60's I don't know how to judge. Anyways, he goes "I have bad knees, but then how can I do this?" He then proceeds to start dancing up a storm "cutting a rug" if you will all over the screen. The point is to be I guess that Aleve makes him young again, heals joints, etc.
But they never show his whole body! Its like an Austin Powers movie. You see his waist down, then you see waist up. ITS NOT THE GUY DANCING!

You'd think that Aleve could splurge a little over its apparent budget and get an old guy who actually can dance. Whats the point of this commercial? someone got paid for that, and that is what pisses me off. I could've been paid to do better.

Just needed to rant.

If anyone feels like "guest blogging" please feel free to go ahead and post on the comments page. I put it to you.

Keepin it real from the loop

"Hello again my friend....hellooo"

2008-05-21T12:38:00.002-04:00

That was a little Neil Diamond comin atcha.
Ask me how I began listening (albeit very limitedly) to Neil Diamond, and I answer: "Saving Silverman".
One of my favorite movies and a true Jack Black triumph. It even makes you not dislike Jason Biggs.

I would like to apologize to all my avid readers (all 2-10 of you) but I have not had time to post lately because I have been very super busy at work.

For the 800th visitor I did get something for you.
http://www.123greetings.com/congratulations/for_everyone/everyone2.html

800, wow thats not too shabby for 10 people reading a blog over 2-3 months.

I don't have a lot of time right now, but I found this parrot story funny. So please enjoy.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080521/ap_on_fe_st/odd_japan_parrot_returns

Thats all for today

BIG NEWS!!

2008-05-16T07:14:00.002-04:00

Shania Twain is leaving her huband! FINALLY. I think I may have an in.
Man, I've have a thing for her for so many years , the time has come.

The UN has blamed the "teetering" world economy on the U.S., namely the plunging house market. There would be no world economy without the U.S.! Am I being nationalistic and self-important? Maybe, but the UN is a prentious bunch of d-bags. How about, you imagine a world economy for a second WITHOUT the U.S., and then tell me how it looks.
I thought so.

EXO-Squad, one of my favorite sunday morning cartoon series when I was younger, has finally caught up with real life. http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/05/15/robotic.soldier.ap/index.html
This show was of good of course, because this was before shows had to stop being violennt. Shows like GI Joe, Exo-squad, wing commander, double dragon, hell even street sharks (that was the end of my sunday cartoon years) were entertaining because they were violent. Now shows are too PC and sissy, and as a result America's youth are PC and sissy.

Man I am being negative this morning.

Solar bra's that can charge cell phones and IPods. Next time your battery is low, just plug it into your girlfriend's chest.
http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUST29336420080514

HAHA. A Welschman drank a box of wine, blacked out, and then dressed up as Darth Vader. He then proceeded to attack 3 memebers of the Church of Jedi. I swear. All I can think of is the Triumph skit where he is outside the line to get Star Wars II tickets. HAHAHA its so hilarious.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24604338/

Well, that's all for today. I'm going to leave with one of the newest greatest hits videos of all time.
Enjoy.
http://deadspin.com/5009129/orioles-magic--uh-catch-it-or-something

Keepin it real from the loop

Politics and Sex Tapes

2008-05-13T11:07:00.002-04:00

I guess those two aren't necessarily part of different categories.

Today, I have some rants as well as some fantastic articles including a raunchy sex tape that would make Jenna Jameson blush. Well maybe not Jenna.

First off I want to mention top Clinton advisor Terry McAuliffe's appearance on "Meet the Press". I know this has been done to death by Comedy Central, but I wanted to just say it again. The guy told Tim Russert, the host of the show, that Hillary would keep on fighting. Here is a quote from their interview:

"But it's not impossible for Hillary Clinton to win," said McAuliffe. "A lot of people have said that. Big Russ, if he were sitting here today -- nothing's impossible. Jack McAuliffe, if they were with us today, they're probably both in heaven right now Tim, probably having a scotch, looking down saying, you know what: this fight goes on. It's good for the Democratic Party. Millions of people coming out to vote, it's exciting."

This implication was that Mr. Russert Sr. or "Big Russ" was dead. To which Tim responded:
"Big Russ is in the Barcalounger still watching this...God bless him."

So my thing is, this is a rediculously stupid mistake. 1) It's just straight-up embarassing to McAuliffe as a person, calling a guy's father dead to his face when he is alive. 2) It reflects poorly on the Clinton campaign since this is supposed to be her top advisor, her campaign co-chair, and he clearly did not do enough research before appearing on the show. I mean, if you don't know that someone is dead, you don't make a comment about them.
The guy looks like a boob. I mean that in the older "my parents generation" way. Not a breast.

Also in politicsland, the US Ambassador to Zimbabwe (the country with all the election turmoil) was stopped by police outside of a hospital, where he and others with him, had just visited victims of violence from the election scandal, which was rampant. The Ambassador was told to stop because there was concern over photographs taken in the hospital, however he was never told he was under arrest (woulda been a bad move). He then told the police "no" and lifted the barrier blocking their car, then his entourage drove off.
What a pimp. This guy knows they are not going to touch him, so why should he listen to a bunch of police/security guards. Like they would arrest a U.S. Diplomat, AMBASSADOR even more so.

Now for the real news.
A sex tape has just been released that is ranchier than Pamela and Tommy Lee's best seller. It makes Paris Hilton's and Kim Kardasian's (however is f-ing spelled) tapes look like cheap attempts for publicity. O wait, they were. The tape my friend, is titled:
"Seal caught on tape molesting a penguin"
O yes, its that naughty. Scientists discovered the act when observing elephant seals in Antarctica, when they noticed a young male Antarctic fur seal subduing a king penguin.
"At first we thought it was hunting the penguin, but then it became clear that his intentions were rather more amorous," - Stated one of the scientitians.
Another excerpt from the the article:
"The roughly 240-pound seal subdued the 30-pound adult penguin by lying on it. The hapless bird of unknown sex struggled, rapidly flapping its flippers and attempting to stand and flee, without luck. The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin and thrusting its pelvis at the bird in vain attempts to insert its penis for 45 minutes"
That penguin is going to need a lot of therapy.

An Australian man was arrested when he failed to restrain his 5-year old child with a seat belt while driving. The seatbelt was already in use, to hold a case of beer from falling. Finally someone has their priorities straight.

Celebrity British chef Gordon Ramsay wants England to outlaw out of season fruits and vegetables. I shit you not. Why? either for attention, or because he really deeply cares about British cuisine.
http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN0949726820080509

I was going to rant about how the UN, or U.S. or someone should just invade and overthrow the Junta in "Burma" or "Myanmar", in order for 2,00,000 more people to avoid death. But I don't feel like it anymore. Thoughts on that topic?

Thats all for today. Leave a post.

Keepin it real from the loop

Gooood Morning

2008-05-09T08:31:00.001-04:00

First off I'd like to start off by saying hello.

Hello.

I have some stories and I have some rants for today. I feel like I am starting to become one of those old men who love complaining about everything in rants. Well let me tell something to joo, they've got it right.

Three teenagers were arrested for decapitating a corpse and smoking weed through its skull. I shit you not. I'm not sure what else to write. I know its a "gateway" drug, but its supposed to lead to other drugs, no necro acts.
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/5764886.html

78-year old blind man bowls a perfect game. How does he know?
That is a very great accomplishment, nonetheless for the fact that he is blind. Good for him.
http://www.kcci.com/sports/16201286/detail.html

Video of the day:
A british beauty queen who is running for a seat in parliament. She wants to use sexy to get more young people to vote. FINALLY sexy is being used for something useful.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2008/05/08/janis.british.beauties.cnn

This dude took pictures with a bachelorette party and THEN tried to rob them. As they say in the Guinness commercials "BRILLIANT!"
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24520983/

After losing to Lithuania 48-0, the Austrian rugby team got drunk and stripped in the street outside of a bar. HAHA, they were caught and put on youtube. HAHAHAHA
http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN0628612720080506

A New York woman has filed a $100 claim against the town of Norwalk,Connecticuit, saying a family outing to the Aquarium was ruined by dog poo.
The woman claims her child's shoes, along with the entire outing, were ruined when her 1-year-old stepped in dog poo outside the aquarium's Garage . City attorney M. Jeffry Spahr says the official response is that her claim is denied and in his words, "poop happens."
Kelly DeBrocky of Mahopac, N.Y., wants the city to reimburse her for $54 she spent replacing her toddler's ruined shoes and the expenses for parking and aquarium admission on April 5.
Fuckin NYers.

And now for my rant. Today it is directed at people who did NOT go to Ivy League schools, (those who did are a whole diff discussion) yet still think they are better than you. Why am I pissed off? Because while this is not too uncommon in life, it recently happened to me yesterday in my LSAT class. Yes, I am studying for the LSATs. We were talking about how it might have been easier to take the course in college, since everyone in the class now has full time jobs and on top of all the studying we have to do, our social lives don't exist. Then there is this girl in my class, let us call her "uggo". So this is one of those people who always has to one up someone else, as well as throw themself into the conversation. One person says: "Yea, I worked really hard in school and got good grades, and I still had a bunch of free time" to which this girl replies "Well, I went to like the hardest most competitive school ever, so, y'know it was different for me" First off, she doesn't know where any of us went to school. She went to Johns Hopkins. ooo. I'm not knocking Hopkins, I have friends who went there and its a great school. It's not fucking MIT.
Where does she get off 1) assuming she went to a better school than everyone else in the room and 2) assuming that Hopkins makes her a better person. I would like to add people who went to Wash U (GREAT school), Michigan, Duke/UNC to this list. Please feel free to add anymore. Oh, and Barnard. They are the fucking worst, because these girls go around telling people they go to Columbia, when really they didn't get in to Columbia. They are pretentious Liars.

Now I went to a state school, and a damn good one at that. Without us, you wouldn't have Kermit the Frog or UnderArmor (a little trivia for you guys). I spoke with the mother of a medical school applicant the other day, and she was talking about how her daughter goes to an Ivy school but is not doing well and getting "A's" (I don't know if that means's B's or failing, but either way it must be hard to live up to this woman's standards). She then says to me when talking about wanting to boost her daughter's GPA: "What if she transfers to somewhere, like a state school, where everything is easier".
Fucking Snob.

So FU Uggo from Hopkins. One day you will make a comment like that to someone who went to Yale and they will put you in your rightful place in the pecking order of school snobs. I can only hope it will be soon.
and FU mom who thinks state school's are a joke, I hope you get attacked by muppets in sleek, thermal athletic wear.

Thats all for today, leave one.

Keepin it real from the loop

Last wishes

2008-05-06T11:42:00.001-04:00

This is the only way to go out in style.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24463225/

Breaking News!!

2008-05-01T16:39:00.003-04:00

Barbara Walters had an affair with a U.S. Senator. Isn't it funny when all this stuff just comes out in one week? Clemens had an affair with a 15-year old country singer...Clemens had an affair with John Daly' wife (or ex-wife), and now Ms. Walters was running around with congressman.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/books/05/01/tv.walters.affair.ap/index.html

Tommorow we find out that Katie Couric has been having an affair with Tiger woods, who's wife has been sleeping with O'bama, who's wife has been sleeping with Tom Brockaw. Meanwhile itll be simultaneously announced that Derek Jeter had an affair with Faith Hill (who is a stone cold hotty)

On a second note Deborah Jeane Palfrey, AKA the "D.C. Madam" was found dead in Florida today. According to police she hung herself. NO WAY. She was absolutely positively no questions asked murdered. You think all those D.C. elites were just going to sit idly by?
My bet is with the Dems, since Spitzer they cannot afford another major incident. They will lose all credibility. Especially if it was another VP hopeful.

That's all for now. Leave one. Please. Let me know you care.

Keepin it real from the loop

Holy Westoxication Batman!

2008-04-30T10:26:00.004-04:00

Iranian governement officials are having serious ants in the pants issues about toys and games that are western imports. They argue against the perceived dangers of U.S.-inspired culture and consumerism, calling it "Westoxication."
"The appearance of personalities such as Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter and ... computer games and movies are all a danger warning to the officials in the cultural arena."
One official goes on to claim:
"The unrestrained entry of this sort of imported toys ... will bring destructive cultural and social consequences in their wake."

So the next time you are playing with your Batman and Barbie dolls, make sure you are not also giving in the imperialistic wantonness of the West.

Best way to get her to say "yes".
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/30/naked.prom.ap/index.html?iref=24hours

I have decided that celebrities should not be allowed to stay celebs over the age of 50 if they are still conceited. Is there anyone more full of themselves than Cher? Her interview with Oprah (who I've got my own issues with, believe me) Cher starts talking about how its so "hard to be Cher" in the frikin 3rd person! Get over yourself, Mermaids was like 20 years ago.

I know this is from years ago already, but I still have a problem with Gwenyth Paltrow naming her kid Apple. APPLE. APPLE. Yes, Apple.
Other names on her list were "Punkin" and "kumquat"

That's all for today. Leave on.

Keepin it real from the loop

When Dolphin jumping goes wrong...

2008-04-29T10:07:00.000-04:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24360996/

2nd Post

2008-04-28T13:10:00.002-04:00

Sorry to make two posts in one day, but I feel that I need to express myself.
Make sure to read the story below from my earlier post.

I was at Trader Joes earlier during my lunchbreak and I realized why its such an aggravating store. Don't get me wrong, I love a lot of their products and I shop there all the time. The problem isnt the food, its the workers.
I know it is the "wacky, fun, friendly" environment that makes TJ's the store it strives to be, but they are really annoying. We get it, you wear Hawaiin shirts and are therefore really relaxed and goofy, haha. But I don't really want someone going through my groceries and making comments about them. Im not paying you to make small talk while your scanning my groceries (In fact, i'm not paying you at all....count it!). It's like they look through your groceries and then comment on them. Example: "I see you've bought some prunes...system a little backed up?" and even better is most of them start giving you advice about things other than the price of apples on aisle 10. Its like all of them are the wise old dishwasher from the movie "waiting". Who wants to take advice from a grocery clerk? A nosy one at that.

I appreciate the personable atmosphere they are trying to create there, but honestly I'd rather you just cut the ridiculous small talk and scan my groceries.

Leave one,

Keepin it real from the loop.

Best Son Ever

2008-04-28T10:52:00.002-04:00

This guy placed an ad in the newspaper for a guy to take his elderly father to the pub and drink with him during the week. The job entails escorted him from the nursing home, going to the pub, and then going home. It pays $14 an hour + expenses.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24304991/

Aherm

2008-04-24T11:33:00.002-04:00

Why super rich people are awesome and your not:

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN2335906320080423?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0

Quickies

2008-04-23T10:15:00.003-04:00

Hi guys and gals, I want to make sure I have atleast one post a week while I am training, so here it is.

First off, I know its a day old but that priest in Brazil who flew off with the balloons...what a pimp. As of right now, I do believe he is still missing though. A proffessional sky diver, who is also a roman catholic priest attempted to break the world record for the longest flight propelled by balloons. He was blown off course and was last heard from 30 miles off the coast of Brazil.

Yesterday a story broke that a bank robber in Indianapolis jumped over the counter and shot a pregnant teller in the abdomen before running off with the money. This is unusual since the tellers are instructed to hand over the money, they are almost never shot since there is no need. The woman was report yesterday to be pregnant with triplets. Today all the stories I can find report she is pregnant with twins. I would like to know where that other baby went.
Both the mother and the TWO (for now) fetuses have survived but are in critical condition. Neither of the fetuses were hit by the gunshot.

A dumbass ( I mean drug dealer) called the police to report a robbery. He was selling heroine to two girls in his car at a gas station in NY, when he was robbed by a man at gunpoint. The two girls then ran off with the robber. The guy in the car then called the police and informed them, that he was robbed while trying to sell heroine. All four people involved have been arrested.

A man in Dothan, Alabama was arrested after walking through a metal detector. The 51-year old man was going to see his probation officer at the courthouse and was walking through the metal detector. When asked to empty his pockets of all metal, he reached in a pulled out some coins, along with two full baggies of marijuana. Realizing what he had just done, the man turned to flee but was aprehended rather quickly before he got out of the building.
O cruel fate! The lesson from this is that when going to see your probation officer, always ALWAYS check your pockets before you go in.

My favorite story has come to us out of Eugene, Ore. (the same state where the sexy, albeit ripped, mayor was ousted for being sexy online) . A pet store owner was taking out a 12-foot Burmese python from its cage in order to show it to a customer, when the snake bit her right hand and coiled around her left arm. How awful would it be to get eaten by a 12-foot python?
The police were called and an officer arrived with a knife ready to kill the large snake. The woman asked that he not kill the expensive pet so instead he put on gloves and wrestled the python until it finally let go. The snake was returned to its cage, I doubt the customers bought it, and the woman was fine after receiving multiple puncture wounds. Good job copper.
If I was that cop I'd say fuck that, im not wrestling no 12-foot python. He dies or you get eaten.

Thats all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop

Popes and Old Ladies

2008-04-18T07:46:00.002-04:00

Hi folks. Im still training people, so alas I will have to keep this brief. Thanks for bearing with me during these slow times.

Now I know what you are thinking you perverse people. No! This is not about the Pope's relationship with old ladies, i'm sure he's into younger girls just like the rest of us. However, these are the only two things I would like to talk about. Well more like gripe.

Pope:
So I went to go see the Pope the other day. Yes, I live in DC. (like any of you who read this don't know who I am) So i'm standing there along Pennsylvania Ave. in the hot, bright sun waiting for the motorcade to come. There are hundreds of people lined up just on the 2 blocks that I can see. I'm figuring it was a few thousand overall. So we wait for like 20 minutes, ignoring the guys with rollong suitcases filled with "Pope T-shirts, only $10". It was like you were at a baseball game. I can't believe there were people who followed around the pope where he went and sold T-shirts to commemorate his passing by. Actually what I cannot believe even more is the people who spen $10 to get them (wait till he leaves and get 'em for $5).
So the motorcade finally comes and I see all the police, and I see the Pope and his "Popemobile" and then he's gone. Must've been travelling like 40 Mph. Zzzzzip right past. Most anti-climactic thing I have ever seen. Isn't the Pope supposed to be travelling really slow so people can see him and know he is waving to THEM?
Boo to you Pope, and booerns to your driver. That was not cool. Nobody got a goodd picture, and if you were trying to get a picture, then you missed the Pope since by the time you looked up out of your camera he was gone.

Secondly, I hate people who honk their horn for completely unnecessary reasons. This morning when I was walking to work, I was standing one step off the curb to cross a 4-lane street, I was BY THE CURB in the 1st lane, which has parked cars in it, therefore rendering it an unusable lane for automobiles. So this old lay driving a very sporty red punch buggy drives past and honks at me, and waves her hand as for me to get out of the way. I WASN'T IN HER LANE!
And I really hate when people honk at you, as to warn you not to do something you wouldn't do. For example: This scenario where I am not going to cross a 2 lanes in order so that old lady punchbuggy can hit me with her car. But, just in case, she should honk at me to let me know NOT to do it.
Thank you old lady, for quite possibly saving my life.

That's it for today. Post it.

Keepin it real from the loop

Sorry I'm Late

2008-04-15T09:42:00.002-04:00

Im still here, but I am also still training. I think my trainee is stuck in traffic because of the Pope.

Anyways there is a holiday on April 14 in Korea known as "black day". Black day is in response to "white day" which is a day when women give gifts to their men ( a thank you from the gifts they received on valentines day).

On Black day, people who have not found love dress in all black and eat traditionally black foods. The most common/popular if a bowl of noodles with black bean paste on top.
So the next time you feel unattractive and all alone, don't eat a gallon of ice cream. Have some noodles. Both will make you fat, but atleast with noodles you can feel "cultural".

Uruguay, the country best known for...well nothing, is now known for something. On Sunday April, 13 they broke the Guinness world record for the biggest BBQ. Over 1,200 "chefs" grilled 12 metric tons of beef, breaking the previous record of 4 tons set by Mexico.
Uruguay is finally on the map. Look out, here they come.

Finally, Police arrested a womam for DUI last week. The woman was the cleaning lady at the police station, and showed up to work (at the station!) stinking drunk. "Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb". Then again if you are stinking drunk early in the morning and going to work, you've got other things on your mind.

That's all for today. Leave a post, or don't.

Keepin it real from the loop

No More Pie

2008-04-09T14:25:00.000-04:00

I mean posts. I'm training a new employee for the rest of the week, so alas, I will not have any more posts till monday.

Please feel free to leave stories you would like to share in the comments section

keepin it real from the loop

"I said what what in the butt"

2008-04-08T10:43:00.002-04:00

I can't get that song out of my head. The South Park Butter's version of course.

Hilary Clinton is apparently a worse bowler than Barak Obama. Who cares? Obama bowled a 37 and Clinton bowled a 1 in frame on the Ellen Degeneres show. The question is, why the hell is this a headline on MULTIPLE major news websites?

A woman in Lansing, Michigan stole a boa constrictor yesterday from a pet store by sliding down her pants. Was she stealing a snake or having a good time? The woman was seen on camera doing the act, but it was only seen after she had left the store. Both are still missing.

A New Zealander is being charged with assault for throwing a hedgehog. The 27-year old man threw a hodgehog at a 15-year old boy, who was struck in the leg. I am sure it was painful.
That is something you would think to see in a cartoon, so I will give credit for creativity on this one.

By far the best story from yesterday was this gem.
A man in Athens, Georgia robbed a convenience store at gunpint. However in order to kill time while the store emptied out, he filled out a job application. Einstein put down his real name and phone number, but a fake address. He was subsequently caught.

Hamburger machine wins national collegiate Rube Goldberg competition.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23990754/
We had to make these in 5th grade. My buddy and I made on out of legos that made hot chocolate. Really all it did was in a complicated process drop a trap door with cocoa mix on it, into a cup of hot water.
No wonder we didn't win.

A newlywed couple Vallejo, CA spent their first night as man and wife in seperate man and woman cells. The couple was arrested after a wedding party at their house got out of control. The police arrived at the house for a 2nd time and the groom and his cousin became aggressive towards the police, who then tased both of them. The bride was then arrested for public intoxication.
I think arresting the bride is a little dick by the cops, but I guess they don't mess around in Vallejo.

A duck name Circles, who resides in Suffolk County, NY has been given an order of protection, after it was shot by its owner's neighbor with a pellet gun.

"Knut" the famous polar bear raised in the Berlin Zoo, is now 1 1/2 years old and being accused of senseless murder. There is a controversy over Knut's killing of 10 carp that were swimming in his moat. Knut is fed by the zoo and has never needed to fish for food. Critics say Berlin Zoo should not have put live fish inside Knut's enclosure. But German media report that the carp were put there to eat up algae. This quote says it all:
"The Frankfurter Allgemeine news website reports that Knut "senselessly murdered the carp", fishing them out, playing with them and then leaving the remains"
He's a bear! What is he supposed to do? And secondly, they are carp, I am pretty sure they are not covered in the geneva convention or any other sort of statute of law regarding rights. This is why you cannot take anything animals rights activists and hippies say seriously, because sometime they have good points, and sometimes they spew crap like "the senseless murder of carp". C'mon.

The O's are in first place after sweeping the Mariners. ALCS!!

That's all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop

R.I.P. Charlton Heston

2008-04-07T09:50:00.003-04:00

Charlton Heston died last night, he was 84. Heston won an oscar for his performance in "Ben Hur" and it known for his other monumental roles such as Moses in "The 10 Commandments" and the astronaut in "Planet of the Apes". He was known mostly later in life for being a strong NRA supporter and activist. He was on of the greats.
Salute.

And now for your viewing pleasure here is a Monkey in a Diaper

I'm sorry guys but I really cannot think of anything else put on here that will rival this video story. Its a tough act to follow. Enjoy.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2008/04/04/meredith.monkey.on.the.loose.wesh

And of course, here is my favorite monkey, the original, "whiplash" the cowboy monkey riding a border collie at the rodeo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsHgpS2lug8

Belated news

2008-04-03T10:21:00.002-04:00

I didn't have enough time to blog yesterday, but I did save the news I was going to write about. So to quote Nacho Libre, today's blog will be "especially delicious".

Also, as I have noticed that either my readership has grown (unlikely) or the same people are constantly checking the blog for news. I am getting about 20 hits a day now. With this in mind, please send me comments either about the articles or with new ideas for the blog. I am trying to fiddle around with the formatting, but i'm only so technically gifted. Post ideas, comments, whatever.

First things first, I wanted to update you on the Wal-Mart story from last week. Wal-Mart announced yesterday that they reversed their decision to take back the money the disabled woman's family received in their settlement.
If you don't know to what I am referring to, check out my post from 3/26 in the archives.
I think it is very nice that Wal-Mart changed its mind, but I don't feel the need to applaud them for anything. I highly doubt this would have come about without external pressure from the media running the story.

A New Zealand constable, who apparently sleeps in the nude, awoke to find his car being stolen. Without giving a second thought to clothes or shoes, the man grabbed a flashlight and ran after the thieves. He gave chase to his stolen car in the nude until police aprehended the suspects when they fled the vehicle. Apparently the naked man chasing them all over town freaked them out.

Two cops in Lake Charles, LA got an easy drug bust yeterday. They pulled over a vehicle whose driver did not have a liscense or registration. They assumed the car was stolen and called the owner to verify if it was missing. No one answered, so the officer left a voice message. In the meantime, they determined that the car was not stolen, and that the man was a friend of the owner.
The owner of the car, mistakenly thought the voice mail left by the cops was from a drug dealer, (which is odd, since you would think they would have said something along the line of "its the police calling") and called the cop back. When he answere the caller stated they wanted to buy some crack. The office set up a meet and arrested the owner and her husband.
Dumbass.

The marriage age has been reset in Alaska. Law makers recently corrected a mistake in their wording that for the past year has technically allowed anyone "under 18 who is NOT pregnant to marry with parental permission" this included toddlers of course.
Alaskan toddlers are planning a demonstration at the liberal giving and taking away of their rights.

Finally a 76-year old Serbian farmer, who was recently divroced by his wife, has been court ordered to giver her half of everything. The man offered to share with her everything he had earned in their 45 years of marriage, but was furious at being asked to give away half his farming equipment. So this pimp of a man said "fine" I'll give you half (I'm paraphrasing). The man bought a metal grinder and cut all of his farming tools in half, includin machinery such as his cattle scales and a sowing machine.
I applaud this man for just saying "fuck it" and not letting his ex or the courts get the best of him. He is by the the hero of today.
Side note: Who gets divorced at 76?

The Orioles won their first game of the season. GO O'S!

That's all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

BLAH

2008-04-01T10:04:00.002-04:00

Coupel of stories for you today. I am feeling really lazy, so don't expect too much.

First off, a group of nine 3rd graders in Waycross, GA have been suspended for conspiring to hurt their teacher. The students were found with a knife, handcuffs, a roll of duct tape, and a heavy paper weight. Nobody knows how far they were actually going to take this scheme, but it was uncovered when another student saw the knife and told on his classmate.
I know this is a very serious matter, but its hilarious if you look at the article, there is a quote about the motive: "The police chief in Waycross told Channel 4 he believes the plan may have been developed because one of the students was punished with some sort of time out. However, that theory remains under investigation."
C'mon, someone else has to find that a little funny...
http://www.news4jax.com/news/15755299/detail.html

A drunk man woke up in a garbage truck last night in Muncie, Indiana. He went out drinking with his pals till 3 AM, and blacked out. He woke up in the truck right before the driver was going to run the trash compactor.
This my friends, is why you never spend the night in a dumpster, no matter how inviting it looks.

And of course we cannot end without some theiving, gambling addicted clergy members.
Let's start with the nun since that is a sexier story.
A Roman-Catholic nun in Omaha, Nebraska has been arrested for stealing over $300,000 of church funds to maintain a gambling habit. She faces up to 20 years in prison.
20 years for $300,000? That seems extreme. I think.

And not to be outdone, The Rev. Patrick Dunne of Our Lady of Sorrows Church in White Plains, NY has been removed from his parish for stealing Church funds for drum roll..................d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d,d:
GAMBLING! The DA's office is currently conducting an investigation.

Well, that's all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

R.I.P. Mr. McMuffin

2008-03-27T10:05:00.002-04:00

Today is a sad say for fast food breakfast fans. Egg McMuffin creator Herb Peterson died last night at his home. He was 89.
Do you think he was actually the first person to invent this food? Or was her merely the man who gave it a name? Either way, he is an icon in the fast food breakfast world. I wonder how he felt about the McSkillet Burrito.

A 10-year old girl tried to rob a store in Franklin, Tennessee with a rock last night. She demanded the money from the register three times before she threw the rock at the clerks chest. She only had the one rock, and was then out of ammunition. When the clerk came around the counter she fled from the scene and he called the police. He said the main reason he called police was that he was worried about the girl being out so late and trying to rob a store.
It would have been so much funnier if she got the money.

In a much funnier robbery story, an 18-year old in Chicago tried to rob a muffler shop at gunpoint. The employees informed him that they did not have any money and that their boss will not be by to open the safe until later in the day. The teen then gave them his phone number and instructed them to call him when their boss shows up so that he can rob him. The men did call him, but also called the police. The boy was arrested after being shot in the leg.
What a dumbass.

Thats all for today.

Keepin it real from the loop

WALMART

2008-03-26T10:30:00.003-04:00

I don't really feel like writing about this article, but you should read it. Its pretty messed up. Yes I understand the legal mumbo-jumbo about it, but still exceptions can be made.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/03/25/walmart.insurance.battle/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

A study released today traced the lineaology of the three presidential candidates.
It found;
"McCain, the Vietnam War veteran who spent five years as a prisoner of war, descends from a long line of kings: Scottish King William the Lion, English King Edward I and French King Louis VII."

"Obama; the son of a white woman from Kansas and a black man from Kenya, is cousins with six U.S presidents, including Lyndon Johnson, Harry Truman and Gerald Ford. He is also linked to American artist Georgia O'Keefe, the Duchess of Windsor and two men who signed the Declaration of Independence. Most surprisingly, Obama -- the man who could become America's first African-American president -- is linked by ancestry to Robert E. Lee, who commanded the armies of the Southern slave-holding states during the American civil war. "

Clinton: shares ancestors with Grammy Award-winning singers Celine Dion and Madonna.
NOW I understand why I dislike Hillary so much. I knew she rubbed me the wrong way. Its the Celine Dion in her. Thank god for studies like this.

In other news, Russian long-range bombers were AGAIN intercepted by NATO jets over Alaska and escorted back to their airspace. I really don't get why they are toeing the line. All it takes is one slip by a pilot and we are in WWIII. All because they want to look "tough".

Finally, French President Nicolas Sarkozy (AKA Kevin McDonald) has an extremely hot wife. That's not new news, but it is tried and true. Nude photos of the former super model are going to be held at auction in NY.

That's all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop

What About Yee? Opening Day, Panda Sexercise and More

2008-03-25T09:29:00.004-04:00

Hello all. First off I would like to apologize again for not posting in a while. I have gotten lazy I guess. But fear not, I've got some goodies for you today.

I would also like to give props to two of my readers who HAD A DISCUSSION in the comments section. That is multiple postings my friend, ain't no joke.

Ok, some politics. Hilary or O'bamma?

Let's start with Hildogg. Hilary is under fire this week for comments she has made recently referring to her 1995 arrival in Bosnia. She has apparently made these same comments repeatedly over the past few months in order to strengthen her appearance as an experienced foreign policy official (Which she's not).
What are these comments? Well Hildogg said that when she arrived in Bosnia, they arrived under intense sniper fire.
"I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base."
This quote is part of a dramatic description she gave at a rally last week. The thing is, the video footage of her landing shows her and Chelsea slowly walking out of the plane and strolling over to a group of people waiting on the tarmac. A Bosnian child even gave her a poem.
My favorite part about this whole thing is that when called out on being a big fat liar/exaggerator Clinton responded that she "misspoke" about the event. " I say a lot of things -- millions of words a day -- so if I misspoke, that was just a misstatement," She also has changed her story a few times in order to rework it so that she is not lying. "Now let me tell you what I can remember, OK -- because what I was told was that we had to land a certain way and move quickly because of the threat of sniper fire. So I misspoke -- I didn't say that in my book or other times but if I said something that made it seem as though there was actual fire -- that's not what I was told"
I just don't get why she has to lie this badly. Usually candidates just lie about scandals and policies they will enforce, they don't create more lies for no reason.

Obama. He is making himself look sillier everyday. I know he is a black man and its hard to stay away from a race discussion, but he's got to get past it. I think he looks silly lingering on his Pastor and on race discussions. If Clinton wasn't so stupid to be making up stories that can so easily be dissproved, she would be gaining huge ground on him right now.

I found an article about the world's tallest man, he's 8''5!! wow. Check him out.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23781322/

A 1 1/2-year-old black-and-white Chihuahua named Conan prays with his owner daily at a Buddhist temple in Japan. He has quickly learned to stand on his hind legs and push his paws together to pray.

A D.C. man was bitten by a rattle snake that was hiding in his luggage. The man had just come back from a trip to South Carolina and reached his hand into his bag to unpack. He came back out with a bite. The snake had managed to sneak in at some point during the trip and apparently enjoyed it in there. Firefighters froze and killed the snake with a carbon dioxide fire extinguisher.

A donut truck in Illinois was stolen from a hospital while making a delivery. The driver then crossed state lines into Iowa with the truck. Later in the day a Toledo sherriff saw the truch and gave chase along with eight other officers as backup. They caught up with the truck and arrested the man at gunpoint. The officer claim they had no idea what was in the truck, just that it was stolen. SUUUUURE. They still got free donuts as a reward.
All in a day's work.

Animal handlers in Chine are using "sexercise" to try and motivate giant pandas to get down. The species is near extinction and has a notoriously low sex-drive. They are teaching the males a sexy dance and younger pandas watch others have sex in order to learn different ways of mating. This method seems to be working to an extent, as opposed to past attempts where zoo workers showed them porn twice a day to get them in the mood. There is no mention as to whether it was human or panda porn. I think hustler makes panda porn.

Finally, a corn-flake in the shape of Illinois has sold on E-bay for $1,350. I really can't write more about this because its so pathetic. But its true. ITS A FUCKING CORN FLAKE!!!!

Today is opening day, atleast in Japan where Redsox just beat the A's in extra innings.

That's all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Fat Mafioso's, Spy-gate, and Red Hot Sibling Looooove

2008-03-13T12:17:00.003-04:00

THIS-IS-THE-AFTERNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON UP-DAAAAAAAAAATE!
The newly revamped Afternoon Update I might add.

First up!! We've got Candy-Gate 2008.
Michael Sheridan, an eighth-grade honors student in New Have, Conn. was suspended and stripped (stripped!) of his honors status and his position of class VP for being caught buying a bag of Skittles from anothe student. Connecticuit schools have a ban on candy on school property. After reviewing the situation, the school board has decided to be lenient (THIS TIME) and to restore the boys honor as Vice President of the 8th grade.
I salute their decision and I hope this young man has learned a valuable lesson. And that lesson is that some of the people who make these rules are absolute nutjobs.

In much more odd news, a woman was surgically removed from a toilet seat. The woman had been sitting on the seat for two years, with her boyfriend bringing her food and drink everyday, and trying to coax her off the seat. He finally (after two years) called the authorities for help. The issue was that he skin had grown around the seat and she was literally attached to the seat.
I would appreciate any of you to leave your own comments on this one. PLEASE.

As promised, I have some red-hot-sibling-love for yaaas.
The Supreme court in Germany has ruled to uphold the current law that incest is a criminal offense. The law was being challenged by a 31-year old German man who has four children with his sister who is in her early 20's. The man was given up for adoption when he was four years old. Then in 2000 he was introduced to his biological mother and his sister. Apparently sparks flew and they had some children together.
Now I understand that since they weren't raised together, there is some type of detachment in their (her) minds about the familial connection. HOWEVER, common social practice should nonetheless instilled a red flag in their brains when they decided to get it on. And kids?!
How many birth defects could they have? I think its gross, "love" be damned, you dont screw your sister and even MORE so you don't have kids with her.

800 small dogs were rescued from a mobile home in Tucson, Arizona yesterday by animal control officials. The dogs were being kept inside a triple-wide mobile home by an elderly couple who claimed that they were breeding the dogs to sell. While the dogs were well fed, their living conditions were extremely inadequate, mostly because there was poop everywhere. The dogs breeds were mostly Chihuahuas, terriers and Pomeranians.
800! that is so many freaking dogs. 800? in a mobile home? how do you move?

Finally, a reputed mobster in Italy has been released from prison and send home under house arrest because he was too fat. Salvatore Ferranti, who weighs 462 lbs. was too fat to fit into the prison beds, and some prison cells. guards complained about having to helphim get dressed and undressed, help him bathe, and use the facilities.
At least there is no flight risk.

That's all for today, leave a post if you dare.

keepin it real from the loop

You go Moko!!

2008-03-12T10:20:00.002-04:00

A bottlenosed dolphin named Moko saved two pygmy sperm whales that were going to be euthanized after they beached multiple times off the coast of New Zealand. Moko is known by the locals for hanging around and playing with people in the water. The whales had been shoved off the beach multiple times, but could not find their way over the sandbar. Resuce workers were going to euthanize the whales in order to spare them a prolonged death.
YO GO MOKO! Screw Flipper, this guy should have his own show.

Also a man and his girlfriend were at the airport on their way to a Caribbean cruise when an airport security officer noticed a small black box stashed in a sock, and wanted a closer look. The officer then opened the bags, pulled out the box and removed an engagement ring from the velvety little black box. It doesnt take an Einstein to figure out what was inside that box.
So the man's engagement plans were ruined by a dambass security official. He still proposed, only at the airport, she said yes, and that is what is important blah blah blah.
I'd be pretty pissed.

I know these posts are getting weaker but I'll make up for it soon, I promise.

Keepin it real from the loop

qucikly

2008-03-11T14:11:00.002-04:00

I wasn't going to post anything today, but I cam across this article.

It is interesting enough, the article is about 1 in 4 teenage girls in the U.S. have alteast 1 STD.
Even better is the photo depciting a black man with a white girl. It somewhat gives off the image that he is going to give her the STD.
But maybe I am just seeing things. YOU decide. http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/03/11/teen.std.ap/index.html

OK

2008-03-07T07:52:00.002-05:00

So, assuming this is what the problem was, I have now switched the settings on the comments to allow any users to post. You can now be anonymous is you'd like, but owning up to opinions is always welcome.

Not too much good stuff today, I know I have been inconsistent with my postings, mainly because I hate writing about awful news, and this has been a particularly bad week. However, I have decided that just like when this blog began way back when, it will cover everything.

Starting with...An Elvis impersonator who showed up to his hearing in Nicholasville, Kentucky stinking drunk. The hearing was for being a creepy stalker. Mr. Presley was held in contempt and sentenced to 3 days in jail. This is pretty much the whole story, I just thought it was silly.

You ever notice how when its a short-term kinda thing it is referred to as jail, but when someone goes away for multiple years they go to prison. Kinda like the movie "Let's go to prison" which was hilarious.

The 3rd annual Amsterdam "Stiletto Race" was recently held, in which young women race at top speed in a minimum of 3 1/2 inch heels for a cash prize of $15,000. This is slightly less popular than that annual "Drag Races" held in Dupont Circle in which the racing is somewhat similar, only it is large muscular drag queens running instead of 18-year old girls.

Here is a quote from a Jpost article regarding the UN Security Council's failure to condemn yesterday's terrorist attack at a Jewish seminary in Jersusalem. The resolution to condemnt the attack was blocked by Libya, a non-permanent member, because they wanted to pass the resolution with a clause condemning Israel's operations in Gaza.

"Ambassador Vitaly Churkin of Russia, which currently holds the rotating monthly presidency of the Security Council, expressed his frustration over the fact that UNSC member states could not come to a decision to issue a condemnations for a terror attack and were instead getting bogged down by complexities over the history of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. "

"What kind of specific horrendous terror attack in the area will it take to make the Council condemn without going through all the history of the region," he said.

Amen brother.

And finally, Minnessota recently passed a ban on smoking in bars except for actors smoking in theatrical productions. In response to this, many bars have now "become" theatres, passing out playbills and encouraging patrons to come dressed up in costume in order to be proclaimed
"actors".
Oh you sill Minnesotans and your crazy antics.

That's it for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

shame

2008-03-04T10:33:00.003-05:00

SO Drew Barrymore has donated $1 million of her own money to charity. Cool. To be honest, that shouldn't be such big news, every fucking celebrity with mega-millions who get paid because we like their acting or singing should be giving that kind of money to charity. I dunno, maybe they do. Maybe they just dont flaunt it out to the media in order to take lots of credit for it. In that case, shame on you Drew Barrymore!

A man had his buddy shoot him the the shoulder so he could skip work. No joke.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23421911/

and of course I saved the best for last. A man in St. Paul Minnesota punched a woman and an old man while waiting at a bus stop. The man was waiting for the bus so he could go to his anger management class. HAHA. I mean atleast he is sorta trying right?

That's all for today, there was some horrible stuff in the news but its not going to be posted here. Look up "marines and puppies" on youtube if you want.

Happy retirement to Brett Favre. Happy trails to Hillary most likely.

Keepin in real from the loop.

Small Woman, Large Baby

2008-02-29T10:54:00.004-05:00

Hello all, happy Friday.

A woman in Cincinnati, Ohio gave birth to a baby that was measured at 18'' in length. Now this is not so interesting other than the fact that woman herself is only 24'' from head to toe. Pretty crazy. Hencer the title: "Small Woman, Large Baby". Stacey Herald, has contacted the Guinness Book of World Records. They are investigating her case.

Newborn Falls onto Railroad Tracks, Survives:
An Indian woman riding the train to Ahmadabad went to the bathroom and unexpectedly gave birth to a baby girl. The woman passed out and the baby eventually fell through the toilet onto the tracks. The newborn survived the fall, and 2 hours later was found by relatives who were searching the tracks.
How is that for a story to tell when you are older. When someone tries to feel special by telling the story of how they were born in the back if a taxi cab, you can one-up them like no one else.

Prince Harry is being sent home from Afghanistan after word of his deployment was leaked to the media in recent days. Good for him. I am amazed that it was kept so quiet for so long. Props to him though for serving his country, now he can just go back and lounge it up a little at the palace pool.

CNN has a link to a video news report about a woman who was ""held hostage" inside her hourse by a wild goose. The goose was running around her yard and front porch honking. I cannot even fathom why this would make the front page of a major news site. Even more amazing though is that one goose, ONE, kept a woman and her dog barricaded inside her house till it left. Shoe the goddam thing away! Its one goose! Honestly, a 3-year old could do it.
The whole situation from the event to the coverage is pathetic. Here's the video for your viewing pleasure. http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2008/02/28/klopping.held.hostage.by.goose.knvn

Lastly, if you haven't seen the "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck" video from the Jimmy Kimmel show, please go youtube it right away. It is friggin hilarious.

Thats all for today. Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

My Very Exciting Magic Carpet Just Sailed Under Nine Palace Elephants.

2008-02-27T10:27:00.002-05:00

Its a good way to remember the 11 planets. Although I coulda sworn when I was in school, there were only 9. hmm.

In a very interesting story, a 16-foot scrub python ate an Australian families dog while their 2 young children watched. The snake swallowed the dog whole in front of their eyes. Apparently this is not uncommon, however the family probably could have figured something was up when 4 days earlier they saw te python hanging out by the dogs enclosure and watching it. The dog was probably being stalked for 4-5 days.
There is a cool picture of this if you follow the link. http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/02/27/australia.snake.ap/index.html

In even better news, the mayor of Arlington, Oregon was temporarily removed from office after a picture of her posing in lingerie on a fire truck was found on her myspace page. This is one foxy mayor. She was later reinstated. Watch the video, rowr.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/02/27/barker.racy.mayor.photo.katu

Lastly, while I ususally try to steer away from anything involving the Middle East, I have to comment on a particular CNN article I read today. The headline of the article was
Poll: Most Israelis back talks with Hamas,
Now that's fine, the article is talking about Israeli public opinion regarding peace talks.
Now i'm sure CNN tries to pride itself as a non-biased news network so they start talking about how human rights groups are bashing Israel for cutting off some aid to Gaza. Then the article counters with the reasoning behind the blockade is the daily launching of Kassam rockets into Israel. Fine, cool, awesome. Everything is evenly balanced, until they stil in this little gem.
"The rockets rarely travel a significant distance but have occasionally injured and killed people." What is the point of trivializing these rocket attacks. Though, "the rockets rarely travel a significant distance", the author is literally attempting to undermine the blockade by saying, well the bombs don't really reach people usually, so its not so bad.
Imagine that in America, "well, yea he shoots at his neighbors, but the bullets rarely even reach the house next door.." What a fucking rediculous statement! either stay unbiased or state your claims, but please do not try and trivialize human life and violent attacks by spewing crap like this.

That's all.

Big Men and Bigger Burgers

2008-02-25T12:05:00.002-05:00

Big, Big, Big!! That word never gets old. Today the Afternoon Update is supersizing your intake of news with large men and a gigantic meat cookie.

The Florida Marlins held tryouts this weekend for an all-male, plus size cheerleading squad that will be called the "Manatees". Those are cows of the sea for you ignoranuses (It's from Ali G). No word yet on wether they will wear child-sized T's and mini skirts.
The Manatees will not be paid, however they will recieve free ticket to the Friday and Saturday games at which they lead the cheers.

In even BIGGER NEWS, a restaurant in Southgate, Michigan is attempting to break the world record for the "Largest Hamburger Commercially Available". It wieghs 134 lbs. and it takes 12 hours to make. The burger sits on a 50 lb. bun along with bacon, cheese, and most likely a defibrulator. It costs $350 and requires a 24 hour notice to order it.
MMMM MMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Big props to Dave for writing his own "Here's to you" Bud Light commercial from the last post. If any of the other 3-4 of you who will read this want to write your own and post, it would be more than welcome.

That's all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it BIG from the loop.

Here's to you...

2008-02-20T10:23:00.003-05:00

Today's blog is dedicated to most of the individuals I am going to write about. You''ll see. At the end i'll attempt to write one of those "Here's to you" Bud light ads. If you want you can write your own at home, or post it in the comments section.

First off, its official now. MI6 did not kill Princess Diana and Dodi Al Fayed. Besides, that seems very un-Bondlike. I can't see Sean Connery doing that, Roger Moore maybe but still.

A California man has pleaded guilty to making graphic and detailed death threats against the band Korn. Now I enjoyed "Freak on a Leash" as much as the next guy, especially the "Daboomba daboomba babeebop" part, that was bas ass. But of all the celebrities or musicians to target with death threats and even try and kill, Korn? why not choose a target with more worth or substance? I'm just saying there are plenty of better stalking targets than Korn.

A teenager in Missouri has been arrested for hiring hit men to kill his parents. Authorities were tipped off by a prison inmate who was asked to help him. The teen did get in contact with some killers and provided them with $260 in cash, a debit card with the PIN number, two .22-caliber pistols, a .38-caliber pistol and the alarm code to the parents' house. $260? I bet the debit card didnt have much on it either. I thought contract killings went for like $10,000 or so. $260? Seriously?

An article on MSNBC is calling a couple who ripped off a girl scout troop "con artists" for passing off a fake $100 bill to 12 year olds and then getting $93.50 and some cookies in change. I mean yea they are scuzzy people, but con-artists? I think that is a bit much to qualify them. When I think of con-artists I think of golddiggers and gigalows or criminal masterminds, not a cheapo man and woman who like to steal from little girls.
If I give an 8-year old $5 in monopoloy money for his lollipop, am I now a con-artist? NOO. I am a schmuck.
On the bright side, someone donated $100 to the troop in order to make up for the lost moolah.

A Firefighter in South Carolina was saved by a DVD in his pocket when he was shot in the chest during an altercation at a Waffle House.
Lesson: Watch movies and avoid Waffle Houses. They are tougher than biker bars.

A Utah Girl has won the "best bagger in America" award and taken home 2 trophies and $2,000. The money part is pretty cool, but now you are labeled as the nations best grocery bagger. Do you display those trophies proudly? I mean, good for you but...its grocery bagging. Now that you know you are the best, you should probably move up the career ladder a bit. Atleast the girl is only 18 and not 45.

Couples in Columbus, Ohio were married in a White Castle. The weddings were sponsored by a local radio station. In classic fashion ,the flower girl threw salt and pepper packets instead of rice.
Is there anything that needs to be said? O yea, the cake was in the shape of a White Castle tray with 3 sliders on it. I am assuming these people each weighed 300 lbs.

So here's to you Mr. and Mrs. "con-artist" who loves to steal from little girls. You could've just tried passing your fake money on a dumb 21 year old working at Mcdonalds but you just had to go for the gold by getting girl scout cookies too. "Thin mints are delicious" (in the high pitched voice). So the next time you have that craving for a samoa or a do-si-dos just grab your favorite fake $100 bill and go rip off the first green berete'd, badge wearing, pig-tailed youths you see.
Mr. and Mrs. con-aaaaartists.

Ok so Im not the guy who writes those commercials for a reason. Sue me.

That is all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Sex auctions and meth deposits

2008-02-14T13:39:00.004-05:00

What more could you ask from a headline?

An 18-year old woman deposited an envelope at her credit union yesterday. Upon opening the envelope, employees at the credit union discovered some cash and a bag of meth. She was then subsequently arrested for drug possession. Authorities think she may have accidentally included the meth when she was taking money out of her pocket.
Lesson: ALWAYS keep your drugs safe.

In better news , a woman who became pregnant after a sex auction from a German website, has won he rights to find out who the men she had sex with were. Six different men had winning bids on a website to anonymously have sex with this woman. She is now pregnant with one of the men's child. The website originally refused to give the names of the men, citing confidentiality agreements, but a court overruled those agreements with the child's right to know its father.
First of all I didn't know you could do that. Secondly, how do you not use protection?
Lesson:If you are going to have sex with multiple strangers off the internet, use protection!!

God Bless Baldymore

2008-02-13T11:33:00.001-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/02/13/md.cop.vs.skater.wmar

Why can't sex offenders win the lottery? I don't get it. Yea, he is still a pervert, but that doesn't mean he has any less right to $10 million than you do, you jealous D-bags.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7240683.stm

I Miss John Rocker

2008-02-12T13:47:00.000-05:00

That guy was a character. He was everything that was right with baseball. The real life Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn, if you will. I'm glad he has decided to speak out about his opinion on steroids in MLB.

Ok. A couple of small incidental things I'd like to get off my chest.

1) A Russin bomber "buzzed" a U.S. aircraft carrier in the pacific yesterday. "Buzz" means if flew 2,000 feet directly above the ship. That may seem reall high, but 2,000 feet is not a long way to go for a bomb.
My thoughts on this are scattered. This is just another "incident" involving the Russian military over the past year or two. What is going on? Does Russia really want to go to war with the U.S.? Are they just flexing their muscles? We never even actually went to war during the Cold War, can you imagine if all these technologically advanced years later we do? It scares the bejeebees outta me because I have no idea why they are acting so "tough". Perhaps we (USA) are doing the same?

2) Forget The NE Patriots and "spygate". We should be more focused on China's spygate. 2 seperate groups of suspects were arrested today on charges of selling military information to the Chinese government.
You can read about those stories yourself on any major news website. What I want to know now is how does this work? Is it like some "Family Guy" episode where a U.S. leader calls up a Chinese official and is like "ah ah ahhhh, we caught you...." and then they both laugh? I mean I am certain this is not the first time a spy has been caught, but what happens now? Just ignore it?

In better news,
Saudi Arabia Bans Valentines Day:
The country has banned the color red for February 14. This is because as one person put it: "As Muslims we shouldn't celebrate a non-Muslim celebration, especially this one that encourages immoral relations between unmarried men and women" the fun stuff about this is that the day before Valentine's Day there are raids on flower and gift shops searching for red flowers, teddy bears, etc. by the Virtue and Vice Squad.
MAN I wish we had one of those here.

John Ritter's widow is suing 2 doctors for her husbands death claiming he was mistreated.
I'd hate to find out that's true, John Ritter was an awesome actor and while I really enjoyed it, "Bad Santa" should not have been his last movie. Here's to you John.

Lindsay Lohan saw Paris Hilton at a party thrown by Timbaland, and very audibly called her a bitch. Ms. Hilton then not so quietly responded by telling Lil Lindsay to "Fuck off".
Class is class and you gotta hand it to them, they've got tons of it.

There was a high school prank in Philadelphi over the weekend where someone(s) stole 100 chickens and let them into the school. On Monday morning they had to close the school becuase off all the cleaning up that had to be done of chicken poop and the like.
My favorite part about this is the line at the end of the article. When asked if they catch the culprit what would be his punishment, school spokesman Fernando Gallard said they would have to pay for the damages. And of course in classic set-up pun situations he said: "It's not going to be chicken scratch." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm so glad he didn't miss that golden opportunity.

Finally I would like to discuss something that I was thinking about earlier. I was lightly discussing Captain Planet with a friend of mine and we were talking about the South American Native kid whose power was "Heart". Now that was a pretty lame power, but they tried to make up for it with his pet monkey.
Do you think there was ever a possibility for the American to get a sissy power like heart? NO WAY right? We got "FIRE" man. No way would the American ever be a sissy, and I think that is very interesting that the shows producers found it necessary to make the American character kick ass, while the fruity "Heart" guy with a monkey could have just as easily been the asian character or something. I am not disagreeing with their judgement, no way the American could have been anything other that "Fire". NO god damned way, and if you don't like it, you can just GET OUT!

That's all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Hippies, Dolphins, and Twins.

2008-02-11T11:36:00.000-05:00

Ok first of all, I just want to say that I am not necessarily anti-hippie. It is just that they do so many stupid things in the world and justify it with their beliefs. Its like being a hippie activist is like being part of a religion, and based on the fact that your beliefs are correct, you can act however you want to. In reality that is how it plays out, therefore from now on hippies will be considered as part of a religious group, perhaps a fanatical group (I'm not sure yet) known as "the followers of Hippyism" or someithng like that.

Now for the news.

Let's start off with the Mecca of Hippyism: Berkeley California.
The city council of Berkeley has sided with political protesters demanding that the United States Marine Corps. stop recruiting in the city. The politicians have gone as far as saying that the Marines are to be considered "uninvited and unwelcome intruders."
They also are supporting anti-war groups such as "Code Pink" to whom the city has bequeathed a free parking permit so they can harass the recruitment center and chain themselves to the entrance of the office. (You may remember members of Code Pink as the crazy bitches who covered themselves in red paint and attacked Condy Rice when she was appearing before congrees. The paint was supposed to symbolize blood.)

Republican Lawmakers are threatening to retaliate by stripping thecity of about $5.3 million in federal and state dollars.
"If the U.S. Marines are not good enough for Berkeley, neither are taxpayer dollars," Sen. John Cornyn, a Texas Republican, said in a statement. Amen brother.

I don't think that a city's government should be taking sides with extremist groups. It is their responsibility to represent the city, not their individual preferences.
Also it's not hard to notice that the majority of members of groups such as Code Pink and other politically extreme groups are elderly women. Perhaps if they had something better to do with their time, they would not be so heavily involved in crazy activities.

Building on Friday's "Leave the Dominican Republic and their cock-fighting traditions alone" post, I found this article today about rural Japanese fisherman who hunt and eat dolphin.
What's wrong with eating dolphins they ask? they have been doing so for hundreds of year. Apparently it is very popular fried or in a stew.

So what is the big hullabaloo (is that spelled right?) all about? Western culture frowns on that. One man, Ric O'Barry a 68-year-old retired dolphin trainer from Miami, Florida, has taken it upon himself to tell the world about this "heinous crime. What crime?
O'Barry trained multiple dolphins for the popular "Flipper" TV series. He has a home in Taiji, the main city for dolphin hunting and has taken to disguising himself in costumes and video-taping the fisherman catching and killing the dolphins with hopes of raising awareness in Western cultures. "This here is ground zero for the largest slaughter of dolphins on planet Earth,"he says "It's absolutely barbaric and it needs to stop."

Why is it wrong? Why is it barbaric? Where does this guy get off saying it's wrong? I can't explain why I am getting so upset over these things, but who do these people think they are, trying to regulate the world? This is a smally fishing village that eats dolphins. Naturally there will be dolphin killing in order to eat them. I bet you $5 this guy eats hamburgers. It is so hypocritical and so so wrong to try and police other peoples and cultures into your way of thinking. If these people eat dolphin, then they eat dolphin. If it is a rich part of these people's culture to fight roosters, so be it. That is their call, not yours.
Yes a line can and should be drawn while respecting other cultures. Genocide for example is not exusable even if your ancestor's did it. But that is a far cry from killing and eating dolphins. And yes I will back that up with anyone who wishes to argue the contrary.

On to the twins.
A man named Edwar Harris has been hounded for over 15 years by the Pennsylvania traffic courts for $1,800 in unpaid parking tickets. The tickets actually belong to his twin Edwin Harris, who moved south and lost touch with his family. Every year the problem occurs and every year it is remedied for Edward until last year when a judge didn't even look at the forms, but ordered Edward to pay the fines or go to jail. Another judge saw the case in the news and refunded Edward his money apologizing.
The lesson of this story is for parents. If you are going to have identical twins, don't be assholes and make their names virtually identical as well. Edward and Edwin? seriously? It's not cute, have a heart.

Finally a space ship manufacturing company in California is appealing a fine from the courts regarding worker training that resulted from a recent explosion during a rocket test that killed one worker. The fine is for $28,870.00. Why are they appealing? I cannot imagine that a company who gets multi-million dollar contracts to build space vessels cannot come up with te 30 grand. That is just silly.

That's all for today, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin in real from the loop.

ok really quickly

2008-02-08T11:27:00.000-05:00

Lets spark a debate. Read the article below. It pertains to a video, supposedly 2 years old, where Juan Marichal and Pedro Martinez are seen releasing 2 roosters at a cockfight in the Dominican Republic.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AlNfA6usfWVayPk6rcfNukERvLYF?slug=ap-mets-martinez-cockfighting&prov=ap&type=lgns

Now PETA and other animal rights activist groups want the athletes to apologize publicly, MLB to apologize and have all their athletes attend "Vick-like" sensitivity courses, as well as have the U.S. admonish them.

Cockfighting is legal and extremely popular in the Dominican Republic. Second only to baseball. According to Martinez they were the honorary guys who release the cocks.

I for one think it is wrong for PETA to attack Martinez for participating in a cultural event in his native country. I know PETA pretends to police the world as the authority on how animals should be treated, but in reality it is only in a few countries.
I am not advocating cock fighting or calling right or wrong. But where does PETA get off calling for them to blast the sport? Someone cannot be punished for not doing anything wrong. I don't care if its right or wrong, it is their countries frikin pastime!
I think that the extent to which PETA assumes this should be taken is ludacris. They did nothing wrong, they were being honored in their country in one of the biggest ways, and these animal rights people have no respect for other cultures.

You cannot control the world, get over yourselves.

"Tell Me Somethin Good"

2008-02-08T09:28:00.000-05:00

Mornin Y'all.

I'm gonna try and keep this entry positive, since a lot of shitty stuff has happened recently.

Baby Survives Tornado:
An 11-month old baby in Castalian Springs, Tennessee was tossed over 100 ft. by a tornado and survived the ordeal. He was found hours later by a firefighter who thought he was just a doll until he started to move. Unfortunately his mother did not survive.

There was a huge mob bust in both NY and Italy yesterday. I don't feel like writing about it, but this is old school Godfather stuff. Check it out: http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/02/08/gambino.arrests/index.html

I couldn't decide on the story of the day, becuase there were two great stories. On a normal day, each one would be an easy winner, but on this rare occasion I am going to have to have 2 "stories of the day".

1) Police are searching for a man in Portland, Maine who has been driving around and cutting off single women with his car or truck. After cutting them off, he gets out of the vehicle and begins to model for them dressed in women's underwear, a garter belt, and black high-heeled boots. He also has a thick handle-bar mustache.
Police have stated that he has not necessarily done anything illegal, the fact that he is stopping traffic means they need to speak with him.

2) A Minnesota man mugged a woman, took her cell phone and purse, and then licked her toes. While the mugging was taking place he said "Now I'm going to suck your feet".

I don't feel that either of these stories needs an explanation for why they were chosen.

A drunk Australian man was arrested for threatening to blpw up half of Brisbane with his TV remote control. His has been sentenced with probation. He accepted the ruling, but stated that this could cause problems with his plans to travel overseas in different philanthropic endeavors.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Brilliant!
The Judge told him "Let's get you right before we send you off to a Third World country."

Finally,
I will leave you with this Jack Nicholson quote that shows why he is a PIMP 4 LIFE.
“I like each year to date a nice range of women,” the veteran actor revealed to The Guardian UK. “I only use Viagra when I am with more than one.”

Leave a post if you dare,

Keepin it real from the loop.

ugh

2008-02-07T12:11:00.001-05:00

Sorry I haven't been posting lately. I know we were getting on a roll after the long layoff, but i've got the flu and I feel like Tom Brady on Sunday night. I'll be back soon.

Props to Dave for seeing monkeys on the backs of sheepdogs live.

2 of the greatest things ever

2008-02-01T09:41:00.000-05:00

You have GOT TO SEE THIS!

It is a monkey in a cowboy hat riding a dog at a rodeo. I could watch this all day long.

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?cl=6223850

In other news, it has been reported that last night Paris Hilton was at a club when she got drunk with Elisha Cuthbert (Girl Next Door, 24). They then started making out. Teenage boys (and grown men) everywhere rejoice. Rejoice, we have no choice (a little CSN reference for ya)

Thats all for today. Happy Friday everyone.
Leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

If you are buying Godiva Chocolates soon, I call dibs on your winnings.

2008-01-30T10:20:00.000-05:00

A couple of things for you guys today. By the way great turnout yesterday. I pretty sure my readership doubled! (It is still in single digits). Nothing like the hey day, but its a good start.

So first off, I will give you the quote of the day. This is from an article about medical marijuana vending machines in California. A guy was quoted in the end of the article as saying it was a safer way to keep drugs out of kids hands.

"You have kids that want to get high and that's not what marijuana is for," Robert Miko said. "It's to medicate."

Hahahahahhaha. That is the purest bullshit in the entire world. 100% grade A, FDA approved, through a clinical double-blind study (lypozene shout out here) pure bullshit. I guess Mr. Robert Miko should also be getting the hypocrite of the day award too.

And now for the D-bag of the century award.
This is an old story but the big news today is that this man has dropped his law suit. What about you might ask? well...

Tomas Delgado, a Spanish businessman was speeding along a 55 mph road in 2004 in his luxury Audi when he struck then 17-year old Enaitz Iriondo Trinidad, dragging the boy along the highway and killing him. While reports vary of the drivers speeds, a judge threw out a criminal suit against Senor Delgado. But wait there's more.
Tomas Delgado then filed suit against the parents of Enaitz claiming damages to his car as well as for the cost of rentals while his Audi was in the shop.

REALLY? How spineless do you have to be? You kill a family's kid and then sue them for damages to your luxury vehicle? WHAT A D-BAG.

I play in a 3-on-3 basketball league once a week and it is held in a local community center. Of course with the words "community center" comes the automatic naked old men walking around the locker room ( I have no reference for the ladies side, feel free to chime in). However last week I was changing and an old man was walking around for a while naked chatting with his buddies and then decides to get dressed.
Now the logical course of action for people under 80 atleast is to put on your underpants first and cover up your twig and berries (crude I know), HOWEVER this gentleman puts on his t-shirt and then starts walking around more! How does that makes sense? and it was even wierder because he is half dressed but the wrong half!!
I think there should be a locker room policy that shirts and socks etc. come AFTER undies (unless you are going commando, in which case pants/shorts first).

And finally, as per the title of today's entry:
Godiva Chocolates are giving away one night in a chocolate apartment, a luxury apartment at that. The "golden ticket" will be hidden in one box of chocolates that is being sold in North America. I think I would like to stay in a chocolate apartment for a night, so I call dibs if anyone here wins. At the very least if you win, bring me home like a candlestick or part of the table or something. Much Obliged.
For a photo of the part of the apt. go to: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22903236/

Thats all for now, leave a post if you dare.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Women!

2008-01-29T10:26:00.000-05:00

So its about 10:20 and I am perusing the web for the latest rumors about the Erik Bedard trade, when I decide to see what is happening in the world at large. I go to cnn.com ( I know it is a rediculously silly site, but it still has news), and I read the political ticker which usually has great blog-worthy fodder.

It did not dissapoint.

The main headline read:
"Women's Group Slams Kennedy for Betrayal"
If you are a complete ignoramus, and I don't believe that the three of you who read this are, you will know I am not talking about JFK. The NY chapter of NOW (National Organization for Women) is bashing Kennedy for endorsing Obama yesterday. They said:
"Sen. Kennedy’s endorsement of Hillary Clinton’s opponent in the Democratic presidential primary campaign has really hit women hard," said the statement. "Women have forgiven Kennedy, stuck up for him, stood by him, hushed the fact that he was late in his support of Title IX, the ERA, the Family Leave and Medical Act to name a few."

Where in the hell do they get off? I am not saying one way or another whether Kennedy's endorsement was right or wrong, it was an endorsement. Did he pledge to only support Hilary or no one and then turn his back? NO!
These crazy feminists ( I mean that in an identifying but not offensively negative way) are mad at him because Hilary is losing. According to their logic, becasue womens groups have been so understanding regarding his political past, he has an 0bligation to endorse Hilary? Is that some sort of unspoken pact? WTF!?!
NOW then goes on to state that Kennedy has no respect for womens rights.

So let me ask you this. Does this mean from now on, any major political figure, union, or interest group that supports Obama, or even Edwards, instead of Hilary does not respect women or their rights? It automatically means that their reasoning is strictly because they do not want a woman in the White House?
Does the same hold true for Obama? I guess anyone who endorses Hilary just hates black people and doesn't respect their rights. Apparently people only support Hilary because they never want to see a black man in the White House.

This is politics at it's pettiest and I think it stinks, just plain old stinks.
On a side note, this is partly why I don't want Hilary in the White House, because I don't want these crazy bitches to have any influence over her.
(yes I know that last sentence completely de-legitimizes my whole "article")

Also, whats is going on with Bill Clinton in the past week? but that is for you to decide. Leave a post if you dare.

Lypozene

2008-01-21T19:18:00.001-05:00

I was just watching a commercial for Lipozene. Thats the "clinically proven", non-FDA approved fat zapping pill. What I have a problem with is that they start off the commercial saying "body-fat is unattractive" I for one think that it is wrong for them to just make a blanket statement like that. I for one find it offensive. Who are they to say what is attractive and what not?

I say fat people everywhere should sue their asses for defamation. That is all.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Britney Spears is a Fucking Loon

2008-01-18T08:07:00.000-05:00

There, I've finally come out and said it. She is totally off her rocker. For a while I thought maybe she was just being misunderstood, and she was mixed in with the wrong crowd and substances,(Although I was never planning on making a youtube video crying, did you know that guy got his own reality TV show for being a sissy nutcase?) blah blah blah...but now she is just straight up-word to your mother-insane!

I've got a few stories for all you loyal readers out there. It warmed my heart that there were actually comments on the last, albeit concise, posting.

First lets do some politics, since that is what the kids are talking about these days.

Huckabee is Courting the pre-teen vote:
I know this joke has been made already. Chuck Norris is one thing, but WWE star Ric Flair? I mean if 15 year olds could vote, yea Huckabee would be a shoo in for president. Maybe he is trying to get some of the WWE college vote? Does that exist?

Plastic Dead Babies:
As crude as this may sound, can a "plastic dead baby" exist? or is it just simply a plastic baby?
An anti-abortion group in Wisconsin sent out 2''inch plastic babies to resident all over the area. Many people said that literature is one thing, but this is simply over the line. The group said it was meant to be educational. I say it is scare tactics. This is terrorism plain and simple. or is it?

"Get These Motha Fuckin Snakes Off of My Motha Fucking Plane":
A one ton crate containing thousands of the nonvenomous rat snakes was seized on a plane preparing to leave Vietnam. The snakes had been smuggled in from Thailand. Authorities believe that they were meant to be sold in other countries. Woah, I woulda been freaked out if they got loose on my plane. I'd go Samuel L. on their asses. Royale with cheese style.

Bobby Fischer died. He was a chess champion, an anti-semite, an anti-American, and a complete loon. I do not see a reason to mourn his death. For a little justification his mother was Jewish and in the past decade whenever he did his radio interviews in the Phillipines, he would go into these crazy anti-Jewish rants. He also denounced his U.S. citizenship and he praised the 9-11 attacks. Good riddance. Its shame that he was an icon during the Cold War because he played chess. It aint all that its cracked up to be.
I would pick the 1980 Olympic Hockey Gold medal win against the Soviets any day over his playing chess.

Burglar Plays the Good Samaritan:
A burglar who broke into an apartment in Berlin found the owner of the place dead in his bedroom. The man felt obligated to call the police, and then left the scene of the crime. Authorities have said that the man has been dead for over two weeks. Reports are that the man left the "flat" empty handed, but police officials have no way to confirm that. I'd say he's entitled to a little sumptin-sumptin.

And finally a man in Hawaii has been arrested for throwing a baby off of a free way bridge into traffic. The baby was hit by atleast two cars. Investigators are looking into whether the baby was dead before it was thrown.
And this the reason I have stopeed writing about the news.

Keepin in real from the Loop.

Oh Hi There!

2008-01-16T10:18:00.000-05:00

Friends, I apologize for the long absence. I have been getting very depressed by the news in recent weeks so I have decided to take a break.

However I did see two stories today that I wanted to share with you. Firstly

Brad Renfro Found Dead:
Yea, he's the guy from "The Client" and "Sleepers". He was found dead early this morning. The cause of death has not been announced, my money is on an overdose. Renfro is mostly famous for trying to buy heroine off an undercover cop in 2006.

And also in New Zealand, a man has been charged for drunk driving whilei driving his tractor. The tractor, which hits top speed at 5 mph, has been impounded.

The Maurading Monkey's are Back!!

2008-01-04T09:31:00.000-05:00

No Joke. More on that later.

Welcome to Friday's edition of the Afternoon Update. I have very little confidence that anyone actually reads this anymore, if they ever did, but what the heck-let's give it a shot.

Obama and Huckabee Kick Ass:

If you are spending the time to read my blog, then you most likely have already read the news. Barak Obama and Mike Huckabee won the Iowa primaries for their respective parties. Kudos to them. There is plenty of information on these stories, so I will not cover it.

This is easily the story of the day, and it goes out to my man Rubes.
Man Charged Extra; Banned from Buffet:
A man and his cousin were charged a double fee from an asian buffet, and were later banned from the establishment. The restaurant at first claimed this was due to their constant eating of all the higher priced sea food items such as crab legs and the ever delicious frog legs (this was in Louisianna). The man also claimed that the waitress said to him when receiving the bill "She says, 'Y'all fat, and y'all eat too much". When the man argued the bill, the police were called and the owners banned him from the restaurant.
I think this is silly, because if you are going to run a buffet, you should expect fat people to come in 3-5 times a week and eat all your food. Who do you think buffets are for? And if an item is too pricey, then don't put it out as an option. I am siding with the customer's on this.

Man Injures Himself While Riding Pet Buffalo:
The story here is that he has a pet buffalo. O yea, and the guy is 75.

Priest Brawl '08:
In an awesome display of religious tolerance, 50 Greek Orthodox priests and 30 Armenian priests scuffled in a royal rumble while cleaning up the Church of the Nativity.
How many people would honestly pay to see that happen? I know I would. 80 priests just swining fists and brooms at one another? I mean c'mon, not even monty python ever did that.

Man violates Own Smoking Ban:
The Head of Portugal's Food Standards Agency, the agency charged with upholding Portugal's new smoking ban, was seen smoking a cigar on New Year's eve thereby breaking the law in the first day of its effect. The man said he did not know about the law and will now look into what it entails.
Nice.

Killer Monkey's to be Sterilized:
As I stated earlier, the crazed monkeys of India are back in the news! Only this time its not such great news for them. North Indian state officials unveiled plans to train unemployed youths to sterilize thousands of the wild monkeys with lasers. This is meant to hopefully curb the number of monkey attacks around the cities.
I am not sure how I feel about this. Would you really want hundreds of young men running around with "lasers"?

Waitress Receives $50,000 Tip:
Well it wasn't really a tip, but she did receive a lot of money and a car. The women who received these goods was the waitress for an ill-tempered old man who died recently. The waitress was always polite to him and took his requests despite him being a cranky old geezer. The man left his car and $50,000 to the woman. Presumably for her kindness.

This is a pretty crazy story, and its really long so I will just provide you with the link.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22499062/

Mother lies for Hannah Montana Tickets:
A mother who wrote he daughter's "Hanna Montana" contest essay has publicly apologized. The essay, which described how the girl's father had died in Iraq and blah blah blah, won the contest. After further investigation, officials discovered that the story was a complete fabrication. The mother is concerned now because she is taking a lot of heat for this rediculous story. She is claiming to be the victim and had to move away from their home due to hate mail and the like surrounding her story.
To be honest, what kind of person would make up a story like that? and for Hannah Montana tickets? What about all those people who's parents actually did die in the war? Boo this woman for trying to turn it around so that she is the victim.
On a side note, I have apparently underestimated the drawing power of Hannah Montana.

and finally,

Dane Cook Breaks Laugh Factory Record:
Dane Cook has broken Dave Chappelle's stand up comedy record by performing for seven straight hours at the Laugh Factory. I'm sure Chappelle will take it back.

Keepin it real from the Loop.

ouch

2008-01-03T16:22:00.001-05:00

This guy got cut in half by a grabage truck.
http://www.local10.com/news/14969398/detail.html

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaaaaaack!

2008-01-02T13:53:00.000-05:00

Hello! Welcome to the Afternoon Update!
I am using a lot of exclamation points!!

I apologize for the long absence, vacation and all. And yes, I missed you too.
OK. Enough dilly-dallying, lets get down to blogging.

POLITICS!!
Chuck Norris Will Kick Mitt Romney's ASS!!!
That is not entirely accurate. Mr. Texas Ranger acutally said he would not roundhouse Mitt Romney, but that he only would choke him out. Walker then said he abhorrs negative campaigning, and that it was just in good fun.
On a side note, does anyone want a president with the name "Mitt"?

Man Murders Family:
An Indian man murdered his pregnant daughter, her husband, and their 3-year old child by setting their apartment on fire while they slept. The man said the reasoning was that the man had not asked his permission to marry his daughter, and that it was an unacceptable marriage since his son-on-law was of a lower caste.
It is interesting to see cases in which culture rules play a part in crime here.
Also, isn't it wierd that he waited 3-4 years to kill them? rather than stop the marriage when it was happening.

Family Spends New Years In Jail:
A Florida family spent the New Years holiday behind bars after one member of the family was arrested for trespassing at a neighborhood mall. The man had previously been banned from the mall for wearing his pants too low. The family became involved once he was arrested.
This is stupid.

Man Gives 10-Year Old Daughter Porn for Christmas:
Sort of. A man bought a used MP3 player from Wal-Mart that the previous owner had preloaded withpornography. The girl started crying 10 minutes after her father had given her the present. I am sure that could be very scary for a 10-year old. Wal-Mart shrewdly boffered to replace the player with another one, but the man is holding onto it until after meeting with lawyers. Smart man.

Man Jumps off Bridge with Police Dog:
A high speed chase ended in California with the suspect getting out of his car, grabbing a K-9 unit dog, and jumping off a bridge. The dog did not survive the fall, however the man did and is in critical condition. I do believe that killing a police dog is close to if not the same as killing an officer, so this guy is in real trouble if he survives.

Poor Man Returns $185,000 Check; Gets Jack-Shit:
A 47-year old Mcdonald's worker he lives off of food stamps found a $185,000 check on the ground. The man never thought about trying to cash it, but rather found where it was supposed to go, hopped on a bus, and returned it to the correct individual. The recipient was a landlord's daughter, who was so grateful for the man's efforts, she gave him $50.
I'm sorry, are you kidding me? The guys brings you a check for $185,000 and all you can splurge in reward money is 50 bucks!?! Please.

That's all for today.
Im gonna try out this new short format. Any feedback will be great.

Go Skins!!

Keepin it real from the Loop.

Feareth Not!

2007-12-27T12:22:00.000-05:00

I have not forsaken thou. I am just taking a holiday break, and so is the news.

I'll be back next week.

If you want some interesting reads, (albeit sad). Google Tatianna the tiger. She killed 1 person and critically injured 2 others at the San Francisco zoo yesterday. Don't mess with a 300 lb. tigress. Yikes.

"You may kiss the bride...but please don't squeeze the Charmin dress."

2007-12-21T08:43:00.000-05:00

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us,"

Hey y'all. I guess this is the southern edition of the Afternoon Update. Whenever I read that phrase, I automatically hear Paula Dean saying it in my head. God bless that woman.
This is also the last blog I will dedicate to single Jonny, but also this one goes out to his lovely fiancee as well. I'm ready to get drunk!

So anyways, I was planning on keeping this light today, since Fridays are much better spent day dreaming about your weekend. Swinging in your hammock, sippin on a Carona or mai tai, whatever. The fact of the matter is, its winter and you aint gonna be doin nothing. But really I feel like it is necessary to talk about this Jamie Lynn Spears thing more. (also quickly and addendum from yesterday, Jamie Lynn is a Nickolodeon kid, while Vanessa Hudgens and older sister Britney are products of Disney. I apologize for not distinguishing between the two.)

I know this is not an orginal conversation, and yes I got it from an article I read, BUT I feel like this story, since it is regarding such a popular "celeb" could mandate a new set of laws for statutory rape. I am not saying it should be legal or anything, but I feel like there shuold be some sort of uniformity in regards to age differences in every state. There are no more Puritan vs. Catholic states, all laws don't have to be different just because. Now I know also that the Federal Gov't cannot do anything because it would be a violation of states rights, and blah blah blah, before you know it the South's in a stir and its the Civil War part deux.

However, if you look at the Genarlow Wilson case from Georgia, why should it be any different from the Jamie Spears case? If you don't know what I'm talking about, Jamie Spears is 16 and pregnant. The father is her longtime 18-year old boyfriend.Also you are an ignoramus.
Note: On Msnbc, he is said to be 19, while on CNN he is 18...interesting.
Why shouldn't this guy who fathered her child go to prison? She admits that it was consensual sex, but so did the girl Genarlow Wilson was with, she testified in court! but because of the state's laws, he was still guilty. I am not taking the race angle on this one (but obvioulsy you can), however I do not think it is fair for a 17-18 year old to be able to have sex in one state, and not in another. I am not starting a movement suggesting that all teens start having sex, even though they already are, but its almost hypocrisy that some people this is just a "Hollywood story" and for others its up to 10 years in prison and being labeled as a sex offender. And in both cases it was the same, consensual situation.

Discuss.

Can't type up my thought on the rest today, we are closing down early. But I will leave you with my list of other stories for today and perhaps some links.

Family lost in woods- http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/12/20/family.found/index.html

This is not a real riot, try going to Maryland after a Duke game (atleast in the good old days)- http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/12/20/neworleans.protests/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

UNC players sexaully assaulted, interesting flip-flop of events
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22349037/

Shock treatment prank, this is messed up- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22347088/

Stephen Colbert has been named the Celebrity of the Year. Kudos

Enjoy your holiday vacations,

Keepin it real from the loop.

No Substance Wednesday

2007-12-19T10:02:00.000-05:00

That's right! Today I have decided in honor of Jonny, to mimick him and have as little stories of substance as possible. ( You can draw your own conclusions from that one).

So anyways, today's blog with be 99% substance free. And for those of you nerds who will count up the number of stories I write about and calculate the actual percentage. Screw you. You can kiss my big remedial math class ass.

So to start us off, the big news of the day has to do with a Spears. That's Right.
Jamie Lynn Spears is Preggers!
The 16-year old Disney Channel star has announced that she is currently 16 weeks pregnant. I guess she felt her big sister Britney was getting all the attention. One thing I will say after seeing pictures of the soon to be mama Spears, is that she is a lot more attractive than her sister. And I don't mean in a perverse way, or to compare her to crazy Brit now, but she has a lot more actual good looks than her sister did in her prime.
This is awesome for Disney. They now have had two of their biggest, "squeaky clean" female stars all over the tabloid news. First Vannessa Hudgens poses nude and it get all over the internet, and now this. The best quote of the exclusive interview with spears is "What message does she want to send to other teens about premarital sex? "I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait...But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in."
How classic is that?

Here is a nice little video gem of Julia Roberts showing some sass to the paparazzi. Enjoy
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2007/12/19/sbt.roberts.war.cnn

In some real news
Magna Carta Sells for $21 Million:
That's it? I think it is rediculous that it is being sold to begin with. However, $21 mil? I know that's a lot of money, but not by a longshot for the people buying these types of things. It's the frikin Magna Carta!!! One of the first, (if not THE) most important written documents to affect western society. This is just lunacy. I bet the U.S. constitution would go for way over $500 million. I bet you $1 at 5,000-1 odds.

Woman Steals Monkeys, Whereabouts Unknown:
A former volunteer at the Monkey House of an exotic animal preserve in Missouri, kidnapped 3 monkeys in October. The woman has confessed to the crime (she was caught on security cameras) but refuses to give the monkeys whereabouts. Other volunteers from the preserve waited outside the courthouse yesterday in gorilla suits, and chased her down the block demanding the monkeys back.

Amy Winehouse Arrested By British Authorities:
Apparently for being a joke.

Singapore Serviceman Jailed for Clothing Style:
21-year old Tan Wen Zhong, arrived at work clad in nothing but a pink string bikini. He was charged with "outraging the modesty" of the woman who shared the elevator at work with him and "fraudulent possession of women's underwear." Now I never knew there was a fraudulent was to possess women's underwear, but it turns out I was just ignorant. HAHA, can you imagine the sight of something like this? My office is never as exciting.

New Zealanders Steal, Then Change Their Minds:
Some X-mas thieves stole $15,000 worth of presents and holiday goods from a neighborhood home yesterday. Apparently they had a change of heart and left the stolen goods in a sack outside of the house. However most of the equipment had been badly damaged, including a $3,000 LCD TV.
Now the thing is, what families have $15,000 worth of christmas presents? Seriously, what could these people of had? If you take out the TV, which I would assume was the most expensive item (although probably not) there is still $12,000 worth of presents. Rediculous.

Story of the Day:
Woman Gropes Santa Claus:
A Connecticuit woman has been charged with sexual assault and a breach of the peace after groping Santa at the mall. I do no believe this story requires any additional comments, its hilarity speaks for itself.

Paris Hilton Tries to Buy Smurfs:
Ms. Hilton, most recently in Russia during her around the globe vacation, saw two little people dressed as smurfs promoting for a candy shop. Some may think she was drunk, but she started speaking to them like children and wanted to take them back with her. One of them spoke english and began screaming at her, exclaiming he was a grown man and she was a stupidhead. ( I may have added that) Paris was quoted as saying "Oh my, real live Smurfs. I always wanted one when I was a kid...Can I take them home?"

Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema have patched up their differences and are going to make "The Hobbit". Somehow they plan on making it a two-part movie, but I don't see how.

Hulk Hogan Vs. Rosie:
The Hulkster has said that he'd like to take on Rosie O'Donnell in the new show American Gladiators. Said Hogan: “Somebody needs to shut that big mouth up." Touche Hulk, touche.

In heartbreaking news, Stephen Stills has cancer. The beloved Guitarist from CSN and sometimes Y, has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. This is a sad day for classic rocks fan everywhere.

Lord of the Dance, Not Lord of The Rape:
Michael Flatley, best known as the "Lord of the Dance" has been acquitted of rape charges by a Superior court in LA, and the woman who made the false charges has been ordered to pay him $11,000,000. Mr. Riverdance has said he will donate any money collected from the suit to charity.

That's all for today.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Jonny, Jonny whoops

2007-12-18T14:10:00.000-05:00

I know I know, its not that clever. So what?

Welcome to the Afternoon Update! As I have said previously, this week's blog is dedicated to my man Jonny's last week of bachelorhood. Woof.

Let's start off with an article I know jonny would find particularly appalling.
Workers Kidnap, Eat Dog:
Two maintenence workers at a Hawaiin golf course stole a man's dog, along with its leash, while the owner was playing a round (I think). Witnesses said they saw the two men take the dog into a van and speed away. Reports are now that the men stole the dog, slaughtered it, and fed it to their families. The owner said he understands why the men did it, but does not forgive them.

Coach Plays Pranks With Students:
A middle school coach in Georgia has been arrested after a night in which he rode around with some middle schoolers and damaged people's christmas displays. Many of the displays were changed to be "naughty", including placing reindeer in sexual positions. HAHA

Italian Tribunal Forcibly Changes Baby's Name:
An Italian tribunal changed 15-month old "Friday" after it was ruled that the name broke a statute that bars parents from giving "ridiculous or shameful" first names to children. The judges say they are protecting the child from a bad childhood and being the bott of jokes. The parents are very upset, but lost their case in court. The child's name was changed to Gregory after the saint whose day he was born on.

My arms are really tires so unfortunately I am going to have to cut this short.

keepin it real from the loop.

Interesting tid-bits

2007-12-17T13:41:00.000-05:00

Good Afternoon, and welcome to your monday edition of the Afternoon Update (A.K.A. The "afternoon delight"). This whole week's worth of the blogging is dedicated to my man Jonny who has nothing to do until this coming weekend when he will get married. Therefore I am almost GUARANTEED a reader for the whole week. So Jonny, this one's for you.

Also I am starting to really suck at naming these babies. If anyone has good suggestions for me other than "wacky wednesdays" than please let me know.

I was watching the tail end of a movie during my lunch break entitled "Digging to China" which by the way has nothing to do with asians or a tunnel through the earth. It's about a mentally disabled man played by Kevin Bacon (Tremors, Sleepers, and lots of other 1-word titles) who befriends a 10-year old girl. Now the movie was pretty boring, but again I only saw the last 30-45 minutes. However, the reason I bring it up at all was that Mssr. Bacon's performance was pretty gosh darn solid, and it reminded me of some other actor that I could not place. Then BAM! it hit me in the face like a fist from the the Dark Knight (that's Batman for all those of you who aren't as nerdy as I assume). Kevin Bacon's performance was the identical twin of Johnny Knoxville's in "The Ringer", A classic comedy gem which if you haven't seen it yet, go for it. While Knoxville played Jeffy about 18 years later than bacon, it is still remarkable how they seem like the same character yet one is meant to be funny and the other oscar worthy. I am not sure if this is props to Knoxville, or a knock on Bacon's portrayal (which was pretty good). That's all I got, I was just thinking about it. For those of you expecting something more from this little thought, I apologize.

Giant Rats Discovered:
American and Indonesian scientists and explorers have discovered two new mammals in the Indonesian jungle. The first is a tiny possum that is completely boring. However the second mammal is a giant rat that is about 5 times the size of a normal city rat (although I am not sure what normal size of a city rat is, because here atleast, they are pretty damn big). Check out the link to see a picture of the new "super-rat" that will most likely now be making its way to NY and other various US cities soon.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/12/17/giant.rat.ap/index.html

Sarkozy Still Looks Like Kevin Mcdonald:
This headline is supposed to read something about him and his date with a hot French super model at Disney Land-Paris. Its supposedly big news because he just got divorced blah blah blah. Look at these two pictures and tell me I am not crazy. Albeit Mcdonald is younger i'll give you that, but I am starting to think that this crazy Canadian from "Kids in The Hall" is actually the French President's illegitimate child.
Sarkozy- http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/graphics/2007/02/09/france/fpsar.jpg
Mcdonald-http://www.hahaha.com/images/2007/spectacles/KevinMcDonaldbriHammyandtheKidsi_519_PH.jpg

Lieberman Backs McCain:
No not the french fries. The Senator! Former Denocratic Vice Presidential candidate and now Independent Senator Joe Lieberman has endorsed Sen. John McCain's presidential bid. Contrary to all the comments currently being made, Sen. Joe has not actually crossed any partisan lines since he is an independent. While I agree that McCain is one of the good candidates (not THE candidate, but its my opinion) I can't help but wonder if this could possibly also be a big fuck you to the Democratic party for abandoning him (Lieberman) during his last election. He kicked the Dem. challengers butt, and now he is the Chuck Norris of politics. Or he would be if the real Chuck Norris wasn't actually involved in politics. Could you imagine if he was president? The rest of the world would back off threats and there would be no more kidnappings and terrorism or we would just send the president after them.
Norris/Bauer '08.
Also this is being hailed as a "key endorsement" for McCain. Now I agree with that whole-heartedly and I do know that there are many key endorsements for politicians, but it seems that every single person who endorses a candidate is a key endorser. I think they need to create a seperate group, perhaps the "super-key endorsements".

This article is here thanks to my man Gizmo. Please read it, it is hilarious. Just make sure you scroll all the way down. http://cgi.ebay.com/******-Hero-III-3-Legends-of-Rock-Wii-NEW-WITH-RECEIPT_W0QQitemZ200181539427QQihZ010QQcategoryZ62053QQssPageNameZWDVW
QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting

Russia Sends Nuclear Fuel to Iran:
The Russians are helping the Iranians build a Nuclear plant, however they swear that the fuel can only be used at one site, and that the Iranians are not allowed to use it elsewhere. They promised. WWIII.

Dan Fogelberg Dies at age 56:
To be honest, I never got into soft rock so I don't know his music, but Jonny loves soft rock and therefore I thought it was appropo since this blog is dedicated to him. Dan Fogelbreg is also referenced in "Baseketball". I though some one might want to know that.

Magna Carta Up For Sale:
Yes. THE Magna Carta. For all of you ignoramuses out there, go google magna carta right now.
The expected haul is around $30 million. To be honest, i'd think it would go for more. Next up on the auction block is the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Human Rights. How can you sell the Magna Carta?

Ok, this is a pretty messed up story. I'll give you the link to read, but I just want to say my favorite quote is "We never did anything to anybody, how could this happen to us in America?" The article can be found here: http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/12/17/forced.labor.ap/index.html

Teen Joking About Killing Grandparents, For Satan:
An 18-year old kid in Ohio has been arrested after he was turned in by the leader of of the Church of Satan. The kid sent in a letter to them saying he would kill his grandparents, steal their monet and their car, all in the "name of our unholy lord Satan". The teen said it was just a joke. Hilarious.
The church said they get hundreds of letters a day, but this one stood out as something they should report. He said they are not devil worshippers, but atheists who believe Satan is a symbol of freedom, not evil. There is something wrong with kids these days.

Artist Donates Pickled Cow:
An English Artist is donating his famous pickled calf and cow to an art museum. The exhibit is a calf and a cow both which were neatly bisected longways, and then suspended in formaldehyde. I am suprised this isnt some crazy PETA circus over this. I personally don't care, but it is interesting that they can pick and choose their battles.

California Terrorists Convicted:
3 California men were convicted yesterday on terrorism charges after being found guilty of conspiring to attack U.S. Military installations, "infidels", LA synagogues, and other Jewish facilities during the high holidays in order to "kill as many people as possible". Interestingly enough, they have no ties to any international group and are just plain old American Muslim terrorists that cooked up a plot in prison to rob gas stations to fund terrorism. It's crazy how this stuff is happening here in our country everyday, and people have no clue.

Connecticuit Teacher Not Cultured Enough:
A Conn. teacher barricaded herself in her classroom and called the police after receiving what she assumed was a death threat over the loudspeaker. She was in the school late after hours and assumed the place was empty. So did the 3 teens who were doing karaoke on the school's PA system. One of the students was singing Guns N' Roses' "Welcome to The Jungle" and when the teacher heard the verse "you're in the jungle baaaby, you're gonna dieeeeeeee" she feared for her life. If only she had a broader taste in music she would not have flipped out the way she did.

The Most Wonderful Thing About Tiggers Is:
Their socks are worth $95,000. A group of parents sued the Northern California School District over their dress code after a child was sent home for wearing a pair of Tigger socks. They were awarded $95,000 to cover their legal costs.

Woman Has 10 Husbands:
A Cuban-American woman has been convicted of bigamy in Florida after authorities discovered she is currently married to no less than 10 men. All of them were seeking legal status and the woman married them for a fee. This is common (though illegal) practice in the United States for all sorts of immigrants, I even know someone who did it. However the woman never divorced any of the men, and continued to extort them for money. How could the system fail so many times to not discover this?

Ohio Paints Jails Pink and Purple:
Supposedly pink is a softer color that calms people. The purple bars are just a matching color to go alnog with the pink walls. I think its just gonna piss off a lot of inmates, but what do I know?

The Redskins took down the Giants last night 22-10 to keep their playoff hopes alive.
The Dolphins got their first win over the Ravens, who suck.
and David Garrard looks silly in those hats he wears after the game. The 1920's are over and it looks over the top.

Keepin it real from the loop.

can't miss

2007-12-14T09:52:00.000-05:00

Heading out early today, no time to fully give you what you crave, yearn for, desire: A full blog.

But, I ran across this article and I feel like it would be a great conversation started for you this weekend. It is about an artist who is displaying poop to support Indians in the lower castes, and has previously filled a German synogogue with poisinous gas to make some sort of statement that was probably 80 years too late.

I think this person is self-centered and believes they are doing good in the world, when really there is a lot more they could do than put poop on display. Read it for yourself.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22246508/

UGH...or is it HGH?

2007-12-13T13:17:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the Afternoon Update.

Today is the biggest blah day I have ever had. I didn't find too many stories that tickled my fancy today, but here's what I got.

Obama is A Drug Dealer:
A senior official in the Hilary Clinton campaign made a comment, then retracted it, that the Republicans are going to bash him in a national election due to his prior drug use. He also stated that they might make it seem like he was a drug dealer. Now I know how these things work, someone makes a statement and then takes it back so that it is as if "it never happened", but clearly this is just a tactic to use smear words alongside the name of a candidate. Now America is pretty dumb, so when headlines have the words "Obama" and "drug dealer" in the same place, people with draw their own unfounded conclusions.
This being said, I think it might be interesting, should Obama win, whether many Americans will relate with him regarding this issue. I will take a stab and say that a good majority of people tried smoking pot in college, atleast once. And they are hypocrites if they bash him for it. I mean hey, it hasnt stopped George W.

White House Pages Perform Oral Sex:

Two White House pages have been kicked out of the page program for allegedly having oral sex in public areas of the Capitol Hill dormitory. Now the thing is I can understand why they were kicked out, many programs for high schoolers, the least of which on Capitol Hill, have restrictions regarding sexual activity. But the big deal is there is going to be a bipartisan investigation and blah blah blah... It was just two high schoolers fooling around! It happens everyday, it does not need to be a huge political scandal. It is moment like this that make me realize how overly dramatic Capitol Hill has become, its like a frikin soap opera!

Ok I had a bunch more stories to discuss, including a car dangling from a parking garage (here's the video- http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2007/12/13/chetry.dangling.car.cnn) and a really clever pregnancy scam. But I have decided to talk about the Mitchell Report instead.

Mitchell Report:
Note, Brady Anderson is NOT, repeat NOT listed in the reports. Therefore this completely absolves him of any steroids use, and now his 51 home run season can stand as one of the best offensive productions from a lead-off hitter with sideburns.

Anyways, the Mitchell Report is annoying because it has completely bogarted the news today. It is dominating every sports page, and has infiltrated everywhere else as well. My "two cents" as it were, are twofold.
1) Is this going to change baseball forever? I don't think so. Especially looking at all the big names on the list this pretty much is showing that steroids and HGH have been a staple of baseball since the 80's. Now let me ask you this, are they all cheaters now? As far as the rules are concerned yes, but at the same time, all the top hitters and pitchers were juicing. Which brings me more imporantly to my second point.
2) Should all of their accomplishments be taken away. This isnt just a Barry Bonds asterix debate anymore. This is Clemens and all his rediculuos career stats. Andy Pettite, Miguel Tejada, Eric Gagne, Gary Sheffield. These are household names in the baseball world. Without them to be honest, if you believe that Pujols never juiced, there might only be 2 superstars who are innocent. So the thing is, now that most good players have cheated, is the level of play going to dip back down? is it unfair if everyone has the same advantage? Baseball was a joke before a lot of players rejuvinated it with 100 Mph, and 68 HR's in a season. Nonody cared about the sport, and it was on a downhill slope. There are people out there saying this is the biggest scandal since the "say it aint so Joe" and the BlackSox. It is completely different. I don't see this as a scandal. People have known about this for decades. What was the point of doing this report, right after the congressional hearings smeared the sports name recently? All in all this is not going to affect anything other than the news for a few weeks. And years from now people can quote the report to bash their old favorite players. I think this was a rediculous stunt, and the American people's tax money could be put to better use by our senators.

Finally!

2007-12-12T14:51:00.001-05:00

Tejada got traded. No time to blog so much stuff going on today. Mainly cutting out paper decorations for the office but you'd be suprised how much time that takes up.

Plus this video is great: http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2007/12/12/news.12.robber.hit.news12

Here is a list of my idea for today incase you wish to investigate them yourselves.

woman and her monkey-http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2007/12/11/intv.monkey.reunion.cnn

weed cave- http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22209230/
hilary's losing her grip
icelandic teen pranks calls white house
romney-huckabee

angelina doesnt love her natural child- “I think I feel so much more for Madd and Zee because they’re survivors, they came through so much. Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born. I have less inclination to feel for her ...

Sarkozy looks like kevin mcdonald from "kids in the hall" http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1196847320451&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull

John Doe stab victim identified as minister who was frequenting his favorite prostitute: http://www.click2houston.com/news/14827154/detail.html

enjoy your day of investigative journalism

addendum

2007-12-11T16:49:00.000-05:00

Just saw this article, Read it, know it, live it.

No but seriously, this is a good read. Depending on how you define good.

http://sports.espn.go.com/outdoors/hunting/news/story?id=3150157

"Fancy gadgets and technobobs"

2007-12-11T11:39:00.001-05:00

"fancy gadgets and technobobs the young’uns of today are so keen on. “I can't deal with that stuff,” the venerable luddite confessed. “I mean, you have iPods and stripods and phones." - Mickey Rooney, on technology.

I'm not really feeling it today. But i'll give you my best shot.

Welcome to the Afternoon Update. The one stop spot for anything and everything that could come up in conversation at a cocktail party.

Not too much news today that was deemed necessary to comment on, but here it is.
Also if you did not follow the link yesterday to http://www.nuttbuddy.com/ go there now and watch the video. It is so totally worth it.

Stacey Peterson Case is Getting Boring:
Well it is, OK. If they are so sure that the cop murdered his wife, then make the case! Its not like they don't know where he is. And also, please don't take this as a generalization. But she married a dude who had been married 3 times, and his last wife was found dead after it was deemed "an accident". Ok I know coincidences happen but maybe she could have had better judgement. I dunno, its just boring me that its on the front pages day after day. There are more important things going on.
Like media bias in the middle east.

This is a video article about a principle who pepper sprayed kids to break up a fight. Well maybe now they won't fight anymore. http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2007/12/11/wtvc.principal.pepper.spray.wtvc

Led Zeppelin Kicks Ass:
The reviews are in from last night's show and apparently it was beyond amazing. I cannot wait to spend every penny I have to see this band live. PLEASE go on tour.

Electronic Headstones Don't Sell:
A company that created electronic headstone attachments is currently not making any money. The device is weather proof and is powered by solar cells. It attaches to a headstone and can open like a book. Inside is a video screen that can play picture slide shows, videos, music, etc.
They are currently sold in, I believe 12 stores nation wide. One store said they haven't sold any, while another said they sold one last year. I don't think Americans are ready for this yet, or if they ever will be. I know i'm not.

Sextuplets Liar Caught:
A man and his wife were convicted of fraud last year after telling a community that they had given birth to gravely ill sextuplets and needed money to help them survive. The couple later admitted that it was a hoax, and were sentenced to pay back the monies and were place on parole. They both violated their paroles and the husband has turned himself in today. His wife is still at large. I feel like sextuplets are something that is hard to make-up and have people believe you about, so kudos to the criminal couple. At the same time, all the people who blindly gave their money away, smack yourselves upside the head, because you coulda used that money to get a CIA agent to use a satellite to check out any medical problems you may have.

NYC Councilman Tries to Ban Horse-Drawn Carriages:
This is exactly the reason why you don't let hippies into politics. Councilman Tony Avella plans to introduce a bill banning the popular/touristy-old timey type of transportation. Avella along with animal rights groups claim that it is wrong and it is not respecting the horses rights. Considered a long time tradition in NYC, The Horse and Carriage Association of NY has said that they treat their horses like children and that Avella is the one who should be "put out to pasture". Other comments made, that were not included in the article: "Why don't these people pay more attention to helping other people in NYC, say the homeless, then worrying about the horse's rights?" There have been no formal allegations of abuse except from PETA-type groups who claim that its wrong. I think sometimes people just cross the line to cross the line. I mean seriously? This is rediculous.

Turkey Jumps Through Window, Man Throws it Back:
A turkey crashed through a 3rd floor window of an apartment building in where?...Michigan! The state where everything silly happens. An 83-year old man who lives in the apartment cornered the turkey and threw it back out the window, where it died. He is looking to donate it to a needy family.

Restaurant Encompasses Graveyard:
A very popular restaurant in India is actually right on top of a Muslim cemetery. Tombstones are scattered around the room, some being used as tables. This is not a big deal in India since death is just another cycle, however it is interesting that there has been no public outcry from Muslims over this. Can you just imagine if this happened anywhere else in the world? or even better, if it was a Jewish or Christian cemetery? Kinda creepy, but whatever does it for ya.

Woman Shoots Neighbors over Decorations:
In what I think has to amount to the story of the day, a Louisiana woman was pissed because she believed her neighbors dog had ruined some of her x-mas decorations. The woman and her boyfriend got into an argument on Sunday with their neighbors over the damaged decorations, when she went into the house, grabbed her trusty firearm and shot the neighbors. One man was hit in the upper torso and arm, the other in an arm. The injuries were not life threatening.
Can anyone argue with me that there is a better story today? I didn't think so.

The Universe is Theoretically Dented:
Read about it. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22186054/

Putin's Successor Calls for Him to Become PM:
Wow, what a suprise. I did not see that coming. All this means is that he will still be in charge when the U.S. and Russia go to war over the Kosovo situation. Which by the way is extremely volitile right now.

Scrooge McDuck Spotted Swimming in Pennies:
A bin containing 100 million pennies is on display in NYC for the holidays, before the roughly $1,000,000 is donated to charity. Could you imagine swimming in this thing like on Ducktales? I loved that show. GIZMO DUCK!

There is a place called Monkey Run, Arkansas. I shit you not

Tyra Banks has reportedly been called fat by a former "America's Next Top Model" judge. If that is the case, I apparently am very into fat women.

My arms are tired from typing.
more tommorow

Keepin it real from the loop.

Thank God for Al Gore

2007-12-10T12:03:00.000-05:00

Welcome one and all to the Afternoon Update. Please enjoy today's listing, which I have tried to make as little sad as possible.

So first I have to give you a follow up rant/question to some of my previous blogging rants. As I have repeatedly mentioned, there are 2 guys on my floor who literally live in the bathroom. They are always in there brushing their teeth, flossing, taking naps, etc. Now I will pose a moral/ethical question. I have noticed (since they are ALWAYS in there) that one of them, the grosser of the two, has been conducting his business in the Handicap stall even though the other one is open. Now this would raise the normal questions about whether one should take a handicap spot/stall, even if no one else would use it, BUT on my floor there is a co-worker of mine who is disabled and uses a wheelchair. Therefore there actually a person who needs to use this stall daily. This should obviously be taken into consideration by the other guys. What if he comes in and needs to go the bathroom? He now has to wait for the gross guy to finish. Should this individual be chastised for his actions? (theoretically, I wan't nothing to do with him actually). Is it un-ethical what he is doing?
You decide! Post your answers in the comment section.

Now for the news.

The story of the day was an easy one for me, because it shows how Canadians are silly.
Pig Farmer Convicted of 6 Murders; More to Follow:
A pig farmer has been convicted of 6 murders and is expected to go on trial for atleast 20 other killings in Canada yesterday. My thing is that if anybody had seen the movie "Snatch"they would know to never trust a pig farmer. This man could have been caught a lot earlier.

President Huckabee:
I know is sounds silly and it could still be a longshot blah blah blah, BUT he looks more like a plausible candidate now. How silly would it be to announce President Huckabee to the world. It just doesn't roll off the tongue as easily as say...Van Buren or Fillmore.

Kosovo-Serbia Headed for War:
The "Troika" of the U.S., Russia, and the EU has announced today that after 2 years of negotiations and exhausting every possible angle, Serbia and the Albanian majority in Kosov have not even come close to reaching an agreement. Kosovo wants their independence and has announced they will do whatever is necessary. This is definitly going to be a war. On an interesting side note, The Albanian majority in Kosovo is mostly Muslim. This is interesting because they wave American flags during their protests and marches for independence. Now I am not trying to assume that normally Muslims do not support the U.S., but most places in the world with a Muslim majority population would not be doing that.

Granny Caught With Loaded Hand-gun, at Disney:
A 63-year old grandmother was arrested in FL yesterday after security at Disney World found a loaded handgun in her purse during a routine security check. She was accompanying her daughter and grandchildren. Security also found a knife and a pair of scissors. The woman claimed that she forgot the gun was in her purse and it was just a mistake. She was quoted as saying "I forget a lot of things. That might sound silly and stupid, but I did not remember that the pistol was down there..." Now there are two ways one can look at this. First, if she was really so innocent, its kinda wierd that she would also have a knife and pair of scissors, I know it could be a coincidence, but its still strange. The better question is, if she really did just forget, and she "forgets things all the time" maybe she shouldn't be allowed to have the gun. Perhaps we should throw in loaded fire-arms in along with liscenses as things that should be taken away from old people.
Just a thought.

Santa Train Kills 2:
The "Santa Express" a train that takes kids from Detroit to somewhere else in Michigan to see santa each weekend, struck a car that drove into the train tracks in nowheresville Michigan. There are warning signs, however there is no warning lights and according to local sources, "an accident was bound to happen". So why didn't someone put up the lights you may ask? No comment. The driver and one of 2 passengers were killed on impact, and the third passenger is in critical condition. The ground shows skid marks atleast 25 yards before the tracks, which indicates the car was driving at a high speed before collision. Perhaps they were trying to race the train. None of the 30 children on board were injured.

Man Bear Pig is Real!!
I am super serial about this. Why won't anyone take me serial? Al Gore received his Nobel Peace Prize today for making the world aware of the existence of Manbearpig. Manbearpig is kinda like a man, but is more bearpiggish. Now that Messr. Gore has received his award he gave a warning to the U.S. and China to stop manbearpig before it ruins the world. He is our savior. Without him everything would be different. Thank God for Al Gore.

This website is pretty hilarious, its a video to test a new product developed by former pro baseball player. Shout out to Pronto for sending me this one. http://www.nuttybuddy.com/ , I think that is the correct address. Just click on the video.

Nun Has Dirty-Whorish-Smelly Pirate Hooker Mouth:
A Nun in Michigan (yes Mich. AGAIN) who is also the principle of a middle school gave her 5th-8th graders a list of swear words she would not tolerate. She did not however post the list, but read it out loud in an assembly in church. The list contained ALL the swear words she would not tolerate, including meekrob.

Mountain Lion Chills in Hot Tub:
A South Dakotan woman was relaxing in her hot tub when a moutain lion appeared out of the bushes, jumped on the side of her tub, chilled for a moment, and then took off. Really he was just a peeping tom. The lesson of this story is to not live in South Dakota.

Whooping Cough Comes Roaring Back:
That's right! after an almost 95 year hiatus, the whooping cough epidemic is having a comeback tour. Starting off at Bob Jones University in South Carolina, the whoops as we like to call it, is looking to spread across the country to your neighborhood. Now some of you may be thinking, wait! isn't this one of those diseases that people died from in the early 1900's and we have since cured? Well yes we have! That is how rediculous this is, yet it literally affected the whole university. For all you history buffs out there, this should take you back, you can even ask your grandfather or great-grandfather what is like the very first time they had the whoops.

CNN reported an article today that a local grocery story accidentally advertised hams as "Delicious for Chanukah." Now I would just like to take this minute to say, HA! We here at the Afternoon Update had that story last week. CNN is sooooooo behind the times.

I am too lazy to write about this story, but you should read it. It shows how stupid some policemen are. (sorry, police-people). http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22155954/

A German Interior Minister is trying to ban Scientology, because it is "unconstitutional".

In Entertainment news:

Daniel Baldwin continues to give the other hardworking and talented Baldwins such as Alec and Stephen a bad name. He failed to appear in court for a hearing after being arrested for cocaine and drug paraphanelia earlier in the year. Shame on you Daniel for besmirching their good name.

Sweden to Build ABBA Museum:
Not only that, but it will be 3 floors. Are hot 6''0 blondes, Ikea, and ABBA really all that Sweden has to offer? I mean ABBA was cool and all, but........

Paris Hilton:
Reportedly Paris punched her ex-boyfriends new lady in the face over the weekend. She has not been charged with anything, and there are those saying she never hit anyone.
I would love to see her throw a punch.

New pictures of Amy Winehouse appeared on various news sites today, and I maintain now more than ever that she is terrifying. She looks scary, like a messed up version of a Disney villain.

England lost badly to Sri-Lanka in Cricket, the Pats beat the crap out of the Steelers, and the Colts tore the Ravens a new one.

Listen to "The Throwdown" with Gordo and Steen every Sunday night for all of your sportstalk on blogtalk radio.

That's all for now, EXCELSIOR!!!!!!

Keepin it real from the loop.

O So Glorious Friday

2007-12-07T09:56:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the Afternoon Update, your one stop blog with everything you need. Thereby really living up to its hyped up nickname "the afternoon delight".

Make sure this weekend to listen to "The Throwdown with Gordo and Steen" on blogtalk radio for all of your sports needs.

Its a short list today, but I have some things to say so it'll probably stay a lengthy blog this Friday. After confabulating with a friend of mine named pronto, I have a little rant for you guys later. (yes, that is the word of the day)

Adulterous Lover to Vote for Clinton:
The big news in the political world today is that former President Bill "the pimp" Clinton lover Gennifer Flowers has stated that she would want a woman in the White House, and is even mulling over voting for Hilary. Hilary has made mean remarks about Ms. Flowers in the early 90's.
What I love is that this woman is just grabbing the spotlight. These people are rediculous, the second they think they can get a day or two of press to indulge themselves in self-glorification, they grab it! What a shallow individual. What I am much more concerned about is who Monica is going to vote for.

UN Warns Serbia Against Renewed Violence:
The Serbian Government has hinted that violence could be used in Kosovo to stop their independence. Does this remind anybody else of the mid 90's?

Drunk State Trooper Arrested:
An off duty NC state trooper drove his car into a lake yesterday, after driving while intoxicated. The trooper's 2 children were in the car as well. The fun part about this story is that the intoxicated man of the law kicked the arresting officer in the shin. That really hurts. Also the NC State Police department came out with a statement saying they were "very disapointed". What is this? a state legal matter or a 3rd grade punishment?

Bush Gives Out Wrong Phone Number:
I know what you are thinking, we've all done that to the ugly guy/girl who won't leave you alone at the bar, but in this case its a little different. President Bush announced his new relief hotline for mortgages, but accidentally gave out 1-800-995-HOPE instead of the correct number 1-888-995-HOPE. Many people's calls were directed to the wrong place.

Syria Blocks Facebook:
Syria has blocked the internet friend maker Facebook due to fears of Israeli Spies. I never realized it was so easy to be a spy, I always assumed Mossad and other intelligience agencies were more complex. What kind of secrert government information is floating around Facebook?

Former Navy Chaplain Charged:
A former priest at the Naval Academy has been charged with sexual assault after pleading guilty to haveing sex with an Airforce officer as well as forcing himself upon a cadet and sodomizing him at the Academy. The kicker for this one is that the priest is HIV positive and did not tell either person. So far neither of the two people he had relations with have tested positive.

Fake Priest Runs Up Tab:
A man posing as a Roman Catholic Priest ran up a tab of $98 at a local convenience store, telling the clerks to put it on the churches tab. There is a church across the street which has an open tab there. The man was caught after he started buying things like energy drinks and cigarettes. BUSTED!

Gizmo's Corner:
Robots Play the Violin:
There is a lot to say here, so read the article. This is really cool stuff.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/12/06/toyota.robots.ap/index.html

Happy Birthday Matze and Charly:
The world's oldest Gorilla and Orangutan both celebrated their 50th birthdays this week.
Matze the gorilla has sired 17 children, while Charly comes out on top with 18. They are both great-grandfathers and are the patriarchs of the gorilla and orangutan communities worldwide.

Hershey Makes Cocaine Candy:
Hershey, which owns the Ice Breakers label has come out with a new dissolvable mint powder that is packaged in little blue bags. They look EXACTLY like what street cocaine in dimebags look like and police have said they are going to have massive problems telling the difference. There is also a concern that this will help drug dealers move their product since it can be so confusing. Some parents have expressed concerns that it will be hazardous to children since it would be hard for them to tell the difference if they saw a bag of either on the ground.
To be honest, if your kid is eating bags of powder off the ground, you've got other problems to worry about.

Rhino Poop For Sale:
The International Rhino foundation is auctioning 4 types of Rhino poo just in time for the holidays. The highest bid on ebay right now is $500 for one of the fecal pies. I guess the draw is that they are all endangered species. The 5th type of rhino is so rare they could not get a sample of its poop. I don't get that either, if one exists how hard is it to scoop up their poop?

Fortune Teller Arrested for Fraud:
A fortune teller in Cyprus has been arrested after convincing a man to give her roughly $13,000 to remove an evil spell placed on him and for continued magical protection. I don't get what the problem is. How are fortune tellers supposed to make a living if they cannot take poeple's money? isnt all fortune telling fraud? I bet I can go to a carnival, spend $5 and then sue them. Look out American seers, i'm coming for you.

I was gonna write a whole lot about the MySpace hoax that led to a girl hanging herself, because there was an interesting article on the aftermath in her community. But i'll just let you read it. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22134552/ . I bet some asshole is going to do something stupid and ruin more peoples lives.

A friend of mine, who is a female informed me this morning that at 4 AM she awoke from her slumber to go to the loo. Upon arrival in said toilet room, she found a large (from what I can tell from her) grasshopper-spider (the kind that jump) in the bathroom. Instead of just killing it, she attempted to cover it with a cup, but it knocked the cup over. After this her roomate awoke and they both became hysterical for a while before finally figuring out a way to capture it and throw it outside. So the riddle has been answered, how many young women does it take to get rid of a spider? 2, the answer is 2.
Now I know (some) women get scared by bugs and mice and the like, but theres got to be a point in ones life when one realizes that they are 1,000 times larger than the bug and could easily squish it. This is a much longer and hilarious story, however I felt it necessary to mention because it will keep me entertained for a while.

In sports, a fan ran onto the field during the Redskins-Bears game last night:
Bears DL Tommie Harris said he was bumped by the fan who ran onto the field. “I didn’t know whether to beat him up,” Harris said. That woulda been priceless.

KC's got some guests this week, PG's brinin the bottle.

Keepin it real from the loop.

And We're Back.....

2007-12-06T12:58:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the absence of substance the past few days. I was really busy, then kinda busy, and then eventually just lazy. But now I have reinvigorated myself to write a super-duper-double-looper of a blog today. (For those of you who didn't get that reference, it is a roller-coaster at Hershey Park)

Lotta stuff today, sad, funny, idiotic, and everything that falls in-beteween.

To start us off, lets talk Presidential campaigns.
Hilary Campaign sends out Obama=Terrorist e-mails.
A party organizer for the Hilary Clinton campaign in Iowa has been fired after auto-sending out e-mails that suggest Obama is a muslim (nothing wrong with that) and that his bid for the white house is so he can destroy America and support international terrorism. Or it was something of that ilk anyways. The woman who stepped down said she doesn't see what the problem was, since she never claimed that those facts were true, she was merely informing people of some of the information that is out there.
This is a despicaple move by Clinton's campaign. I am not saying she had anything to do with it, but perhaps the campaign itself should be more careful of who they hire. I think the woman's claim is rediculous, she knew exactly what she was doing, and due to how dumb Americans are (I have more on that later) she knew it would be damaging. Also on a side note, I find it pretty wierd that I keep defending Obama on my blog, which is wierd since I do not usually support the Democratic party. I just think the Dems are making this whole race a lot more entertaining through their shenanigans.

Guilliani counters Huckabee:

There ya go, some Republican action. Former NY mayor Rudolphus guilianus held a campaign event with former Baltimore Orioles pitcher Curt Schilling. This is the next step in celebrity backing for the candidates, and it apparently really works. Huckabee has been endorsed by Chuck Norris for weeks now, and he has jumped substantially in the Iowa polls.

Fred Thompson is an anti-southerner:
or is he? Nine, I repeat nine protesters picketed outside a Thompson campaign event in Sotuh Carolina, touting confederate flags and posters that read "South Carolina hates Thompson". This was in response to the former governer's comments at a recent debate that read: ""as far as a public place is concerned, I am glad that people have made the decision not to display it as a prominent flag, symbolic of something, at a state capital." However, Thompson who is a southern boy himself did clarify and state "As a part of a group of flags or something of that nature, you know, honoring various service people at different times in different parts of the country, I think that's different."
Jim Hanks, chairman of the South Carolina League of the South, accused Thompson of "Masquerading as a good ole boy" and that he was not truly southern. I feel like he could do without the support of those 9 people and their kin.

The Killer Monkeys are Here!:
That's right, they have somehow come to the US from India and are now attacking US convenience store clerks. While that is a fabrication, it is true that a clerk was attacked by a customer's pet monkey after it bit her in the face. Watch the video, http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2007/12/05/faherty.clerk.attacked.by.monkey.wsoc

Nebraska Mall Shooting leaves 8 dead, others wounded:
A Nebraska mall was terrorized yesterday after 19 year old Robert Hawkins opened fire on a group of people with an AK-47, after which he turned the gun on himself. This story is being covered pretty heavily on all the major networks, and it is just a horrible event. Its another example of how troubled youth in America find outlets by killing people.

The thing I have with this story is a quote from his foster mother that appeared in one of the articles. "She told the Omaha World-Herald that Hawkins showed her an assault rifle the night before the rampage, but because of his mild demeanor she wasn't alarmed" How can someone who has a range of emotional problems be considered safe with an AK-47. I am in no way blaming her for his actions, but a little better judgement on her part could have prevented this catastrophe.

Following a similar horrible trend
Mothers in Germany Arrested After Killing Children:
A 31 year old German woman was arrested after the bodies of her 5 children were found in the house yesterday. The kids were aged 3-9. The woman has a history of mental illness and is being considered the top suspect for the killings. In a completely different country, another German woman has been arrested twice! after the bodies of her three children were found in her home. The woman was originally arrested after police found the body of her dead baby, however she was released because the death was deemed an accident. She re-arrested after police searched her home and found anothe one of her children in the freezer. She later admitted that the 3rd child's body was hidden on the porch.
What is going on? There are more and more stories like this every day. Not just of killings, but of mother's killing their children. I cannot express how concerned this makes me, I do not know how a mother could do such a thing.

On a much lighter note
There is a CNN article telling people how to behave at holiday parties, sort of a "do's and dont's" list. I mean look all you need to NOT do is get smashed and act like an asshole. It only takes a complete lack of common sense for a person to get fired from their holiday party actions.

Florida Man Beaten by Police:
This is another example of Florida's finest. They must be the worst police force in the USA. There are more stories about them than anywhere else. The story is that the man was being chased by police in a stolen car, after which he fled on foot and was caught in an airport parking lot. The cameras captured the police officers punching and kicking the suspect, while he was showing no signs of resisting. It gets better since he was being chased as a suspect in an armed robbery which he was not involved in. The car was listed as stolen by his wife who was in a spat with him. The dude is going to jail, but he could still sue for a lot of money after getting his ass kicked illegally.

Man Shot, Killed By Toddler:
A Georgia man was shot and killed by a 19 month old toddler Tuesday night. He was in a recording studio when a toddler, presumably the child of a friend, came in and grabbed a loaded gun that was in the room. The child then caused the firearm to go off and he was shot in the head.
Now common sense, (again) dictates that one does not leave a loaded firearm within reach of a toddler. It is very sad that such a thing happened, but these things happen so needlessly its rediculous.

Check out this story which is about what has to be the fattest baby in the world.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=499925&in_page_id=1811#StartComments

Beware Israeli Crime Lords:
An Israeli judge has been placed under 24 protective detail after her house was broken into last night. At the same time a relative of hers house was also broken into. Earlier in the week, the judge sent reputed mob boss Assi Abutbul and Jerusalem kingpin Eli Naim known as "the magician" to prison on various small charges. Its kinda like putting Al Capone away for tax evasion. Abutbul stated to the press that "she would pay the price" for convicting him.

Led Zeppelin May Tour after Reunion Concert:

Robert Plant has mentioned that there is a possibility for the band to play additional shows and perhaps go on tour after their planned reunion show this month. Asked about the probability of the tour, he said the less people talk about it, the more likely it will happen. The more people talk adds pressure to the band, he said. SO EVERYBODY PLEASE: SHUT UP! I really really want to see Led Zeppelin in concert, so don't ruin this for me.

Robotic Soldiers:
Check out this story, it will blow your mind its so cool. http://money.cnn.com/2007/12/03/technology/robotex.fortune/index.htm?postversion=2007120403?cnn=yes

And now for why Americans are stupid
Couple Arrested for Satellite Scam:
A Louisiana man and his wife have been arrested after convincing friends and family that the wife was a CIA agent who could use her "connections" to use a satellite to find out what is medically wrong with them. The couple scammed these people out of more than $800,000. Why arent the morons who gave their life savings away being arrested for stupidity?

Dog Causes Grease Fire:
A kansas woman was frying some fish when she went to take the garbage out. While outside, her dog managed to close the door behind her, thus locking the woman out of her house. The fish set the house ablaze, causing more than $50,000 in damages. Beware your pets, or they'll get you back.

Dirty Microsoft Santa:
I am not sure how to explain all of this technical jargon, perhaps my pal Gizmo would be able to, but he's not here. So instead, follow this link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22119458/

Teen Walks for First Time after Six Flags Accident:
I don't remember reading about this when it happened, but a girl has both her feet chopped off in an accident on Six Flags' Super Man ride. The girl has taken her first steps today on her new prosthetic feet.

Girls Dominate Science Fair:
Normally I wouldn't care about this, but the things they did research on was rediculous. Read the article http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22088018/
I remember doing a science fair project where we made hot chocolate through legos, and that was advanced. Kids these days....

An interesting tidbit, some physical therapists are now starting to use Nintendo Wii as a treatment. I thought that was cool.

Entertainment news:
Britney threatens Paris with a new sex tape. (although it would be a good source of income for the former pop queens drug habits), and Chris Rock is being chastised by Oprah. The article was interesting because it made it seem like Oprah was the queen of black people and Chris Rock should be concerned her irked her. Why would Chris Rock care?

Thats all I got
Keepin it real from the loop.

2007-12-05T14:02:00.000-05:00

No time today, lots of work.

HOWEVER, this video was brought to my attention. I think you should watch it, pronto. It is interesting.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2007/12/05/az.naked.shoppers.ktvk

quickly

2007-12-04T16:27:00.000-05:00

Not alot of time today, but I thought this was worth noting.

The four suspects in the Sean Taylor case have been denied bail and are on suicide watch. The youngest of the four 17-year old Eric Rivera is being held in a juvenile institution. The reason I am writing this is because of the article, here are some exerpts:

"Three men were held without bail Tuesday in the killing of Sean Taylor, placed on a suicide watch and described as extremely distraught a day after thousands mourned at the funeral of the Washington Redskins star..."

""I think he's in disbelief over what occurred," said Rivera's attorney, Wilbur Smith. "His expression to me was that 'I can't believe this kind of thing happened."

There is more of that crap in the article for the other inmates. The kid broke into someones house with a gun and was intending to rob the owners. How does he not understnad how this happened? What moron is going to believe that they "cant believe this happened?"

Geez

"Put it on and stay strong", Hippies in trees, and lots of other fun stuff

2007-12-03T13:37:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the afternoon update, AKA your afternoon delight.
Today's blog is chock-full of fun stories.

Beginning with....The story(s) of the day!!
And that would definitly have to be this.

Cat survives 19 days with jar stuck on head:
Like the headline doesn't say it all. An outdoor cat got it's head stuck in a peanut butter jar, haha, and then eluded its owners for almost 3 weeks before they finally got a hold of it, and lubed off the jar. Vets say the cat probably survived by burning off all its excess fat.
I wish they had taken some pictures.

The closest runner up to this would be the story about the tree man. I don't wanna write about, but check out this link. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22041771/

In political news, Hilary Clinton is a whiny baby:
I only say this because everyday now, there are always stories of her campaign whining about something another campaign did. Today's example would be over Barak O'bama's "hopefund". Now this in and of itself is boring, but then Clinton comes out making all these allegations that O'bama used money from this program to bribe public officials in early voting states. All I can say is that IF hilary wins, she might have a hard time convincing certain people to vote for her after accusing the first legitimate black candidate EVER of bribing officials in order to win. That statement somewhat suggests other things.

On a seperate note, I have been thinking about how awesome it would be to be Bill Clinton, should Hilary win the presidency. I mean if you think about it, instead of flying to other nations and meeting with wives of world leaders, he can just hang out and party with them, this would be made even easier given the fact that he knows them from his successful presidency. Pretty much, Bill could potentially have them best time EVER as a first "person".

In other important news, that CNN.com decided should be front page, headline material:
The Spice Girls are Officially Back Baby!!!
Normally I would reserve this story for later on in the blog's entertainment section, however, if it's good enough for CNN, then it's good enough for me. The Spice Girls performed on stage last night in Vancouver for the first time in 10 years..blah blah blah. This made the fucking front page!! This news site is such a piece of crap it's unbelievable. On a side note, "posh" spice is hot.

Another major headline
Why Bad Kissers Don't Get to Second Base:
In case you were wondering, it is a lovely story. My favorite quote would be the opening line: "Bad kissers -- we've all locked lips with one: the lizard, the washing machine, the cannibal, the spelunker." Now I challenge all of you to come up with and post a comment regarding what you think "the spelunker" is. My guess is a person whose togue bounces around the other's mouth, like someone spelunkingin a cave. You are also more than welcome to discuss the other ones, if it tickles your fancy.

Don Imus wears a funny Hat:
That's pretty much it. Look at the pictures of him at today's live radio broadcast.

In some interesting science news, apparently Carbon Dioxide can be baked in cakes. Im sure there is a step missing here, but still. New method of disposing of harmful chemicals, CO2 can be covnerted into safe baking soda. For more information on this, http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/11/29/climate.change.soda/index.html

Prison Fashion Show, not a big hit:
A prison fashion show, that featured 10 inmates in a Shelbyville, Tennessee jail has led to 3 guards being fired, and another one placed on suspended leave. Shelbyville is now famous for two things, this, and being the town over from where the Simpsons live. Investigators fired the guards after uncovering evidence that suggested innapropriate behavior by the guards. While the guards and inmates were never in the same room, one guard told one of the girls to "blow into the call box" which doubles as a microphone, and when she did this he put the speaker into his crotch.
My question is, how the hell did they find out such detailed information.

9 year old boy sentenced for rape in Israel:
The only reason I bring this up, is because this is the second case of rape by a nine year old in 2 weeks. In this scenario, the boy was going along with 21 and 19 year olds. But I think maybe Iit's time to reevaluate this age thing a little, or maybe not, I dunno.

Wedding Ring Saves Man's Life:
The owner of an antiques shop was saved from death by his wedding ring. The man was being robbed at gunpoint and when the theives told him to raise up his arms, they shot him. While throwing up his hand, the bullet bounced off of his wedding ring and passed through his fingers. A shard from the bullet was lodged in his neck, but it was not life threatening.
So for all of you "lifetime" bachelor's, maybe you should listen to your mom and get married already, it could save your life.

Woman sentenced to death:
A woman in Jacksonville FL has been sentenced to death by the jury in a case in which she and 3 other men buried an elderly couple alive, and then stole their money. The judge can still overturn the jury's decision. Personally I think for something like this, all four of the defendants should be buried alive as punishment. What they did was abhorrent. What I like is that since one of the men testified against the others, he is avoiding the death penalty. Nice.

And now for the fun stories.

Thieves steal $80,000 in Ham:
A group of thieves in Syndey Australia stole 16 tons of christmas hams from a ham and bacon warehouse last night. They left a messae "Thanks...Merry Christmas" on the wall. Let's see if these guys are going to be benevolent and give it all to charity and hungry people, or if they will somehow get into contact with the guy who stole 160 kegs of guiness and perhaps have a very long unkosher party.

8 Year Olds Suspended From Hockey Tournament After Brawl:
Please read this link, it is hilarious-http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21992789/

Tree Thief a Moron:
A Montana man stole numerous christmas trees from a store near his house, and placed them in front of his trailor for sale. However, he never removed the original price tags, and was easily caught about 5 hours later by the store's owner, his neighbor.

Hippies in Trees:
And where else would there be hippies in trees? (well I guess anyywhere because lets face it, hippies don't have anything productive to do) but at UC Berkeley, the famous hippies school for hippies, by hippies. The university is planning on building a sports training complex on the campus, and to do this they would have to uproot a grove of oak trees. They have built platforms and refuse to come down. Today marks the 1-year anniversary of the hippies living in the trees. The University has consulted lawyers, and they are in the clear to remove the hippies by force. Quote one hippie dubbed "Dumpster Muffin" It’s definitely coming to a head of some sort.” Supporters fill buckets with food, water, and reading material to the hipps, who then lower the bucket filled with garbage and human waste. "The sound of laughter and guitar music wafted from the trees" you know what my thing is? It's that these people don't do anything. And whats great! is that they are hobos who do nothing for themselves, and get fed without paying for a thing. So if you have no money and no motivation, go live in a tree in Berkeley and you will be taken care of dude.....
Dumpster Muffin? C'mon, these arent even good names anymore. But does anyone remember the Seinfeld episode with the muffin tops? classic.

Gunmen use endangered fruit bats for target practice:
There was a fruit bat massacre in Cyprus after gunmen apparently walked into a reserve and shot most of the bats, 20 survived. Who cares? its fruit bats. And the better thing is, they are not endangered! just in Cyprus, there are plenty of fruit bats throughout the middle east and north Africa, but since 40 were killed in Cyprus, its a tragedy. Now I think shooting animals for cruel sport is wrong, but I think this is an overreaction.

G.I. Jill:
A U.S. Army Seargent dubbed G.I. Jill is going to compete in the Miss America Pageant. She's ok looking, Personally I dont see it. Jill Stevens, if you wanted to google her.

A TV camera crew claims to have found fresh Yeti footprints near a stream on Mt. Everest. check out their evidence. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22041259/

And finally, although there is so much more but my arms are tired
Chimps beat college students at memory game:
check it out, http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071203/ap_on_sc/chimp_memory

keepin it real from the loop

The weekends a'comin

2007-11-30T09:14:00.000-05:00

Sorry about not posting yesterday, I was in meetings all day. No time for blogs....

Welcome to the Afternoon Delight!
There is a TON of stuff for me today, so without further ado.

Hilary Clinton does not age well:
This headline cannot be found on any news site (atleast not today) but I find it to be pertinent information. There is an article on the CNN ticker about hilary pledging to change Bush's mandate on AIDS education blah blah blah. The REAL story is the picture that accompanies the article. She don't look too good. Now maybe its just me, but our past two presidents have not looked aged or haggard at all. I am not endorsing any politician yet, especially liberals, however in the democratic arena, I would prefer to have a good looking O'bama meeting with foreign officials and having photo ops than Hilary. I mean if that's what she looks like now, imagine her in 4 years! woof. Take a look on the CNN ticker to see what I mean.

In an update from a previous story
Cops killed in high speed chase did not follow procedure:
Apparently My assesment of the situation on Wednesday was not accurate. But then again, what do I know of such matters? According to the police chief, the two officers did not follow procedure when placing the road spikes. If they had done it correctly, they would have placed extending bands(or ropes or something) that run underneath the spikes, and would then be able to remove them without having to run back into the road. It is still a horrible tradgedy, but this somewhat, but not entirely, changes my opinion on who is at fault.

Jehova's Witness dies from religous beliefs:
Well not so much FROM his beliefs as DUE to his beliefs. A 14-year old boy with lukemia died this morning after refusing to receive a blood transfusion. Jehova's witnesses do not believe in transfusions since they believe it makes one "unclean". The Boy's biological parents, who are not his legal guardians, tried to force him to get the transfusion but a judge ruled earlier that he fully understood his actions, and upheld his choice to deny the treatment. There was an episode of "Scrubs" that dealt with this issue (and probably every other hospital show, but I don't watch them) but in the show they found a way to treat the patient. Unfortunately in real life, things don't always work out.
I wonder what the reasonings behind the "uncleanliness" of transfusions is. Is it any blood? what if there was a blood bank for just JW's? Then when aboslutely neccessary, in a life threatening situation such as this instance, they can get permission from their spiritual leader to get the transfusion.

Late night jobs are carcenogenic: (did I spell that right?)
A study by the International Agency for Research on Cancer has found a higher rate of breast and prostate cancer in men and women whose jobs begin after dark. I know this might be true, but isnt every thing in the world cancerous? Also should I be worried? I was a bouncer for 2 years and the job was almost completely performed at night. Chew on that!

In another updated story of less importance
Cell phone NOT the killer:
Contrary to original beliefs, the South Korean man found dead with an exploded cell phone is his pocket, was in fact murdered. One of his co-workers has confessed to "accidentally" killing the man when backing up his mining drill. I assume this is a large piece of machinery on wheels. The company who makes the phones, LG, has come out and said "na na, we told you so!" They are a bunch of know-it-alls is what they are.

Body of missing woman found...PORN STAR!!!
That last part was just to get your attention, do not worry, Jenna Jamison and all your other favorites are fine. The body of an 18 year old student who had been missing has been found in El Dorado Kansas. The police have discovered that the girl was apparently also a secret internet porn star who went by the name "Zoey Zane" (not nearly as creative as say, Misty Piper, but it works). Police have repeatedly said that her disappearance was in no way connected to her online alter-ego, but that because of the media coverage on her being a porn star, they are getting flooded with false leads and are having difficulty conducting the investigation: "The issue of the Internet and the spinoff of that has been literally crippling our investigation," the police chief stated.
The great thing about this is that the ariticle on CNN, one our most respected news sites, the headline reads "Body of missing porn star found". Real classy, way to help.

UK woman jailed in Sudan:
I don't think i've been covering this, but now I just have to. In the past few days, a UK woman teaching in the Sudan, has been arrested for allowing her 7-year old class to name their teddybear "Mohammed". She originally was going to be whipped, but was acquited of all the counts except one. She is currently serving her 15 day sentence in prison and then will be deported. The reason I feel it neccessary now, is becuase thousands of protesters are rally outside of the prison with swords, SWORDS!, and demanding her execution. I hope she remains safe and is then safely returned to the UK. HOWEVER, just imagine this situation for a second. An angry mob breaks into the jail, takes her out and executes her (it has happened before in numerous other countries). Now we have a murdered UK citizen in the Sudan who was in the custody of the gov't. Some shit would go down, I have no idea what, but something crazy.

Man Slipped Girlfriend Abortion Pills; Causes Two miscarriages:
A married Wisconsin man has been convicted for giving abortion pills to his mistress without her knowing. The pills caused two of her pregnancies to miscarry. He already has a 3-year old with the mistress. She had become suspicious, and after the second miscarriage she had her blood tested, and the chemicals from the pills were found. She immediately contacted the authorities.
The lesson for men in this situation is threefold. 1) Do not cheat on your wife. 2) If you do, always wear a condom. 3) Drugging your girlfriend with abortion pills is not a viable option.

This next one really pisses me off.
Woman Loses 140 lbs.:
A Massachussetts woman lost 140 pounds after having weight loss surgery. What pisses me off, is that this is listed as one of those inspirational stories, like "I finally turned my life around, and had surgery to fix my problems". I am not saying the procedure is wrong, good for her she can now ride a horse (it was from the article), but this story should not be paraded around as an inspirational success story. Also, the surgery she had was basically they put a band over the top of your stomach, to limit the amount of food that can be stored there. Then there is a pouch that collects extra food and you can empty it..some gross stuff. But my thing is, its been a year and she went from 280 to 140. So now that shes 140, she still has the band in place. Does it just stay in there? won't she keep losing weight?

Evil Teenage Mastermind Arrested:
An 18 year old New Zealander has been arrested as the "gang leader" of a group of hackers who created a virus that takes control of other computers, which then in turn unbeknownst to the owners, commit cyber crimes....dun dun dunnnnn. Why is it that all the big hackers in the world are always teenagers? Its never a 50 year old that has spent his entire life coming up with the worlds most evil virus, its always a 16-18 year old nerd who just gets the better of the world's governments. I mean I saw the movie with Matthew Broderick, which name escapes me at the moment (I know I know), so case in point.

Follow this link for some disturbing information regarding a nuclear black market. It will help you sleep well at night. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22022256/

And now for the fun stuff.
First off is the Story of the Day:
The story of the day is that a cell phone company in England has developed a toilet tracking system. This way whenever someone really needs to go to the loo, all they need to do is check their phone to find the closest pee spot. Brilliant! (in the voice of the guiness guys, not the annoying woman anchor on ESPN) http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/11/29/sat.lav.ap/index.html

The Caper of the day goes to an unknown thief in Ireland, who stole a trailor from the Guiness factory. Included in this trailor were 180 kegs of Guiness, 180 Kegs of Budweiser, and 90 barrels of Carlesberg. I want to become friends with this guy, and just party for one year. He is set for life.

Italian woman stupid:
That was my own headline. Perhaps shes not stupid, but just very oddly snobbish or spoiled? An Italian woman was kicked off of her flight from Milan to Rome becuase she refused to move her 1-meter long stuffed crocodile doll. WTF? I dunno but that's just silly (you think I could make that my catchphrase? or has someone else copyrighted it? maybe I could just get a reality TV show and say it alot in order to try and claim it like my own, like "thats hot").

Speaking of Paris
Paris Hilton wants a baby, for rediculuos reasons: Alternatively this could read "Paris Hilton thinks babies are toys":
Paris Hilton has stated recently that she wants a baby so that it can play with her less attractive friend Nicole Ritchie's baby. Atleast she truthfully gave the reason why. I mean clearly she sees babies as toys, but then again if she did have one, its not like she would have to lift a finger or raise it or anything. She also stated that while she does not have a boyfriend or found Mr. right, she is still open to starting a family now. Sign me up, I'd be more set than K-fed.

Moving on to his ex sugarmama
Investigators find poopy couches and a secret sex room:
OK, I take back any defense I made for Britney last week. Please read this article, PLEASE!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22013594/

Conan O'brien is the shiz:
Conan has stated that he will pay the entire non-striking staff's salaries of his late night show for the next week. The studio is laying all the rest of the staff off for atleast the remainder of the strike, but Conan is gonna pay his guys out of pocket for a week. Bravo

Couple offering $10,000 for missing parrot:
This parrot has brooklyn accent. So if you run into a parrot with a Brooklyn accent in NY city, you have just won 10k. get huntin.

And lastly,
Brooke Shields is going to be in a new show, I hope its a comedy, called "Lipstick Jungle"
I want to be paid to watch that show and review it. That is all.

Happy birthday to moo cow.

Looking forward to KC this week, houns brining the bottle.

keepin it real from the loop.

Wacky Wednesday Part Duex ( I couldn't think of anything today)

2007-11-28T11:50:00.001-05:00

Welcome, Welcome to the afternoon delight!

There is a lot of news today so lets get down to it. No more beating around the bush, just a straightforward approach to today's stories. I am not going to wait any longer before giving you the news. No sir, not me, I will not procrastinate another second, knowing the frustration caused by people who ramble on too long without getting to the point. Well I always get straight to the point without any dillydallying. No, I will will not dillydally, fiddle-faddle, or any other silly words, I will get right to it! And here it is:

Make sure to check out my op-ed in the sports section below. It could very well change the dynamic of your Sunday.

First off some politikin'
Democratic race now between Bill Clinton and Oprah:
That's right. Personally I'd go for Bill, but that's just because he is just so gosh darn charming. I mean c' mon anyone of you ladies out there would rip your clothes off in a second if he asked you to the correct way.
Anyways Bill has come out and started spewing support for Hilary, while the big "O" is going to throw her support behind the little "O" possibly creating an "O Voltron". Many people who have been polled about these two supporters confess that they are swayed by the supporting cast. Those polled have said that they trust Bill due to his experience, but not so much Hilary, while others still will support O'Bamma (haha extra "m") because Oprah told them to. And we all know that Oprah currently controls an army of non-thinkers who will do whatever she says.

Nazi Archives now open to public:
That's pretty much it. This is just really important so I included it. I just have nothing to say on the matter.

Two FL police officers killed in high speed chase:
This is a little misleading because the cops were killed in the chase, but they themselves were not chasing. What happened was that 25 police units were chasing a stolen car. So first off, is 25 units really neccessary? Is it that easy to draw half the police force away with one car? Also, the two officers placed spikes down on the road in order to stop the stolen vehicle. When the vehicle did not come, they began removing the spikes when another police cruiser swerved trying to avoid the spikes on the ground, and slammed into the officers removing the spikes. One of the officers was engaged and getting married soon, the other was going to be his best man.
I feel that the cop driving the car is mostly at fault here. From what I have read, if there were that many units after these two guys in one car, one less unit wouldn't be catastrophic, so where does it seem like a good idea to swerve away from the spikes and into a crowd? dude, sacrifice the car's tires and go into the spikes, if thats what it takes to avoid hitting people, let alone other officers.

Missing Pregnant Woman:
An Oklahoma woman has gone missing yesterday. The woman was reportedly meeting a man in a park, in order to inquire as to whether or not he was the father of the child she was carrying. Neither have been seen since. My money is on her being abducted by him.

Man kills family:
24 year old Lamar Platt confessed to NY police that he shot and killed his mother and brother, and then chopped up their bodies and threw them into the river. I am not sure what drives a man to kill his family, but I feel that its a different situation then regular murders. Both are wrong, but someone who kills random people on the street has some very different stuf fon his mind that a guy who kills and chops up his family. I can only wonder as to what he was so enraged about. Do you send someone like that to jail? or straight to a psycho ward?

Brooke Astor's 112 year old son charged with "pilfering" her estate:
Well technically he is 83 but still its funny. The late 105 year old philanthropist's son has been accused of mistreating his mother in her last years and embezzeling money for himself. He probably should have thought of stealing this money when he could still walk. I know money is useful, but I would rather have 100's of millions of dollars in my 40's than in my 80's.

Update: I was watching "Sgt. Bilko" during my lunch break today and the late great Phil Hartman uses the phrase "by gum". I would like here and now to challenge all of you to use this phrase in your daily lives. I am going to do the same, and by gum I mean it.

In local idiot news
Man tries to open account with $1,000,000 bill:
I don't know what else goes along with this story, other than the fact that this man is stupid. He did attempt to create the bill and it looks ok, but if you were going to put that much effort into counterfeiting wouldn't you also know that they have never made a $1,000,000 bill? and this creative man wins today's idiot award.

Wife wants Fosset declared dead:
The wife of millionaire adventurer Steve Fosset wants her husband declared legally dead. Fosset disappeared while flying a private plane to California in September. Neither he nor the plane has been found. His wife wants him declared dead, personally if my spouse went missing I would want to keep searching until something was found, and I certainly would wait longer than 2 1/2 months. But then again, I do not stand to inherit millions of dollars. Shady shady business if you ask me.

This is by far the coolest video you will see today
6 year old boy plays with 20 ft. Python:
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2007/11/28/vo.boy.cambodia.snake.ap

In another awesome video, check out the exosuits.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/tech/2007/11/27/yeates.ut.robo.soldier.ksl

I have not been following the O.J. case this time around, but annoyingly it is still in the daily news. Booooo.

Roethlisberger arrested:
But not the fun one. A man as far as I know NOT related to Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger (but how common could that name really be? I mean c'mon) has been arrested for displaying banners deemed "too graphic", depicting photos of aborted fetuses. He was hanging out by the mall. What if he was just doing his christmas shopping?

Cell phones kill!!
A South Korean man was found dead yesterday. The cause is assumed to be his cell phone. He was found with his cell phone in his shirt pocket. The battery of the phone had exploded. This was bound to happen. Look out for killer cellphones, thats all I gotta say.

The word of the day comes from none other than Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad..adad. In an address to following an Iranian securty meeting, the president declared that Israel is doomed to collapse and referring to the Annapolis conference said "Soon, even the most politically doltish individuals will understand that this conference was a failure from the beginning"
So if you could not find it, today's word is doltish. Try that one on for size.

A British woman mauled to death in Bulgaria:
A woman walking her dog was attacked by a pack of wild dogs who gnawed her legs to the bone. Apparently roving packs of wild dogs is a problem that plagues the Bulgarian countryside. She was living in Bulgaria with her partner, but no other reasons have yet been released. The lesson learned is don't move FROM England TO Bulgaria. That is reverse immigration.

I was gonna go into deatil about how China is starting WWIII, but I don't feel like it anymore. Basically China would not let the U.S.S. Kitty Hawk go to port in Hong Kong after originally granting them permission. This was for Thanksgiving, and many of the crews family members had flown into Hong Kong from Japan in order to see the sailors. China has not given any reasoning yet as to why they would not allow entry.

Marie Osmond:
Marie Osmond is the perfect example along with Flava Flaaaaaav! as to why reality television shows (I am counting "dancing with the stars" as reality) can revitalize a person's career. Who the fuck cared about Marie Osmond before this show, and to be honest, who will care for her now? I applaud her for milking her exposure on this show for as much as it was worth. Bravo.

Dustin Hoffman’s New Year’s resolution is all picked out. “I do have to stop picking my nose, especially in the car,” the “Mr. Magorium” star confessed. “I'll be driving and I will catch someone trying to take my picture" (I stole that from MSNBC but I thought it was funny, but boo to the crappy "picked out" line)

Madonna abuses animals:
That would be a catchy headline. The pop madame has been chided by animal rights groups for dyeing sheep different colors for her most recent video. While her methods were animal safe, others make attempt to copy her idea in less safe measures.

Sports:
I would like to discuss for a moment, the recent slide the sports show "The Throwdown" has been experiencing. This slide is not necessarily in listeners, and much as the quality of the show. I feel that it is a quality program but the past two weeks are working against it. Two weeks ago the show was just cancelled, and this past week one of the two hosts forgot the "shows before hos" mantra and did not appear on the show. This required a "troopers effort" from the other host to keep it alive, but who wants to listen to one guy talk? I hope that this coming week will really revitalize the show, as well as not have any off-color remarks about #21's recent tragedy.

Dangerous Dave officially sucks at SoC

Keepin it real from the loop.

A sad day

2007-11-27T13:39:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the Afternoon update sad day edition

Sean "The Punisher" Taylor died this morning:
Sean Taylor is widely known as the hardest hitter in the NFL. Many team were afraid to throw it in his direction because they knew the receivers would get hurt. Early Monday Morning a man broke into his house and shot him in the leg. The bullet severed the Femeral Artery and Taylor had lost too much blood. He died last night. Taylor was also an acclaimed actor appearing in numerous Eastern Motors commercials and always reminding us that "our job is our credit". He will be sorely missed by all.

For a bit of light news....
A quick pronto shout out for giving me this next story

18 year old girl break up with Palestinian boyfriend on "Dr. Phil":
Yep. Apparently they met online in '05 and the girl even tried to go visit him in his West Bank town. I would like to point out that this girl is from Michigan (just another example). The girl dissapeared from her mother's home last year and tried to fly to Israel, however she was stopped in Jordan and handed over to U.S. authorities who returned her to the states. The girl went on the Dr. Phil show and broke up with her cyber boyfriend over a video link. She said he was verbally abusive and controlling. He denied these claims, threw his mike down, and walked away.
My thing is what the hell were they going to do once she got there? I mean, a blonde 17-18 year old girl just hanging around in the West Bank for a few days? are you kidding me? I think this could have become a much more interesting story if she had not been stopped in Jordan. Once again this shows why Dr. Phil is stupid, and that mustaches are out.

Panda watch!
The panda cub at the Whales Vagina Zoo (thats san diego for those of you who are not cultured) has been named zhen zhen which means precious. I wonder who gets to name these things? Giant pandas are fun, cuddly, and playful to look at, but if you get close to one they will rip your head off.

Iceland best place in world to live:
That is until all the people who saw this list move there and ruin it. In a study done by the U.N. Iceland has overtaken Norway as the best place to live. The study also shows that the 22 worst countries to live in are ALL in sub-saharan Africa with Sierra Leone being the worst. Hmmm I would have never guess that at all.............Do you think they should just not publish the bottom of the list? and just put up like the top 50, that way nobody's feelings are hurt.

Killer on the loose:
A man serving a life sentence since 1988 has escaped and been on the lam for 2 days now. He escaped by hiding in a garbage can and then being wheeled out by another inmate. Don't worry folks this was only a medium security prison, he's not a mass murderer or anything. I wonder how easy it must be to escape a minimum security prison? must be a friggin walk in the park if you can get out in a garbage can.

And now for why the French are stupidheads.
2 days of intense rioting leaves dozens of police officers injured:
First off, why are the cops the only ones getting hurt? I mean c'mon, send in the College Park police with some pepper spray super soakers and their riot tank and they would quell this little "riot" in 20 minutes. The riots began over the death of two youuuuuuths (a little joe pesci reference) who crashed their motor bike into a cop car. They crashed into the cop, not the other way around. Anyways, the rioters are insisting that the cops fled the scene, while other witnesses claim the cops raced over an tried to resucitate the victims via mouth-to-mouth. The boys were of African descent.
So here it is, the rioters, (also of african and north-african heritage) are rioting over the fact that 2 of their youths travelling at unsafe high speeds on a non-registered motor-bike, ran through a red light, and then crashed into a cop car and died in the crash. What exactly is the issue here? I don't think this has anything to do with the riots, I think these people (the french) just wanted a good riot, or maybe they are angry about being a minority in another country. I dunno, but this has a lot more to do with the growing minority population in Europe than it does with two kids doing something stupid, and the cops are not in any way at fault, except for the fact that they are French.

I don't get this one
Man in bank wants to go to India:
An Indian man walked into a bank in Orlando today and demanded a ticket to India. From what I have read, he did not brandish any weapons and was not commiting a robbery. The police were called and the man sat in a chair and refused to leave. Here is the good part, after a "two hour standoff", the man was taken into custody. TWO HOURS!?!?! the guy was sitting in a chair, 2 bouncers at a bar could have gotten this resolved faster. Now I know it is possible he could have been strapped with a bomb, blah blah blah, but isnt there a security guard? couldt he have escorted the man out? all he wanted to do was go to India, so deport him.

In other sad news, the inventor of Gatorade has died today of kidney failure, he was 80.
Just a note, the moron who wrote this article forgot to mention the late Dr. Cade in the past tense by using such lines as "he still plays with the University of Florida Orchestra and in his church". This was in an article announcing the guy is dead. What a moron.

I wish I could make a living on reading the news and pointing out how stupid some people are.

Thats all for today,

Keepin it real from the loop

Trent Lott is a PIMP!!

2007-11-26T11:03:00.000-05:00

Hello and welcome to the afternoon delight. Its that magical time between morning and evening where everything just seems blah. So go on, indulge yourself, that's right kick off your shoes and put your feet up, lean back and just enjoy the melodies...(after all music soothes even the savage beast)

Today's random format is going to be what I have dubbed: "Just The Basics"
I am just going to give you the most important stories of the day. No more of this "presidential race" crap, unless it is something that matters to us, the everyday shlubs (we not really me, but you).

First and foremost:
As you can see from the title, Trent Lott is a PIMP!!
You may think that this will be about the Senator's upcoming resignation from politics to enter the private sector, but it is not. This is straight up about his pimping skills. Here is the story:

A Few years ago, when I was but a lad, I was working as an intern for a nameless advocacy organization. This "hill" office was very small and we didn't really do much. It was sweet because I got to come in at 10 and leave at 12 but still got credit for my internship. Pretty much my only responsibilities were to go around to all the congress"people's" offices and hand out information packets to the foreign policy staffers. As it turns out, I was just handing out crappy propoganda. Anyways, I was too lazy to go everywhere in the House, So I just stuck with the Senate. And now we get to the reason Trent Lott is a P.I.M.P. His office was ENTIRELY staffed with smoking hot 6''0 blonde chicks. Excuse me, young women. I mean the guy is ancient and he's got 6-8 hot chicks running his office. What a freaking genius. Most other Senator's offices were staffed with goofs, men, and unnatractive women. I have always wondered if hot girls from Mississippi were good at their jobs, but then I decided who cares?
And THAT is why Trent Lott is a PIMP.

In other news
Miley Cyrus is 15:
Relax guys, she's only 15. Cyrus, daughter or Mr. "Achey Brachey Heart" Billy Ray is a pop teen sensation whose concert tickets have caused a big hullaballoo this past year. Many people of an innapropriate age to be obsessed with a young teenage girl, are obsessed with this young teenage girl. The oddest thing is that they are 17-25 year old women.
This is like the Olsen twins thing only she isn't an Olsen twin, so what's the big deal. I mean if she was worth billions then I'd get it I guess. I just hope when she turns 17 its not gonna be that gross circus of "O man, I can't wait until she's 18 and legal" all over again, plus all the tabloids stories revolving around that she is almost 18.

Former "Bachelor" contestant, arrested for assault and battery:
Mary Delgado has been arrested for allegedly punching her Fiance of three years in the face when she was drunk. Ms. Delgado was previously a "Bachelor" winner who apparently did not want the life of being married to a pro fisherman. My thing is, what kind of guy is her fiance? I mean you have a rediculously hot wife, why are you upset? and why are you getting beat up by a girl who weighs less that 120 lbs.? Man up dude, don't call the cops to stop your girlfriend from smacking you around.

WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU!?!
Hulk Hogan's wife, the older blonde one from the reality series, has filed for divorce. Hulk did not know about this and was informed by a reporter. Dude, I bet Mr. Hulk ripped off the reporters arms Chewbacca style and the other reporters were just too scared to include that part of the story. What schmuck would ask a guy if he had heard his wife was divorcing him? Mr. Hogan was not too happy when he heard the news. But atleast this way he can dump his idiot son with the mother. I hate that kid, what a douche. I am now nominating him for the biggest douce in the universe award ( yes I know that is not original).

Texas being bought up the the Italians!:
An uninhabited 13 acre Texas town was bought by an Italian businessman on E-bay for $3. 8 million. While I think this is very funny, I still don't like the idea of Americans selling thier land to people in other countries, it is downright unAmerican and American at the same time. What if we just sold all of Texas to Mexico? Well then Mexico would suddenly have a very legitimate football program, now wouldn't it?

Breaking News: Sean Taylor has been shot and is in critical condition in Florida.
FL is a dangerous place.

Teen get stucks in Chimney:
A 17-year old Michigan boy who was trying to get to his room in a social services center without being seen, had the bright idea to climb in through the chimney. Of course that is solid reasoning. The wannabe holiday fatman got stuck and needed to be removed by the fire department.

In other news that proves people in Michigan are dumber than everywhere else ,
Michigan man shoots pregnant cow, claims he thought it was a coyote:
A man shot and killed his neighbor's cow after claiming it was a coyote. The best part of this is that the pregnant cow weighed around 1,400 lbs. while coyotes usually range from 20-45 lbs. Apparently this was not enough of a difference. The man also apparently tried to drag the cow back to his house. I think the guy was just trying to get a free meal.

Goat killer upset over his beer:
A Wisconsin man shot and killed one of his family's 2 pet goats after his wife came home without the beer he had requested. 'nuff said.

Finally
Beauty Queen's wardrobe sabotaged:
The winner of the Puerto Rico's beauty pageant, who goes on to compete for Miss Universe, was found backstage with her face all red and covered in hives. Her makeup and gown had been coated with pepper spray. I know this is serious, but it kinda makes me chuckle. If you have ever seen "Drop Dead Gorgeous" then you will think it is comical too.

That is all for today,

keepin it real from the loop

Wacky Wednesday

2007-11-21T10:46:00.000-05:00

There is really nothing wacky about it, but its a catchy title.

So because it is a short day due to the Turkeyday and due to my utter boredom, I will keep this very short.

First off, I need to talk about office hygiene. There is this dude, who everyday I go to the bathroom and he's always in there washing his hands compulsively and hocking lugies. OK, fine. Maybe he is OCD about clean hands, maybe he has really bad allergies. BUT yesterday morning I get to work and walk into the bathroom and he is flossing his teeth. Not just flossing but also hocking at the same time. Is it just me or is work not the place for this guy to be doing his morning hygiene?
It's friggin disgusting. FLOSS AT HOME!

Also Nick Saban is an idiot. Google his name with 9/11 if you do not know what I am talking about.

Happy Thanksgiving yall (imagine Paula Dean saying that, she rocks)

Keepin it real from the loop.

Tuesday Tuesday

2007-11-20T13:36:00.000-05:00

Hello all, and welcome to the afternoon delight.

Today was kind of a depressing day in the world, so there was not too much to make fun of, but of course I found something.

Note: I pick and choose what qualifies as news stories for my blog, so even if something important (in your world) happened today, I may not report on it.

I would like to talk about a taco salad that I had this weekend, it may very well have been the best salad in the whole world.

OK, here it goes. Starting with.....the story of the day!!
So apparently somebody reads my blog, or atleast senior citizens do. Just yesterday I commented on how old people are somewhat useless and should be off the roads. What do they do? they respond by making two (3 counting elizabeth taylor) headlines for today's blog.

71-year old security guard disarms and chases robbers:
This is just amazing. You watch the video and you think, either this is Chuck Norris' dad, or these schmucks are idiots. Obviously its most likely the latter since Chuck Norris is not the son of a mortal man. Check out the video here: http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2007/11/19/dnt.fernandez.guard.fights.robbers.wsvn

64-year old woman disarms her 39 year old daughter:
This story is much sadder since the woman had unexplainably stabbed her two children aged 10, 12 and then proceeded to stab herself before her mother disarmed her and called the paramedics. The family is currently listed in "serious" condition.

And of course sticking with my elderly people theme,
Elizabeth Taylor is sneaky:
Now this is just my opinion. She has made an announcement that she has worked out an agreement with the striking writers to not pickett at an AIDS charity fundraising event next month. She stated that she would not cross thier pickett lines if they were there and according to Taylor the writers have agreed. The real beauty of this is that there has been no comment from the Writer's Guild concerning said agreement. To me this translates as, they did not have an agreement, but Taylor in her sneakiness went to the press. Now if they do pickett they look like douchebags for protesting at an AIDS event. On the flipside if they do as she said, they will look somewhat humanitarian for putting their "differences aside" for one night.
ALSO, She is gross, take a look. Woof! http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/11/20/elizabeth.taylor.ap/index.html

Finally:
100-year old woman gets honorary diploma:
A very old woman got her honorary high school diploma today after dropping out like 300 years ago. The lesson from this story is that it's not big deal to drop out of high school, everything will be fine. As long as you live to 100.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bishop of Atlanta church in sex scandal:
This apparently isn't big news since he has been through numerous sex scandals before.

In a pretty interesting political story,
Transgender political hopeful being sued for fraud:
Two losers of a city council election are suing another loser for the same position for fraud. They are claiming that since the person is transgender and ran as a female, it was fraudulent and the election should be done over. WOW, YOU LOST, STOP CRYING. It's crazy how petty politics can get on the lower levels, thank god it's not like that in the national elections.

Another Hilary sponsor is a criminal:
I may have made this up but I am pretty sure there have been other situations similar to this one in Hilary's campaign so far. The man who was arrested had been illegally posing as a police officer as well as a lawyer. It seems like Hilary will just take money from anybody huh?

8-9 year olds taken to prison"
In an update about the rape case from yesterday involving the 8-9 year old boys:
they most likely will not be tried as adults. The boys lawyers have stated that she consented and that she only started crying rape because she did not want to get in trouble with her mom, after all the girl is 11.
So my thing is that the DA stated "children that young cannot legally consent to sex"
Now before you get all crazy, let me just say as a disclaimer that I am not defending the boy's actions nor am I condoning rape in any way. But if this is the rule in Georgia, then most likely the cause would be becuase 11 is too young to know what is actually happening and therefore cannot be legal consent. Wouldn't the reverse then be true? these kids are 2-3 years YOUNGER than her, therefore is it not possible that they too did know have a full grasp of what was happening?

Man rapes and murders infant:
In even worse news, a man has been charged with sexually assualting and murdering his girlfriends 10-month old child.
Horrible.

12-year old stabs 13-year old brother:
They were fighting over the TV remote, when the younger brother went to the kitchen and came back with a knife.
What the fuck is going on in America? All of these stories are downright terrible! and yet these are daily occurences that are regular news stories every day.

Two drunk drivers simultaneously drive into same store:
Morons. They both crashed into the same store? what are the odds?

Neil Diamond has come out and said who "Sweet Caroline" was. But I found the answer to be boring so I am not listing it here. Neil is most famous for the movie "Saving Silverman" which was an instant classic as soon as it was made. He really does a great job playing himself.

PHOTO'S OF THE ATTACKING MONKEYS!!!:
That's right! http://news.yahoo.com/featured . Follow the link, scroll down to "this week in photos" and click on the 9th picture, its a man with a mustache. but it's really much more!!

In entertainment news, a sad state of affairs for Britney Spears.
She was sued by Louis Vuitton for having the designer's brand name on a dashboard of a car in one of her music videos. The suit was over fraud and of course Spears lost. While she is crazy and I havent liked her so much now as I did when I was 13, I think this just may be overkill. I mean the guy has billions and hasn't everyone else bothered her enough? just leave the poor gal alone.

It turns out that the original Sesame Street is not suitable for children. What a load of crap! it was just a different time, when kids sitting alone could meet an adult man, go home with him and have cookies and milk (with the guys wife, this was sesame street you sicko, no Law & Order SVU). But in today's world that would not fly. I think instead of bashing Sesame Street a great American institution, we should be reflecting on today's society.

In Sports
Lil' Romeo is gonna paly ball at USC:
Apparently the rapper is also a top 15 prep guard in the nation. If OJ Mayo sticks around next year, then they could be a tandem: Lil Romayo (buh dum bum!!)

Excellent shab footy game this past week. With all of the legitimate linemen having their sack lunches. KC coulda been better, but we will weed out those unwanted plants (that's right, it is elitist)

Keepin it real from the loop.

Monday Madness

2007-11-19T11:38:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the Afternoon Delight!

Note: I pick and choose what qualifies as news stories for my blog, so even if something important (in your world) happened today, I may not report on it.

There is a lot of news today, some of which is kind of depressing, so bear with me.

The story of the day is pretty classic. Mainly because it touches on old people's rediculousness as well as why Americans are just plain old silly.

Woman crashes car, still gets to her appointment ontime:
A 73-year old Alaskan woman drove her car into her hair salon while trying to make an appointment. Police said the parking lot did have snow on it. The woman still made her appointment though and got her haired styled at the salon.

What I think: God Bless America. Perhaps the snow was at fault for this crash, or perhaps it was because the woman was 73. I don't know the statistics, but I am willing to bet a significant amount of pennies that this is not the first time a 73 year old has crashed into a building. Take away old people's liscenses and get them out of the way on Sunday mornings. The real beauty of this story is that not only did the shop stay open, but they gave the woman who destroyed their store a haircut.

Japan Launches massive whale-hunting fleet:
Japan has launched a number of ships towards the artic ocean in order to try and kill 1035 whales of an assorted variety. Greenpeace has its own 1 ship in the area and has vowed to "track" the fleet and take direct non-violent hippie action to disrupt their hunting.

My Two Cents: Look out for angry hippies in a boat. They are going to follow the Japanese ships (with their 1) and shout really mean things to the whalers. If they must, the hippies will probably use their secret weapon: bad karma. While I don't agree with whaling an endagered species (the humpback whale I think), which is what Japan is doing I don't think smelly hippies on a tug boat is really what is going to stop them.

The death toll in Bangladesh has grown to over 3,100.

Three boys 8-9 years old charged with rape:
Three boys aged 8 and 9 have been arrested and charged with assualting, kidnapping, and raping an 11-year old girl. The boys are being tried as adults.

My Two Cents: While I do not doubt that they kidnapped and assaulted the girl, I feel like rape charges could be kinda hard. As far as I know, 8-9 year old don't have sex. They might in todays crazy world, but can they physically have sex at 8 years old? Also, trying them adults I think is a little much. Obviously they have issues, but I think there is an age that should be early enough to say "these kids need help" and give them the appropriate treatment, as well as place them in a juvenille institution. As opposed to placing them in juvy till their 18 and then sending them to prison.

Hannah Montana tickets sell for $13,000:
Tickets for the sold out show in Indianapolis sold for 13k with the proceeds going to the Peyton Manning Children's Hospital. The show is being considered as the most popular event ever in Indy. This is coming off of the their team's Super Bowl win last year. Poor Peyton, he will never be as popular as 14-year old Miley Cyrus.

I found an article about Loggerhead" turtles. These things are massive! they weigh over 250 lbs. That is crazy. To see a picture follow the link. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21881087/

Woman stabs dogs in buttocks:
A pittbull ran into a neighbor's house and attacked her cat. The Minnesotan woman acted quickly and stabbed the dog in the rear with a kitchen knife. The cat later died of injuries and the dog is fine.
My Two Cents: What a bizzare story.

13-year old boy arrested for drunk driving:
In a classic case of good parenting, a Michigan man, who was too drunk to drive, gave his truck-keys to his 13 year old son. The problem was, other than the fact the kids was 13, was that the son was also drunk. YEEHAW! go rednecks.

Twins invent wedgie-proof undies:
Two 8 year old twins have invented a pair of underwear that will break in half if they are attempted to be wedgied. This really isnt a new invention, kids have been cutting their underwear straps since almost the creation of the wedgie, which as far as I know, started when underwear did. However, I feel like this will not deter bullies, since now they can just make nerds go commando everyday.

The restaurant that is home to the $25,000 dessert has been shut down due to a roach and mice infestation. This is priceless.

In an poorly done survey, someone listed the top 5 Dustin Hoffman movies of all time and Hook was not one of them. After further investigation it wasn't even one of the pollable options! The guy that made up that list is a moron.

And finally, please read through this list of Princes, there is an error for one of them, see if you can find it. I'll post the answer tommorow. Now read it, PRONTO!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21821451/

Keepin it real from the loop

Puppies

2007-11-16T11:53:00.000-05:00

This story must have broke right after I posted, but thanks to the diligence of dsteen it will be told. This story warrants being added.

8 dead puppies found in freezer:
Police officers who were serving a warrant on child pronography charges, found over 30 malnourished poodles running around, as well as 8 puppies in the freezer. The residents said they were being stored in the freezer until their kids could come home and bury them.

My Two Cents:
These people are going to hell, and they are going to hang out with those two guys that beheaded Icabod the kitten.

Like eating a rueben, and then making hot, dirty rueben love

2007-11-16T09:15:00.000-05:00

That's right, its the afternoon delight!
welcome welcome

To get my plug out of the way, listen to the Throwdown with Rubes and Gordo on sunday nights at www.blogtalkradio.com/throwdown, or check out their facebook group.

Note: I pick and choose what qualifies as news stories for my blog, so even if something important (in your world) happened today, I may not report on it.

Sticking with yesterday's more lax format, I am just gonna lay the stories out there for ya. Starting with...THE STORY OF THE DAY!

This was not as controversial as yesterdays, apparently some have felt that a man marrying a dog should have beaten out the pot-bellied pig chase 07. I stand by my decision, it is more of a visual thing for me. Which would you rather see, a man and a dog in traditional wedding dress? or 5-10 people running around chasing "uncatchable" pigs for 35 min? Obviously its the pigs.

Once again the United States is the winner of today's story, still no updates on the big monkey thugs.
Today's winner is.......
Man shoots lugnut with shogun:
A 66-year old man in Washington state tried using a shotgun to remove a "stuck" lugnut on the wheel of his car. This proved to be a bad idea. The buckshot (you honestly thought he would use a shotgun shell? what is he stupid?) from the gun deflected off the wheel and "peppered" his entire body up to his chin, causing "sever, but not life-threatening" injuries. Officials have reported he was in fact NOT drunk. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21758302/

My Two Cents:
This would be so much funnier if the man was not 66. Either way you would think he had other options, perhaps using I dunno...a torque wrench? This is absolutely the story of the day.

Coming in at a not too distant second was this gem:
Woman caught dumping ashes in Disneyland:
Park officials have closed down the ever popular "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride after seeing a woman dump what appeared to be human remains into the water. According to some Disney workers, this is not uncommon. Peolpe have been smuggling in ashes for years.

My Two Cents:
Gross. Can you imagine going on a plume ride and getting splashed with a face full of someone elses ashes? That will most likely never happen, but still. Also who's dying wish would be to be spilled into the "pirates" ride? I mean yea, keira knightly is hot and all, but not THAT hot. There are some wierd people out there...

Hilary like Pearls AND Diamonds:
Yes, this was actually a story on a major news site. Booooooo.

"Ms. Southwest" poses for Playboy:
You all remember Kyla Ebbert? I know I do. She was the 23-year old passenger with the sexy body, who was asked to leave the plane on her Southwest flight and was forced to put on a sweater covering her legs. She has great legs. Anyways, she now has posed for Playboy in some "tastefully done" photos. Kyla said the biggest challenge was convincing her father to let her pose. Gee, I wonder what his problem was?

My Two Cents:
My favorite thing about this story, originally, was that the passenger who complained about her was an elderly woman. Of course no guy on that plane had a problem with it. I love how "tastefully" is the one and only word used to describe naked photos that aren't straight up hard-core porn. They need to get a new word so they can be used interchangeably, "Tastefully" is now a tainted word. I don't think ms. ebbert should have been asked to leave the plane, because while her skirt was pretty short, she was wearing a very tasteful outfit.

Russian cult holed up in cave:
This is a pretty wierd story and it's a shame because it does not look like it will end well. A small 20-25 person cult who call themselves the "True Russian Orthodox Church" are currently holed up in a cave they dug in Northern Russia. They have retreated to the cave because their leader has recently been arrested and is under psychiatric review. There are children in the cave, where temperatures have reached -50 degree. The members have told police that if they try to get into the cave, they will commit a mass suicide. They believe the "end-of-days" is coming in May 2008, and they are going to wait it out in the cave.

My Two Cents:
Unfortunately, this is doesn't look good. How are they gonna get them out of the cave? the leader isn't being released, the cops aren't gonna back off, and the people really will kill themselves if they have no hope. This is what happens when you start a cult. Lesson today is not to start cults unless they are not crazy. I hope this one results in them getting out of their alive.

Don't Blame the Whiskey!!:
In an unfortunate turn of events, thousands of bottles of Jack Daniels has been confiscated and may be poured out if it has been sold illegally. Some of these bottles are vintage and the oldest is from 1914, it is worth around $10,000. A little quip from this article:
"Punish the person, not the whiskey," said an outraged Jack Daniel's drinker from British Columbia who promotes the whiskey on his blog. "Jack never did anything wrong, and the whiskey itself is innocent." for the rest of this sad article-http://www.wsmv.com/news/14608054/detail.html , and may god have mercy on this whiskey. Amen.

Fox News had a headline today that read "Massive Massacre". Can somebody please pay me that person's salary to come up with better headlines? I mean seriously, c'mon. Massive massacre? WTF-that's Fox News for ya.

Raccoon killer!
A teacher in Arkansas shot a raccoon with a nail gun in order to show his class how to skin the animal. The raccoon was brought in by a parent and it was supposed to be dead, but it was delivered alive in a cage. The teach took it out back to his truck, with no students around, and shot it with a nail gun.

My Two Cents: Gots to loove dem rednecks. The best part about this is not that the teacher killed the raccoon, or even that a parent brought it in, alive in a cage! No, the best part was that the f-ing lesson for the day was how to properly skin an animal! Amazing, purely amazing.

Hugh Hefner donates $2,000,000 to film school:
Apparently the film school is already named after him, this is just another donation. I think it was for USC. How awesome would it be to have a diploma from the "Hugh Hefner Independent Film School"? You would be an instant porn director. While I don't know what the name of the school actually is, I think mine is better.

following up on yesterday's article about Tom Cruise looking like the Fearless Leader from "Rocky and Bullwinkle"-here is the picture. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21794678/

A revolutionary study has come out that teens use AIM to say things they would never say in person. Wow this really blows my mind, my whole world has been turned upside-down. Who's job is it to do that study? its more like an 8th grade project.

Amy Winehouse was booed off stage after another shoddy performance. I have a friend who once told me she was hot. She is atrocious looking. I don't get why rockers can't just do that drugs before and after their shows, that way they won't slur their words and get booed off stage.

DVW's bringin the bottle, I'll see you all at KC.

Keepin it real from the loop.

Back with a vengeance.

2007-11-15T12:41:00.001-05:00

Did I spell vengeance right?

Welcome to the Afternoon Delight!

To get my plugs out of the way, listen to the Throwdown with Rubes and Gordo on sunday nights at www.blogtalkradio.com/throwdown, or check out their facebook group.

Note: I pick and choose what qualifies as news stories for my blog, so even if something important (in your world) happened today, I may not report on it.

I thought I would try a different format today, I am just going list the stories that piqued my interest today, in no particular order. I may also throw in some occasional rants, who knows?
To quote my good friend Aman:
"I dont know...you dont know...WHO KNOWS... aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

To start off I am going to give you Jroz's news story of the week!
The United States dominated the hilarious wild animal news today, taking away thunder from the previous champion, India, who has dominated with stories of drunken elephants and hired monkey thugs.

Potbellied pigs run wild in Iowa!:
Two potbellied pigs were running around a busy Iowan street this morning, before they were caught by a joint task-force of animal control officers, cops, and happy-to-help truckers. It took them 35 minutes to catch the wily critters. One of the animal control officers said based on her experiences from her first pig chase, she would need a blanket. "They're tough," she said. "They have no necks, so you really can't get a collar on them".

My Two Cents:
I was rolling with laughter when I read this story. I am sure it was very dangerous for the pigs to be on the road, and they needed to be caught, but can you imagine watching this scene for a half hour? I would PAY to see that, and you know you would too. Also I thought it was pretty funny that this wasn't the officer's first pig chase but that's just me.

Coming in a very close second place was this story
Man marries dog:
An Indian has married a dog in order to atone for his sins of stoning two dogs to death, earlier in his life. The man and his kanine companion had an official wedding ceremony. The wedding pictures are just beautiful. It's a classic man meets dog, man marries dog story.

My Two Cents:
Ha Ha, this guy married a dog.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21768663/

Moving on.

Ho Ho HOE!!:
Santa's being hired for shopping malls in Sydney Australia have been told not to say HO HO HO anymore but instead to sa HA HA HA. The reasoning behind this is that HO HO HO could be offensive to women, based on the slang word that is used in the U.S.A. for hoish women.

My Two Cents: For this one, I would like you to fill in the blank because I think my response would be too obvious. Feel free to leave a comment on today's blog about your two cents.

In more serious news, Hotel may have been imploded with someone in the building:
Witnesses have said that they saw a shadow mere seconds before a hotel was imploded in Houston Texas today. There is an investigation going on to see if there is a body in the rubble.

My Two Cents: I really hope that no one was in there, that would be a bad death. However, what moron would be wandering around a zoned off hotel strapped with 120 tons of dynamite? You think there are teams that sweep the hotel to look for people before they detonate the explosives? Probably.

Woman has 33 pound tumor removed:
A Chinese woman had a 33 pound tumor removed after she was complaining of abdominal pain. Apparently the tumor went unnoticed because the woman is severely overweight. Doctor's said that if it had remained it would have eventually exploded inside her body.

My Two Cents: Woah, that is crazy! Can you imagine what that would look like? Its like a small child, only its a tumor. The woman said hopefully this will help her lose weight. I think this may be a sign. I mean how do you not notice a 33 pound tumor! 33 pounds!!!

Couple who lost children, expecting triplets:
A California couple who lost their 3 children in a terrible car accident last summer, are now expecting triplets.

My Two Cents: That is pretty wierd. What are the odds that this would happen? If you believe in a higher power than this could be interpreted as divine intervention. And if you don't, this is a hell of a coincidence. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21767764/

The world has a robot guitar-http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21791941/
the big deal for this guitar is that it automatically tunes itself, all the time.

Breaking New! Nebraska woman who had sex with 13 year old student was fired today:
WTF?? Why wast she fired 2 weeks ago when she had run away to Mexico with a minor to have sex with him? Something is either very amiss, or perhaps the school board in this sleepy Nebraskan town is full of nitwits! That's right I said nitwits.

Now for entertainment news, which I am very excited about today

Matt Damon is 2007 Sexiest Man Alive:
So be it.

My Two Cents: Bourne Ultimatum , while it was nothing like the book (nor was the rest of the series) was an awesome action movie. It kicked ass. I see no reason to argue this election, other than perhaps Rubes should have been on that list, and that perhaps there was a change in the voting that did not sparkle with everyone who voted. (Either you will get that one or you won't)

Tom Cruise apparently is making another crappy movie called "valkyrie" ( I don't know how to F-ing spell it). Its about Hitler I think, who cares. The reason this is interesting is that in the photo I saw of him for this movie, he looks like the "Fearless leader" from Rocky and Bullwinkle.

In a poll of TV's alltime most popular/recognizable personalities Johnny Carson was voted #1.
Kermit the Frog placed a close 21st, go terps!
Ha Ha can you imagine that shmuck that is 22? They got beat not by a frog, but a puppet frog.

One of the main headlines on CNN.com today was that Celine Dion is releasing a new album that will completely reinvent her image.

My Two Cents: Is that really a headline on the main page? it sits right next to the story about 1,000s of people fleeing a tropical storm/tornado. That makes sense, they are both of relative equal importance. She is the #1 main reason why I refused to see"Titanic" and I have held true to that oath. Go back to Canada!!

In Sports:

Kevin Youkilus has shaved his goatee for $5,000. To be donated to charity.

A-rod is reportedly mulling over a deal with the Yankees worth 10-year $280 million which will come to over $300 mil with incentives. The negotiations are going on without agent Scott Boras, the most ruthless man in baseball. (but hey, he gets his clients paid)

It's intersting because the Yankees idiot owners (the boys, not georgy) stated they will not negotiate with A-rod if he opts out. Well he opted out and here we are. Their scare tactic did not work and now he can take advantage of them. Stupid Yankees.

Keepin it real from the loop.

This is not the greatest song in the world, this is just a TRIBUTE

2007-11-13T10:40:00.000-05:00

Yesterday morning, the good lord found it favorable in his eyes to take the life of Jenny. She had lived a long and good life, but it was not without trials and tribulations. From an early age she had to put up with Shroz trying to name her "Bubbles" or BB spinning her really fast in the desk chair, or BB chasing her around with a pair of scissors, or BB chasing her around with "bad kitty" even though he knew she didn't like it. But there were good times as well, running around outside eating grass and getting fleas, only barfing in 3 pile intervals, and eventually developing the late shana's yowl. She was 19 years old, which in her years was like 300 or something. She was loved by almost all and will be sorely missed. The next time I am home watching TV my lap will be very cold without her.

Today's entry is in tribute to her. R.I.P. Jennifer Stacey.

Note: I pick and choose what qualifies as news stories for my blog, so even if something important (in your world) happened today, I may not report on it.

Welcome to the Afternoon Delight!

Politics:
I was gonna try and stay away from politics on such a somber day, but this story was just too good. It was like a juicy piece of steak staring at you, what else are you gonna do? (unless you are a veggie, in which case imagine a big marinated piece of tofu, or some okra.)

Hilary Caught Cheating!
No, not the way Bill did. A female student from Grinnel College has come forward and stated that she was "planted" in the audience to ask a question to presidential hopefuly Hilary Clinton. The girl was given a question specifically designed to be asked by a college student, and she said she was not the only phony in the audience. The student claims that she thought the public has a right to know.

My Two Cents: This is awesome. I am sure this happens in every campaign, but I am loving that Hilary got caught first. Not neccessarily for any reason other than that she is the front runner. It just makes for a more interesting game. I mean election race. I wonder if maybe the said student is receiving some compensational funds from perhaps a NC or IL sentaors' campaigns? Nah I actually don't think that is the case, but I think it is interesting that when the girl suggested her question of asking what Clinton's energy policies were vs. her opponents, the girl was told maybe thats not such a good idea. This is just clarifying the picture for me of what Hilary seems to be running on. I think she is running on her name more than her policies. As opposed to Edwards who is running on bashing Hilary. (didn't he use to be an ambulance chaser?)

International:

What's happening around the world.

Pakistan situation is boring:
I have decided to stop covering this for a while because its just not interesting anymore.

Hamas arrests 400 Fatah protesters:
I told you shit was gonna go down. After the initial protest in which 8 people were killed. Fatah gunmen took to the streets and its on now!

Also Hamas has stated that they are willing to begin discussions with Israel over a deal revolving around the release of captured IDF soldier Gilad Schalit.

My Two Cents: This infighting is not going to help the Palestinian cause during the Annapolis meetings (if they actually happen). Although to be honest, I dont see anything actually developing from those talks. Hamas states that they have no intention of hurting Schalit and are talking about his return, which makes me hopeful thinking this means he is alive. Many times when soldiers are "returned" it is not always the way you hope for.

Egypt announces "smuggling tunnels" report:
Egypt has announced that they have discovered over 60 tunnels used for smuggling arms and explosives into the Palestinian territories. They have also confiscated over 20,000 tons of TNT.

My Two Cents: Good job.

Russia honors MI6 "double-agent":
Russia has honored George Blake, orignally a British MI6 agent who then became a double agent during the cold-war for the KGB. Blake is credited with comprimising between "dozens and hundreds" of western operatives, as well as exposing the secret tunnel the U.S. and Britain dug into East Berlin. This is the most recent mud-in-the-face act to Britain by Russian leader Vladimir Putin.

My Two Cents:
So I know this hasn't been neccessarily dominating the news, but Russiahas been kinda scaring me lately. Putin has made relations with the U.S. and the west icy at best, and has been doing things that seem to be announcing Russia as the dominant country in the world once again. (Although they were tied with the U.S.) I am all for a country to have national pride and all that, but it seems like this could turn hostile(ish). I am not sure why Putin would want another cold-war, or even why he is doing everything he is doing, but its something to keep an eye on. Screw Pakistan, focus on Russia.

No news about the bigger, badder monkeys yet:
But that day will come, mark my words.

In American news-or as I like to call it, the "fun" news:
not too much crazy stuff today.

Police officer 'tases' him/herself:
A police officer tases themself and injured thier hands when forgetting to check the air cartridge in their weapon. They have been placed on disciplinary leave for not following safety procedures.

My Two Cents: This is the silly story of the day. I fought the urge to title it "don't tase yourself bro!" but mainly because the article for this story had alreay done that.

Police Officers shoot and kill teen holding hairbrush:
5 police officers shot an unarmed teen after responding to a distress call from his mother. The teen has had a history of mental health issues and when his mother called 911 he was heard in the background as saying that he had a gun. When the young man, holding the brush began approaching the police officers from his apartment, he was ordered to stop. The man dropped the brush but continued walking, at which point the officers unloaded 20 bullets into his body.

My Two Cents:This is pretty fucked up. The kid was unarmed, and even if they thought the brush was a gun, he dropped it before they opened fire. I understand they could have felt threatened, but 20 shots from 5 officers is a lot. This is not ok.

13 year old Mexican boy, may not be victim:
The 13 year old boy who was having a realtionship with his 26 year old teacher in Oklahoma, may not actually be 13 claims the womans attorneys. They are speculating that he is actually closer to 16 or 17. As well the idea that he is actually the one in control of their relationship, and she was the victim.

My Two Cents: C'mon. Really? EVEN if he is now 16, that would still have made him 13 and her 23 when they began their illicit love. She's still having sex with an underage teen. What changes in this scenario? In my opinion, nothing. I still hold by what I said about her last week. And you can find that in the archives.

Man found dead, stuck in cat door:
A man was found stuck in his girlfriend's cat door in FL. The man had been thrown out earlier in the night and it appears he was trying to get inside and unlock the door. Reports from his friends and family have stated that he was not a small person.

My Two Cents: I am not sure how to approach this without making it seem like I am making light of this situation. But...??????

Disabled teen bowls perfect game: This is really cool, check it out. http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2007/11/13/mcdough.handicapped.bowler.wpbf

In entertainment news, another strike which does not affect my life has become a big hot topic.
The stagehands for all broadway productions are currently on strike:
Can't they just replace these people in like 20 min? What is the big deal?

I watched a movie called "Kalifornia" last night. A 1993 film starring Brad Pitt, Juliette Lewis, and Davic Duchovny. Awesome movie, Pitt plays a serial-killing white trash redneck and NAILS it! Lewis is prefect as a complete moron, and Duchovny looks silly with 2 earings, but hey, that was cool in 1993. Go see this movie PRONTO!

Sports:
Jorge Posada has resigned with the Yankees. Not too much of a shocker there.

Seattle dominated SanFran in MNF. But who cares about either of those teams? what a horbbily crappy division. the NFC West does not deserve a playoff spot this year. Woof.

Ryan Braun and Dustin Pedroia win Rookie of the Year honors. Guthrie...got consideration in May.

For all of your sports needs, listen to the Throwdown with Rubes and Gordo on sunday nights at www.blogtalkradio.com/throwdown, or check out their facebook group.

That's all for today,

Keepin it real from the loop.

P.S. If you are sad about a cat, don't watch Shrek the 3rd on Joox, im not sure why but puss just made me sadder.

Addendum

2007-11-12T14:17:00.000-05:00

I was just watching part of Mel Gibson's "Braveheart", Mr. Gibson an actor famous for his roles in "Gallipoli" and "beyond thunderdome". Anyways, I am a big fan of braveheart, however if you listen to the "get 'em riled up speech" the famous one right before the first battle, it is the worst motivational speech ever! It doesnt make any sense! All he does is say you can die now, or you can live a full life and die later.

Yes I know what he was trying to say, but it was still a bad speech. Completely ruins the scene for me now.

Veteran's Day(s)

2007-11-12T11:09:00.000-05:00

Happy day on which we celebrate Veteran's Day, even though it was really yesterday. AND welcome to the afternoon delight!

Thank you to D.Rubes for coming up with the delight.
To show my thanks, you should be sure to listen to the "Throwdown"with Rubes and Gordo on Sunday nights atwww.blogtalkradio.com/throwdown, or check out their facebook group.

Note: I pick and choose what qualifies as news stories for my blog, so even if something important (in your world) happened today, I may not report on it.

Politics:
Not much for politics today, or rather I wasn't too interested with what was out there.
However there was one thing I found amusing:

McCain's mother blames Romney for Salt Lake City scandal:
Apparently Sen. McCain's 95 year old mother has stated that she does not approve of Romney's religion (he's a mormon, yes the correct answer was mooooormon), as well as she seems to believe he had a hand in the scandal that occured in Salt Lake City during the 2002 Olympics. (it was 02 right?) Romey responded by saying he gives her, as well as anyone else over the age of 90, a pass for her comments.

My Two Cents: While I think it is funny that McCain's mom made fun of his religion, I think the bigger issue is what Mssr. Romney said. Is he honestly stating that people over the age of 90 should not be taken seriously? Last I checked 90 was the new 70! These are voters here that he is just brushing aside by assumign everything they say is either silly (thats one for today), or ok. If he is suggesting that Mrs. McCain did know what she was saying, then he is giving a free pass to old people, letting them be as racist or prejudiced as they please. I won't take this lying down, what if I am walking down the street durign Romneys presidency and I am verbally attacked by a 91 year old woman? Should I just let it go? I THINK NOT!

George Bush jumps out of a plane:
That's pretty much the whole story, other than the face the he is 83 and jumping out of planes.

Breaking News: Wolly's "guns" compared to the Rocky Mountains. Stop.

International News:

Bhutto is corrupt:
I am not sure if I wrote this last week, but I have been saying it a lot. Today I ran accross a blog agreeing with me. From everything I have been reading, Former Prime Minister Bhutto of Pakistan, is not the clean and pure savior that Western media has been making her out to be. I am not sure if she is better or not than Mushrumoff, but her former governments have repeatedly been accused of corruption and even a terrible violation of human rights. Also it is suspected that she stole over $1.5 Billion for her personal use.

My Two Cents: Yea, exactly. Who says she is any better, other than herself? She is also apprently facing charges in multiple countries regarding these violations. Find out for yourself.

Killer Monkees go on murderous rampage:
Well not killer monkees persay, more like one non-killer monkey who attacked 25 people viciously in an Indian village. This is apparently becoming a common thing and some government officials have brought in bigger, meaner monkees to take care of the attacking ones.

My Two Cents: While any story involving monkees is funny, people getting hurt never is. Also have you noticed all these crazy things happening in India? attacking monkees, drunk rampaging elephants...And as far as their solution for bringing in bigger and badder monkees, wasn't there a book, pehaps dr. suessish, that had a sultan bring in cats to get rid of mice, then elephants to get rid of the cats..somthing along those lines. Bottom line is that in the end it didnt work and the sultan was left with the mice. So maybe they should just stick with the smaller attacking monkees before it gets out of hand.

Middle East:
Palestinian negotiator refuses to recognize "Jewish" Israel:
That pretty much says it all.

Hamas gunmen fire upon peaceful Fatah rally:
Hamas gunmen opened fire on a peaceful Fatah rally, the biggest since Hamas took over, commemorating the 3rd anniversary of Arafat's death. 6-8 people were killed and 85 injured.

My Two Cents: This is gonna start something really bad. I am not sure why they would fire on such a large crowd, but odds are this will lead to some serious infighting amongst the Palestinians.

And now for the interesting stuff (although I thought the monkees were pretty good).

15-year old thought cops were part of a rival gang:
a 15 year old boy, being charged as an adult is facing up to life in prison on four accounts of attempted murder after shooting 2 teens from a rival gang as well as 2 police officers responding to the shots. The suspect stated he though the cops were other gang members and opened fire to get away. He said the 15 year old he shot had raped his mother a few years ago.

My Two Cents: The kid stated that the 15 year old raped his mother years ago, and he has spent the past few years looking for him. Now this is entirely possible I guess, but that would make the supposed rapist (the rape was never reported) about 12-13 years old at the time of the crime. Now I know it is possible a 12 year old could rape a grown woman, but I have a feeling that this was not the case. Gangs are bad, remember that.

Woman sleeps through rape:
A woman with chronic sleep-walking, was raped by a homeless man. The man claims it was not rape, but that she gave her consent. The man is stating that she must have been sleepwalking when they had sex.

My Two Cents: Is that really possible? is it rape then, if she was sleep-walking and said yes, not realizing it was real life? that is just crazy.

No guns in school Shirley!
Shirley Katz, a school teacher in Oregon, has been told that she is not allowed to bring her handgun into school. She does have a concealed weapon permit, but the school board said it is against their policies. She claims it is for protection against her ex-husband.

My Two Cents: Odds are her ex won't attack her while she is teaching social studies. I think would be a slippery slope if they allowed her to bring it in. Kudos to the school board.

Entertainment:
The cast of "Scrubs" has announced who their least favorite guest star was...drum rollllll:
TARA REID!
She has no talent. The cast stated that she smelled like cigarettes and booze.

My Two Cents: That is pretty much how I would expect her to smell.

According to scientists, the universe has lost weight. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21753466/-universe
I think its all part of that celebrity fit club trend that has been going around.

Both Mannings are losers over the weekend.

The wizkids have finally gotten that elusive first "W" against the always competitive Atlanta Hawks.

No news on the hotstove

Congrats to Stinkwidit on his speech this weekend.
Kiddush club was great, as expected.

And now please check out the top 10 list of things you should not do at work, PRONTO!:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/worklife/11/09/not.at.work/index.html

Keepin it real from the loop.

The Friday Lowdown

2007-11-09T08:47:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the Afternoon Delight!
That's right, whether it be a delicious sandwhich, some day-time sex, or reading my news blog, Afternoon Delight is great anytime.

Since I come in extra early on Fridays, I have more time to read the news. Therefore Its going to be a long one today folks.

I am attempting to limit the amount of times I use the words "silly" or "apparently" so if you notice too many occurences, please feel free to let me know.

Note: I pick and choose what qualifies as news stories for my blog, so even if something important (in your world) happened today, I may not report on it.

Also, be sure to listen to the "throwdown"with rubes and gordo on Sunday nights atwww.blogtalkradio.com/throwdown, or check out their facebook group.

We shall start today, as always with a little politics.

I thought I'd stay away from the Presidential race today and cover something else.

Senate Confirms Mukasey:
The Senate has confirmed Michael Mukasey as the new U.S. Attorney General with a vote of 53-40. There are varying opinions of Mukasey due to his lack of admittance regarding "waterboarding" as a form of torture. Some people on Capitol Hill have expressed concern that Mukasey was confirmed mereley because he will be better than Gonzalez and that there needs to be an Attorney General in order for some stability to continue.

My Two Cents: I don't know much about his background, but I assume that there is more to his appointment then "he was the best guy available". The vote would not have passed without major support from some Democratic Senators so I think this could be a good choice. The waterboarding is a non-issue for me. Before someone flips out, let me explain why. Mukasey has stated that he personally regards waterboarding and all other forms of torture to be apalling, however he did not know enough about it to comment on specifics. From what I understand, the U.S. laws that prohibit things such as waterboarding do not apply to organizations such as the CIA, and to be hones, I am OK with that. I think that if the CIA needs to use certain techniques to obtain information, well then it is not a perfect world out there. However I am not suggesting that you or I should be allowed to practice anything of the sort.

1/4 Americans think Bush is worst President ever:

In a poll taken recently 23% of Americans think Bush is the worst ever.

My Two Cents: Have any of these people taken U.S. history 101? The man was a pimp, but Andrew Jackson did some pretty horrible stuff during his presidency. I think there can be case made for a lot of other presidents being worse, but I guess it depends on the categories being discussed. For all you other history majors out there, I know you agree with me.

Colom Wins Presidency:
Alvaro Colom was elected President of Guatemala yesterday.

My Two Cents: How many of our lives are affected by this event? Exactly, but I thought it was a nice tidbit that you can use at a cocktail party or shabbos dinner tonight.

U.S. Drugs: The United states "Drug-Czar" John Walters stated today that U.S. efforts in Colombia have disrupted to flow of Cocaine into the United States. These efforts have caused the price of Cocaine to skyrocket 44%.

My two Cents: First off, I think its silly (that's one) for someone who is fighting the "war on drugs" to be called a drug czar. I know this is not a new notion, but shouldn't drug czar refer to say...an actual drug czar? Perhaps the guy who profits the most from his cocaine being sold all over the world? I dunno, maybe i'm just stupid. My sentiments go out to all of you clubbers and college students who now have a little less $$ in your pockets.

U.S. vs. Iran:
The United States Defense Dept. announced today that IF a conflict arose with Iran, then the U.S. is currently "fully prepared" and we "are up to date".

My Two Cents:
I feel like this was never an issue. I believe strongly enough in our armed forces that I believe there has always been a contigency plan for conflict with Iran. This is nothing more than politics, and I for one am sick of all the side-stepping about having a conflict with Iran. If its gonna happen, then its gonna happen. It seems like we are almost goading them into a conflict.

Pakistani Riot cops look like middle school hockey players:
In international news I ran across an article dealing with form Pakistani Prime Minister Bhutto being placed under house-arrest. However the REAL story is the picture that accompainied the article. The Pakistani riot police pads look like hockey pads for boys.

My Two Cents: It was a rediculous sight and I found it hilarious. Also, the poltical situation over there hasn't changed so there is nothing to report.

Brazil now world's most powerful country.

Brazil has announced a discovery of a deep-sea oil well that could contain as much as 8 billion barrels of oil. This would launch Brazil into the top ten oil producers in the world. The shares for the company that discovered the oil well rose from $24 to $116 a share.

My Two Cents:
Get ready to start speaking Portuguese because aside from oil, Brazil could be one of the worlds top producers of alternative energry. According to some national geographic stuff, converting sugar cane into energy is like 10x more effective than using corn. So hold on to your wallets and digital cameras because here comes Brazil. On a side note, it would be nice to have a few thousand shares of the company right now.

Israeli government and Chief Rabbi ban beggars:
Beggars have been banned from the western wall. If you have ever visited there, you will understand how big of an impact this will have on the enjoyment of praying or even just visiting the holy Jewish site.

Check it out: http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1192380772114&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull

My Two Cents:
I once got into a fight with a guy who was shaking his collection box in my face, multiple times, while I was trying to pray. I whole-heartedly agree with this decision.

I JUST FOUND RTIHS FONT.-I just found this font, its awesome.

Now for the interesting news.

I have just hear news that there has been an oil spill near California (I think). Go read about it.

Bus driver fired-sicko taught a lesson:
A bus driver (somewhere, I forget) has been fired and is facing charges this week after driving his bus at speeds up to 37 MPH with a passenger hanging on the bus's mirror. The passenger urinated in the back of the bus, with others looking on and was then kicked off of the transit vehicle. The driver refused to let him back on and the man then grabbed a hold of the mirror and started driving. He proffessed a desire to find the bus pisser at his job, and then pee on his work.

My Two Cents:

I think that while what the driver did could have cost the man his life, the dude did pee on his bus. The quote the driver "You Fuck with me..I fuck with you". I think that guy should have also LET GO of the bus when it started driving away. Pronto.

Police auxillary shot:

A campus policeman, who is not actually a liscensed policemen but more of a cadet, was shot three times at a community college and is in critical condition. The police auxillary was in a campus security golf-cart when he rolled up on a suspect attempting the steal a car. The suspect then pulled out his gun and fired three time.

My two Cents:

I hope the guy has a full recovers. However I do feel the need to express the stupidity of police auxillary. Its one thing for them to check cars at the main entrance and stuff like that, but bottom line is..They are not cops. For the most part, atleast at my school, they were kids who got paid $7.00 to roll around in segways acting like they mattered. In a situation where you see a car being jacked, if you are carrying a whistle and pepper spray, maybe you should do your job, which is to call the actual police. I think thata situation like this could be avoidable if people understand their roles when it comes to fighting crime.

3 year old found in trash bag:

The body of a three year old girl has been found in a white plastic trash bag inside a park near her home. The cause of death has been discovered to be blunt force trauma, and her mother has admitted that the girl was dead at the home yesterday. No arrests have yet been made.

My Two Cents:

?!?...How are her parents not in jail right now? Seriously?

D.C. School district $$ used for strip clubs:

Two DC public school officials have admitted to using over $13,000 in funds to pay for thier gentlemens club bills. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/08/AR2007110802498.html?hpid=topnews.
Read this article, its hilarious and upsetting at the same time.

My Two Cents:
This can help explain why the DC school system is so crappy. Its nice to know that if the taxpayers money isn't going to the local schools, atleast it is staying within the commuity. I would be appalled if they were spending the money at Maryland strip clubs.

In Tech news: What the hell are these robotic bunnies? I dont get their purpose at all.

Fashion News:
I am trying this once to see if I care enough to write about fashion. Pronto. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/artsandliving/source/trend-spotter/110407.html
There is a hippie designer store that is making designer clothes at hippie earth-friendly levels. I guess this is a good thing, but Im sure it still costs way to much to buy these clothes.

Sports: for all of your sports needs, listen to the Throwdown on sunday night with Rubes and Gordo, or join their facebook group. www.blogtalkradio.com/throwdown

The Wizkids remain at a goose egg for their win column.

The Orioles have yet to unload thei expensive vets, however there have been rumors floating of Tejada going to the yanks to play 3b. This would be better than Bedard going there.

West VA beat Louisville in College Football.

The MLB players union has expressed concern that the GMs at the winter meeting may have been colluding in order to drive the price for A-rod down. Who gives a fuck? so he gets $290 million instead of $300. Poor A-rod. Maybe he;ll pull a Sprewell and get the extra money by saying $290 mil aint enough to feed his family.

And Finally, Clinton Portis has come out with his first character appearance of the year: Choo Choo. If you have not yet seen a picture of this, please follow the link below. Although I am not sure how this would fare faced up against "Southeast Jerome" and "Dolla Bill".
-http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2007/11/choochoo.html

keepin it real from the loop

2007-11-08T16:39:00.000-05:00

Note: I would like to apoligize if my comments about the BlackHawk helicopter crash offended anyone. In no way was I attempting to make light of a tragedy and I have the utmost respect for our nation's servicemen.

I also have recently been informed that the cocaine dolls were used in the movie "Traffic" and not "Blow" my apologies for the mix up.

2007-11-08T12:39:00.000-05:00

As day three of my incessant blogging begins, I'd like to let you know that I have had more time today than both the days past, however I find less news to report. I do however, plan to rant for a while...

Note: I pick and choose what qualifies as news stories for my blog, so even if something important (in your world) happened today, I may not report on it.

First off lets start with a little politikin.

There is some talk going on about Bill Clinton unfarily defending Hilary something something something. Some of the other candidates are claiming it is unfair. To be honest I didn't read the entire story.

My Two Cents: Are you kidding me? regardless of their infidelities of the past, he is still her husband! What do the other candidates expect? he is by far her biggest bargaining chip to get into the white house. Why wouldnt he be supporting her? He was one of the most popular presidents ever. ( I have no idea if that is a fact). I think its just downright silly for other Democratic cadidates to be crying over this. He's not gonna endorse anyone else, so what do you want from him?

In internation news Mushramoff has set a date for Pakistan's elections in February. The White House commended him on it.

My Two Cents: This is silly, because all he did was supposedly set a date for elections, meanwhile he has not ended the milataristic state of emergency! Nothing has changed! I understand in some situations diplomacy has to take baby steps, but I don't think having the president of Pakistan set a date for elections(which were already set to take place in January) is a win for us on this one. Shit is going down, and you can quote that.

A U.S. BlackHawk helicopter crashed in Italy killing 4-5 Americans (the figures vary).
No cause of the crash has yet been released.

My Two Cents: I feel like there have been a lot of helicopter crashes in the past few years. Maybe that is just a statistical reality with flying around in helicopters, but it seems like there is something faulty with a lot of the BlackHawks. On a side note, it is a really cool helicopter.

The U.S. has expressed concern that yesterdays announcement by Achmenijidaddy that Iran has 3,000 working centrifuges, will lead to an Israeli Air Strike against Iran. There has been no official statement regarding this, but Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak said that all means would be considered.

A slight thing that bothers me. CNN.com regularly has a section entitled CNN Heroes. However, unlike what you would think, they are not regular everyday people. They are celebs. This is rediculuos. If you cannot figure out why, then you are an idiot. They do not salute people who are fighting diseases and poverty on a regulart basis. No, they salute Jenny Mcarthy and Julianne Moore. While I know they both do good work fighting diseases and spreading knowledge about autism, shouldn't someone a little bit more regular be considered for this "honor"?

Ok enough of supposed "real news" there is a lot of good stuff thats out there today. I like to refer to them as side-stories, but really they are the reasons to read the news.

First off, I just came across an article about a 77 year old man in Jacksonville FL, rode his bike (bicycle that is) apparently a decently long distance, to pick up his 4 year old grandson from pre-school. When the grandfather gets home, his wife tells him he has the wrong kid.
http://www.news4jax.com/news/14537564/detail.html

My Two Cents: This is one of the funniest things I have ever heard. I know there is all sorts of problems here, such as kidnapping, and the teachers not following safety protcals, but still. The man brought the kid back and got his grandson. But seriously, it was an honest mistake and this is rediculously funny.

In other side news, a surfer was attacked by a great white shark, and would have been killed if not for a group of bottlenosed dolphins. This apparently is a 2 month old story, but now the guy is healthy again. He was attacked by a shark who almost bit his leg off and chomped on the guys back. It was coming in for antoher attack when the dolphins made a protective circle around the surfer, and kept the shark at bay until he got on the beach.

My Two Cents: This is awesome. Its a feel good story that makes you believe that dolphins really are the second smartest creatures next to mice. (If you've seen the movie I am referring to, you would get that.) I wonder how crazy it would be to see that from the surfers perspective, although he was probably more concerned with living.

I saw a headline that reads "150,000 fish die in barn fire". I know there is more to this one, but its a funny headline.

Listen to the throwdown on sunday nights.

Apparently Conan O'brien was being stalked by a priest. The priest had been writing him letters for the past few years demanding Conan give a public confession, OR lest the priest onto the show.

My Two Cents: It seems like this crazy was just trying to use his place in the clergy to get on TV. Or he is just a crazy nutbag. I wonder what kind of beef a priest could have with Conan.

Next we've got a bunch of kids who were given detention for hugging each other. Apparently this is a common practice the past few years for schools to ban hugging.

My Two Cents: I had no idea that this was normal. I remember back in the old days when schools were worried about drugs and kids having sex at school. What has happened to America's youth? and why is this a legitimate concern, hugging?!? One of the girls who got detention hugged her friend who had just lost a parent. This shiz iz whack.

In Music, there is an album that has been out for a little while that I bet is really awesome. Its a joint album between Allison Krauss and Robert Plant. Krauss possible has the mosth soothing voice in the whole world, and Plant kicks ass. If you have heard this album let me know how it is, since I am lazy and have not bought it yet.

It turns out Ostrich burgers are good for you. So if you feel comfortable eating Ostrich, or llamas as they are somtimes known, get out there and do something good for yourself!

I'm not gonna summarize this one, just gonna give you some clips from the article:
"A New York eatery is offering a $25,000 dessert bulging with top-grade cocoa, edible gold and shavings of a luxury truffle...The dessert is a frozen, slushy mix of cocoas from 14 countries, milk and 5 grams of 24-carat gold topped with whipped cream and shavings from a La Madeline au Truffle."

My Two Cents: While I am a HUGE fan of all foods. (excpet for water chestnuts, but i'll get into that later) I think this is waaay too rediculous. But it's also amazingly smart because the people who do have that kind of money, will now go buy this dessert just to say they did it. Say what you want about this being a sign of the decline of mankind, its also deliciously genius.

A toy known as Aqua-Dots in America and something silly in Australia has been recalled due to the toy being a date rape drug. At first I thought this was one of those fake CNN pages people send to you, but it was real. If ingested, the chemicals react with our bodies to create HGB (I think) which is a popular date rape drug. There have alread been reports of children eating these toys and going comatose.

My Two Cents: After all of this stuff with the different toy recalls has been going on, it kinda makes you think who in the hell is making these toys? I mean toxic chemicals are one thing but now its date rape drugs? Next Wal-Mart will be selling those dolls made purely from cocaine that they used in the movie "Blow". While it does seem slightly funny, the bottom line is, maybe its time to sell some toys not made in china. This apparently would be much safer.

In entertainment news Brad's mom and Angelina are fighting. cool.

If you have not yet read Dog the bounty hunter's apology, you are missing out. (I am the doooog, the big bad dooooooog). http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21689604/

My Two Cents: Ha! This is one of the funniest things I have ever read. Not only is it a rediculous defense, one can only hope that if something like this came up in a court trial, the "Doog-I though I was cool enough" defense can be used successfully. It is only slightly lesser known than the famous Chewbacca defense. I can't believe that this is what he came up with after a few days of tough thinking. I mean couldn't he just say he was a racist?

Now for my rant(s): First off, my reasoning behind hating water chestnuts is that they are gross. The texture is slimy and mushy-hard at the same time. The are crunchy, but not the good crunchy, they have no taste, and it's just not worth putting yourself through a bad experience when there is no rewarding outcome. They are an unneccessary food that does not compliment anything. Fuck you water chestnuts.

My real rant today is about the writer's strike. First of all, kudos to all the actors and TV personalities for going out there and "supporting" the writers by getting all dressed up and giving interviews while pretending to pickett. It is making you look great.
The thing is, the strike is not affecting me too much, since the only talk shows I watch are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. I know leno and Conan fans are hurting. But what about the newest shows to start suffering "24" and "K-ville"? I don't watch that crap, but I watch other shows of equal stature. The studios and networks have stated that they are "prepared" for the longhaul with rerun episodes and crappy movies. WHY? why can't they just give the writers a little more moolah from their billions in annual revenue and end this thing?

To sum it all up as my buddy "stinkwidit" said last night " I don't pity anyone who is working in hollywood". I agree with that sentiment, however I do support the writers strike as well. This is just sillyness and TV watchers and movie-goers are gonig to suffer. (Except for people who watch the Ellen Degeneres show).

NOW FOR SPORTS!

For all you sports needs, Listen to the "Throwdown on Sunday Nights at www.blogtalkradio.com/throwdown.

Kentucky lost to Webb-Gardiner, Ohiot St. and Michigan St. also lost to some DII schools. That sucks for them. More good stuff for the Terps. I think it is rediculous that Kentucky got blown out at home, but that what they get for being in Kentucky.

No hot stove news yet. Do you think it is possible that no one will pay A-rod what he wants? that would be funny, but highly unlikely.

My arms are tired from typing so that's all I got.

Keepin it real from the Vegetable Loop.

2007-11-07T12:31:00.000-05:00

In today's news I still have too much time in the afternoons.

Pat Robertson, the famous former Evangelical Christian presidential candidate has endoresed Republican candidate Rudy Guiliani. This now bolsters Guiliani's right-wing constituency (is you is, or is you aint my constitioncy? I'm a friend of the little man!) This could be a big move by Rudy since his familial situation(s) does not neccessarily reflect well with the Evangelical base.

P.S. Senator Brownback has thrown his support behind McCain. Does anyone else find his name both hilarious as well as false advertising?

My two Cents: So in my paltry opinion, this pretty much locks up Guiliani as the Republican nominee. Which is a good thing, since now Fred Thompson can get back to making Law & Order episodes. Becuase all they are doing is showing criminal intent and I HATE Law & Order CI!

Some woman in middletown America has been arrested for sleeping with her 13 year old daughters boyfriend. This illicit affair was going on when the woman's husband and children were in the house.

My Two Cents: Why? I mean, I know this happens like every week somewhere in America (mostly the midwest for some reason) and its always on the news. But if you are a married woman why would you be having an affair with a 13 year old? how can that make you feel good? I dunno, but obviously there is something that 13 year old middle schoolers have that older guys don't since a new case like this pops up everyday.

Apparently there are reports coming out now stating Warren Jeffs, the leader and prophet of Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, tried to hang himself in his cell, after being convicted on two counts of being an accomplice to rape.

My Two Cents: Whenever I read about this case, all I can think about is the HBO show "Big Love". It's a fun show, and it's crazy to think that this is that show in real life.

In International news an 18 year Finnish student shot and killed 8 people and injured 12 more. He posted materials leading up to this rampage on YouTube, and even played the same song that the columbine shooters did when making his farewell video. However, he was not killed and is in critical condition.

My Two Cents: Do you think his posting all of his intentions on youtube was a cry for help? Was he trying to be caught? maybe, he did post a video of him pointing a gun at a model of the school and going on from there. The question is now, with this and the Yahoo-China case, can there be somesort of policing of free internet sites that look for these things? and can a site such as YouTube be held accountable in anyway? There is definitly an argument for both sides.

Update: The Indian girl with 4 extra limbs is now out of her record 27 hour surgery, and is recovering well.

My two Cents: This is still so crazy. I wonder what they do with the second body? Do you bury it? it was never a person, just a headless body. But enough of that.

In Pakistan, shit has gone even further down today with former Prime Minister Bhutto encouraging her supporters to protest President Mushroomoff even at the risk of being arrested. In fact over 400 protesters have already been arrested, as well as most of the lawyers. The fun thing about this is that since Mushy has suspended the judiciary system, there is no way to get out of jail, just into it.

My Two Cents: This place is turning into total anarchy. Which is awesome since clearly something drastic is going to happen with either this government or a variation of it. And hopefully it won't be too crazy, since its not like they have nuclear weapons are anything. Also all of this infighting is halting any progress of the Pakistani military fighting the Pro-taliban Sheiks. That whole area is just split up too many times.

Iran has announced that they have built 3,000 centrifuges to help with their Uranium enrichment. Apparently the U.S. already knows about this.

My Two Cents: what the hell? why is this still going on?

No news on the brewing Beit Shemesh war. I'll keep you posted.

For all of you science geeks out there, a new "possible habitable" planet has been found. For more on that: http://cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/11/06/451256.aspx.

My Two Cents: That would be cool to colonize a new planet, but apparently I misunderstood what finding a new planet means. We can find it, but not get there.

In entertainment news there are reports now that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, known for such movies as "Cocktail" and "The Faculty" sleep in seperate beds.

My Two Cents: I have got to get a job in that industry, it seems like the easiest job in the world. I would love it. Mostly since all of these stories are always denied, you can just make them up as they go along, make them semi-plausible and you are the scoop of the day.

In other entertainment news "The Throwdown"'s rating have jumped through the roof this past week. Sources say its listening base has increased monumentally due to three reasons. The awesomeness of the show, their new facebook group, and a guest caller from this past week who was in the car coming home from NY. Yes I am talking about JonnyClaus.

In other sports news Don Shula has stated an asterix should be placed on the Pats 16-0 records (if they do go undefeated) because of the whole Jets-spying thing in week 1.

My Two Cents: Does Shula really need to do this? I believe he even mentioned Bonds in this. C'mon man, it was gonna happen eventually (if it does) just let it go. So there will be more people popping corks, so what? most of your team will be dying off soon anyways.

Nothing from the Hotstove yet...lets hope the O's go for broke.

In Bowling, the weekly championships will be played tonight. The 3 categories will be, fastest ball, highest and lowest score.

Still can't wait for kiddush club.

keepin it real from the foggy loop.

P.S. Listen to the "Throwdown on Sunday Nights at www.blogtalkradio.com/throwdown.

The beginning

2007-11-06T20:24:00.000-05:00

Since Bone suggested it, and I really do have that much time, here it is: The afternoon update. I'll give you the what, as well as my 2 cents, and you can do what you like.

In today's news as reported through various newswebsites and like, many things have come to pass.

In political news there are reports coming out of South Carolina that Barak O'bama (the Irish candidate), or atleast his biggest supporters in the state, were the people who lobbied against letting presidential candidate Stephen Colbert-of ComedyCentral's the Colbert Report, onto the Democratic ballot.The reports state that O'bama supporter something tenenbaum made calls to members of the South Carolina Democratic committee, "strongly urging" them not to let Senor Colbert onto the ballot. Colbert has since dropped out of the presidential race.

My two cents:
Is this really how O'bama wants to run his political campaign? Having his supporters go after each of his opponents using terrorist-like tactics until they finally drop out? Im not so sure this Irishman is ready for the throne in Washington.

For more political news, listen to the "throwdown"with rubes and gordo on Sunday nights atwww.blogtalkradio.com/throwdown, or check out theirfacebook group.

In other news, two men ages 18 and 19 were arrested after beheading a 7-week old kitten in Indiana.( It may be somewhere else but I think it was Indiana) The men claimed that they were attempting to give the kitten a bath, but forgot to check the water. It was too hot and it scalded the kitten. The men then decided to kill the cat in order to end its pain.

My two cents:I don't buy it. Why would you decapitate a kitten? I mean, there is just nothing else there. It could possibly be the worst thing someone can do in the world. I hope these guys go to jail, while the headless kitten-who I have now named Icabod goes straight to kitty heaven.

The space shuttle discovery (I think) is scheduled to land sometime soon. They astronauts are returning homefrom an unusually long 15 day mission. Also aboard the shuttle is atronaut Clayton Anderson, who has beenaboard the international space station for over 5 months.

My two cents:I was interested in this space thing for a while, andI have been following it, but now its getting kinda boring. I think it is cool for the guy coming homethough. I'd love to be him and walk into the local saloon for a brew. What a great feeling that must be.

There is a girl in India who was born with 8 limbs. 8!!! She was born with a conjoined or cojoined(idunno) body without a head. She is going into surgerytoday to have the extra 4 extremeties taken off.

My two cents: woah. Can you imagine if she would have control of all 8 limbs? that would be like Dr. Octopus but with 2 extra legs! She could have been an evil crime boss, but luckily for India, she is having them removed.

There have been rumors floating around hollywood that Kate Hudson has left her new beau and is looking to patch things up with her old flame, Owen Wilson, brother of acclaimed actor Luke Wilson, who stars in such classics as "idiocracy" and alongside Uma Thurman in "My super ex-girlfriend".

My two cents:
Who cares? Kate Hudson is rediculously smoking hot, but other than that, this is a non story.

For more celebrity gossip, listen to the "throwdown" on Sunday nights at www.blogtalkradio.com/throwdown,or check out their facebook group.

In international news there was a suicide bombing in Pakistan that killed a number of lawyers who were protesting the new judiciary reform laws that were mandated by General Mushroomoff.

I'm staying away from this one.

In Israeli news, Ramat Beit Shemesh, once the ol'stomping grounds of yours truly, has turned into a battlefield. The Haredim of Ramat Alef and Bet havebeen spitting and throwing rocks at both the secular and modern orthodox women. Modern Orthos have staged ademonstration stating that they will take matter into thier own hand if this does not stop.

My two cents:
Ramat Beit Shemesh has always been a crazy place. I hope that when this war does go down, my boys at LevHatorah will keeps it real.

Now for sports: for all of your sports needs listen to the "throwdown" on Sunday nights atwww.blogtalkradio.com/throwdown, or check out theirfacebook group.

The Orioles have yet to trade Miguel Tejada but it is just a matter of time. Good riddance to an excellentplayer who just didnt want to play hard for thegreatest sports franchise in modern history.Let's go Charm City!

The Redskins pulled out a squeaker on Sunday against the Jets behind the semi-strong leg of kicker Sean Suisham. Incidentally if you rearrange his name it spells " AM Sushi".

The Eagles once again proved that they are a washe dupfranchise by getting smattered by Tony Homo and the Cowboys. Man its a bad time to be a philly fan...

In local news,Shabbos football is set to reurn this week after the bye for both teams. Some players are eager to return, however JR , the star DE/O-lineman is questionable after suffering a chipped tooth from the slightly less fearsome Maxwell S.

The local kiddush club is going strong this week, and expecting a great turn out for this week. The Sponsor has promised to deliver better than last week's poor taste of re-using the same bottle as the week before,especially since he had already claimed in was glenfidditch (which it was not!)

Keepin it real from the foggy fruit loop.